Being back in the real world has been hard... After a week staying in Shangri-la... He he he... And well, I had so much work to do and catch up!... Sheesh... From Saturday till Monday night, I just... WORKED!... Yes yes, there were a couple of breaks... But mostly... Work.
Today though, was a very nice day. It started quite early (as all this days have been actually), worked out, good breakfast... Study some french, got things sorted out about work... Blah blah blah... I mean... Just a bunch of little details... But felt good. ^__^
I had a cool meeting about this new project I got involved with in the Arts Studio of the University... I am excited about that, and there will be some pay too. He he he. Never too much of that!!!... (France, here I go!)... Besides, it really is a cool project!. The focus: To create a system that will enable the chance to create and tell stories!!... YAY!!... I will be doing a lot of graphical stuff, design, css... Etc. "my thing".
** sigh **
I talked with Albane a little... Nice call!... So sweet...
I miss her so much... My days can be awesome... But, I always feel the void she has left... Life is, and feels good... But, it just feels better when I am holding her hand... HUGE -SIGH-.
Ok ok... Sorry... That was my corny moment of the day.
So... I got my tshirts from threadless!!!... He he he. And that makes me smile and giggle... He he he. As well, I pretty much just came back from the movies, and, although the movie wasn't awesome... It was just nice to chill, relax, do something else!!!... I enjoyed my time... Walking... Etc.
... I don't know... It feels I just spit out a lot of little details or any common day... And, reading them... They are not a big deal I guess... But... I liked it. Today felt good...
... Whatever. I think, for once, I will hit my bed "early" and have a decent sleep.
Cheers peoples,
A bunch of good vibes. :-)
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Sunday, May 28, 2006
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH....
....
sigh...
---
ps. Banff was great... I want to work at the Banff Art Centre when I am done with my masters, at least for a 6 months stay.
....
sigh...
---
ps. Banff was great... I want to work at the Banff Art Centre when I am done with my masters, at least for a 6 months stay.
Monday, May 22, 2006
Sunday, May 21, 2006
Going to Banff...
My supervisor invited me to go to Banff to a conference with him and some members of his team. It should be good times!! Now I have to get everything ready to make it happen!!. ^__^
A bunch of people from the AMMI lab are going, and I really like all of them. They are "odd" among computer scientist, meaning they are not too geeky and quite fun... He he he. Banff is a beautiful place too... Heh. Looking forward for those hotsprings!.
Cheers peoples.
--
ps. Thanks for all the advice regarding that insomnia thing... It was mostly a "one night" thing, and I wrote that in the mist of desperation. But it really isn't all that bad. Heh... And, Blanco... Next time I will try that Bible thing! :-P
--
tu me manques
A bunch of people from the AMMI lab are going, and I really like all of them. They are "odd" among computer scientist, meaning they are not too geeky and quite fun... He he he. Banff is a beautiful place too... Heh. Looking forward for those hotsprings!.
Cheers peoples.
--
ps. Thanks for all the advice regarding that insomnia thing... It was mostly a "one night" thing, and I wrote that in the mist of desperation. But it really isn't all that bad. Heh... And, Blanco... Next time I will try that Bible thing! :-P
--
tu me manques
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
Monday, May 15, 2006
Yet another week....
And quite a lot to do... Finally I have some tasks assigned for the new job thing, and now I have to figure out how to make everything!... I am nervous!... He he he. I hope I am not too slow for them... Well, at first it will take me more I bet, but once I get the hang of it, it will just run fast. I hope.
The masters is going fine... I need to figure out this week what will determine my path for the next year... I guess I am on denial about all that. But... Well, I have to make it happen one way or another. Heh. Not many people have that much freedom about what they can do!, I should be thankful... But still, it is a little overwhelming!... O.o
... The weather is lovely, and Edmonton is going crazy since the Oilers are doing quite good... Heh. Last night Whyte Ave. was mayhem... Just for some game, I imagine... Or well, actually I don't even imagine how things would be if Oilers actually win all the way... Probably they would burn stuff down and all.
Heh. Anyway, here is a picture about all that... Quite blurry, I know... But I hate flash and people were moving too fast!...
Cheers...
----
tu me manques...
Thursday, May 11, 2006
This story, like many others...
has a beginning.
["Eres" from cafe tacuba starts playing]
Like all those other stories too, the beginningg is mostly blurry and hard to define... I will just pick one moment in time, which may go way back... Further than necessary maybe, but sounds about right...
The moment when I met her.
