I just posted to *the-dreaming*... seems that blog is finally going to go somewhere!!... cool!.

Anyway... so, what is it that I wrote and couldn't post because the /%&#$/&() connection broke on me?... Well, several things... but they somehow don't seem as important right now. I guess that's the problem with the blogs, if you don't write the stuff right when you feel it, it comes out fake and constructed... not real and felt.

I was just talking to Erik about last friday with this girl, and how I should, at least, give it one more try... I went out with her (spent some time in her house, with her mom, and then to a coffee-shop) and despite the fact that I really enjoyed it, I really feel like "it's not meant to be"... she is *too* young and *too pampered* maybe... I got this idea because of the way she holds her self, and I can tell she is a "high maitainance" kind of woman, which really gives me hueva right now... and besides I don't have the money to support a relationship with one of those... Anyway, she remains very attractive, and very interesting... she is well read, likes computers, graphic design, (flash stuff and all), she plays video games, bla bla bla... so... mmm... I won't judge her because of our last date... he he he, but I won't push anything... if it happens in happens and I'll let it be... ;o) Let's see how she acts around me today in class.

On the other hand it was a pretty decent weekend, quite some fun, with lot's of hours of "anime" which is kind of becoming the "week-end thing to do"... he he he, and I borrowed a copy of vampire:the mascarade, from which I intend to prepare a cool rpg, it would be my first one, so we'll see how it works.

On a talk I had yesterday with a friend of mine I was able to see one thing: maybe I'm not ready for something "new" in terms of love life... the thing with this girl that I dated on friday, and how I feel about marianna, makes me feel that I still have to be a "free agent" for a while... But who knows... this love thing is funny, and when you start to feel it, you start to feel it... on saturday though I saw how I still need to work a couple of things out. I went to a "holopgraphix" therapy, an "alternative healing" method based on input-response that tries to dig into the subconcious to fix things up, and start reprogramming your self to "make things right"... It's funny how I started with "I don't feel confident enough when singing alone" and ended up with the fact that I have to work with forgiveness, letting go, and another bunch of things. So... let us work on them!.

Anyway... I'll try now to be somehow productive... ;o)

I'm rather bugged right now... I had just written a lot, talking about dating, the date I had on friday... my day on saturday and things of the sort... and well, it somehow got screwed up once I press the "post & publish" button... The bad part though is that I really want to write that down... so I guess I might as well just start working on it... again... *sigh*

Life is nothing but an empty canvas, it's up to you to get your brushes moving and make art out of it.

SUCCESS!!!... we kicked ass in the presentation today!!... We all have been working so much on it, and dude, it was worth it!!... 3 teams presented their projects today, one came out victorious... guess which one?!?!:.. YES!!... US!!.... can you tell I'm braggin?!, yes I feel totally happy and content about how we did. It wasn't only that the flash presentation came out great, the attitude that we all had, so much confidence and a feeling of "I'm in charge of this business, the king of the hill". We were all wearing dark suits, man.... he he he... it was great, period. ;o)

Lot's to talk about, but right now I feel like getting away from the computer for a while!!...

see ya...

I´ve cried tears of sorrow,
I´ve cried tears of joy,
There´s always been tomorrow,
and tomorrow, i´ll enjoy!!!!...

Man... I´ve never cried like this from a movie before... that erik really was serious when he said that I would like this movie, and cry because of it... ¨a walk to remember¨... and remember it I will...

I haven't had enough sleep in the past two days, actually have had a huge lack of it... but man, I just can't sleep right now... I am not sleepy at all... what do I feel like?, dancing!... singing, drawing... writting... thus I'm here...

What is this movie about?, why did it moved so much in me?... man... it's about true love, period... and how much love can do in someone's life, and how much worth it has... so many people are afraid to fall in love, so many people just fear rejection or the idea that "it's not really forever, and I don't want getting hurt afterwards"... love is eternal, while it happens... love is worth feeling, even if just for a minute... even if it will end and bring sorrow... that one minute would make this all thing called ¨life¨worth it...

