That damned squared box!!!

Yesterday I wasted about one hour and a half in front of that hideous tv!!!... man, it can take away so much of your time and you won't even realize it!. It all started with an innocent friends episode, which was hilarious, but then there was another good series, and another... and all of a sudden it was very late and my minutes had gone away!!!... I had forgotten that tv effect and how addictive it can be. Luckily I was able to pull my self away from it and started working on an illustration with Painter, I didn't do what I wanted, but I ended up with 3 pretty cool drawings... one of them is this one - it's called "huh?". It was obviosly made rather quickly, but I kind of liked it, and even feel like doing tons of them and starting my new site featuring a daily "digital painting" like that... would that be a good idea?.

Talking about wasting time, I had a talk yesterday with tomas in which I pretty much admitted, saddly, that I wasn't going to be able to do everything I want to do in my life... I mean, talking with tomas wasn't a waste of time, he he he... but we talked about being able to reach a master level in some of our interests, and how only one of those can take a life time to achieve. I think it started when tomas mentioned that he liked the way I singed, and he thought I could keep at it... I know I could... but what about the inking?, the drawing?, the writting?... man!... it's so hard.

We talked aswell about becoming vampires, and how interesting that could be. But then I remembered this funny dream I had once day... it was something like this:

I was in a closed room, could have been my house or some other familiar place, probably having some coffee, sitting in a comfy chair. All of a sudden Sara appeared out of nowhere and gave me a proposal: she could turn me into a vampire if I wanted it. That is a proposal that you shouldn't think about twice, but I did. At first I was doubtfull about her nature, was she really one of them?. When I asked her to prove it she did, running very fast and fetching something from afar, bringing it to me, only in the blink of an eye; at least she could use "celererity". Then I wanted to know who made her?, how powerful was he/she?, how old?... and all those silly questions that would show me how "cool" her blood was. Needless to say it all became rather dull and at the end she faded away... I was left human... I think that later on, in the dream, I regreted not accepting it, yet at first it was very obvious to me to be concerned about her lineage and all that!!!

It's just funny... I don't know if I would accept such a gift, because it does seem like a curse a lot of times. You know, I've read so much about vampires, and each author has a very different way to portray them!. I would like to know how they are for real, and all those little things, before I would accept to go for it.... he he he... which I think automatically denies me the privilege , since you "don't look a gift horse in the mouth"... right?

argh... now to work...

**cheers

ps. today I begin that "course" at 6pm, and it will keep going till sunday taking away the better of my time during this days. I think I will make an oath or something of the sort, regarding privacy and about not "telling" what goes on in there. I don't know how much time I will be having, but I will do my best to portray here, in the best possible way, what is going on with me in there.

Frustrating...

I just can't get "hand quality" on the computer yet, I know it is possible because there are guys like Brian Bolland who can do it, but for some reason my lines are jumpy on photoshop... And it is rather frustrating to be honest. I guess I will have to go back to the traditional way of inking, it's just that I was excited about being one of the few "digital inkers" out there... on the mean time I will get my hands on the proper tools to do it on paper, and still work digitally to master that technique... I am getting so wonder if it has something to do with the OS... I just drew some lines on a Macintosh and they were so much better!. It was with another wacom, so I will try with mine on a mac and see the difference... if there is one, then that would be for me, finally, the argument to end the discussion regarding which is better... he he he... at least for design. (let's not talk about gaming).

Yesterday sucked... my back didn't really let me get a lot of work done... still I was able to advance a good deal, and I learned a lot about inking... hair is a big issue, and there are hundreds of different ways to "render" it... I will need to find my self a good technique.

On the other hand I had a nice conversation with Claudia, a friend with whom I used to talk a lot, and yesterday we had a little of catching up. I told her about the girl I dated on december, and then I realized something. This blog begun because of a woman, and it prettu much explains my relationship with her (abby), then it narrates everything dealing my second girlfriend (tanya), but it doesn't mention Sara at all... which is kind of unfair to her, or at least, to that experience in my life. I just happened while I was not writting on this blog, but still... I feel like I should write something about her.

We and sara met a while ago, but at the time she had a boyfriend and I kind of still had one, it was until the end of 2003 that she decided to contact me and invite me out, he he he. We went to "la paloma", and had a pretty good talk, I was amazed in how much things we had in common!!... and on that 1st date we kissed... he he he... it was fun, because at a point she said "when are you going to stop talking and give me a kiss?", and I reacted like the most shy guy ever, of course I didn't kiss her then, and it made the whole experience mucho more amuzing. Anyway, we started dating officially that day. For the 1st time in my life I did something without thinking about it, just because it felt good. (And I think she was doing the same thing).

The relationship only lasted for a little over two weeks, it wasn't working for several reasons, but the most important one was that we each had to deal we some stuff in ourlives... they were problems between us two, they were just issues in each of us. So we ended it for good, and in a cool way. Nowadays I consider her a good friend, and I think she sees me the same way... he he he... As it started it ended, it was fast, but for the little that it lasted I think we both learned a whole lot of things... because of that I thank her, and because of that I feel it's fair to have written this, on this blog, that has kept good record of all the women in my life.

He he he... now back to work...

** cheers

ps. the league of extraordinary gentleman rocks... I love it... it's not because it was intrigue, sex, violence, and drame, it's beacuse it was them all in the right proportions at the proper time, it's shocking and great, the story telling is awesome, and it's the kind of art I love!!... So much better than the movie, read it if you can!.

And my elven name is....

Polo sent me over this interesting link... he he he...

According to it, my hobbit name is: Dudo Overhill of Rushy
And my elven name is: Aikanáro Isilrá ... sounds kind of cool doesn´t it?

**cheers

My back is messed up... sniff...

Yesterday I walk "walking" as stiff as a dead man, (you all have seen a dead man walking right?), when I sat I would stand up like an old guy, and please, please, do not talk about trying to reach anything below "table" level, that was way out of my possibilities. Even being on the bed hurt, and the pressure I would start feeling while being sitting in front of the computer made me rather unfomfortable... yersterday, yet again, I meesed up my back once more!.

The thing is that Victor and I went to Alex's place to help him move out, we carried a bunch of heavy stuff from a third floor to a truck, then drove it to his next place, and carried it out of the truck to place it inside his new home. The saddest part though is that I really didn't do much of the heavy weight lifting... I lifted heavy stuff, I know, but Victor and Alex managed stuff like the refrigerator or the TV... how useless am I damn it?!?!... he he he he... still, for the little I did, by the time I got home I could barely move, and it kept getting worse.

I am on the computer right now because I just HAVE TO do some emailing, but even now it starts to hurt, the pressure is building up... man I feel like an old guy!. The worst part is when your parents say "I told you so"... still there was a guy, a friend of my mom, who gave me a great tip. The next time a friend of yours move, each of you guys pay 200 pesos, you hire professionals, they move all the stuff, and you may even have money left to buy some beers and celebrate the new place... I had no idea it was so cheap!, but apparently it is, I will sooo do that the next time, I would chip in 200-300 pesos for my friend!!... he he he... so that is the official new thing that is going to happen.

Saturday was cool, it was a great "karaokulta" day, as they all are... tiresome because we kept discussing matters about the company, hiring, and a buch of ideas of the sort. And we reorganized the story to make the fist 5 pages more appealing, since when you are "new on the field" they start judging your work from those. At night Polo showed me a piece of the "chasing amy" movie, and it was hilarious... it talks about the profession of "being an inker", he he he... and I was laughing out loud!. Sergio Villareal told me about it on friday when I said I was inking, and now I understand why. The exact dialogue of what goes on is this (I got it from this site):


COLLECTOR
So you draw this!

BANKY
(signing the comic)
I ink it and I'm also the colorist.
The guy next to me draws it. But we
both came up with the characters,

COLLECTOR
What's that mean - you `ink it'!

BANKY
Well. It means that Holden draws the
pictures in pencil, and then he gives
it to me to go over in ink

COLLECTOR
So you just trace!

Banky freezes up. He composes himself and continues
signing.

BANKY
It's not tracing. I add depth and
shading to give the image mere
definition. Only then does the drawing
really take shape.

COLLECTOR
You go over what he draws with a pen -
that's tracing.

BANKY
(hands book back to
Collector)
Not really.
(calling out)
Next!

A LITTLE KID steps up but the Collector lingers.

COLLECTOR
Hey man. If somebody draws something
and then you draw the same thing right
on top of it, not going out-side the
designated original art what do call
that!

LITTLE KID
(shrugs)
I don't know. Tracing?

COLLECTOR
(to Banky)
See?

BANKY
It's not tracing.

COLLECTOR
Oh, but it is.

BANKY
(to Little Kid)
Do you want Lour book signed or what?

COLLECTOR
Hey - don't get all testy with him
just because you have a problem with
your station in life.

BANKY
I'm secure with what I do.

COLLECTOR
Then say it - you're a tracer.


BANKY
(grabbing Little Kid's book)
How should I sign this?

LITTLE KID
(grabs book back)
I don't want you to sign it, I want
the guy that draws Bluntman and
Chronic to sign it. You're just a
tracer.

COLLECTOR
Tell him, Little Shaver.

Holden accepts a comic from another Fan.

HOLDEN
(off comic)
Who do I sign it to!

Before Holden can finish, a loud crash is heard. He
looks to his left and freaks.
Banky is throttling the Collector from across the table.
The Collector attempts to fight him off. SECURITY GUARDS
pull them apart. Holden grabs Banky.