[I finally found the time to write about all this... Now I am relaxed, I am smiling. I feel like writing about her before going to bed... I feel like taking whatever this post will leave in my mind to dreamland with me]
I met her last august, outside the "metro" station here... (Better known as LRT). We were all going to go, for the first time, to the Azucar, and all the international students were there. I didn't talk to her much that night, we were introduced... And I did noticed something: she was beautiful...
As is bound to happen with beautiful girls... Too many guys wanted her attention. (That is my version, not hers... Heh). That night, I just danced and had fun...
Life went on...
She stuck on my mind, because of the way she looked... Not only did she looked good... But she had a very dreamy aura around her... And, she was mostly very quiet... Mostly shy?.
... "Hey!!... You are the shy girl!"... I told her once in a party... Heh. That was probably what I first told her... Heh... She smiled... She and her friend Ophelie were quite amused, it seems, at the way I laugh... I... Don't really get why, but people like it...
Anyway... One thing I remember from that night... We both danced.
We danced, and it felt very comfortable. And then we talked, heh... We sat by the floor, she leaning against a wooden fence, me in front of her... And we just talked silly, among other people, for a while... That time I saw, for the first time, the sexy belly-button piercing... ** sigh** ... I like those things too much...
I wasn't around the international students much during the first term... I hanged out with other people, did my thing... It was the turn of my brother to rock that world...
Time went on...
[One thing I knew, she was the nicest looking girl of all of them... at least to me... i felt very drawn to her since the very beginning... she had just a nice vibe, good to be around].
I remember from that term, this one time I saw her walking around the SUB... With her gaze spaced out... I wanted to talk to her... So much. She walked right by me... And...
I didn't talk to her... I was... Frozen?... Afraid?... Shy?...
Mmh... Mostly stupid.
... [time passed]...
Another term came... And this time, it was my turn to be around the international students... It is a horrible thing to deprive them from a Padilla, and my brother being back, it was my duty to take over... Heh... It was well worth it all through the term...
... I... Of course... Got drunk now and then... Ehem... What sort of messages did I send to Victor?... Well...
... Victor?... (He may not even read this thing anymore).
They were... Mostly... Well... They talked about Albane. (I am shy to admit... But they really did!!!).
She was around in the parties, so good looking... Not smiling too much, but lighting up the room every time she did it... This one party, the Australian day, we had a very good conversation by the kitchen... It got properly silly now and then, she even threw some water on her friend!!... (Now I think it is because she was so nervous being around me... Right?).
... I made a point in making her smile... I must have been annoying now and then, but it was worth it. I did ita lot during that first karaoke night with the whole new bunch of internationals...
See... I used to think she didn't smile because she was sad... I was wrong. She didn't smile because she just wasn't around... She left her body behind, but just went on dreaming somewhere else...
^_^
... Reading week came. Going on a road trip to Vancouver, Seattle, Victoria and Whistler did sound good, and I tagged along... So did she...
Life works in funny ways... Encounters do as well...
During that trip, joking we said I was going to be her older brother... She always wanted one, and I always wanted a younger sister... Did sound like a good deal... We had fun, we got close... It was a great trip, and the damn connection, and how comfortable I felt around her, sticked around...
... And sticked around... And sticked around...
I won't forget the time by the caroussel... ** sigh **... And dancing at the sounds of "girls just wanna have fun"... of "when the night feels my song"...
[Now is when I get worried... I can get soooo lost in the details of all the things that happened... of all the things we did... ]
The thing is... We both felt the connection, we both felt strong about each other... We both were scared?...
Scared of what?... Of the merciless claws of time... She was going to go back to France in a little over two months... Whatever we could share would happen during that time frame... It didn't sound like it was bound to work, or to happen...
But it was.
We kissed... And it felt like home... Being with her felt just like that...
... that natural...
We stuck around each other... Sharing...
One night, she decided it was a good idea to walk back to her place holding my hand... That night, I decided I was the happiest man in the world... From then on?... It just didn't stop. People saw us together, and couldn't stop themselves from saying we looked great together... Even this macho mexican friend I have said "dude, I am afraid I will sound gay... but you two make a fine damn cool couple"...
** sigh **
They said we looked like we had been together for a long time... It felt that way... That comfortable... That right...
We danced and had good times in parties, in the Rum Jungle, in the Azucar, and just the two of us in my place... I was able to make the nicest candle-night dinner for her, with candles all over my apartment... My roomie was gone, so I had the place for my self... I cooked very nice food, and...
... She came to my apartment, I think not really knowing what to expect. I took her coat and stuff, and made her wait outside my door... I came in, and light up more than 20 candles... Ask her to come in... The look on her face alone, made it all worth it... That night we just shared, and talked so much... Until the sun appeared through the windows, and long long after all the candles had burnt out...