Look at me... I just steped out of a "nice" relationship, and I was truly devastated... It hurted, it hurted like hell... too many tears I cried, but I would go for it again. If I could go back in time and chose, whether or not to do it, I would... because eventhough I fell, and it hurt, the sight from up there has given me a new great reason to keep on breathing and smiling... and was great enough to make me want to climb up that mountain again, no matter what... and even if I have to fall several times, I know that if I keep on going up there, I'll eventually stay... and that man, would make all the falls worth it...

What a great movie... what a great feeling it is to be alive.

Man... life... it's such a fun place to be at!!...

He he he... I am supposed to be studying networking, a topic that I officially hate, but since I cannot concentrate at all, I might aswell just focus on real important things, such as my blog!. (why can't I concentrate?... because there is a meeting going on right next to the cubicle that I am in, and I am listening to some of the stuppidest things ever said... by some people that I rather not mention but man.. it's soooo bugging me!!!!.... people with a computer science major cannot design?!?!!?.... I think I'll need to kill a couple...)... argh... maybe most computer-geeks are not designers, but some of us are quite good at it!!!!.... he he he...

So... how has the week been?... good, I've been working my ass off, but it's been awfully good!!!... Since I went this past weekend to "concepcion" I've been having to work a lot during the last two days, with hardly any sleep, yet I really don't feel that tired!!... I just got the "onegai teacher" dvd's (yeah erik!, die of envy!!... ha ha ha), and the "thing" with this girl from choir really has me all "up in the clouds"...

Remember when I talked about this girl that I was starting to like, but I found out that she was "too" young, bla bla bla?... well, the "flirting" has deffinitelly stayed around... and as I think I've mentioned I have surprised my self complimenting her, telling her how great she looks and all... (which is not something that I usually do)... and well, despite the fact that I've tried to get her out of my mind, I just can't... I'm officially infatuated with this woman... and there's something I should be able to do about it, otherwise this feeling would just kill me!!...

I have chatted with her for quite a while now, and the more I do it the more interesting I find her, and just the other day I was able to talk to her for an hour or so, and man... I liked it so much. (she was wearing her hair down by the way, which I told her to do the other day and she seemed to like the idea!)... And the part that struck me about the talk was when she said that she likes "older guys" because the ones her age are too inmature for her, and how she had dated guys about 21 or so... That would deffinitelly kick the "she's too young" barrier away!!!!!!.... and man, she is sooooo interesting... there is just something about this girl that I have to discover!!... (by the way, we danced a lot in class, I asked her to be my partner and she agreed... and dancing with her, watching her smile and all... man it felt good)...

While I'm trying to download a crack for "swish" and fighting against those "porn-pop-ups" I'll give my self the chance to write on this thing... By the way, from now on when you start looking for a crack put your computer on "mute", other wise you might end up facing a "voice-pop-up", which I didn't know existed, and you may see your self in trouble. I was happily looking for this crack when all of a sudden the "sexy" voice of some chick starts, saying "stuff" and making "weird" sounds... yeeep... big no no.

So now I see my self working, and working a lot... paying for this "gettaway" weekend that I had. Eventhough I knew I had this much to do I decided to just "let it be" and go to Concepcion de Buenos Aires with this guys... I may not get a lot of sleep in the next couple of days, but it was well worth it my friends!. I went with Oscar, Lucy, Mariana, Agustin, Lucy's mom, and mariana's mom... he he he... I was all nervous about going with Mariana and this guys, since I don't really know them and it just seemed like a big "jump" all of a sudden, I guess I really like this girl, but I don't know if I like her "that" way just yet... and it felt weird to go with the family and all, somehow I think Oscar, Lucy and them feel like we could "get it on"... it could all just be my imagination though, and there may be nothing more than a nice friendship lurking around... :oP

The weekend was great, this place Concepcion is a nice little town, with not much to do but rest, sleep, eat and walk around nice little streets... as soon as I step foot in that place my "pace" changed a lot, and I felt like in another dimension... so rested and relaxed, with no worries and such. We walked a lot around, even went to visit the "pateon"!!... he he he... and talked for quite a while too. Mariana's family is very nice!, and well, it turns out that Agustin and I know several "common" people, and I bet we have seen each other before like in parties and all!!... the talks in general were great, the walks...

I hope I didn't seem too "out of it" or weird... I kept spacing out a lot... like thinking, or going in little "astral trips"... funny somehow, but I felt like I was very comfortable like that... a little out of it... I am always very "into it", taking care of things and making things happen... being relaxed like that gave my mind a very good chance to get away for a while and relax...