Ha ha ha... and that is exactly what happens!!!... anyway, saturday night I went to the teather to see Gospel, where Enrique performs and he designed the choreographies, it was good!... I really liked it, and to be honest, I did not want to go... he he he. But it was his bday... I guess I was expecting something like the gospel presentation at the TEC, and that one was booooring. After that we went to the Castro Street bar... he he he. We decided to go there because the drinks are cheap and the ambient is very good actually. We had a very good talk, but after a while it was evident we were all too tired, so then we all said our good byes and went home. Allan and memo went home earlier, but not by much, enrique, david, hector and I stayed just a little longer...

And friday!?... good day, TEC day... then at night the alfanime meeting, the presentation of martha's book (again, congratulations martha!!!), and a good time at the Candela with several friends... there good sergio elightened us with his all too real anecdotes!... he he he.

ps. The league of extraordinary gentleman rocks!!!... Alan Moore, well, he's the master... and I love Kevin O'Neil's illustrations... those are great toonish characters!!... great graphic novel... and just as a side note: SHANGAI KID II SUCKS!!!... why Jackie Chan?... why?!... I know you can do better!.... and finally I finished playing KOTOR... what a great game... and what a great release is to have finished it, and stop feeling that anxiety that tells me to play everytime I am near the computer... I will wait a while before I get hooked on another game again!... It's just that, when the games are as good as that, I can't stop playing!.

Fake it till you make it...

Now there is a phrase that I used to hate: "fake it till you make it"... it just sounded too, well, too fake... like a lie... Jorge likes it a lot, and it's one of the phrases that I never really liked of him, up until yesterday.... Because yesterday I finally understood what he really means, and I guess that from now on it will be a cool phrase for me.

The thing is that "words are powerful"... and that phrase sounds almost hypocritical, it could be stated in other terms and have a "nicer sound"... but what I realized it means is something like: LIVE YOUR DREAM. Once a dream gets accomplished it's no longer a dream, but a reality, on the mean time you have to make it happen!. You have to BELIEVE IN YOUR SELF, you have to act and do as if the dream is going to happen for sure, it's the power of "creative imagination" and all those empowerment tools. If you don't believe you can make it, then you won't.

So that's what Jorge meant all this time with the phrase, it's about acting as if you can, about "living your lie", or "living your dream" in nicer words, and if you do it for long enough then it most likelly happen, and probably you won't even notice once it's for real, because you were already living as if it was.

That was nice to learn, to finally understand of him. he he he... the thing is that he uses words that I don't like, but I think the ideas may be the same after all...

By the way, this all happened in a workshop that he gave about starting companies in the "Congreso de Administracion" at the TEC, and I was invited to help him out with the workshop and to speak a little... it was funny, I was nervous, yet I think people listened and were actually interested by what I had to say. At the end a couple of guys approached and started asking questions and all to me, he he he... it's nice!. And in the beginning, when I was setting things up, a girl came ask approached me by "usted"... ha ha ha... DAMN!... that made me feel old!... and it's not the 1st time it happens. When you give a workshop, approach a large group, and stuff like that, you are in a position of power, and I am just not used to it already.

Hopefully I'll go to lots of those to learn more about it and get more "colmillo" on that sort of things.

**cheers then... now to work.

ps. about comics, I read the 1st 5 issues of "blood and water"... it's good!... it's a nice take on vampires, good art, and decent story telling. So far I wouldn't say it's awesome, but I guess it's only because the story is just starting up, you really cannot judge a story by the 1st TPB, if I had done that with 100 bullets for example, I wouldn't have read one of the best things ever done for the medium!.

Malcom in the Middle...

It should be more like "Hector in the Middle"... yesterday I was talking to my dad about life and opportunities, things to do, and about how much it pisses me off that people "knows" what is better and tell me what to do with my life and my time. I may have an issue of low tolerance, but I just don't like it. Like yesterday we were on this meeting and I was told "you should get your masters now, later it will be too late and you really need it"... you don't have an idea of how irritated I was because of the coment, so much that I had to put a little extra effort and keep my self quiet... but the conversation I was having on my mind was something like:

other:
you should get your masters now, later it will be too late and you really need it.

hector:
Really?... do I need it?... for what would that be?...

other:
Well... err... to be prepared of course.

hector:
prepared for what?

other:
well, to find a better job!

hector:
ahh!... I see, so you just want to be an employee and make someone else rich?,
like to become a "de-luxe" employee because of your masters?

other:
well... err... that makes it sound like.... you see...

etc... etc... etc...

And that is the thing, I have several friends like Gabo and Daniel that went for their masters, but I know they did it after a while of thinking, and after they did realized that it was something that they wanted for the sake of the knowledge, or the reseach, of being somewhere else and all that... NOT to get a better job, and NOT just to have a masters on their curriculum... actuallly, the answer from one of them in that conversation would have been something like:

hector:
Really?... do I need it?... for what would that be?...

other:
Well you see, this universities have great research facilities,
direct your whole studies towards some topic that you really
feel drawn to. You will have several advisors, tons of
resources to experiemtn, people to work with.

You may end up travelling giving speeches, meeting interesting
people, writting an article for some magazine..

etc, etc, etc.

Now THAT is an interesting aswer... not the one about getting it because "it is neccesary"!!...

Because the more time passes, the more I realize that a masters is not neccesary to work properly and make good money, actually, you could take all that money, invest it in something else, and you'd have more money like that!. It may get you some "better jobs". But if you are willing to work doing projects, advising, and stuff like that, you can make a hell of a lot of money. I have a friend that could drop his job because the couple of courses he's teaching give him enogu cash, and then he would have free time to work on more interesting projects.

It is a matter of balance, and to choose the path you want to, but because you want to, not because society "dictates it"... if it's a Masters let it be because of learning and the research proyects, or a business because of all the benefits of having something of your own, etc. Each side has it's cons and pros... I just don't like it when people condemn the other side just because from their filter it's wrong.

Just like Jorge who thinks studying a masters is the most stupid thing ever... well... IT ISN'T!!... if you love reseaching, meeting interesting people on the field, and things like that, it's the thing to do... and I dislike it as much when he talks how much of a waste of time a masters is. He is talking from his side of the fence, but why are people not able to try and understand the ups of the other side?. It's just like and argument I was having the other day with Jorge, in which I was stating that is it wise of gaiman to just focus to write, while others publish, instead of founding his own editorial house, yet jorge was looking at is from he business side and stating that gaiman was lazy and would always work for someone else. In a way you could say it's just confortable for neil to just focus on his craft and let others do the publishing, and he is making other people rich with his books... but he makes enough money as it is!, editorials fight to be able to publish his stuff, and that is something he rather not deals with.

It's like the discussion on who are brigther?... the humans or the doplhins?... he he he... man, there are pros and cond all around!...

Everyone justifies themselves trying to make the other look wrong or stupid, and showing off how great is the side they picked... probably they all are afraid of realizing that they made the wrong choice if they try to understand the pros of the other side.

Anyway the title of this entry is because I feel that way... I feel in the middle of two great worlds, and I need to make a choice... I almost feel I could be impartial, but I do see the charms and cons of both sides of the fence... And I hate trying to make people understand the pros of the other side so that they can see for a little while it is a good path too. Funny thing is that the ones that can see the good on each side, and that are not radical about it, are the ones that took their time, and went for it slowly... not all the "borregos" that jumped from university to the path they were "trained" to go for.

And damn it, I just don't have a side yet... doesn't that suck?.

Ok then... CHEERS!!

ps... yesterday I read about Troy and Helene, about Hector and Aquiles... and it was very cool to read about Hector... he he he... he was cool!.

Gullible...

One word that I always find funny is the word "gullible"... the dictionary.com sais it is:
adj 1: easily deceived or tricked; "at that early age she had been gullible and in love" [syn: fleeceable, green] 2: easily tricked because of being too trusting; "gullible tourists taken in by the shell game"

It's just a funny word!!... anyway, I found one article that talks about the "high levels of gullibility" of some people over by California.

Once...

Once I had something to say,
twice it was told, and twice was unheard,
three times I wrote it but the paper was torn,
now I forgot it and so it is gone.

el hector

The end being near and silly things like that...

I have been sleeping less than 5 hours per day since friday, and it's starting to be evident. Yesterday I was most of the day like a zombie!!... the sad part is that my most productive time was, yet again, late at night!. For some reason my sleepiness fades away, all of a sudden I feel fresh, and with some music as company I can just start working for quite a while.

By the way, it's impressive how the march of the sinister ducks can not only keep you awake, but amuze you for quite a while!!!... you can download the mp3 from that link, Neil Gaiman got the author's permission to post the link. The author, by the way, is Alan Moore... yes, that same guy that I keep talking about.

Something that struck me as odd yesterday was to realize, for some odd reason, how there are so many theories from different cultures stating that the world is going to end in 2012... I don't know why, but the idea got stuck in my head and I know it's founded on stuff I've read in lots of places. I will make a formal research on the topic, and probably post an essay here. While I started commenting on it with my brother and my father I stared realizing a couple of things: (a) if indeed the world ends, we don't know in which way it will do so. Some claim that it is just a "change of the world as we know it", a new evolution of mankind... and (b) I don't care... if for some reason someone makes me believe that it's a true fact that on 2012 we are gone, I would keep on doing my thing and enjoying my life. I guess the idea of a certain date on a certain time does not frigthen me, but makes me value more my "living seconds".

