I am stupid enough as to not have a record of stuff I have done in terms of voice recording and all. Like a voice portfolio or whatever. But, well... I am not saying I was any good, but people did told me I had potential. So... Just for you people out there, in Guadalajara - Mexico preferably. I am willing to do voice things, and pretty much for free, just to learn the trade and get a name regarding that. I don't think I will do it as a profession, but I can see my self doing it now and then, and even being on some show at one point in my life. And when that one point arises, I want to know what I am doing.
So... If you need anything regarding that. And think I may help. Let me know. Most likely I will.
Monday, February 28, 2005
I just
worked out alone, for the 1st time in a long time. It was pretty darn cool. And as I was on the fast walking phase, someone told me -you are going the wrong way!-. This is not the first time it has happened. And really, everybody seems to run on the other direction. Clockwise. While I go counter clock wise. I really don't do it to be a contreras, going against the status quo or whatnot. I just walk that way because it feels right. It seems like the direction to run to.
There are no signs whatsoever that imply you are supposed to walk one way or the other, but there seems to be an unspoken arrangement relating to the direction that you are supposed to follow. And that arrangement seems to be quite against my gut. Who cares.
It was just funny to make that analogy, and realize that indeed, a lot of times I go the other way. And I don't really do it because I want to be different, or piss someone off. I just do it because it feels right.
Heh.
Indeed. It feels right.
There are no signs whatsoever that imply you are supposed to walk one way or the other, but there seems to be an unspoken arrangement relating to the direction that you are supposed to follow. And that arrangement seems to be quite against my gut. Who cares.
It was just funny to make that analogy, and realize that indeed, a lot of times I go the other way. And I don't really do it because I want to be different, or piss someone off. I just do it because it feels right.
Heh.
Indeed. It feels right.
Fun conversation
I just had a pretty fun conversation with Lulu and Rus... He he he. It's always fun to see other women's perspective on relationship things, and besides, they are both a bit grown so they do talk from experience. Anyway... The conclussion was fun and they both finished it up making fun of me, and saying ha!, el hector esta enamorado!.
Darn.
He he he.
Anyway. In case you want to know what the talk was about... Well. You will have to keep on wanting to know. Or ask me personally. This is one of those things I just write for me self.
^_^
Darn.
He he he.
Anyway. In case you want to know what the talk was about... Well. You will have to keep on wanting to know. Or ask me personally. This is one of those things I just write for me self.
^_^
Elote en vasito!... ^_^
It had been a long, LONG time since I last had some elotito en vasito!... O.o Hey!. I just remembered, it really wasn't in a glass. It was more like in a plate because Wend and I shared like a double ration last night. Anyway... The taste is quite the same. And... Yummy!. It was good!.
He he he. I guess I just needed to say that.
Cheers!.
ps. I hope you all are having a good start of the week!. Damn. I have so many things to make happen that it's almost overwhelming. But... It will work... Riiiight. ¬_¬
He he he. I guess I just needed to say that.
Cheers!.
ps. I hope you all are having a good start of the week!. Damn. I have so many things to make happen that it's almost overwhelming. But... It will work... Riiiight. ¬_¬
Friday, February 25, 2005
One of the issues that
worry me in life is parenthood. Now, it is somehow known that I am easily influenced. I like to think of it like I am wise in my ways, and can easily change opinions with the proper input. That proper input can sometimes be something I read somewhere, the strong opinion of a friend, or me watching a cool movie. Heh.
It is not really that I am weak in my resolutions. It is that I am weak in the fact that I can easily empathize with other's people's emotions. And their excitement towards one topic can easily draw me to feel exited and all about it my self. Well, almost everything. I have heard friends being super exited about being gay and all those gay things. And so far I have managed to filter all that enthusiasm out of my system. Good.
Anyway. Parenthood. I know I want to be a grand parent. Of that I am sure. I want to be a cool granpa telling stories and playing hide and seek with all those little fellows running around. I have issues with being a dad though. And I am quite aware of the hole in my logic right there. It's just that being a parent seems like a lot of work and responsibility.
But the whole being influentiable idea had a point after all. Because now it is Mr. Neil Gaiman's turn. And how every time he talks about his kids, specially Maddy, I smile and think that, being a dad, sounds actually like something fun to do.
...
I spaced out there...
Hmmm... Maybe it has something to do with money. I fear not being able to properly support my child. I guess I want to make sure that I can provide, and make sure money isn't a big deal. I know a lot of couples live too stressed out about it.
Whatever... Why am I talking about all this?. Well, because Neil barely mentions his kids in his latest post, and he brought the idea in my mind.
He he he.
Cheers!. ^_^
It is not really that I am weak in my resolutions. It is that I am weak in the fact that I can easily empathize with other's people's emotions. And their excitement towards one topic can easily draw me to feel exited and all about it my self. Well, almost everything. I have heard friends being super exited about being gay and all those gay things. And so far I have managed to filter all that enthusiasm out of my system. Good.
Anyway. Parenthood. I know I want to be a grand parent. Of that I am sure. I want to be a cool granpa telling stories and playing hide and seek with all those little fellows running around. I have issues with being a dad though. And I am quite aware of the hole in my logic right there. It's just that being a parent seems like a lot of work and responsibility.
But the whole being influentiable idea had a point after all. Because now it is Mr. Neil Gaiman's turn. And how every time he talks about his kids, specially Maddy, I smile and think that, being a dad, sounds actually like something fun to do.
...
I spaced out there...
Hmmm... Maybe it has something to do with money. I fear not being able to properly support my child. I guess I want to make sure that I can provide, and make sure money isn't a big deal. I know a lot of couples live too stressed out about it.
Whatever... Why am I talking about all this?. Well, because Neil barely mentions his kids in his latest post, and he brought the idea in my mind.
He he he.
Cheers!. ^_^
Thursday, February 24, 2005
Just for kicks
I signed up for the google ads thing and it was quite easy... Now, there may be some ads in there... Let's see how they work, and if I decide to keep them up there or not...
He he he.
Cheers!.
[update]... I will change the colors and text size and things, to make it look better... and if I really keep hating them, I may end up just getting rid of the thing. Promise.
He he he.
Cheers!.
[update]... I will change the colors and text size and things, to make it look better... and if I really keep hating them, I may end up just getting rid of the thing. Promise.
Walking away is hard...
Yesterday ended up being quite good. Although by the time I arrived with Wend I felt not so good, the moment I told her -give me a hug-, and she gave it to me, things started getting better. Nothing really special happened to put me down, I was just in a foul mood for several little things...
Anyway, what matters is that, thanks to her hugs and our talk, it got better soon.