Maybe knowing that the time was ticking, that... There was a set goodbye date made us both fall stronger... Made us both do our best to enjoy time as much as we could... To make every single second counts...
And we did...
Walks by the river, coffees, movies, smiles, good times...
Getting lost in each others eyes, and the feel of her touch... Of her skin... How comfortable everything felt... So natural...
The sound of her breathing while asleep... Her magical kisses that would teletransport me somewhere else...
... The way she made me feel...
I have so many fun memories of her all over the place... Of all this great conversations... Albane can make me smile, A LOT... She is so smart and witty, heh... Great to fight-back... Or we can get into a deep conversation about some interesting topic... We share about our lives, about how it all was when we grew up... Our fears, our dreams...
When I got sick, she took care of me... SO NICE...
Snow figthing... Coffee talks,
good times laughing... lovely walks...
... It isn't only that it is the woman I have loved the most... It is as well that she is the one that has made me feel the most loved... Those eyes and that smile that I can't just forget...
... All the things we shared... Even the dreams...
She told me things no one has told me before... Lovely cute things that made me shed tears, just was so... Cute, tender... And moved me in a way that words can't describe... She looked at me with such magic in her eyes...
The last days... We were together all the time... She stayed in my place, and we just turned those days into magic... Sadness was around the corner, and... It did come around now and then... But it was good too, made us talk... Made us share fears, demons, and... Whatever was in our minds... Made us be open, and honest... The best thing?... We moved on... We gave sadness it's share, but didn't let it take over our time...
Our time was awesome...
With her there was never a mask... I was always my self, my entire self... And being my self felt awesome...
...
Saying good bye in the airport was the most horrible thing in the world... Having her crying against my chest?...
fuck...
Coming back to my room and looking at it so empty... Being back at my bed and having it being so big... Just writing this is making me feel so sad again... Crap.
...
One of the things I love about those last days is that... We dared to dream.
I can't stop dreaming of being with her again... And... I know, I know... But, believe me... I am in love... And I mean it like never before, and... I have felt loved... And... Fuck... That is just magic... It is not possible to let it go... I don't want to... I won't.
....
We talk... We talk a lot... Exchange emails, and see each other on msn...
We are honest about our feelings... That was always the deal...
What does that honesty say?... So wonderful things...
She feels the way I do... She dreams the way I do...
.... I miss her... TOO MUCH...
She showed me something very very special... Something that I fear a lot of people don't even feel through their lifetime... For that alone, I am so grateful. Despite the nostalgia I feel, I would do it all over again if I had the choice...
You can't turn off feelings...
I don't want to turn them off...
--
... And well...
Just like this story had a beginning ... It is logical to think there is an end... The problem is, I am sure I have not reached it yet... I feel there is still a lot to write.
They say every story has a happy ending... You just need to know when to stop telling it... But I know, deep in my heart, it is not time to stop telling this one...
** sigh **
["Eres" from cafe tacuba starts playing]
Like all those other stories too, the beginningg is mostly blurry and hard to define... I will just pick one moment in time, which may go way back... Further than necessary maybe, but sounds about right...
The moment when I met her.
[I finally found the time to write about all this... Now I am relaxed, I am smiling. I feel like writing about her before going to bed... I feel like taking whatever this post will leave in my mind to dreamland with me]
I met her last august, outside the "metro" station here... (Better known as LRT). We were all going to go, for the first time, to the Azucar, and all the international students were there. I didn't talk to her much that night, we were introduced... And I did noticed something: she was beautiful...
As is bound to happen with beautiful girls... Too many guys wanted her attention. (That is my version, not hers... Heh). That night, I just danced and had fun...
Life went on...
She stuck on my mind, because of the way she looked... Not only did she looked good... But she had a very dreamy aura around her... And, she was mostly very quiet... Mostly shy?.
... "Hey!!... You are the shy girl!"... I told her once in a party... Heh. That was probably what I first told her... Heh... She smiled... She and her friend Ophelie were quite amused, it seems, at the way I laugh... I... Don't really get why, but people like it...
Anyway... One thing I remember from that night... We both danced.
We danced, and it felt very comfortable. And then we talked, heh... We sat by the floor, she leaning against a wooden fence, me in front of her... And we just talked silly, among other people, for a while... That time I saw, for the first time, the sexy belly-button piercing... ** sigh** ... I like those things too much...
I wasn't around the international students much during the first term... I hanged out with other people, did my thing... It was the turn of my brother to rock that world...
Time went on...
[One thing I knew, she was the nicest looking girl of all of them... at least to me... i felt very drawn to her since the very beginning... she had just a nice vibe, good to be around].