When we came home I was planning to start inking right away, but something out of the ordinary happened and we all started talking for a long time in the terraza, my dad, victor, kike and I stared having this teological discussion, about faith vs. reason, the church, the view of sex and all that... and it was a great talk!. Way too intelligent if I may say... I think I was impressed by my dad... he is always a quiet guy, I whish I could talk to him more, or realize more of his ideas... he doesn't only know a whole bunch of facts and theories on all things philosophical, he as well weaves them together and comes up with great arguments on his own. The talk was good, I almost wish I could post it here... there is so much stuff inside my father, I wish I could see him more as a friend to learn from than a dad... I know... it gets complicated some times.

Anyway... the talk came to and end at some point, and we all started doing our thing...

It feels good to be only sleeping 5 hours a day, I mean, I feel tired... but I feel I am getting more out of my time... getting things done, writting, drawing... being silly.

-- cheers... =o)

Yatta!... yatta!!!...

He he he... if you have a decent connection please download this video and check it out. It's funny, amuzing, and shocking... all at the same time... can you ask for more?!.

How messed up can it get?

Can you believe that THIS guy and THIS guy are the same?...

Or what about THIS girl and THIS girl?...

This guys from extreme make over take those shows a little too far... they will do anything, and completelly change the appearance of someone... Although it's a great way to see the advances of medicine, and when you think of all the disfigured people that had some accident, and thanks to all this they can seem "normal" again, you think it's cool... but why?!?!... all this nice regular people... man... changing who they really are... why?... to accept themselves better when they look at a mirror?... to be more "likeable"... it's not themselves!... argh... it's so weird...

I am surprised... TV... wow... where will it takes us now?.

My hand was aching...

Last night I "inked" for about 4 hours in a row, I know it's not a lot of time, and I should get more done daily, still it was funny and scary to feel my hand completelly numb, and see how my fingers would bend in messed up ways when I tried to close my hand... when that started to happen I came to a conclussion: every hour or so of inkinf, stop and rest your hand... I don't want to end up being all artritic or something like that!. I still need to work on my pulse, I have this theory that drawing on the computer should just be as easy as drawing on paper (with a wacom tablet of course), you just need to be able to "map" your brain and hand, and coordinate them both... so that you use your hand in a surface, yet your eyes and the result are somewhere else... it is more complicated than it sounds really. What I am going for though, is that I want to have that coordination just like that, so that I can draw with the same precission digitally, that the way I'd do it on paper... we will see how that goes.

On the other hand I catched up with memo's blog and came to think that, it really is a good blog. It may be because I know him, so I am interested to see what goes on in his life... yet I know that I don't read everything from everybody I know... it just doesn't happen. And today I did read for quite a while that blog, even the things that I already knew about were interesting, because knowing the facts you can focus on the thoughts and ideas behind the actions. This makes me think of a conversation I just had with Martha about the "realismo magico", which focuses on making something special and great out of the most common things... exagerating or overemphasizing events, thoughts and ideas... we all live in a magical world, and everyday we go through a sort of epic adventure... we just need to find the right words and pace to tell that story...

One of this days I am going to try it... one of those dullest days in which "nothing really happens" shall be told in a monumental way... it sounds like a good experiment!.

Now back to work...

** cheers...

Sé todos los cuentos

Yo no sé muchas cosas, es verdad
Digo tan sólo lo que he visto.
Y he visto:
que la cuna del hombre la mecen con cuentos...
Que los gritos de angustia del hombre los ahogan con cuentos...
Que el llanto del hombre lo taponan con cuentos...
Que los huesos del hombre los entierran con cuentos...
Y que el miedo del hombre
ha inventado todos los cuentos.
Yo no sé muchas cosas es verdad.
Pero me han dormido con todos los cuentos...
Y sé todos los cuentos.

León Felipe

Quack... pato a la naranja...

A full "computer free" weekend, friday I was up til late using it but since then, this is the first time I use it... cool!!!... It's refreshing to feel you can somehow get by without the aid of this things. Still, the weekend was mostly fun and no work, so that could be one of the reasons. So much happened!

1st well, the karaokulta meeting that takes place every saturday. Despite the many interruptions that we had on this meeting, we did a lot regarding karaokulta as a company, and we even made some new friends from all the people that went to the UV to ask for help. In that meeting is where Jorge showed us a video from an Spanish design house, and man... it was freaking awesome. As well we were congratulated because of our site by some pro's, and that is always cool!. Raul Trevino is now officially our artistic advisor, and we were work on get some other big names supporting the project. I really don't like the design as much, he he he, but I will keep it like that for at least two months, and then change the template.

After the meeting we went to Everardo's house and meet Dante, his newborn son Dante... wow... I was scared... And that is not the first time it happens. You see, when you see a baby on the TV, or the picture of one, you see one that is several months old... the newborn babies are sooooooo little, they hardly open their eyes, and... man, I get frightened when I see them!. There is so much life and hope in such a little body, that one person will love, will hurt, will do and undo, yet now he cannot even feed himself... I don't even feel suited to carry them, it's so much responsibility!. I rather play with the little kids once they can fall off, and at most they will scratch a lef and cry a little... he he he. Dante will be a strong powerful man, I am sure of that, I could sense it...

There I meet Ulises, one more good talent from around here, with whom, if everything works out well, we will be able to develop some project. He had a cool portfolio, and it's great to feel like you are witnessing the beginning of a new "hot shot" in the industry. Just like when I saw Polo's portfolio... wow... there is so much talent around here!. All we need to do is to get working, to start making things happen, because all the resources and tool are around us, for us to take them. I get so excited just talking about all this!

At eve's house we started watching underworld, but I had to go and couldn't see it all... sniff...

Then I meet with Erik at the TEC, and we came over to the house, it was a nice surprise to see Blanco here waiting, and then to see that Tomas, Victor and Pancho came over... needless to say we stayed up all night talking, playing video games, and walking.... yes walking too!. He he he, we jumped over the fence and started walking on the golf court, and it was great fun since there were security patrols going around all the time, so every time we saw the those light turrets from them, we had to run and hide in the shadows!!!... he he he... we laid our bodies on the ground waiting for them to go away, and seeing how the light of a lantern was veeery close to us more than one time. At most we would have been yelled at, and kicked out, not really thrown to jail or anything, still it was fun.

At a point we came out of the field and started walking on the "regular" road... You see, we live in a closed residential area, so the least thing you would expect is to start listening something as if a horse we trotting close by... but then we heard it, and then we saw a big black horse trotting towars us in the open road!!... that road in which pretty much just cars go by!!... I was afraid!, Pancho was afraid too!!... he he he... and we were even more stunned when we saw a second horse joining this one... now that was odd. Good luck the big black horse only wanted to take a shit right in front of us, and then go away... I think he was showing us his respects... ehem...

Anyway, big fun!.

I stayed up talking till about 7am... yes... a full night with no sleep at all!... he he he. And then sunday was pretty much the same, fun, laughs, and video games. Ahhh... how I missed those things!. Probably what I enjoyed the most were the conversations with Pancho, Tomas and Erik, which I had at different times, and in which we were able to share a lot... I just like those talks!!. How I missed them!. I was particularly happy to see the Alpha once more in the house... he he he...

Now to catch up with my emails, work, and keep making things happen...

So after this long and boring entry, I shall keep up working, emailing, and all that!.

** cheers!!!...

And in case you are wondering more about Alan Moore, how he came to be, and his interest in magic, here is yet another link found in neil gaiman's site. (I really want to get my hands on a copy of Promethea!).

It won't come out

I am sitting here, typing, feeling like I can write something... feeling like I want to write something... but it won't come up, my mind is blank and I find nothing really worth writting. And it's frustrating because I feel it's there, an idea waiting to come up, waiting to be written and shared... there is nothing else that I'd rather be doing right now but writting on this thing... still... it won't come out.

And it is impressive to realize how much you can write about "not being able to write"... I am beggining to think that I could fill pages and pages with nonsense about having no ideas or anything interesting to say... but before I do that I will stop, he he he... and wait till that "something" shows up in my mind...

Tra la ra!... O_o

Five more minutes pleaaaase?....

Five minutes my arse!!.... Today I woke up at 8:30 feeling all "up and lively" to start working on this webpage and get it done for today, I went over to the bathroom, did my thing, etc. Then I came back to my room, so my bed, felt it's warm and said - oh what the heck!... five more minutes - So I decided to close my eyes again for a little while... all of a sudden the phone rang, I picked it up and they were calling me about some invoices and all, all good... I hanged up, decided to talk a look at the clock and then WHAT??!?!?!: 11:30?!?!?!... DAMN!!!... MAN!!!!... I decide to close my eyes for 5 more minutes and this is how you pay me back?!?!?!...

I can almost swear it was a bad joke and those hours never really happened, God probably decided to just "fast forward" my life for a little while and see how I would react... Anyway, the moral: 5 MINUTES MY ARSE!!!...

Discipline people, it's all about that.

So that phone call that woke me up, to which I am grateful for doing so, was from my hosting provider and she gave me some interesting news. Good for them!!!... I wish them luck, and probably I shall comment more on the matter once I am sure it's ok to do so... he he he.