The play was very good. As in it really did great portraying the feeling it meant to portray. But honestly... That feeling was one of angst and craziness, of something stuck inside your chest and you wanting to yell it out!. So it didn't feel that good, which was quite the point so they did a great job!. He he he.
After the play we talked for a while outside, I bumped into Jorge, this one friend I had not seen in years. We used to work together when we were taking Assembly class. I think we managed to freak out Wend a little... He he he.
Eventually I drove Wend to her place, and there we hanged out for about an hour or so...
The image of her falling asleep in that couch was beautiful... I could have stayed there just forever... Looking at her sleep. Hearing her breath...
Sigh
I had to stand up eventually, and just walk out... Leaving her sleeping there.
A good night kiss...
A slight smile in her lips.
Darn... Walking away like that was the hardest thing I have done in a while... I just wanted to stay there holding her hand...
Anyway, what matters is that, thanks to her hugs and our talk, it got better soon.
The play was very good. As in it really did great portraying the feeling it meant to portray. But honestly... That feeling was one of angst and craziness, of something stuck inside your chest and you wanting to yell it out!. So it didn't feel that good, which was quite the point so they did a great job!. He he he.
After the play we talked for a while outside, I bumped into Jorge, this one friend I had not seen in years. We used to work together when we were taking Assembly class. I think we managed to freak out Wend a little... He he he.
Eventually I drove Wend to her place, and there we hanged out for about an hour or so...
The image of her falling asleep in that couch was beautiful... I could have stayed there just forever... Looking at her sleep. Hearing her breath...
Sigh
I had to stand up eventually, and just walk out... Leaving her sleeping there.
A good night kiss...
A slight smile in her lips.
Darn... Walking away like that was the hardest thing I have done in a while... I just wanted to stay there holding her hand...
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
I don't really know
what to write about. Just that I am feeling somewhat pissed, and I need to vent.
I am supposed to pick up Wend at 7:30 for us to go see a play, supposedly quite good. I had told my dad about all this since Monday, and we had already come to an arrangement. All of a sudden, really as a last minute thing, he changed all my plans.
Now I will be lucky if I can have the car for me by 7:30, I will be late for Wend, and for sure I won't be able to, let alone shower, but just changed my chocolate stained shirt. (Although Wend is to blame for those stains!. heh).
Either way... I am just trying to be cool about all this. Yes it may end up being that we are late, and that she looks pretty good and I... Well. I don't. But it really isn't the fact of how the plans changed all of a sudden. It is the fact of my dad knowing of my plans, and he just overrunning them all of a sudden like not caring at all. And just telling me all this with a smile, implying it's my way or the highway... Sorry dude.
If it wasn't because I got some good news about Canada and all, I'd start looking for cars and getting my self one. And probably even a place to live on my own. I am just keeping a lot of things on hold, long term things that is, because of this going to Canada idea that I have... Which makes sense. But it doesn't sound that smart to keep all this things at bay just because of something that, at the end, may not happen for some reason.
Whatever... I am just venting...
I guess I should go to the washroom and clean up my self a bit... Try to smile and maybe read something outside. The stuff I cannot change is well... Just... Out of my grasp, and thus pointless to worry about it.
Yeah right... I wish I was that cool!.
Heh. Of to the washroom that is!. At least, I shall have a clean face!. :-P
I am supposed to pick up Wend at 7:30 for us to go see a play, supposedly quite good. I had told my dad about all this since Monday, and we had already come to an arrangement. All of a sudden, really as a last minute thing, he changed all my plans.
Now I will be lucky if I can have the car for me by 7:30, I will be late for Wend, and for sure I won't be able to, let alone shower, but just changed my chocolate stained shirt. (Although Wend is to blame for those stains!. heh).
Either way... I am just trying to be cool about all this. Yes it may end up being that we are late, and that she looks pretty good and I... Well. I don't. But it really isn't the fact of how the plans changed all of a sudden. It is the fact of my dad knowing of my plans, and he just overrunning them all of a sudden like not caring at all. And just telling me all this with a smile, implying it's my way or the highway... Sorry dude.
If it wasn't because I got some good news about Canada and all, I'd start looking for cars and getting my self one. And probably even a place to live on my own. I am just keeping a lot of things on hold, long term things that is, because of this going to Canada idea that I have... Which makes sense. But it doesn't sound that smart to keep all this things at bay just because of something that, at the end, may not happen for some reason.
Whatever... I am just venting...
I guess I should go to the washroom and clean up my self a bit... Try to smile and maybe read something outside. The stuff I cannot change is well... Just... Out of my grasp, and thus pointless to worry about it.
Yeah right... I wish I was that cool!.
Heh. Of to the washroom that is!. At least, I shall have a clean face!. :-P
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
One evening in dreamland...
Yesterday I arrived home at around 6, did a few things, and then decided it was time to work out. I changed my clothes and just about the time I was ready, I got a phone call. It was Letty!... He he he. Nice talk!. She couldn't be there on Sunday because she felt so sick, but almost the first thing she said was great grades for your girl!, everybody loved her!!!... He he he. And then started asking me about her and all.. Me?. Of course I was smiling.
Anyway, after the call, I just... fell asleep. Deep slumber time, and I don't really know where I went. Just that I probably slept over 10 hours!. ^_^ Is that a good thing?. Well, I did wanted to do other stuff, so for that reason it sucked. But, it seems that I needed it, and I enjoyed it big time!. So, for that reason, it is really good!. He he he.
My day was pretty darn good. Great way to start up a week if you ask me. I saw Wend early in the morning, she gave me a bottle of yogurt and we just talked for a bit. She was all blue!!... As in her clothes... He he he. And then after french I went to say hi to her for, say, 10 minutes. Err... It ended up being over 2 hours!!!... O.o (I hope my boss is not reading this... Oh well... She already knows!... hah!). But we just really had a cool talk!. Jumping from one topic to another and time just freaking flew!!!... I saw some pictures she has in her computer, we talked about us and how we came to be... Damn!... Why am I so slow and shy?!... I should have asked her out since day one!!!... O.o Oh well... Things did work out at the end...
A lot of things could have happened differently... And it's best to not thing about all those other parallel universes. Here and now we are together and it feels just right!.
He he he... I like making her laugh and blush!... She puts such a cool face!... And those eyes!.
Anyway... Now I gotta keep on moving. Start checking out stuff regarding scholarships for Canada, this and thats. And do all this things I have behind schedule... So...
Cheers and good vibes!.
Anyway, after the call, I just... fell asleep. Deep slumber time, and I don't really know where I went. Just that I probably slept over 10 hours!. ^_^ Is that a good thing?. Well, I did wanted to do other stuff, so for that reason it sucked. But, it seems that I needed it, and I enjoyed it big time!. So, for that reason, it is really good!. He he he.