I remember from that term, this one time I saw her walking around the SUB... With her gaze spaced out... I wanted to talk to her... So much. She walked right by me... And...
I didn't talk to her... I was... Frozen?... Afraid?... Shy?...
Mmh... Mostly stupid.
... [time passed]...
Another term came... And this time, it was my turn to be around the international students... It is a horrible thing to deprive them from a Padilla, and my brother being back, it was my duty to take over... Heh... It was well worth it all through the term...
... I... Of course... Got drunk now and then... Ehem... What sort of messages did I send to Victor?... Well...
... Victor?... (He may not even read this thing anymore).
They were... Mostly... Well... They talked about Albane. (I am shy to admit... But they really did!!!).
She was around in the parties, so good looking... Not smiling too much, but lighting up the room every time she did it... This one party, the Australian day, we had a very good conversation by the kitchen... It got properly silly now and then, she even threw some water on her friend!!... (Now I think it is because she was so nervous being around me... Right?).
... I made a point in making her smile... I must have been annoying now and then, but it was worth it. I did ita lot during that first karaoke night with the whole new bunch of internationals...
See... I used to think she didn't smile because she was sad... I was wrong. She didn't smile because she just wasn't around... She left her body behind, but just went on dreaming somewhere else...
^_^
... Reading week came. Going on a road trip to Vancouver, Seattle, Victoria and Whistler did sound good, and I tagged along... So did she...
Life works in funny ways... Encounters do as well...
During that trip, joking we said I was going to be her older brother... She always wanted one, and I always wanted a younger sister... Did sound like a good deal... We had fun, we got close... It was a great trip, and the damn connection, and how comfortable I felt around her, sticked around...
... And sticked around... And sticked around...
I won't forget the time by the caroussel... ** sigh **... And dancing at the sounds of "girls just wanna have fun"... of "when the night feels my song"...
[Now is when I get worried... I can get soooo lost in the details of all the things that happened... of all the things we did... ]
The thing is... We both felt the connection, we both felt strong about each other... We both were scared?...
Scared of what?... Of the merciless claws of time... She was going to go back to France in a little over two months... Whatever we could share would happen during that time frame... It didn't sound like it was bound to work, or to happen...
But it was.
We kissed... And it felt like home... Being with her felt just like that...
... that natural...
We stuck around each other... Sharing...
One night, she decided it was a good idea to walk back to her place holding my hand... That night, I decided I was the happiest man in the world... From then on?... It just didn't stop. People saw us together, and couldn't stop themselves from saying we looked great together... Even this macho mexican friend I have said "dude, I am afraid I will sound gay... but you two make a fine damn cool couple"...
** sigh **
They said we looked like we had been together for a long time... It felt that way... That comfortable... That right...
We danced and had good times in parties, in the Rum Jungle, in the Azucar, and just the two of us in my place... I was able to make the nicest candle-night dinner for her, with candles all over my apartment... My roomie was gone, so I had the place for my self... I cooked very nice food, and...
... She came to my apartment, I think not really knowing what to expect. I took her coat and stuff, and made her wait outside my door... I came in, and light up more than 20 candles... Ask her to come in... The look on her face alone, made it all worth it... That night we just shared, and talked so much... Until the sun appeared through the windows, and long long after all the candles had burnt out...
Maybe knowing that the time was ticking, that... There was a set goodbye date made us both fall stronger... Made us both do our best to enjoy time as much as we could... To make every single second counts...
And we did...
Walks by the river, coffees, movies, smiles, good times...
Getting lost in each others eyes, and the feel of her touch... Of her skin... How comfortable everything felt... So natural...
The sound of her breathing while asleep... Her magical kisses that would teletransport me somewhere else...
... The way she made me feel...
I have so many fun memories of her all over the place... Of all this great conversations... Albane can make me smile, A LOT... She is so smart and witty, heh... Great to fight-back... Or we can get into a deep conversation about some interesting topic... We share about our lives, about how it all was when we grew up... Our fears, our dreams...
When I got sick, she took care of me... SO NICE...
Snow figthing... Coffee talks,
good times laughing... lovely walks...
... It isn't only that it is the woman I have loved the most... It is as well that she is the one that has made me feel the most loved... Those eyes and that smile that I can't just forget...
... All the things we shared... Even the dreams...
She told me things no one has told me before... Lovely cute things that made me shed tears, just was so... Cute, tender... And moved me in a way that words can't describe... She looked at me with such magic in her eyes...