I am so distressed about the lost time, that I don't really feel like writting more for the time being... all I can think of is how time, of all resources, is the only one you can never gain back... once it's gone it's gone for good... and damn I keep wasting it!.

**cheers

ps. It's not like I was completelly lazy, last night I fell asleep at about 1:30 or 2:00am, and yesterday I had woken up at about 7:00am... so I had been going on for quite a while... there, that was my little attempt to make it look a little better... so now, off we go!!... to get some work done!

Why am I not surprised?

So, this movie I was talking about?... guess what?... "The Catholic Community" says in a letter to the owner of the cinema "We demmand that the proyection of this hiddeous films is removed right away, otherwise the Catholic community will act in a forceful way, so please avoid disastrous consequences". Here is the link with the entire note, it's in spanish though.

See what I am saying?...

The last temptation... in for some polemy?

Yesterday I saw "the last temptation of Christ", not that new movie from Gibson called "the passion of christ" or something like that. The movie I talk about was made several years ago by Scorsese and was actually banned in Mexico during all this time. I can see why, it is one of those threats to the church.

I liked the movie, but I don't think I will see it again for a long time. At a point it became almost too slow and heavy so to speak. Directors should skip all the parts about Jesus life that we all know and go to the proposal quicker!. Still, the movie was made in 1988 so probably the story wasn't that told. (say only for about 1980 years... its 2004 years now!, big difference!). The point of the movie though, was interesting, the last temptation I think is a surprise to all of us viewers, and there were several dialogues that made my time worth it. Probably the one I liked the most was this one from Jesus: You think God belongs only to you? He doesn't. God is an immortal spirit who belongs to everybody, to the whole world. You think you're special? God is not an Israelite.

God is not an Israelite... nor is he Christian, or a Muslim, or a Jew. God, if anything, is way above any religion. Religions are creations and inventions of man, I think that God can only be amuzed by them. And that is, if we give God a "human personality", which we all tend to do because it is so much easier to understand a God that is "kind of like us"... right?. I believe in the higher power, in retribution, in right and wrong, and I can even agree on the label God, as much as I agree with any other label you feel like using (ie. universal energy, ultimate cause, etc). And I believe all those great guys like Jesus existed, and they were that, great guys. People that had a higher level of "synchrony" with reality and that were able to blend in a great way. They were able to "force" their reality upon ourselves and if they said that the water was wine, then it was wine for us all... if they said they could walk on water, we all believed them... they had that great power of making people believe, of making things happen.

I will probably get yelled at by all my close christian friends because of all this I am saying, but I trully believe so. And the more I learn about what Jesus came to say, even what actually is on the gospels, the more I think church is a waste of time and a disapointment. That is not what Jesus came to teach, or Mahoma, or Siddharta... they all came to teach about love!!!!... LOVE... and churches, churches teach hatred, pride, they alianate others and deny "salvation" for whatever reason they seem fit. That wasn't the point!. Now, some churches are decent, and some people in them are wonderful trully good fellows, but in general is all about appearances, fear, and most of them do feel they have the right to point their finger at the others.

Actually, if you are being offended by this written here, and are even thinking "poor hector he's strayed from the path"... how can he dare say all that?... Well then, you prove my point... where is tolerance?. I know I am being harsh, but it's just that I can't stop thinking of all those fake church members that I know, of all the violence and hatred because of religion and the lack of understanding of the one true message: love, I can't stop thinking of all those who dare to say you are damned if you don't give your self to this or that profet, this or that Messiah... as if God had a religion... if "He" exists as a person that actually has desires and expectations towars us humans, then believe you me, all he wants is for us to love one another and have a decent time on earth, in peace. That, or he is entirelly amuzed by us... or was, and he is no longer watching.

...

On other news, I was invited by a friend of mine to the presentation of her 1st novel... cheers for her!!.

cool quote:
I've been making a list of the things they don't teach you at school. They don't teach you how to love somebody. They don't teach you how to be famous. They don't teach you how to be rich or how to be poor. They don't teach you how to walk away from someone you don't love any longer. They don't teach you how to know what's going on in someone else's mind. They don't teach you what to say to someone who's dying. They don't teach you anything worth knowing.
Neil Gaiman, Sandman

ps... sorry for the folks who msn'd me yesterday!!... I left my msn window open last night, I promise I wasn't around.

HA HA HA HA HA....

Oh man... this is so freaking funny!...

Cheers Sergio!

100 bullets is the best comic I've read in a looong time, I will even compare it to Sandman!... The subject matter is completelly different, but the sense of dept, the weird continuity between the issues, the way everything connects and the way you have to just keep reading is quite the same. What I love about Sandman is how fantasy mixes with reality, how everything is so magical... 100 bullets on the other hand talks about a very "crude" reality that we don't see that ofter, were dreams are bought, and the one with the most power is who makes the calls...

what a great comic it is... no wonder why it has won so many awards latelly....

On the other hand I found out that Sergio won an award with his overcaffeinated blog!!!... go sergio!... that site is now considered the best latin-american blog around, and that, my friends is quite an honor I bet... I makes me want to finally work on that design that I've wanted for this site for such a long time... he he he.

Did I do that?...

Sometimes I wonder a lot about what is real and what's not... last night I had an ongoing dream about me involved in this all too real Jedi world... I know, I've been playin way too much KOTOR again. Anyway, the thing is that the dream was very very real... I know "it didn't happen", but this morning when I woke up, as I was brushing my teeth and all, an idea poped into my head...

When you read something from Ramachandran you realize that the ultimate definition of YOUR reality is on your own mind, to us reality is what our brain perceives... our only connection to the world are our "sensors" that let us perceive it... yet those can "fool" us... Take for example this short tale by neil gaiman. I know it's a piece of fiction, but can we deny the reality of the experience of that one person?.

Then you realize that "our" perception of reality is just a consensus... an average of what most people believe to perceive of a certain event, and this we accept it as real once several others have agreed upon the same perception. Somethings which are a little "odd" we get to deny in groups, if a bunch of people "find a ghost" while walking on a forest they may be able to deny the experience and say it was "collective histeria"... kind of a collective nonsense, they all agree on ignoring a perception believen that it was just induced by folk tales or whatnot. Still the perception was there...

If a group of people is chatting, and one of them sees a "cartoon chimp" dancing in the middle of their group, he may decide to not comment on the event because it is so unlikely to happen... but it his mind the chimp is there!!!... And since our reality is in our minds, the chimp is real for him... just like dragons and elfs can be to several others. So... about my fantasies?... probably I've been to all those places for real, I've meet all those fairy folks, and kissed all those women... in my mind those experiences felt VERY real, so they must have been....

What I have to learn though, is to accept the fact that the "consensual" reailty is another issue, and probably a bunch of people will not believe me when I say I fought a dragon last night... it's just that my fantasies are not in the "common" realm, that place in which most of us wander most of the time, that doesn't mean though they are not real... at least to me. When an experience is strong enough it is real no matter what...

Hmmm... maybe.

And that's why parents should mind their own business...

Interesting and... errrr... disturbing news about a simple home argument...
Boy grabs knife after dad unplugs video game.

ps... thanks to julian por sending over the link...

All you need is love...

[SATINE] I can’t fall in love with anyone.
[CHRISTIAN] Can’t fall in love? But a life without love, that’s terrible!
[SATINE] No, being on the street, that’s terrible.
[CHRISTIAN] No, love is like oxygen.
[SATINE] What?
[CHRISTIAN] Love is a many-spendoured thing, love lifts us up where we belong, all you need is love!
[SATINE] Please, don’t start that again.
[CHRISTIAN] All you need is love.
[SATINE] A girl has got to eat!
[CHRISTIAN] All you need is love.
[SATINE] She’ll end up on the streets!
[CHRISTIAN] All you need is love.
[SATINE] Love is just a game.

Isn't love a funny thing?... such a messed up feeling... we crave for it, it makes us do the stupidest things, along with the most wonderful works of art... wars have been fought out of love, and great music has been inspired by it... That cupid guy really keeps him self busy, I wonder if he still works alone or has found himself some partners... he sure seems busy, and there are more and more people around every time.

[CHRISTIAN] Love lifts us up where we belong. . .
[SATINE] Get down, get down!
[CHRISTIAN] . . .Where eagles fly on a mountain high.
[SATINE] Love makes us act like we are fools,
Throw our lives away for one happy day.
[CHRISTIAN] We could be heroes, just for one day!
[SATINE] You, you will be mean.
[CHRISTIAN] No, I won’t.
[SATINE] And I, I’ll drink all the time.
[CHRISTIAN] We should be lovers.
[SATINE] We can’t do that.
[CHRISTIAN] We should be lovers, and that’s a fact.
[SATINE] Though nothing will keep us together,
[CHRISTIAN] We could steal time,
[SATINE and CHRISTIAN] Just for one day.
We could be heroes, forever and ever,
We could be heroes forever and ever...

I am just thinking a lot about it since a talk I had with Gil yesterday... how everything changes, how fool you can act sometimes, the silliness of pride, the butterflies in the stomach that you feel sometimes when a girl approaches you... the way "love" feels in a relationship that is long enough to start becoming rutinary, but still how that kind of love can be very sweet sometimes... how it hurts when it ends, and how great it is to realize, after a while, that you can love yet again and go over it one more time...

He was wondering if it was worth it?... falling in love... all the pain...

I think it is... despite the fee of several tears, real love is something worth feeling...