My day was pretty darn good. Great way to start up a week if you ask me. I saw Wend early in the morning, she gave me a bottle of yogurt and we just talked for a bit. She was all blue!!... As in her clothes... He he he. And then after french I went to say hi to her for, say, 10 minutes. Err... It ended up being over 2 hours!!!... O.o (I hope my boss is not reading this... Oh well... She already knows!... hah!). But we just really had a cool talk!. Jumping from one topic to another and time just freaking flew!!!... I saw some pictures she has in her computer, we talked about us and how we came to be... Damn!... Why am I so slow and shy?!... I should have asked her out since day one!!!... O.o Oh well... Things did work out at the end...
A lot of things could have happened differently... And it's best to not thing about all those other parallel universes. Here and now we are together and it feels just right!.
He he he... I like making her laugh and blush!... She puts such a cool face!... And those eyes!.
Anyway... Now I gotta keep on moving. Start checking out stuff regarding scholarships for Canada, this and thats. And do all this things I have behind schedule... So...
Cheers and good vibes!.
Thursday, February 17, 2005
All of a sudden
I realize that this blog is for me, and I shouldn't really mind about what either one of you reading may think. Heh. And well, this is not to be rude, but it just is like that. I wanted to write about my day yesterday, and nice things that happened with Wend, and then I was like dude, don't be boring, you can't be talking about her all the time... But hey!. I can!. If this is important for me at the moment not only I can, but I will...
Because it rocked. It rocked that, for a while... 30 mins?, one hour?... I fell asleep holding her... I have not felt that nice and comfortable in forever... It rocked that, when we kiss, sometimes it is difficult for me because I just sigh... A lot. Like... Wow.
Yesterday we went to see Finding Neverland among with some of her friends. Which will slowly become my friends!. Yay!. Nice fun times at Plaza Galerias. Ale is a very nice fun girl to be around. She lost her ticket and we made a mess looking for it at the garbage and all... He he he. A lot of the fun happened before we went to the mall, while waiting at the campus. It's so cool that I can joke around with her friends and all!. ^_^
The movie is a must see. It's a bring your tissues because you will cry king of movie. Beautiful and filled with magic. It's the story of Peter Pan's author, and how he inspired in writing that play. Honest, I don't know if it's a true story or not. I just know that it rocks, and that as I am writing all this I get goose bumps again.
I want to say more... How we all reacted towards the end. How much I wanted to hold Wend tight. Etc... But I won't because anything would be a spoiler. Just. Go see it... Now.
...
This morning I felt like stopping by a flower stand and getting wend a nice Sun Flower... Just because. There is nothing nicer than a happy not-bday! gift... He he he. And I could see in her face that she liked it...
Life is good indeed.
Cheers mates... cheers.
Because it rocked. It rocked that, for a while... 30 mins?, one hour?... I fell asleep holding her... I have not felt that nice and comfortable in forever... It rocked that, when we kiss, sometimes it is difficult for me because I just sigh... A lot. Like... Wow.
Yesterday we went to see Finding Neverland among with some of her friends. Which will slowly become my friends!. Yay!. Nice fun times at Plaza Galerias. Ale is a very nice fun girl to be around. She lost her ticket and we made a mess looking for it at the garbage and all... He he he. A lot of the fun happened before we went to the mall, while waiting at the campus. It's so cool that I can joke around with her friends and all!. ^_^
The movie is a must see. It's a bring your tissues because you will cry king of movie. Beautiful and filled with magic. It's the story of Peter Pan's author, and how he inspired in writing that play. Honest, I don't know if it's a true story or not. I just know that it rocks, and that as I am writing all this I get goose bumps again.
I want to say more... How we all reacted towards the end. How much I wanted to hold Wend tight. Etc... But I won't because anything would be a spoiler. Just. Go see it... Now.
...
This morning I felt like stopping by a flower stand and getting wend a nice Sun Flower... Just because. There is nothing nicer than a happy not-bday! gift... He he he. And I could see in her face that she liked it...
Life is good indeed.
Cheers mates... cheers.
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
Interesting insight from a girl...
Yesterday Ale told me something very interesting when we talked about relationships. About how men love, and why... Fears. Whatnot. Talking with her is always interesting and helpful, I learn a lot!. And well... Right now I can use some learning about girls, he he he. I am really liking how everything is going with Wend.
Anyway. What really really struck me were a couple of phrases that she said, stuff like:
"Us woman forget much faster than you guys, it's proven... We fall in love faster and easier, but we let go faster and easier too. That is why there are so many sad love songs sung by guys. By nature, it takes a guy longer to get serious in a relationship, and he is afraid of doing so, because he knows that it is hard for him to forget... To us girls it is easier to let go, because it is as well easier to give ourselves and feelings...
A lot of times we girls don't realize that men are much much more sensible that we usually believe... And much more frail in that sense... Don't really know why, but it is like that. And generally, we are bitches."
This is quite interesting... I know there is something there. But the knowledge is not yet chewed in a way that I can actually make something out of it. So, as of now, I leave it there. Maybe I will talk with more girls about it... See what they think.
What do you think?...
[btw] Just so you know, this ale is a friend that I meet years ago. Not Wend's Ale, he he he... the girl I am just getting to know latelly!. :-P
Anyway. What really really struck me were a couple of phrases that she said, stuff like:
"Us woman forget much faster than you guys, it's proven... We fall in love faster and easier, but we let go faster and easier too. That is why there are so many sad love songs sung by guys. By nature, it takes a guy longer to get serious in a relationship, and he is afraid of doing so, because he knows that it is hard for him to forget... To us girls it is easier to let go, because it is as well easier to give ourselves and feelings...
A lot of times we girls don't realize that men are much much more sensible that we usually believe... And much more frail in that sense... Don't really know why, but it is like that. And generally, we are bitches."
This is quite interesting... I know there is something there. But the knowledge is not yet chewed in a way that I can actually make something out of it. So, as of now, I leave it there. Maybe I will talk with more girls about it... See what they think.
What do you think?...
[btw] Just so you know, this ale is a friend that I meet years ago. Not Wend's Ale, he he he... the girl I am just getting to know latelly!. :-P
Sleepy dude...
Since yesterday I have been a bit sleepy. I... Don't know why. I have really been sleeping little as of late, but I'd say it has been enough. And well, I don't feel that tired... Just that feeling of wanting to crash on my bed and stay there for the longest of times. If everything works out, I will get to do it this Sunday!. Yay!.
Anyway... Yesterday was a pretty cool day too. Wend kept being around now and then, and we got to share a lot!. It's nice to have her in the same place I work!... He he he. She is too cute. The meeting my mom bit was fun, as awkward and weird as Rosario made it when she claim she (wend) looked like my mom!!... She doesn't!... Ok?!. And that is NOT the image I want when I kiss her... He he he.