Awesome weekend... I am grateful to Agustin and Mariana that they invited me... hopefully I'll get to hang out more with this girl... of course I'll keep on writting about how those things go later on!...

"Puente"... some good relaxing days with out so much to do... school wise I should be worrying about several things right now, but somehow they don't seem like a priority... resting and fun sounds like the "thing to do" as for now.

I don't have classes on friday anyway, yet it feels different... and the fact that everybody has it free makes it cooler...

wow... some girl just logged in on msn and has this message by her contact: "Sex is evil, evil is sin, sins are forgiven, so lets begin."... damn!!... I just found out who she is!!!!... she is this girl from choir that I am really getting to like!!!... wow... man... this really puts me "off my guard"!!!!....

ok ok ok... so right now I need to get back to my further state of mind and work on this blog thing... I shall comment on that later!.

So, I just came back from "la paloma" where I meet with Anabel, a pretty cool girl that I've known since highschool, and I got the chance to catch up with her life and stuff.. we talked a lot and for quite a while... still I have that great feeling that life is smiling at me... such a great talk. Anabel went abroad aswell and she stayed in Canada for a year, a good amount of the talk was about sharing out experiences while out side of mexico... it's very interesting, I think we both are alike in a lot of ways, she is very from "derecha", and a huge catholic girl... we are alike in several ways, she's too much of a religious like that to me, but I like how strong she is in her beliefs, and the fact that she is not a hypocrit like most "believers"... great talk, great girl... hope it happens more than once in the future.

Last night Erik stayed over, we had a pretty cool time I bet, mostly because we played what were probably the best games of "smash brothers" so far, erik and victor are reeeeeally good at it, and it was so much fun just to watch them play... I don't usually enjoy doing so but this two guys were like "wow"... I played aswell and well, I can proudly say that I was able to kill them both a couple of times too. :o) We aswell had pretty cool talks about the "paranormal" stuff, probably the climax of that was when my brother talked about his experience in the "past lives" metidation and all the stuff he saw and felt... we were all in shock and having goose bumps because of it.


What else?... oh yes... choir and stuff was fun, and this girl keeps looking better and better to me!!... man, is it spring?!?!... why am I starting to like all this girls and all?!?!... I was even bold enough to tell her "hey!, te ves muy bien con el cabellos suelto!, dejalo asi!".. when she was playing with her hair!. I surprised my self saying that and thinking - dude!, you don't say stuff like that to girls!, you are shy!, remember?!?!... - he he he.. yet it was fun, she seemed to like the comment, at least she smiled and left her hair like that the whole time!!... :oP

(by the way, I am talking by msn to her right now... mmm... that's distracting me from this blog thing, so, if I am not making sense that would be the reason!... ok?)...

tra la ra... what else?!?... well, tu sum it all up the week was good, life is smiling!, I'm chatting to this girl now, and waiting for tomorrow so that I can go with Maruccia out for the weekend!!... yipiieeee!!!...

so long and thanks for all the fish!... :oP

This was my plan for tonight: get home, sleep.

So... why am I here sitting again in front of the computer?!... I feel a terrible compulsion to write!!... I feel so good, so happy, so excited, that I have to let it out!!... man, this "doors of opportunity" thing have struck me so much latelly, just yesterday I had a grrrreat talk with a guy that really wants me to be part of a huge project, taking care of the entire "interface and multimedia" stuff, and we are talking big... I feel so pumped about everything!!... I had a great class today with "el rudo", this is a class that I always enjoy and well, I got to talk for quite a while with him afterwards, on a "one to one" basis, and man he has a lot to share... Eventhough I am confused about which path to take, which path to walk, I feel so excited about life... I don't know why really, is it spring?... whatever, but I'm glad I'm feeling this way... still don't know what's gonna happen, when I commit to one "path" I will have to say NO to several other good opportunities, at least for a while, and that's a huge responsability in my life.. but you know what?... the best will happen, I'm somehow sure...