Women... them... that one word... those eyes, the bodies...

**sigh**

** cheers for love and girls!

ps... those lyrics were taken from "elephants love meddley" a very nice duet in moulin rouge.

Everything changes

Today something weird happen, for the 1st time I was able to read an email that I wrote more than a year ago, and it gave me quite some surprises... This is an email that I sent to a few close people at a moment of huge despair in my life, I remember I was crying when I wrote it... and to be honest I was afraid of opening it... of reading it... I was afraid of bringing that sorrow back... to get upset or whatnot.

It's an email that I wrote when my relationship with Abby ended, and I pretty much wrote it to "let it all out"... it felt good to write it, and it felt good to read the response from those who received it... but I wasn't able to read it my self during all this time. Why today?. Well, I opened it because I wanted to share it with Gil, a friend who is going through something like that... his girl broke up with him, they had been together for over 5 years, and he is devastated... for some reason it felt appropiate to share with him several things, even this one email, and as I opened it to send it to him, I read it... and it was weird...

It was weird because it did bring back those feelings... but it was weird because I did not get upset... probably a little nostalgic... but it just made me think a lot of whan happened then... afterwards, and how I feel about it all today. Everything changes, even feelings... they mutate from sorrow to sweet memories... from pain to smiles once you know "it's all good at the end"... ha!, it's even funny, this blog thing started as a theraphy from that one event in my life!... and it's come to be a "repository" of thoughts and events from my life... all sorts of silly things... everything does change.

I won't erase that email, it is important to me I guess... but it was interesting to read it again... see how I felt then, and how much I've grown since the moment... it's one of those things in which you wish you had more words to describe it... but I feel very at ease, with peace... how interesting life is... how much we change... or as they say, how much we get to become who we trully are experience by experience.

Damn redirects...

So, I registered this blog to a few bloggin communities and all, they take a while to do some reseach and accept it or whatever, but now I find my self realizing that it won't really work anyway, because now that I am starting to be accepted, I am told that my site, however, will not gain much notice since I am into a "frame redirect" thing, they are not able to track the traffic flow to my site since in the source of www.latilde.tk there are no proper markers, or links or what not, since it is just a redirect to the place in which I keep the files... argh... I guess I will just have to settle for what I have now, and keep it low till I can afford buying my self my own domain and hosting for this thing... as for now, that would be too pricy, and the objective of this blog is being kept anyway... which is to register my thoughts and rants about quite some things on my life...

And about those things... why do I always say yes?... but do all of a sudden I find my self with no time again doing all sorts of projects?... he he he... now they are all something that I enjoy, there I cannot complain, but they aswell give me no money for the time being, and they are taking away all my time for real. It was fun for a while but now I have to get serious about making money. I am going to Canada on the summer no matter what, and aswell I need to pay quite some cash to someone... hmmm...

To a coulple of my "hobbie" projects I will have to say good bye... I need to balance more my time, and it's ok to have fun in what I am doing, but I need to get my ass out there and work on things that will give me money "now", no more "future investments"... One of the things that I saw when I left innox is that there are hundreds of opportunities out there, they can all make lots of money, and you can always be a part of them if you are willing to work hard and "free" for a little while.

I will keep two of those around... but I will have to, for the time, stop working on another two, and start earning money... he he he... it's to funny... why can't I win the lotto or something?.

Tomorrow will be fun, I will work animating something... that cannot be boring... tuesday?... karaokulta's site has to be done... wed and the rest?... work on a website for a client, hopefully there will be some cash there. And aswell start making calls and "sell my self" to do multimedia and websites... I need at least to make sure I can afford Canada and to pay this course I am taking by the end of this month. When I come back from Canada karaokulta will probably be giving more work, hopefully, and I will know aswell if I do want to try and live in there, and which way I will go to accomplish it.

... he he he... I just thought of the "goddess" of coincidence and how Jeziel and I meet today by chance... good small talk, and I greeted Polo too, which was cool. He seems like a nice guy, I hope I get to know him more as a person, and learn a lot from him as a professional... he draws and inks in a very good way, and his colors are pretty decent too. I meet them over at Pabellon, because I went with my family to see a movie... "Cold Mountain", with Nicole Kidman, Renée Zellweger, Donald Sutherland and several others, the movie wasn't that great to be honest, but I could see it as a good book. I will have to find out if it was based on a novel.... yes it was!!!, a novel written by Charles Frazier by the way...

The movie wasn't that good, but because I think they tried telling a lot during those hours, or for some reason the pace didn't seem quite right... the acting was good, the photography too, there was just something missing. But for the way the characters seemed "so real", and because some hints of some very interesting situations and persons are given, you can see that there was a lot more to those characters and the story than what we could see in the movie. And that is the kind of character development and dept you find in a book... for example there was this kind of "agile" albino guy with purple eyes who was freaking interesting... but we really didn't see much of him in the movie.

Now I will go read something... and again try to go to bed early... we will see how that works this week.

**cheers

ps... mario kart for game cube rocks!!!

Quite a day...

I had quite a day today, one of those in which so many things happened that you could almost swear that they were actually three days instead of one. Early in the morning I managed to wake up, even after staying up till late last night... which actually brings me to last night.

Last night I went over to Memo's bday party, which was rather fun. I had the chance to had good talks with Julio, Alba and Julian, as well to see a bunch of people that I hadn't seen in a while. Most of them are working for IBM now, and they seem a happy bunch. Julian is always nice, and the talks with Julio and Alba were a little "deeper", about life and what we want from it. With Julio I talked about following dreams and moving on, going somewhere, loosing those things that keep us tied down... with Alba I pretty much talked about the same thing, why did I leave Innox and all... she told me she was shocked when she realized that I had done it, but after a while she undestood me quite well... after all she took about 6 months off to think about things before she decided to get a job, and made sure which was the path she wanted to follow...

The talk with Alba was nice enough that I completelly forgot that I was suppósed to pick victor up from chapultepec, so I had to run off the place with Julian to pick him off... man I felt so guilty!!!... poor victor... I couldn't apologize enough...

Anyway, back to this day... I woke up early to go to the weekly karaokulta meeting, arrived over there and meet Everardo's wife Estela... it was odd because Eve wasn't around so I arrived to his place and she was a little forced to open and all, but it was nice to finally meet her, she is a nice girl. A little after Jeziel arrived, and then Eve... we started taking but then something came up with Estela... and surprise!!!... I think Dante is getting into this world a little early!!!... Dante is Eve's son who is about to be born, he was supposed to born in say two weeks, but I guess it was too much time to wait so he decided to show up today... that was something!... Of course the meeting was cancelled, we worked things out, talked with them, bid them luck, and saw them depart to this new adventure in their life... man I was so nervous for them!!!... a baby!!!!...

So it was just Jeziel and me now, we decided to go over to the TEC, do some research at the library about architecture for the comic, and so we worked soem hours on ideas for different places, kinds of buildings of the civilizations and all. At about 3pm a cop came over to kick us out of the library because it was closing time. And so we walked out, went by the car, and then sat in a bench for about 2 and a half hours!!!... we just talked and talked for a long time... and it was pretty cool. Its always very pleasant to have one of those talks.

Of course we talked about a 100 different things, but one of them was religion and human beliefs. One of the things that we were discussing is how most of religions today are based on fear... fear to do something shameful in the eyes of the Lord, fear to go to hell, fear to be punished... they are based on fear and guilt... which sucks. And then I stared developing this idea about the ancient greeks, since I am reading about them and their beliefs. It was very interesting to find a wonderful conection there.

The "craddle" of out western civilization, the foundation of the arts, aesthetics, the sports spirit, mathematics, phisics, philosophy, architecture and all those things come from the ancient greece. Just a tiny little spot on the map was able to bring so many things to this world, that were the basis of what we see today. Even the democracy and those government ideas from ancient greece and rome.

And it's interesting to see that culture flourished so much in a civilization that had "human gods"... a civilization whose deities made mistakes... one in which people did not fear hell or such a damnation, Hades was the Lord of the underworld, but he was no Satan. The did believed in right and wrong, punishment and reward, but their sense was so much different. Their Zeus would flirt around with girls and would love boys, the goddesses wanted love and attention, cupid the god of love would cause man to do crazy things and seem evil at times... but so is love. Their civilization was built around a bunch of gods that did not only represented the best qualities of humans, but the worst as well, which made them even more human...

Could there really be a connection?... how much can we judge or determine from a civilization by the way their gods act and do?... how much can we learn from them and expect from them?. And how much can we grow today in a world were the tools of belief are fear and guilt?. I was just interested to see a hint of connection there. Maybe it's a topic in which I will do more research, and maybe too it will be an interesting idea finder for some story to write in the near future.

Now I am at home, waitig for some visits to come over... reading a kick ass comic that is causing me to not be able to do much else (100 bullets), and waiting to check my email and download a character that I really want to ink, it's sudra... he he he... more on that soon.

So cheers... life is good.

Crafts... and a touch of guilt...

Today I went to work over by my university, because of the network... it was terribly slow over there too, but I bet it was still better than my house... I am getting to think though, that the problem is with my computer's modem, because right now I am working on the computer downstairs (checking my email and all), and internet is just great... and just a few minutes ago I tried logging in from my computer about 6 times and it just didn't work... damn it...