There were all this nice things around the day, with her, that make me smile. But I know they sound silly when writing about them, and most likely no one else will really understand... Like when she said that -our friends should come to our house once in a while- and the carrilla her friend gave her because of it. How red she got and quickly corrected her self!. He he he. The face she makes when she pretends to be upset. All that.
But I guess those are images I shall keep for me in my memory bank. Smile reservoir.
From yesterday, about her, I will super cherish the one bit in which, for a while during the morning, she fell asleep on my arms. She was all tired and I meet her for coffee, she cuddled with my right arm, and was all quiet. When I least expected it I could sense how her breathing changed to super deep, she would sigh once in a while, and was gone for about 20 or 30 minutes. Of course I was just joyful of having her like that... The smell of her hair.
- sigh -
During the evening I went with Hector to a coffee shop and we talked for hours. Great conversation. I am so happy for him and how, all of a sudden, life seems to be making sense. One of those conversations in which you say a lot, and not really much at the same time, yet they leave you smiling and in great spirits. ^_^
After that I picked Kike up, and head back home. There, I had a conversation with Victor, and my parents had some sort of argument/talk with kike. Things are a bit tense there at the moment, but I believe last night's talk worked. At least I hope. Let's see how it goes from now on.
Now. Off to a new day!.
Cheers!!.... ^_^
Anyway... Yesterday was a pretty cool day too. Wend kept being around now and then, and we got to share a lot!. It's nice to have her in the same place I work!... He he he. She is too cute. The meeting my mom bit was fun, as awkward and weird as Rosario made it when she claim she (wend) looked like my mom!!... She doesn't!... Ok?!. And that is NOT the image I want when I kiss her... He he he.
There were all this nice things around the day, with her, that make me smile. But I know they sound silly when writing about them, and most likely no one else will really understand... Like when she said that -our friends should come to our house once in a while- and the carrilla her friend gave her because of it. How red she got and quickly corrected her self!. He he he. The face she makes when she pretends to be upset. All that.
But I guess those are images I shall keep for me in my memory bank. Smile reservoir.
From yesterday, about her, I will super cherish the one bit in which, for a while during the morning, she fell asleep on my arms. She was all tired and I meet her for coffee, she cuddled with my right arm, and was all quiet. When I least expected it I could sense how her breathing changed to super deep, she would sigh once in a while, and was gone for about 20 or 30 minutes. Of course I was just joyful of having her like that... The smell of her hair.
- sigh -
During the evening I went with Hector to a coffee shop and we talked for hours. Great conversation. I am so happy for him and how, all of a sudden, life seems to be making sense. One of those conversations in which you say a lot, and not really much at the same time, yet they leave you smiling and in great spirits. ^_^
After that I picked Kike up, and head back home. There, I had a conversation with Victor, and my parents had some sort of argument/talk with kike. Things are a bit tense there at the moment, but I believe last night's talk worked. At least I hope. Let's see how it goes from now on.
Now. Off to a new day!.
Cheers!!.... ^_^
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
Not mine, but I have got to share it...
Hector Luis sent me this speech, and the mp3 file. I have been listening to it over and over. I like it. And well, I think it deserves to be placed here. Note, I am not into motivational crap. So, for some reason, this has got to be somehow of importance at this stage of my life... Or something.
Heh. Because really. It's good.
Wear Sunscreen...
Here is a good link to read it. And here is a good link to download the mp3 file.
[btw] I just introduced Wend to my mom!... hah!. The poor girl was all red!!!... He he he. ^_^
Heh. Because really. It's good.
Wear Sunscreen...
Here is a good link to read it. And here is a good link to download the mp3 file.
[btw] I just introduced Wend to my mom!... hah!. The poor girl was all red!!!... He he he. ^_^
Monday, February 14, 2005
Feb 14th
Is usually a day for me to be depressed. I see balloons and hearts and happy couples all over the place. And I get pissed at the fact that, indeed, I am alone and no one is around to send me a balloon or a nice chocolate.
Not this time though... This time I have someone to share it with. And I have not written for long enough on this thing. A lot of stuff deserves to be placed here, like my meeting with Carlos, what happened with the kok guys, or the drinking games that we played Friday night. Still. I am going to write only about things that happened way too long ago, and things that just happened last week.
About a year ago, I used to work as a freelancer. Which means that I got a scarce amount of work now and then, and I got to do it at home. I had gotten my self a pretty dandy computer, my drawing tablet. I needed no more. One of my clients was Rosario from the CITE. She used to give me all this things to do, and that's why I'd come once or twice a week to the university.
One day I saw a girl... Well. I see girls every day. But this one day I saw a girl that really drew my attention for some reason. And as usual, I was not able to mutter a word to her. Too shy damn it!. She was so interesting to me though, that I decided to instead of working at my super great computer at home, I'd go and work at the computers in the university. Slow old computers. But the thought, the idea, of just looking at her was enough. And I knew I wasn't going to be brave enough to talk to this woman. It has happened before.
She was just... Nice. And I liked the idea of thinking of her.
I had talked about this with some friends. Heh. They were not that surprised. I get into this idealizing my dulcineas syndrome... Oh well.
One day, as I was walking down the hall, she said to me, with the broadest of smiles, cutest of voices, - Hola! - As if she had known me since forever!. I got all red, somehow said hola back (or tried to), and walked fast to the bathroom like a 12 years old kid... Stupid me!!!... ARGH!!!...
We never really got to have a better exchange of words... I was never able to.
Anyway... Around that summer I was working on a project helping kids, and kike my bro, told her about it. They were both friends. (Freaking comunicologos surrounded by pretty ladies). She is all into social work and all, so she contacted me and, all of a sudden I had her in my contacts list, and she had me as well, on msn.:-D
That summer, at around the time I was leaving for Canada, so was she. So we talked a lot about it, and as we were both there... When I came back. She kept sending me pictures of the stuff she was doing, people visiting, etc. We became good close friends I'd say. And I couldn't believe I was sharing at that level with a girl I so wanted to talk to, but was too shy to do it... Heh... But I loved it!. I'd go like crazy chatting with her, and we kept exchanging good emails now and then.
Time passed.
Eventually, she came back to Mexico... She lives in another state, well, her family does. So she was back here until the 2nd week of January or so. Just on time to begin classes. And that 1st day of school for her, we did meet in person... And it was odd!!!... O.o He he he. Yet super nice.
At the time it was nothing but a nice friendship... I knew I was feeling something for her, but didn't make much of it. Besides. I was going through other things in my life. We saw each other almost every day though. We would go for coffee. Talk about this and that. Etc.
The one day in which I was totally upset and sad and all because of what was going on with Mishka, I... Well. She was the first person I talked to about it. And it was just nice to be able to share with her like that, get female input on the matter. What not. I was just cool.