Today I had a lot of group meetings and school stuff to do, but eventhough it's still a lot, I feel confident it's all gonna work out. I had a great talk with Julian, with annette and with Maruccia as well... they all happened at different times of course. I really liked talking to Maruccia and than talk got me thinking a lot... it reminded me of Michael Ende (one of my favorite authors) and "momo", my favorite book. The talk was great of course, and we even talked about spending the weekend together with some friends and all, the idea sounds great!... and man, somehow the "momo" thing soooo fits in my life and the way I am experiencing it... it's all about being happy, about living your dreams and not letting the "expected" and the "usual" life kill you as a dreamer, it's about making thing happen!!... about avoiding the "rational" way until you become a "gray fellow", about taking risks and following your heart... being passionate... living...

I just read a little from momo again, a quote that I love, and I shall put it here again:

Existe una cosa muy mistoriosa, pero muy cotidiana. Todo el mundo participa de ella, todo el munda la conoce, pero muy pocos se paran a pensar en ella. Casi todos se limitan a tomarla como viene, sin hacer preguntas. Esta cosa es el tiempo.

Hay calendarios y relojes para medirlo, pero eso significa poco, porque todos sabemos que, a veces, una hora puede parecernos una eternidad, y otra, en cambio, pasa en un instante; depende de lo que hagamos durante esa hora.

Porque el tiempo es vida. Y la vida reside en el corazón.

isn't that so true?... so great?!... I mean, just think about it!... a meter is a meter, 100 centimeters put together, you measure a meter and it's a meter... period... same thing happens with a liter, and all this different standard measures... A meter will always be a meter for you, you always "experience" it the same way, see it the same way... but how about time?!... eventhough my clock may mark "an hour", I will always experience it and perceive it in different ways... it's 60 minutes after all, but they "feel" different, they clearly are not the same, they can feel like an "eternal instant" (like when you give your first kiss), or a "terribly long hour" (like in a boring class)... because time, eventhough it's "standard", is not experienced the same way always... it's not all rational, it deals with feelings, with matters of the heart... isn't that interesting?!... despite the fact that in the "material rational" world, and hour is an hour, in the "sensitive subjective" world it can be so different.

I'll try and live a life full of good hours and minutes... filled with great memories and little regrets... I don't know how I will feel about things later on, but for now I am pumped and happy... and I try to keep this up... (as worried as I am about this way that Mr. Bush is going for agains Iraq, and all the "evil" in the world, there is still a place for the dreaming and the dreamers, the hopes, and those I am sure will trully die last... despite all their massive weapons).

There is a huge lack of love in this world... let's see what we can do about it.

One of the bestest weekends in quite a while... I so enjoyed it... it made me think a lot about the "door to happiness" think that abby wrote, and honestly, I couldn't help to laugh. So many doors to happiness are oppening right in front of me, so many reasons to smile and enjoy... today driving home from a birthday party I couldn't help thinking this: I AM HAPPY... I feel "full" and happy, so many projects are oppening up, and all of them related to multimedia and the stuff I really enjoy... people from different directions contacting me and presenting opportunities... I have nothing to complain.

It all kind of started on friday, when I was rehearsing the "solo" song that I may sing... I really enjoyed the rehearsal and the teacher was happy about how we did. Classic music has so much dept, I confess that I've never really been a fan of it, but now I cannot stop being amazed by it, now that I recognize all the different voices and the stuff they do, the instruments, etc... good stuff. But of course the milestone of the day was the party... during the night... mmmm?... so, maybe it wasn't the milestone of the day, he he he, it was the milestone of the night!!!...

I went to Mariana's bday party, (or marucha's), and I had an awesome time!. First I arrived to Centro Magno since I was told the place was right in front of it, over "lopez cotilla", yet since I couldn't really find it I decided to call Oscar and then they came and picked me up... Man, I have to say one thing: Mariana looked veeeery good... I was nervous!, he he he... that is one of the funniest, weirdest, nicest feelings, to be kind of nervous about a girl!!... he he he... I gave her a hug and a CD that I bought, and well.... the night started. We went to a place that we couldn't enter (we needed to reserve), so we went back to the Centro Magno and a bar over there... and there we talked, and talked, and talked... Oscar and Lucy were so funny, and even Cesar and other guys... he he he... the "carrilla" was obvious... ha ha ha... I just spent the whole night talking to Mariana and well, of course they kind of made fun of it!... I did have a very cool time talking with her, it wasn't about the conversation or the topics, it was about the idea that I really enjoyed the conversation, and every minute that passed I felt more and more comfortable talking to this girl. At one point someone came who made me feel a little bit uneasy... like he really hated the idea of me being there (I'm overly sensitive to those things), later I was told that the guy was Mariana's ex, obviously he didn't like the idea of me being there, and even got jelous of it... dude, she is not even his girl anymore!!... I can understand him though, but he's out of place if he is going to act like that... anyway, I'm only starting to know this girl!... so far I can only say one thing: she is great in every way... he he he....