So anyway, I really enjoyed working at the tec... there is something about the "cite" that I will allways like, and that will be hard to define... and it was nice to be surrounded by people again. I realized today, as I was driving, that I had been locked in my house since monday... not getting out at all!!!!... I wasn't tired of home yet, and to be honest I hadn't stop to think about it... but it was kind of odd...

At the cite I had good talks with them all... but specially it was nice to talk to Martin Merida again... I haven't really talked with him for a while, and it's great to see that he is publishing a lot of his work, and he is excited about a novel that might get published soon!!... that is cool... it's nice to have people like him to talk to, and ask for advice sometime...

At about 3pm we came back to the house, after watching some kick ass video from RUSH... wow... their batterist is so awesome... I couldn't believe it... I really couldn't...

On the way back we stopped by a "tire fixing thing" because we have a tire that always get's kind of flat, and they fixed it... the interesting part was to see that most of the work was done by a little kid that was about half my size... talk about feeling useless!!... this little guy had a great way to use the tools, to use his entire weight and some metal things as a lever, it was amazing to see him work... and so little!!... It made me think of some medieval time, with a blacksmitty and his kid, about a store in which they would "fix" the "horse's shoes" with the big dad doing some stuff, and the kid helping around as much as he could... the good old days of crafts and professions... I know it sounds weird... but I was very amazed by the way they did things...

Now I was shocked when the guys asked me if I wanted to flip the tire.... he meant to put it like the other way around, so that another part gets worn off, but I imagined the way flipping the tire inside out!!!.... I was almost about to say no when Victor, my brother, said "yes" and told me "you are so stupid!"... he knew what I was thinking... I had the perfect idea on my mind of the guy flipping the tire inside out!!!... ha ha ha... anyway... thank to my brother I didn't look that stupid to the shop owner.

When we arrived home I couldn't help to think of yesterday and something that I did... and how I felt when I did it. I saw this wonderful golf court that is across the street, and thought about the 1st time ever walked on it... which was yesterday.

See... there are just a few golf courts around the city, and the one right in front of my house is one of the nicest... of course we have no subscription to the club, so I had never gone in there, just watched in from the "terraza"... The fun part is that right in front our house there is a little fence that has a way to jump over it and be on the field. I never did it though... it was wrong!!!!....

WHY?!?!.. Why didn't I ever do it?!... I always see people walking in and out of the field by that fence, with the golf sticks and all... they are members most likelly, yet that entrance is more convient to them since their house ir over by here, and not by the actual door...

Yesterday with Hector I jumped the fence for the 1st time, and I couldn't stop feeling guilty, and that some cop would show up from somewhere to kick us out... of course that didn't happen... but why?!... why do I have such a sense of guilt?... of responsibility?... why do I want to always do the right thing?!?!!... I walked by it, was amazed by it's beauty, and had a great time by some lakes that are filled with pretty ducks and gesse... it really was a nice view... all green all year long, well taken care of and all... and it had always been there...

I had lived here for about two years... have had that great place right in front of me... the "entrance" right it front of me... and I had never done it... why?!?!... because it was wrong'!??!?!?... oh man... I am messed up...

Of course when it got dark, and we came back, a bunch of guys, older and younger than us, started getting out of the field by that same fence... guys I know that are neighbors... members?... probably... but so what, once you are it you are not wearing a wrist band or anything... you can do whatever... as long at people are not playing golf is rather safe and fun to walk around by it and all...

why?... why hadn't I ever done it?... what did my parents do to me that I am so afraid of doing something bad?!...

A case for the shrink huh?...

**cheers

Not a day has passed...

Since I started writting on this thing again, not a day has passed without some new words typed on it... probably most of them are nonsese, but I bet some are decent. Just like this day was, probably not all the minutes were worth it, but a few made the day worth as a whole.

Now it's almost funny... the window to log my self online has been stuck on "verifying user name and password" for several minutes... probably it won't work... yet again. The internet over by my house sucks so much that I actually think I will have to go work at my University tomorrow... just because of the network, and tomorrow I will be doing some heavy internet uploading.

Anyway, as I was saying, the day was good. I actually woke up earlier today (and I am planning to wake up even earlier tomorrow... baby steps), and been working pretty much ever since. For some odd reason I completelly messed up the karaokulta webpage, I don't know what I did with the data base, or something... but it just made things pretty nasty, and I had to work all day long just "fixing things up", so that by about 6pm I was at ground zero again... just like I was early in the morning... well, I worked on some of the art, and now I have learned to recover from that kind of issue... it just sucks though.

The website as it is, I think is technically well done... yet it is not amazing in terms of graphic design... you may not be able to find a flaw, yet it won't stand up against other designs I've managed to get done. It's good enough, looks professional and all... but I hope I'll have time soon to make yet another template with a better impact... this one is kind of "just fine"... and I always try to go for "wow that rocks"... What I want though, is to get it done, to make it work so that people can start browsing it, and so that we can start showing our work and making things happen for us as a company. And for us as a company to, I need to get my ass working on inking and drawing!!!... he he he.

So I had good talks online, in one I was completelly ashamed of my self when I realized that yesterday was memo's bday and I didn't even send him an ecard... and I talked to him online!!!... argh... why am I like this?... the same thing happened with maruccia the other day... why why why?. I keep doing that... I need to get my self an account into one of those online things that let you know about bdays and all... sometimes I even forget my parents... anyway... HAPPY BELATED BDAY MEMO!!... you know I care, and I would swear the day was tomorrow... sniff... he he he.

Yesterday I was brought one form from this course about self discovery and all... usually I would think that is crap... but seing the change in a couple of people that I know, I think it's worth the shot. Mostly because one of them is a grown man that would have never done that in his life, he entered the course forced by his son, but now he is walking lighter and all... you can see the change on the energy the projects. So I will give it a try, the only issue was the money, but someone was kind enough to "sponsor" me the thing, till I could pay them back, with no hurry on the "paying back"... the cool thing is that they said that they were sure I was going to make much more than that, so they were not afraid of letting me use the money for the time being... I don't like it at 1st... I don't like using other people's money... but I feel like it's a good opportunity. I talked to Hector about it today... he came over to the house and spent the evening here... I think it may help me find the real reason of some of my fears, and give me tool to control them...

Yes... I will do that...

On the other hand, 100 bullets rocks... it really really does... read it please...

And I bumped into this article about comics... its interesting.

So interesting...

You know that religions are pretty much all based on the same thing... there are ideas of deities, most of them are based on love and respect, true and justice... they all preach pretty much the same, yet the names and places change... and indeed, for some odd reason some even preach that all the other ones are wrong...

Anyway, sometimes is odd to find a weird coincidence between religions, like yesterday... I read about a huge flood that placed water upon the surface of all earth, all but the Parnaso, a very high mountain. This flood was caused by Zeus, because humans had become wicked and he was so upset at them that he decided to wipe them out. Then a wooden boat appears on the horizon, which had Deucalion and Pirra on it, Deucalion was Prometeo's son. Since Prometeo knew that the flood was going to happen, he instructed this guy to build a boat and to sail on it with his woman once the flood started...

After a while the water was gone again, this two guys were allowed to live by Zeus because they had a good hearth, and then they helped "reconstruct" humanity, but now based on rocks instead of metals...

Now the similarities aren't much... but the idea of the flood, and the wooden boat built by this good man, is interesting... isn't it?...

so... back to work....

Why?...

What am I afraid of?... which invisible chains keep constraining me from being what I truly can be?... what can I be?... truly... what can I be?... I'm tired of feeling like this guy from the "prison of liberty" tale... so many choices, so many doors... too afraid to open one, to cross the door. Too afraid to leave the other choices behind and once and for all set my 100% in one single thing...

Why can't I say no?... why do I get involved in so many things?... and then not do anything great in any of them?... My actions I think have not been driven by hopes, they have been driven by fears... even quitting innox was driven by fear... a fear to get caught up in software development... ha!... but fear after all... which fear made me stay on my major?... who do I want to please?... Why do my parent's fears have such a huge repercussion on my insides... why do they make me be like this?...

I was invited to take part of this course, a course in which pretty much they will take my insides out, make me look at them, probably puke, clean them, and put them back in place. A course of self discovery, of "fear finding" an fighting... I am almost sure that I know what I want to be... I think I have known for quite a while in my life... but my fears keep pushing me away from that dream... and they have harmed the dream so much that now I don't think I will ever be as good as drawing as I wanted... the more I learn about comics, the more I read them, the more I see what it takes, and the more I realize that I've wasted so much of my time learning "the right things" and leaving my true passions locked inside some closet...

When I was a kid those were fun passions... passion that would make me stay coloring and drawing for hours... and a passion that was encouraged even by my parents... but then it was growing up time... "getting serious time"... without realizing it I locked up those passions, and with the time they have become huge monsters ought to get revenge... they want pay back for all this "lost" years. They are still my passions, they are fiery, strong, dinamic... they make things happen... but they are no longer the "warm feelings" making the kid draw in the wall... they are fully grown dreams willing to tear my self appart for not paying attention to them...

According to this course it's all about the fears that our family have, not knowingly, bested upon ourselves as we were growing up... our drives and fears come from the way our parents hope and fear, and theirs from their parents and so on... it's hard to believe... it's hard to accept. But quite possible if you ask me.

Again... what would you do if you were not afraid?... Would I learn something if I take the course?... it's almost presumptuous to say I wouldn't... but I think I know what's the problem with me... will it empower me with the proper tools to face that problem?... to be able to walk despite the fears?