We kept talking and sharing... Had mini dates around the campus. One day I went out with her and kike to a party, filled with people they knew, and it was a lot of fun. It seems though that, for everyone but me, it was obvious that she and I were sparkling and made such a cute couple... Heh. Funny!. I have to admit though, sitting next to her, having she rest her head in my shoulder and all, felt awesome.
Last week, on Tuesday, she invited me to the theater to see a very funny play. I picked her up and drove up there. She looked pretty darn good by the way. (glasses and all!). The play was funny as heck and we both loved it. Afterwards, we wanted to do something so we went to this coffee place that is open 24/7. We arrived there a little before 12... And spent there... Say... Up until 6 am... He he he. Yes... Over 6 hours talking and sharing and smiling, and debating and all!. It was really good.
The last hour, or half hour, we were just kind of cuddling though... Talking now and then. Playing with our hands. All of a sudden I realized that... Well. I don't do this with my friends!... And this is going rather well... She made me feel all tender, and I wanted to just protect her. That sort of feeling...
I kissed her forehead... She smiled.
I was afraid... Or nervous. She had never had a boyfriend before. She is all cute and all and... Like... I just wanted to take it easy!. But it felt so natural and nice to kiss her like that... Like a little girl or something. Eventually though my lips found their way to her mouth and... They were welcomed... My heart started beating way too fast... She was smiling and her eyes were watery and it was the cutest image ever...
Eventually it was time to get home... After all it was 6 and I was supposed to be at work at 8... We walked out of there holding hands... I gave her a good night kiss outside her apartment. And then she asked me -Hey, my friends will ask me how it went... I am super happy, but you tell me... What should I say to them?- To which I replied... -Well girl, I don't know about you, but I am quite happy with the idea of saying that I have a cute girlfriend now, how about you?- She smiled a lot... And all of a sudden said -mi novio!!- and hugged me real tight...
:-)
I drove home with a broad smile in my face...
I have some fears to overcome... Some things to make happen...
Whatever...
What matters is that, as of right now, it feels wonderful to have someone to hug now and then... A lot of times with her no words are needed... Just... Being...
I am happy... With a nice soothing feeling in my heart...
:-D
Feliz dia del amor y la amistad!
ps. I just got a package from her... Cookies and cookies and a nice little card!!!...
[update] wend is really cool... -sigh- ^_^ ... I hope I can post a picture here soon so that you people will see!. Sergio took a couple good ones last Saturday!.
Not this time though... This time I have someone to share it with. And I have not written for long enough on this thing. A lot of stuff deserves to be placed here, like my meeting with Carlos, what happened with the kok guys, or the drinking games that we played Friday night. Still. I am going to write only about things that happened way too long ago, and things that just happened last week.
About a year ago, I used to work as a freelancer. Which means that I got a scarce amount of work now and then, and I got to do it at home. I had gotten my self a pretty dandy computer, my drawing tablet. I needed no more. One of my clients was Rosario from the CITE. She used to give me all this things to do, and that's why I'd come once or twice a week to the university.
One day I saw a girl... Well. I see girls every day. But this one day I saw a girl that really drew my attention for some reason. And as usual, I was not able to mutter a word to her. Too shy damn it!. She was so interesting to me though, that I decided to instead of working at my super great computer at home, I'd go and work at the computers in the university. Slow old computers. But the thought, the idea, of just looking at her was enough. And I knew I wasn't going to be brave enough to talk to this woman. It has happened before.
She was just... Nice. And I liked the idea of thinking of her.
I had talked about this with some friends. Heh. They were not that surprised. I get into this idealizing my dulcineas syndrome... Oh well.
One day, as I was walking down the hall, she said to me, with the broadest of smiles, cutest of voices, - Hola! - As if she had known me since forever!. I got all red, somehow said hola back (or tried to), and walked fast to the bathroom like a 12 years old kid... Stupid me!!!... ARGH!!!...
We never really got to have a better exchange of words... I was never able to.
Anyway... Around that summer I was working on a project helping kids, and kike my bro, told her about it. They were both friends. (Freaking comunicologos surrounded by pretty ladies). She is all into social work and all, so she contacted me and, all of a sudden I had her in my contacts list, and she had me as well, on msn.:-D
That summer, at around the time I was leaving for Canada, so was she. So we talked a lot about it, and as we were both there... When I came back. She kept sending me pictures of the stuff she was doing, people visiting, etc. We became good close friends I'd say. And I couldn't believe I was sharing at that level with a girl I so wanted to talk to, but was too shy to do it... Heh... But I loved it!. I'd go like crazy chatting with her, and we kept exchanging good emails now and then.
Time passed.
Eventually, she came back to Mexico... She lives in another state, well, her family does. So she was back here until the 2nd week of January or so. Just on time to begin classes. And that 1st day of school for her, we did meet in person... And it was odd!!!... O.o He he he. Yet super nice.
At the time it was nothing but a nice friendship... I knew I was feeling something for her, but didn't make much of it. Besides. I was going through other things in my life. We saw each other almost every day though. We would go for coffee. Talk about this and that. Etc.
The one day in which I was totally upset and sad and all because of what was going on with Mishka, I... Well. She was the first person I talked to about it. And it was just nice to be able to share with her like that, get female input on the matter. What not. I was just cool.
We kept talking and sharing... Had mini dates around the campus. One day I went out with her and kike to a party, filled with people they knew, and it was a lot of fun. It seems though that, for everyone but me, it was obvious that she and I were sparkling and made such a cute couple... Heh. Funny!. I have to admit though, sitting next to her, having she rest her head in my shoulder and all, felt awesome.
Last week, on Tuesday, she invited me to the theater to see a very funny play. I picked her up and drove up there. She looked pretty darn good by the way. (glasses and all!). The play was funny as heck and we both loved it. Afterwards, we wanted to do something so we went to this coffee place that is open 24/7. We arrived there a little before 12... And spent there... Say... Up until 6 am... He he he. Yes... Over 6 hours talking and sharing and smiling, and debating and all!. It was really good.
The last hour, or half hour, we were just kind of cuddling though... Talking now and then. Playing with our hands. All of a sudden I realized that... Well. I don't do this with my friends!... And this is going rather well... She made me feel all tender, and I wanted to just protect her. That sort of feeling...
I kissed her forehead... She smiled.
I was afraid... Or nervous. She had never had a boyfriend before. She is all cute and all and... Like... I just wanted to take it easy!. But it felt so natural and nice to kiss her like that... Like a little girl or something. Eventually though my lips found their way to her mouth and... They were welcomed... My heart started beating way too fast... She was smiling and her eyes were watery and it was the cutest image ever...