Anyway, I talked a little with Oscar, Lucy, Cesar, and Agustin (mariana's bro), and it was all fun... at a point they decided that they wanted to go to "los tacones de maria", I wasn't going to go since I needed to head back home with my brother, but good ol' oscar said that I MUST go, and he offered to dropped me off after it... he he he... Of course the idea sounded great, so I went along!. The bar is a pretty cool place, there I could talk more with all of the guys, and even more with Mariana... mmmm... I'm actually worried she may be reading this, but I have to say one thing: she looked awesome under that candle light!... ehem... ok... so, yes... I had a glass of great wine, and a great talk with friends and a nice lady... what else can you ask for a good friday night?!. The drive back home was very nice, oscar drove me all the way and we talked a lot about the night, mariana, him and lucy, this guy who turned out to be mariana's ex... etc...

It was a great night!!...

Saturday was good too... I helped Mox and Alba to get a presentation ready and did some work with my ET team... they headed home and had a fun evening with Memo, Julio, Blanco and my brother... we played magic, saw the entire "onegai teacher" series (again!), and role played for a little... he he he... it was a lot of fun to be honest... it's nice to relax and be silly with some friends. I really needed that. We did so much stuff and till so late that they decided to just spend the night in here, which was rather nice, and gave us the chance to role play and all... the game was the silliest thing (about the "care bears"), but we all had a good laugh... And well, today after memo and julio left we went to Claudia's bday party (lolit'as daughter, "reiki people"), and well... I had a great time there too... I keep being told that I need to pursue my "reiki studies" and work on them, because it seems that I could really do well in this "energy handling" thing...

Man... I did so much stuff... but all of it, pretty much, made me think one thing: I AM HAPPY... for real, I have good friends, good hobbies, good activities, and so many windows of opportunity... I loved going out with Mariana and the guys on friday, hopefully it will happen again, I as well loved working and helping my friends saturday morning, the "geek stuff" of the evening, and today's party... right now i am even pumped about doing homework and all... It all depends of the "filters" through which you see life!!... I'll keep working on that, on keeping the "possitive filters" working... jezz i feel like I want to keep writting... but honest, I shouldn't... it would be about the same thing over and over... how great I feel and how much I am pumped about my life and the future... he he he... sweet!!...

I really don't know what's gonna happen in my future... should I worry so much about it?. Just last week I was thinking about devoting my self to art and "alternative healing", which sounds like a fun life style... then the chance of working at the CITE was there... but I don't think it's gonna happen, and eventhough it's a place that I have grown to love, I need to be able to move on... professionally it may not take me anywhere... Now I have this two choices: do I apply for a job in a place such as IBM?, or do I freelance and devote my self to multimedia until I can start my own company?... I am really considering the 2nd choice, if I can buy a super computer and get clients I can make things happen, for a year or two I may not earn much money, but I'll be doing what I really like. It's all about that isn't it?... happiness?... I have to worry about "making a living" though, and that's the part that has me worried.

If things happen with A4, and we get this "farmacias guadalajara" project, man, that would be awesome... the problem is that the founders of A4 are not still able to devote their 100% to it... two of them are still undergrads and julio may start working at IBM... that would leave me alone and I, as much as I want, know that I cannot handle such project by myself. Let's see how that goes and if they are interested in working with us... for a "starter project" in a "starter company" we are talking great... and it would be a great chance to make things happen for us in that matter, the beggining of our dream. A company where we go to play and have fun, doing what we really like... that would be great.