The last days... We were together all the time... She stayed in my place, and we just turned those days into magic... Sadness was around the corner, and... It did come around now and then... But it was good too, made us talk... Made us share fears, demons, and... Whatever was in our minds... Made us be open, and honest... The best thing?... We moved on... We gave sadness it's share, but didn't let it take over our time...
Our time was awesome...
With her there was never a mask... I was always my self, my entire self... And being my self felt awesome...
...
Saying good bye in the airport was the most horrible thing in the world... Having her crying against my chest?...
fuck...
Coming back to my room and looking at it so empty... Being back at my bed and having it being so big... Just writing this is making me feel so sad again... Crap.
...
One of the things I love about those last days is that... We dared to dream.
I can't stop dreaming of being with her again... And... I know, I know... But, believe me... I am in love... And I mean it like never before, and... I have felt loved... And... Fuck... That is just magic... It is not possible to let it go... I don't want to... I won't.
....
We talk... We talk a lot... Exchange emails, and see each other on msn...
We are honest about our feelings... That was always the deal...
What does that honesty say?... So wonderful things...
She feels the way I do... She dreams the way I do...
.... I miss her... TOO MUCH...
She showed me something very very special... Something that I fear a lot of people don't even feel through their lifetime... For that alone, I am so grateful. Despite the nostalgia I feel, I would do it all over again if I had the choice...
You can't turn off feelings...
I don't want to turn them off...
--
... And well...
Just like this story had a beginning ... It is logical to think there is an end... The problem is, I am sure I have not reached it yet... I feel there is still a lot to write.
They say every story has a happy ending... You just need to know when to stop telling it... But I know, deep in my heart, it is not time to stop telling this one...
** sigh **
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
Little by little, I am getting my act
together again...
I got a cool new job, and I am at an interesting spot in my masters... I have pretty much two weeks to decide a very cool project that I am willing to devote over a year of my life in... WHATEVER I WANT... Something cool, wonderful, and that I am passionate about...
The job is fun, it is things I like doing, and I am good at... And... Little by little... Missing her is becoming... Easier... Depression is fading away I guess, giving room to nostalgia, and nice smiles due to such wonderful memories, and talks we have... But... Well... Yeah...
I am not ready to talk about all that just yet... I guess... I don't know...
I FUCKING MISS HER...
I won't pretend I don't...
I am just trying to be able to fuction, and do things, and enjoy doing them too...
... ** sigh **
I got a cool new job, and I am at an interesting spot in my masters... I have pretty much two weeks to decide a very cool project that I am willing to devote over a year of my life in... WHATEVER I WANT... Something cool, wonderful, and that I am passionate about...
The job is fun, it is things I like doing, and I am good at... And... Little by little... Missing her is becoming... Easier... Depression is fading away I guess, giving room to nostalgia, and nice smiles due to such wonderful memories, and talks we have... But... Well... Yeah...
I am not ready to talk about all that just yet... I guess... I don't know...
I FUCKING MISS HER...
I won't pretend I don't...
I am just trying to be able to fuction, and do things, and enjoy doing them too...
... ** sigh **
Thursday, May 04, 2006
I am not in a writing mood...
And as usual, there is so much to say...
I have been doing other than writing about life, I have been living it... In a great, wonderful, awesome way...
Now though?... Right now it all feels a little dark, and sad... Now, the title of a full post would be "the saddest story ever told"... And... To be honest, that is not right... It is not because it really is the best story I could write so far, and it's beauty and greatness shouldn't and won't be dampened by grief and tears...
I won't coment so much on how every corner in Edmonton whispers her name, on how huge my room feels, and how large is my bed all of a sudden... On how... I wake up in the middle of the night, and discover my self sleeping in this tiny spot, just as if she was still next to me... Sigh.
Yes... There is loss... And it sucks... But... I would do it all over again if I had the choice. And, best of all: there is hope, and there is love... When those two stick around, life can be surprisingly good around the corner.
... soupir ...
I have been doing other than writing about life, I have been living it... In a great, wonderful, awesome way...
Now though?... Right now it all feels a little dark, and sad... Now, the title of a full post would be "the saddest story ever told"... And... To be honest, that is not right... It is not because it really is the best story I could write so far, and it's beauty and greatness shouldn't and won't be dampened by grief and tears...
I won't coment so much on how every corner in Edmonton whispers her name, on how huge my room feels, and how large is my bed all of a sudden... On how... I wake up in the middle of the night, and discover my self sleeping in this tiny spot, just as if she was still next to me... Sigh.
Yes... There is loss... And it sucks... But... I would do it all over again if I had the choice. And, best of all: there is hope, and there is love... When those two stick around, life can be surprisingly good around the corner.
... soupir ...
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