Eventually it was time to get home... After all it was 6 and I was supposed to be at work at 8... We walked out of there holding hands... I gave her a good night kiss outside her apartment. And then she asked me -Hey, my friends will ask me how it went... I am super happy, but you tell me... What should I say to them?- To which I replied... -Well girl, I don't know about you, but I am quite happy with the idea of saying that I have a cute girlfriend now, how about you?- She smiled a lot... And all of a sudden said -mi novio!!- and hugged me real tight...
:-)
I drove home with a broad smile in my face...
I have some fears to overcome... Some things to make happen...
Whatever...
What matters is that, as of right now, it feels wonderful to have someone to hug now and then... A lot of times with her no words are needed... Just... Being...
I am happy... With a nice soothing feeling in my heart...
:-D
Feliz dia del amor y la amistad!
ps. I just got a package from her... Cookies and cookies and a nice little card!!!...
[update] wend is really cool... -sigh- ^_^ ... I hope I can post a picture here soon so that you people will see!. Sergio took a couple good ones last Saturday!.
Friday, February 11, 2005
This week...
Has been totally crazy. A lot has been going on in all the spheres of my life. And each thing deserves a post on it's own. Just even what happened the other day at the theater, and after. Heh. Long great story, that needs to be told with the details that it deserves (or she deserves). As well I have meet, again, wonderful people that, for one reason or another, I stoped having contact with. And they have been lovely meetings!. Today I am going out with the guys, everything. Life seems to be playing on fast forward right now.
Anyway. Blog. I am sorry for being ignoring you latelly. Heh. Let's see when I actually get around writing all this on my mind!.
Anyway. Blog. I am sorry for being ignoring you latelly. Heh. Let's see when I actually get around writing all this on my mind!.
Monday, February 07, 2005
Some events...
This week seems to be going by so fast!. And I know, it is only beginning. It is just that a lot of things keep going on and on. Days in which, by the time you are laying in bed at night, you realize you did a heck of a lot of stuff, and cannot really fathom how.
I just need to mention. If just for my self, that Saturday was decent. The wedding fulfilled my expectations. (Which is not to say, at all, that it was fun). It's just that I find those social events very fake, or, I just don't know. I really don't like them. Maybe because I am invited because I have to be invited. Later, when my own friends start getting married and all, it may be different. (Just maybe).
That night, after the wedding, I went to a comuni-party. That was fun. I went there with Kike and Wend. And meet up over there with a bunch of nice people. I have to admit that I had a very nice time. He he he. This girl Betty invited all her friends to her house and all. I don't know her, so I wasn't really invited. But it wasn't that bad. The only awkward time happened in the car with her brother, when he went off talking about how much he hates it when all this colados (uninvited people), get into his house like that. Heh. I am almost sure the swore, by then, that I was friends with his sister. At least I hope so.
It is nice for a change to go to a party filled with girls. Unlike engineers' gatherings, or geek fests, I think over here us guys where if not the minority, at least in even numbers, and that was refreshing. (Yes memo, I will make sure I invite you to those!).
Sunday?. Oh yes. Spent the day at Eve's. Comics, games, movies and cartoons. Heh. Pretty good day huh?.
Yesterday (Monday) was pretty cool too. One of the most memorable moments was lunch time. Since I was invited to be at the welcome meal of 21 students from Japan!. ^_^ So here you had me in a table, sitting with like 6 guys from Japan. Their English was very basic, and so was their Spanish. My Japanese is as basic, so communication, or the attempt of it, was definitely amusing. I am guessing I will get to hang out a lot with them while they are here in Mexico. Which is going to be for about a month.
And well... Right now a bunch of stuff to do. And later I am going to the theater!... Yay!!... ^_^
I just need to mention. If just for my self, that Saturday was decent. The wedding fulfilled my expectations. (Which is not to say, at all, that it was fun). It's just that I find those social events very fake, or, I just don't know. I really don't like them. Maybe because I am invited because I have to be invited. Later, when my own friends start getting married and all, it may be different. (Just maybe).
That night, after the wedding, I went to a comuni-party. That was fun. I went there with Kike and Wend. And meet up over there with a bunch of nice people. I have to admit that I had a very nice time. He he he. This girl Betty invited all her friends to her house and all. I don't know her, so I wasn't really invited. But it wasn't that bad. The only awkward time happened in the car with her brother, when he went off talking about how much he hates it when all this colados (uninvited people), get into his house like that. Heh. I am almost sure the swore, by then, that I was friends with his sister. At least I hope so.
It is nice for a change to go to a party filled with girls. Unlike engineers' gatherings, or geek fests, I think over here us guys where if not the minority, at least in even numbers, and that was refreshing. (Yes memo, I will make sure I invite you to those!).
Sunday?. Oh yes. Spent the day at Eve's. Comics, games, movies and cartoons. Heh. Pretty good day huh?.
Yesterday (Monday) was pretty cool too. One of the most memorable moments was lunch time. Since I was invited to be at the welcome meal of 21 students from Japan!. ^_^ So here you had me in a table, sitting with like 6 guys from Japan. Their English was very basic, and so was their Spanish. My Japanese is as basic, so communication, or the attempt of it, was definitely amusing. I am guessing I will get to hang out a lot with them while they are here in Mexico. Which is going to be for about a month.
And well... Right now a bunch of stuff to do. And later I am going to the theater!... Yay!!... ^_^
Major changes
Well, from now on, and hopefully until the end of times, this blog shall be spacingout.net. I tried getting queloco for my self, but it was taken. And honestly, spacing out feels just about right, and fits me quite good too.
I just changed the template, and moved the whole thing to the new domain name, etc. I got the template from this guys.
Eventually though, I will just do my own. And most likely too, I will start using some new blogging management tool. I am considering either wordpress or expression engine. Even MT. I just want to turn this site into my own corner on the web. Not just a blog, but a spot to place my portfolio, resume, pictures, etc, etc, etc. And blogger may not be enough to handle all that, with the ease that this other tools seem to offer.
We will see. I just need to get around having all that free time.
Heh.
I just changed the template, and moved the whole thing to the new domain name, etc. I got the template from this guys.
Eventually though, I will just do my own. And most likely too, I will start using some new blogging management tool. I am considering either wordpress or expression engine. Even MT. I just want to turn this site into my own corner on the web. Not just a blog, but a spot to place my portfolio, resume, pictures, etc, etc, etc. And blogger may not be enough to handle all that, with the ease that this other tools seem to offer.
We will see. I just need to get around having all that free time.
Heh.
Saturday, February 05, 2005
Pretty much still on time.