Ok ok... there is almost nothing that a cup of coffee won't overcome... mmmmmmm... the smell...
Maybe that's why I answered to allan and pollo that maybe, the other door to my heaven would be a coffee place... the "main room" according to them would be the CITE, he he he... which I honestly cannot deny since it's become kind of my "chantry", and a place where I feel really really confortable and "in control"... The question was, "where will you go once you open the doors to the cite?"... A coffee place of course!, "la paloma" most likelly, and where my friends are so that I can chat with as I drink a cup of coffee... mmmm...

That's one of the things that I enjoy the most... a good conversation... and a good conversation I had the other day with Tomas, a guy from my singing class, he he he. A really good fellow that, somehow, has the same kind of interests that I do. I keep thinking that I am "weird" in some ways, yet I keep bumping into people like me, so... either I am really not that "weird", or the idea of "Dios los hace y ellos se juntan" really does apply. I already agreed that I am going out for coffee one day with him, it really seems that we can talk a lot about "life, the universe and everything"... somehow he felt confortable enough with me as to talk about this girl that he really likes, yet they are "best friends" and even though he loves her, and would really like to be "more than friends" with her, he can't... he says he "knows it won't happen"... oh man... being there, done that... it hurts and it feels awful... I want to talk to him, tell him about "victor and ireri" and how that story came to be... I think those two have the same situation than my brother and his girl had... they just need a little pushing to "get it on"... ;o)

The one interesting thing about him and the girl he likes, is that he is 6 years older than her... yet they do really seem to make a nice couple!!!... and I found that out when we were walking down the hall and then this girl from choir walked by and I "shyly" said "hI"... he he he... I pointed out how I was for some reason feeling really attracted to her, yet I felt "dirty" because she is 6 years younger... and well, he said that it should not be a big deal!!... ha ha ha... and then we talked... I think that I am starting to get "infatuated" for this girl, I find her extremelly flirty and interesting!!!... like, really really interesting... he he he... and I almost feel silly because of it. And aswell I get nervous around her, and all those silly things that make this "game of love" so much fun... I just want to make sure though that I am ready to jump into something new, or if it's just a phase I'm going through... The "bounce relationship concept" is well known, and I don't want to get into that!!...

My day started up rather well... I was feeling great actually when I came into the office!!... pumped because I could finally come up with a new design for my homepage, stuff like that... and then, I open my email... ta-taaa-ta-taaaan!... an email from abby!!!.... Why?!?!... why?!?!.... and well, the part that was really bothersome were the contents: (she kindly wanted to share this quote with me, since she knows I soooooo need it)...

.....When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so
.....long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been
.....opened for us.
.....- Helen Keller

ARGH!!!!... why?!?!... 1st, all of a sudden she decides to break my heart AGAIN, then she decides to kick me out of her life all of a sudden!, and now she writes to me stuff like this?!?!... Ok ok ok... I know it's a nice phrase, even wise... But I don't like it comming from her!. I know I have to "get over her", move on, what not... (which I think I've been handling rather well), but getting a phrase like this?!... from her?!?!... give me a break please!!!... a little too late to be caring about my feelings, and a little too late for "worrying" about that... mostly since right now I'm feeling terribly attracted to another girl... (which is a little bothersome too)... Yes abby, you DID close one door to happiness in my life, and I cried because of it, but WORRY NOT!... I didn't stare for too long at it... lost cases are lost cases... I guess the part that really bothers me is she "helping" me get over her, argh!!.... and the fact that she won't give me some credit in the fact that I can handle such things by my self...

I was about to write a bunch of stuff today... about the week, this girl that I am getting interested in, the going to "farmacias guadalajara" and such... I will later I guess... but I've got to stop writting right now. Other wise this email of hers will influence the mood in all my writting...

42 is just a number, yet in holds in itself the answer to everything... to that one question that would make it all make sense... yet we don't know what to make of it. Yes, we know it's 42... so what?... now what do we do with it?... how can we apply that knowledge to life, the universe and everything?... we have the answer yet it's good for nothing!... that happens all the time. We cling to the bliss of "not knowing", and eventhough the answers are presented to us, saying "it's not that easy" releases us from the responsability of our own happiness.