Life... success... making money... fullfilling expectations... my expectations... my parents... my life... their son... my success... their failure?.

How?... focus... why can't I focus?...

Why can't I say no?...

Ha ha ha... it's almost funny... I just read the "joey's charm" entrance... there you go...

Not working...

The "going to bed early - wake up early" thing is so not working... what will I have to do to make it happen?... argh... By the way, this mithology book I am reading is quite fun, I like it when the author is not talking about the myths and all, I like it when he just tells the stories... of Hades and Persefone, Demeter, Dyonisious, and all those interesting "gods" from all. What I am liking about greek mithology is that their gods not only represent divine things, and natural phenomena, but that aswell they represent the most human mistakes, they are "human gods", that love, lust, make mistakes, are silly sometimes, get jelous, have envy, have pride... Roman deities on the other hand are were way too practical, they had no personalities, and pretty much no charm... they were just "good for something"... I guess that's why they adopted the greek's gods personalities and pretty much the entire olympo, just changing some of the names. Those gods are more fun to hear about.

On the other hand, 100 bullets is a kick as comic book... a graphic novel, for very mature readers... not a "kids book with drawings"... the art is very good in a very strange way, but the story telling rocks... the writer knows his business, and the artist... wow... he knows how to use his angles and "camera shots" when drawing... you get your self inmerse on the story, period... The premise is: "what would you do if after someone messes up your life, a guy appears with a case and gives it to you... the case has a 100 untraceable bullets, a gun, and all the evidence of how this one person was the cause of your misery... and he insures you that you could walk out clean of the whole thing"... ahhhh!... I have to fight my urge to pick up the comic and keep on reading...

must... work...

Joey's charm

I just saw friends... I hadn't seen friends in a loooong time, and I am sure there is a lot of things to catch up in that series... man, me and TV, we used to be so close... I wonder what happened. So... anyway, Joey, that guy can always at least make me smile, but he is almost a sure laugh, and the pople that know me have heard me laughing... and what is so special about him?!...

I think he is blinded by his vision of life... he thas his "invisible glasses" through which he sees the world in the most unusual way, a very naive way. Joey is very primal, very naive, he is quite silly yet you know he is not stupid at all. He just won't take life for granted, and he kind of always try to keep it simple and see life in a very light way... people like him seem to "float by" life, with no burden on their shoulders. While others, some times me I think, just walk thinking to much, trying to solve so many things, having such high expectations of everything that... honestly, I think this last people don't have such a good time on this life. And what sucks is that I am one of those in a way... I think way too much.

It makes me think of that analogy from Douglas Adams' books... when he says that while some think that dolphins are not as intelligent as humans, because all they do is to play during the day and have fun among themselves, some other think that dolphins are much brigther than humans because of that very same reason... it's almost silly, but it makes a point doesn't it?.

Anyway... back to work...

Errr... now I am thinking about the so called cow theory... and how cows indeed seem happy. Yet I don't think Joey is a cow, he is not settling for a "regular" life, he wants more, he wants to be an actor, to become someone... I guess I am mixing things up here... probably Joey goes by his dreams and by hakuna matata... a philosophy that I have yet to make an integral part of my life.

The blogging world...

I've been reading a little about the blogging world and all... and there is a whole community of people out there sharing their ideas and thoughs, giving feedback to each other, and making a huge deal of all this. I guess that is what the guys from the cluetrain manifesto were talking about, after all the internet is a comunity of real people, return to those old markets in which people used to go just to hear stories about distant places of the world, the adventures of some hero, or look at some exotic animal... a place to be your self, to listen and read real people... and to be listened and read aswell.

So that's why I registered this thing on some blogging sites, and added a way to make comments to my posts... let's see how that works... I am a little nervous about it though... I always enjoyed keeping this as a "private thing" for me and some friends to look at... but I am excited about the idea of being a part of something bigger. Besides it's just an experiment... we will see how it works.

Anyway I just wrote that down to explain the new links and the few changes on the interface... though soon it will change for real... =P

cheers...

Daytime vs. Night time...

Yesterday I tried to be asleep a little learlier... I think I was able to fall asleep till about 2am... it's an improvement, but yet it's not "decent enough". The problem is that I am a read-a-holic, and I am becomming obsessed about writting on this thing. Why is that the problem?... At night my house is at ease... everything is quiet... I can actually hear my self thinking without any other noises disturbing my mind... Reading at night is just pretty cool from me... I know some pople "read till they fall asleep", and for some that happens around page 2. The problem with me is that I have to force my self to stop reading and try and get some sleep... if the book hooks me up I could just read all night long no problem.

And the same thing happens with work and writting... During the day is a good time to meet up with teams, have creative meetings, discussions, agreements and all... but the best time for me to get things done is during the night. I focus better and the "no distractions" mood makes me get into kind of a "working trance"... It's not like I work all through the night though... But my "better" hours I think are from say 6pm to 4am... which is quite messed up when you think that most people do get out of work at 6pm, and afterwards in when they have a "social life"...

Still I am going to keep trying... we will see how that goes.

On the other hand one of the things that kept me awake last night was reading about Alan Moore... now I am an obsessive reader, and that added to the fact that I love learning things, is a dangerous combo. I love neil gaimans work on comics, and so I read a lot about him, the way he works, how he started, this an that... but when I found out that he was influenced by Alan Moore's work, and that Alan Moore is considered to be the most influencing figure in comic books story telling... then I felt like I needed to learn a lot about this guy too. He changed the medium by doing only the kind of stuff he would be interested in, he challenged the medium more and more, and experimented a lot with story telling... you could say he was the father of DC´s "vertigo" line in a way... comics for mature readers, not because they were "dark" or "depressing", but because they talked about very important moral issues... and again, it wasn't just the stories... the story telling was important too. Anyway, one of the things that I was interested in about him, is that he is not only a great comics book writter, but he is kind of a magician... for real. His is greatly interested in the occult and in magic, and you could find a lot about that fact on google, yet here is one little link in which the topic is discussed by him... there he even talks about influences like Alister Crowley and such.

I like this whole idea of the power of our own mind and how this can affect the world around us...

As well I read an x-men volume that is very "touchy"... it is number 110 of one of the numerous x-men series... but what was interesting was that it didn't have much dialog at all. All the comic is just an "illustrated letter to doctor xavier"... a letter that kitty writes, in her mourn for the dead of Peter (colossus), and my compliments for the artist. By reading it I felt sad, and empathized a lot with this characters... and believe you me, I am no x-men fan, and I didn't even know kitty existed... but I could feel her grief... and that is something.

Hmmmm... I am writting way too much about comics latelly haven't I?...

up n' runnin...

alfanime.com is up an running... yay!!...

Tra la ri, tra la ra, life goes oooon...

Monday was good... one of those days in which you feel like you did a lot. I woke up early in the morning, which is weird for me nowadays, went over to the tec, reseached a lot about financial aid for cultural projects, got a bunch of emailing done, worked on my blog's template, gave security to the alfanime webpage, and I even recorded the voice for a comercial from the Tec of Monterrey... it went by very very fast. I hate the sound of my recorded voice... I really do... but I think that everybody hates the sound of their own voice, since you just ¨listen¨to it in such a diferent way from inside your head... he he he... anyway.

Once I got home, just when I was about to beging doing some animation for a new project, and then probably do some inking, I got a message of Gil reminding me that we had a meeting today... Now, this took me by complete surprise, because I was supposed to hand in the animation that I was about to begin on this very meeting... and if the meeting was actually today, they I'd had nothing done for it!!!...

It kind of sucked because well, I went to the meeting, indeed it was today, and indeed I had to apologize for not having it ready for today... yet I told them that if it hadn't been because of Gil's message, I wouldn't have gone... and not only I wouldn't have asked for forgiveness, but I would have been very pissed off on tuesday since none of them, or course, would be there. So they took it the nice way and it wasn't a big deal... we came up with some ideas and worked on some story boards... that is always fun.

The part of the day that wasn't fun was waking up... since my scheddule has been so messed up latelly, going to bed at 3am and such, I just couldn't fall asleep at a "decent" time last night, and it sucks to be "trying" to get asleep and not being successfull on the matter.

On the other hand I did something interesting today... I looked for some part time Jobs, and some even "full time" but in sales and with flexible hours... I need to get an steady income, and I guess that is the easier way for now... at least until the projects I am involved in start paying of their share. And I am interested in sales, because of dealing with people, networking, and developing more "people skills". It was fun how I avoided all the technical positions... who knows what may happen, but it was kind of fun submitting my curriculum and stuff. It's something that I have never done before.

As well I read a pretty cool interview with Alan Moore, and it's not the one on neil gaiman's latest post... that one is good, but I read a very fun one in which he explains why he was kind of "forced" to become a comic book writter. When he was just 17, he was dealing acid at his school... of course this is something very bad to do for a 17 year old guy, but his school instead of "dealing with the issue, and helping him out" decided to kick him out. Yet the principal wasn't happy with just kicking him out, he aswell called to everyother school and made sure that none would ever take him because he was such a thread. So Alan Moore found him self not able to study anymore... a harsh punishment for a 17 years old kid. The problem was when he wanted to find a job, they would all ask for references from schools, and thus he could only get the kind of jobs that they give to exconvicts... pretty much.