Ok ok. Technically it is not friday anymore. It's way too early satuday so to speak. But still, I haven't gone to bed just yet. Which makes it, at least in my twisted mind, somehow still friday. I am a bit drunk. Not too much. But just enough. And anyway. As I was walking out of the car, towards my house, I realized that I had a pretty cool day. Like. Really!.
It started off with me having a pretty good talk with Wend. A friend that I had not talk to like that for a while. And well. I decided that it was a good idea to not work for about an hour, and have a good chat instead. It really was good as set the pace for the rest of the day.
The day went along fast. I kept on working, reading stuff on the internet, so on and so forth. I am really doing heavy research about CMS systems. Etc. Anyway. It was good and the day went by fast. Even french class was a lot of fun. Good talks during the meal time, etc.
At some point a guy called me to give him the budged for a new freelance project. He has heard I am good, and wants me to work on some stuff. Yay!. Good news always. Then Carlos calls me and says hey Hector, will you be there for a while?. I have got something for you!. And sure he did had!. He let me borrow some old material that he has from X-Men!!... he he he. He wants me to at least understand them, and see why he loves them so much. I kept on telling him that the background was way too complex, and hard for me to pick it up now. Of course he knew what I meant. But since he has A LOT of material, now he will start to teach me all about that little world in little dosis. Anyway, that was fun.
And then. Although I thought that, at the end I was going to just work. I ended up having a very good drinking time with Sergio and Allan. Just, good chilling talks and drinks. Tons of smiles. And I am honestly feeling good about it all.
It wasn't that anything superspecial happened. It was just that the day was filled with little awesome details that made it pretty darn good. I liked it. A lot.
And... Well... I am too drunk to check the spelling and all, so I will just kind of trust it is somewhat decent... he he he.
Cheers!!!...
It started off with me having a pretty good talk with Wend. A friend that I had not talk to like that for a while. And well. I decided that it was a good idea to not work for about an hour, and have a good chat instead. It really was good as set the pace for the rest of the day.
The day went along fast. I kept on working, reading stuff on the internet, so on and so forth. I am really doing heavy research about CMS systems. Etc. Anyway. It was good and the day went by fast. Even french class was a lot of fun. Good talks during the meal time, etc.
At some point a guy called me to give him the budged for a new freelance project. He has heard I am good, and wants me to work on some stuff. Yay!. Good news always. Then Carlos calls me and says hey Hector, will you be there for a while?. I have got something for you!. And sure he did had!. He let me borrow some old material that he has from X-Men!!... he he he. He wants me to at least understand them, and see why he loves them so much. I kept on telling him that the background was way too complex, and hard for me to pick it up now. Of course he knew what I meant. But since he has A LOT of material, now he will start to teach me all about that little world in little dosis. Anyway, that was fun.
And then. Although I thought that, at the end I was going to just work. I ended up having a very good drinking time with Sergio and Allan. Just, good chilling talks and drinks. Tons of smiles. And I am honestly feeling good about it all.
It wasn't that anything superspecial happened. It was just that the day was filled with little awesome details that made it pretty darn good. I liked it. A lot.
And... Well... I am too drunk to check the spelling and all, so I will just kind of trust it is somewhat decent... he he he.
Cheers!!!...
Friday, February 04, 2005
Boycotting me self?...
Yesterday Victor made quite an interesting point. He almost made sense and seemed right. Damn, I hate it when he does that. You see, when I told him about how things went on my GRE and whatnot, he went off on me and yelled at me because I kept on boycotting my self. Etc. After a while he calmed down a bit, and we could actually talk about it.
It made a lot of sense.
Honestly. Made me remember how I felt when I came back from Canada this past summer. Even after being at the university and all, I wasn't that crazy about the idea of studying. I was crazy about the idea of working designing games!. Those guys I meet had the coolest job ever, at least in my eyes. So I figured I was going to make a demo. As soon as I started doing so, I realized I needed to do something else before hand. And then, to do that something else, I needed to do something else too. So on and so forth.
Crap.
I don't need whatever. Just get around doing it. But I keep excusing my self all the time. I come up with new projects over and over that keep me away from actually achieving something in one. And I had already talked about this at some point. I just had not really see it as a boycott to my self... And... In a way that I hate, it makes sense.
Where do I really want to go?. What do I really want to do?.
Why the freak am I not doing it?...
Damn. I am actually smiling as I am realizing all this.
Good!... Heh. Now, a tomar al toro por los cuernos.
Anyway. Just had to write that down. It was a worthy moment of realization sponsored by my freaking brother. Oh well. I guess he can be right sometimes.
Cheers!.
It made a lot of sense.
Honestly. Made me remember how I felt when I came back from Canada this past summer. Even after being at the university and all, I wasn't that crazy about the idea of studying. I was crazy about the idea of working designing games!. Those guys I meet had the coolest job ever, at least in my eyes. So I figured I was going to make a demo. As soon as I started doing so, I realized I needed to do something else before hand. And then, to do that something else, I needed to do something else too. So on and so forth.
Crap.
I don't need whatever. Just get around doing it. But I keep excusing my self all the time. I come up with new projects over and over that keep me away from actually achieving something in one. And I had already talked about this at some point. I just had not really see it as a boycott to my self... And... In a way that I hate, it makes sense.
Where do I really want to go?. What do I really want to do?.
Why the freak am I not doing it?...
Damn. I am actually smiling as I am realizing all this.
Good!... Heh. Now, a tomar al toro por los cuernos.
Anyway. Just had to write that down. It was a worthy moment of realization sponsored by my freaking brother. Oh well. I guess he can be right sometimes.
Cheers!.
Thursday, February 03, 2005
Not too good... Not too bad...
I didn't do good in the GRE today. At all. The good bit is that, honestly, I don't feel too bad about it either. You see?. This test is the epitome of why I hate exams and the schooling system. The way so much depends on those results, etc. It's almost silly.
Now... An advice to people who may care for taking it later on. Just do it. It really isn't that hard. It's like the SAT, and all those test that pretty much judge your logic, etc. You see, my problem is that I don't think I was in my logic-est day ever. Heh.
I would read one of those little texts with some facts and all. Easy read honest. But at the end, I could see that I knew nothing at all of what it was about. And that kept on happening. I was really not into it. The math is fairly basic. Etc. Just the proper mindset is needed.
I don't think I had it, but oh well.
It is the one last thing I needed in order to have my application for the university complete, and now I have all that done and over with. It is up to them now. And yes, I don't like the idea of them judging me by those sucky results. But yes that is the way it is. So I will try and not mind as much.
... What got me in better spirits is that I walked a lot after the exam. I left the place feeling even weak. Like. Terribly disappointed with myself. So I decided to walk. And walk. And walk.
While taking that walk I was feeling better every step. I kept on thinking a lot of pretty cool things that make a lot of sense. I was supposed to take a cab but I just felt like walking for the longest time. I realized quite some stuff. And I am sure I will post about it eventually. It was just nice and eye opener.
And then, I just felt like taking that one cab. Just. Felt like taking it. And I can see why. The driver was the nicest guy ever!. (He even charged me much less than what the taxi-meter said). He kept on telling me about his life, this and that. And the dude was happy!. And he was not just pretending. I could feel it. And he was actually telling me how, the only thing he needs now is a woman by his side. He divorced 4 years ago. Etc. I know much about him now!. Heh.
What matters is that all of a sudden, as he was talking, I felt very happy. Like... This guy made me really see how what matters is how you feel. And, at the end how you feels is a matter of choice. I know there is a big responsibility is saying that. And actually being that I have felt like shit lately makes me stand as rather stupid, since that would mean I am the one enjoying feeling like that. Heh.
But oh well. Come what may.
Lets see how I did. How that affects my application. Etc. And based on that, move on into other plans to make whatever happen.
Now... An advice to people who may care for taking it later on. Just do it. It really isn't that hard. It's like the SAT, and all those test that pretty much judge your logic, etc. You see, my problem is that I don't think I was in my logic-est day ever. Heh.
I would read one of those little texts with some facts and all. Easy read honest. But at the end, I could see that I knew nothing at all of what it was about. And that kept on happening. I was really not into it. The math is fairly basic. Etc. Just the proper mindset is needed.
I don't think I had it, but oh well.
It is the one last thing I needed in order to have my application for the university complete, and now I have all that done and over with. It is up to them now. And yes, I don't like the idea of them judging me by those sucky results. But yes that is the way it is. So I will try and not mind as much.
... What got me in better spirits is that I walked a lot after the exam. I left the place feeling even weak. Like. Terribly disappointed with myself. So I decided to walk. And walk. And walk.
While taking that walk I was feeling better every step. I kept on thinking a lot of pretty cool things that make a lot of sense. I was supposed to take a cab but I just felt like walking for the longest time. I realized quite some stuff. And I am sure I will post about it eventually. It was just nice and eye opener.
And then, I just felt like taking that one cab. Just. Felt like taking it. And I can see why. The driver was the nicest guy ever!. (He even charged me much less than what the taxi-meter said). He kept on telling me about his life, this and that. And the dude was happy!. And he was not just pretending. I could feel it. And he was actually telling me how, the only thing he needs now is a woman by his side. He divorced 4 years ago. Etc. I know much about him now!. Heh.
What matters is that all of a sudden, as he was talking, I felt very happy. Like... This guy made me really see how what matters is how you feel. And, at the end how you feels is a matter of choice. I know there is a big responsibility is saying that. And actually being that I have felt like shit lately makes me stand as rather stupid, since that would mean I am the one enjoying feeling like that. Heh.
But oh well. Come what may.
Lets see how I did. How that affects my application. Etc. And based on that, move on into other plans to make whatever happen.
Wednesday, February 02, 2005
Test taking...
I will be taking the GRE tomorrow. Jueves. February 3...
Doesn't sound too hard. Stupid exams though, somehow you do in them related to how you are feeling and all. For that reason, I am taking it easy today. Just watching some TV, reading, and getting my self early in bed. I know. My cocoon and all. But it's really what I want and need for the evening.
Anyway. Whoever may be reading this. Know that is is a big deal for me to do ok on this exam. And I totally believe in the whole vibe thing. So please, send good vibes. All through the forming I shall be locked in a room, staring at a computer and trying to stay focused on obscure questions. Heh.
So yes... Good vibes will be appreciated.
Thanks!.
Doesn't sound too hard. Stupid exams though, somehow you do in them related to how you are feeling and all. For that reason, I am taking it easy today. Just watching some TV, reading, and getting my self early in bed. I know. My cocoon and all. But it's really what I want and need for the evening.
Anyway. Whoever may be reading this. Know that is is a big deal for me to do ok on this exam. And I totally believe in the whole vibe thing. So please, send good vibes. All through the forming I shall be locked in a room, staring at a computer and trying to stay focused on obscure questions. Heh.
So yes... Good vibes will be appreciated.
Thanks!.
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
...
I feel like shit right now. And yes, whatever. My posts may have been grim or sad as of late. So what?. This is the way I am feeling right now. And yes, I know it all will be good eventually (heh). Just... Right now. It feels like the joke is on me.
Yesterday everything happened. Everything. Way too much stuff to do at work, I am behind schedule and hating it. Things are getting messed up with the karaokulta project... Like, it could really be done and over sooner than I think. Being all nervous about the freaking GRE test that I am taking this week... And... Well.
All this... The way I have been, etc. Have really messed things up with Mishka. The one call we had last night was the saddest ever. I hate to feel I am making someone I care for so much cry. Honestly. It will be very hard to give her the space she needs. Actually. Hard for us both to just realize our realities and be able to accept them. But it makes sense to let things go this way... It makes sense to not strain them to the point of getting into a pointless argument and hate each other... I feel so guilty a lot of times. Even if just for allowing things to get this far, only to shatter the dream with such stupid reality... I am sorry... Then again.
It makes sense... It makes sense... It makes sense...
But it feels so bad...
-sigh-
Whatever...
[update] We both shared a pretty cool email about this whole thing... We both had been silly and now we can see it!. Heh. It makes sense to stop doing all this, all the daily hours lasting calls, etc... We both dreamers were just hooked on dreaming. We found someone we could do it with, and clinged to it. But it makes no sense. We both live here and now, in this worl. And we both have got to enjoy our realities. So, lets!.
Yesterday everything happened. Everything. Way too much stuff to do at work, I am behind schedule and hating it. Things are getting messed up with the karaokulta project... Like, it could really be done and over sooner than I think. Being all nervous about the freaking GRE test that I am taking this week... And... Well.
All this... The way I have been, etc. Have really messed things up with Mishka. The one call we had last night was the saddest ever. I hate to feel I am making someone I care for so much cry. Honestly. It will be very hard to give her the space she needs. Actually. Hard for us both to just realize our realities and be able to accept them. But it makes sense to let things go this way... It makes sense to not strain them to the point of getting into a pointless argument and hate each other... I feel so guilty a lot of times. Even if just for allowing things to get this far, only to shatter the dream with such stupid reality... I am sorry... Then again.
It makes sense... It makes sense... It makes sense...
But it feels so bad...
-sigh-
Whatever...
[update] We both shared a pretty cool email about this whole thing... We both had been silly and now we can see it!. Heh. It makes sense to stop doing all this, all the daily hours lasting calls, etc... We both dreamers were just hooked on dreaming. We found someone we could do it with, and clinged to it. But it makes no sense. We both live here and now, in this worl. And we both have got to enjoy our realities. So, lets!.
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