So his education and "professional" life were messed up when he was just 17!!!... when he was a little older, barelly making a living, married, with a kid on the way, and working shitty jobs, he made a choice. He could stay working shitty jobs that he hated for the rest of his life, or he could go for one of his dreams from when he was a kid and that was still alive in him. So... his choice was made... he decided to quit his job before the kid was grown... and then he and his family lived on wellfare for over a year!!!!... During all this time quite a process began in his life as a comic book artist, then as a writter, and things started to work out little by little... until all of a sudden he was working for DC comics and then the rest is history. He just changed the way we see comics today...

This is the site where I got that stuff from... for some reason I ranted on about it, but I guess it's better if you read it from the actual source.

Eventhough I could ramble on, and write a bunch of things that I still have on my mind... I am going to try and begin having a "normal" schedule again, so that eventhough I am not forced to keep any hours, I am still sichronized with the rest of the world... it doesn't seem necesary the times I stick around the house alone doing my stuff... but it becomes a requirement when I have to attend early meetings, or when discussing something with a team at 5:00pm means "breaking my productive time"...

On the other hand I am still so impressed by the Big Fish movie that I cannot really think of anything new to say on a deeper sense of the word...

**cheers!

ps. isn't this a pretty cool image from Casey Jones... I just love that toon feeling.

So long to yet one more person...

"So long and thanks for all the fish"... he he he... sorry, I just thought of that quote all of a sudden...

Everytime I say "bye" to someone, one of those "byes" that you just know will last for quite a while, if not forever, I get in a weird mood... It's not the same to say "bye" to some friend that you know you will see again next week... it's always hard for me to say bye to people I care for and that are going away to some other country or something like that...

Despite the fact that your "local" friend may always die, he he he, which means that everytime you say bye could be the last one; the feeling you get when saying "bye" to the ones that are going "far away" is way more extreme and interesting... it's like you see a part of you depart from good... Just as some people claim that if a tree falls in a forest, and nobody listens, the sound didn't exist... In the same way, if we yell in the middle of a mall, and nobody listens, there was no yell... our own existence is reflected to us by the existance of others around us... people to "bounce up" our ideas with, people that react to what we do or not do...

In the movie "Cast Away" you see a guy making friends with a ball!!... good ol' wilson huh?... well, it's just him trying to humanize and object, and this trying to stay human himself.... So, what I am trying to say is that, every time someone goes away from our lives, that one person is taking the part of ourselves that we could see in them... we lose someone to share with, to learn from, and to laugh with... and everytime it sucks...

Yet its great... life has placed that person in our lives, at least for a little while... and for the while it was worth it... Like that "train" analogy... you keep on moving with your train through life, sometimes you share your seat with someone else, sometimes they stay for a long time, and then eventually they move one and take their own train... we miss them... but it's cool that they were around at least for that little while.

Argh!... see?... I am rambling way too much... I do get "thinky" when that happens... so yes... yesterday we all said "bye" to Regine, Pancho's girl... and it was hard for me, as it always is... and to be honest I didn't know her as much, I just hanged out with her for about two days, and then the other silly times in which everybody was around too... But it was enough to appreciate her company, and to start caring for her. She is a fun and interesting girl!... And the feeling of saying good bye to someone that you may never see again in your life is very earie...

It was nice that we all had a toast for her in Ireri's house and all... he he he... and we made her try some real tequila... because somehow she claimed that they had "german" tequila... ha!... as if...

I am thinking now of Aldo, my "baritone" mate from choir... and how I felt when I said bye to him... and how great it was to casually see him one day on a book fair... And him I didn't know as much either... but I had shared enough with him, and I just felt like we were compatible in a cool way... like he could be a close friend... and then meeting him again provoked in us both a very real smile... who knows, maybe that will happen with Regine one day... that would be cool... just like it may happen with Ganaa my friend from Mongolia, and just like it did happen with Stuart, Martin and Chris the day I saw them in my own city...

Life has a way to turn around... you never know who you will meet again... or in what condition... I guess thats one of the reasons why it's always better to stay in good terms with everyone around you...

So, good bye Regine... take care girl... it was nice meeting you!... =) "enchanteee!"... he he he...

And the world keeps on turning... life is moving... and now I have to get ready to do some work, and rehearse a note that i will record for a radio or video thing... narrating is one of the things I enjoy and I know I could do... maybe I should explore that as a mean to make money... he he he... yay!... one more thing to explore...

Cheers...

There are some fish that can't be caught. It's not that they're bigger or faster than the other fish, they're just touched by something extra.

(The original was written last night in my "hand written" blog... he he he... yes!... I can still write with my hand).

An interesting day, you could say that I pretty much got up because of a call by Jeziel about the meeting today. Then once I was going there I was rather worried that I was going to be late, and I was, but still, I was the 1st to arrive... ahhh... mexican punctuality.

Anyway, the meeting was very good, and we touched a lot of topics, much more than the previous week in which we only focused on this one project we are working on... (hmmm... just remembered that I need to write down the minute of the meeting and send it over to everyone... damn... victor is online... tra la ra)

Well yes, the meeting was good, y I feel very pleased with all that we discussed. There was even an interesting argument between Jeziel and Eve about some of the art (those two really need to be more patient with each other). The good thing was to see that the discussion did evolved into something good, and I am sure that eventually we as a team will develop our own vocabulary and terms, that with allow us to communicate in a better way, and avoid problems like that. Another thing that is good is that we are going to be meeting more often... damn... I am way too distracted, I want to talk about the day, which was good, but I can't stop thinking about the movie I just saw... it made be kind of melancholic, and made me think a whole bunch of things..

So yes... after the "kok" meeting I went with Hector and Enrique to hang out with them, and we had decided that we would see a movie because of Hector's bday, and so we saw "Big Fish".

That movie evoked so many things and feelings inside of me... so strong and interesting that I cannot describe them in words. Big Fish is a movie filled with Magic... in a way is a movie about finding magic in the silliest things, in the silliest events in our life, about finding something special in everything around us. Big Fish tells the story of the life of a dreamer, and how his dreams and fantasies get to mix up with reality in such a magical way to the point in which it's hard to tell which is which... the line that defines "reality" gets too blurry.

I don't want to talk about what happens in the movie, how does it end or anything... yet I feel it's fair to say that at a point it was way too much for me. So much magic, and punch, so many hopes, melancholy... I thought about myself, about my dad... my relationship with my dad, my dranparents... life, dreams... so many things. My mind came up with so many images and feelings, and together with the images and feelings that were displayed on the "big screen", I just had a "sentimental overflow" and... well... I had never cried in a movie theatre... I had never shed so much tears in one of those places, I had never been "not able" to contain them... wow... thanks so much Tim Burton... you rock.

Some people did got out of the cinema before the movie was over... i guess it's one of those movies that you "love or hate". Maybe you have to have a certain way to see the world to really enjoy it, who knows... but It did hit me... and it hit me hard.

Has it ever occurred to you that maybe you're not too big? Maybe this place is just too small?

I loved the movie, and the magic in the main character, so well acted by Ewan McGregor... wow again.

After we left the movie theatre we talked about it a little... it was obvious that I coudnl't cointain the tears, and thus we discussed the matter. I wasn't sad at all... I was just way too emotional!... he he he... que loco.

So we walked by the mall... chatted a little and had fun at looking at the "fashion" of the people walking around, and as usually we ended up in "la paloma" having some coffee and a nice chat.

Very good day... I came home very late, say almost 2:00am, and my dad was in the kitchen washing some dishes... I couldn't help to want to stick around with him in the kitchen... I didn't have a conversation with him, or just a "silent one"... I kept thinking about the movie, and about what my dad meant to me and how much I keep forgetting that latelly.

The movie is such a wonderful "quote" book... magic... great filters to see life through...

I've been nothing but myself since the day I was born and if you can't see that it's your problem not mine.

He doesn't do it anymore, but my dad used to tell us many stories to my brother and I... he even invented awesome tales that lasted several nights of storytelling, he invested a lot on kids books, and then he would read some "easy" version of a classic... he would always read making the sound fx and the voices and all... then from that we went to discuss books and all that... eventually the storytelling ended... I guess my brother and I grew up... but the way that marked us for life is pretty cool, and it's latent everyday...

A lot of people mocks me because I get influenced by the movies I see... I always want to be like the main character, and it's because I empathize so much, I see my self as the character, in the situation, and it rocks!... I've wanted to be tarzan and aladdin, saw my self as a warrior, a gladiator, a templar knight or sir lancelot... a singer, a writter, an astronaut, a vampire and even a samurai... and ten thousand more things... And this usually lasts for a couple of days, till the excitement wears of... but you can see me swinging an imaginary sword, talking like a vampire, or just feeling with the power of Hulk inside of me... I do it because I like it, I dream... I get excited...

But with Big Fish it wasn't like that at all... I didn't get out of the movie wantin to be anybody else... I just felt wonderfully being me, and thinking about how great are a lot of things that I have that I've taken for granted latelly. I got out wanting to be the best Hector Padilla I can be... and this feeling is overwhelming, yet veeery cool.

I feel and think so many things... and I wish I could be able to express them through words... but I cant...

gung ho! life...

que loco... I am in a thinking mood... I will stop writting just because I fear that I will start repeating my self way too much... and I think this bunch of lines will be enough to regain this emotion in the future, once I read what I've just written...

cheers...

ps. She said the biggest fish in the river gets that way, by never being caught.