It's not about knowing the answer... it's about making it have some meaning in our lives, in a practical way, and live accordingly. How to be happy?, how to let go?... we humans seem to cling to all those things that make us misserable, we seem to enjoy them. Eventhough there are thousands of reasons to smile we preffer the sorrow, the sadness that comes to our mind because of one little thing... I'm thinking about "the matrix", and that part in which the "robot" sais that they lost thousands of humans because they rejected the "reality" in which they were completelly happy... they had to live in a misserable world so that they could be happy... ha!!... so weird, but it makes sense.

oh well...

by the way... FELIZ CUMPLEAÑOS MEMO!!... ^_^

finally fixed... I think... now you can browse through the archives of this blogger...
the things you have to do to avoid those adds!!!... he he he... ^_^

Ok so... later I shall write about "life, the universe and everything"... as for now I should be doing some homework and I already "wasted" about an hour trying to fix that thing. Anyway, it all comes down to 42 after all. ¬_¬

having some problems with my server... ahh!... don't know what's gonna happen!... O_o

The "onegai teacher" thing is rather funny actually... something that probably only my brother and erik can understand now... he he he... yet a very coold thing. It's an anime series, 12 chapters and one OVA... and it's GREAT!!!... I loved it, it's funny, it makes you laugh, cry, be silly and all... a nice romantic comedy about a guy and his relationship with his teacher... a woman from "out of this world"... The series is great, I'm so pumped about it that I want to buy the dvd's and even a figure of Kazami Mizuho (the teacher), to keep it by my monitor all the time... but it made me think a lot. (the same thing happened with Belldandy in "Oh! My Goddess!")...

This woman, Kazami Mizuho, is an awesome looking woman, like... AWESOME LOOKING!... yet she is as well terribly nice, funny, caring, lovely, etc, etc, etc woman... someone so great that you just know it cannot exist, but you just can't avoid falling in love with her and whishing you could find someone like that. Right now Erik and I are actually worried because we doubt our capacity to fall in love with a real lady after "meeting" this one... (well, we are not that worried but, kind of)... he he he... I even think it's one of the reasons why there are so much suicides in Japan, because they are depicted such a great life all the time on TV, and they just cannot have it!. She is great!!... why can't someone like that exist?!... and then you raise your standards and well, the rest of the story is well known, you want "so much" that you cannot settle for something really great and you are always unhappy.

Kazami is a great lady, she stands for everything that I would ever look for in a girl... smart, caring, pretty, funny, daring, understanding, sexy, loving, lovable... etc. But she does not exist... bummer...

Which leads me to happiness... how can we be happy?, or can you really be happy all the time?... what makes you happy?... makes makes you go on in this life?... a reason to wake up?... too much of a question right now for me... maybe I'll be able to answer by the end of my life... it's hard, and even harder now, to think of such things. What makes me happy?, life it self... to learn new things, to be around people that I care for and care for me, art, painting, the light, music, the starts... love... to walk while singing a tune, smiling to people as I walk... to sketch some cool drawing... to have projects... that makes me happy... why I don't know... what makes me unhappy?... ignorance, and all the things that I feel "pull me back" stopping me from going forward, in the direction that I would like to go...

(mmm)... on another note... I bumped into abby yesterday, it was one of the most ackward experiences in my life... so weird.. I really didn't like it nor enjoyed it... I felt uneasy because of it... I hadn't heard from her like in two weeks, and now you have me facing her, talking about "what we've been up to"... so weird. So "x"... after so much that we did together, shared, all that... and then just like that?!... argh!... it gave me the chills.... Thank God I didn't feel sadness anymore, but the uneasy feeling was just as enervating... and well, I've been told by a good friend of mine that this feeling never really goes away... there will always be that ackwardness... like, we made out and stuff like that!!!... I know her in body, soul and spirit!!... and then, pum!!... weird... no no no... let's find a Kazami real soon!!... ;o)

This now makes me thing about a talk that I had yesterday with some of the guys in hippos, and how we idealize someone and start "making plans for the future" and such... Julio is very down because of what happened with this girl letty... yet nothing really happened. In his mind a ton of this "would happen" later on, he dreamt a lot, idealized her... and well... that's the part that sucks. Something like that happened to me... yet I didn't feel like saying it with the guys because it would feel like "rubbing in their faces" the fact that I had that and they haven't... but I was very down because of it, because of the very same reason than julio, idealizing her and making "plans for the future" and hoping she would be the one and only for me... the difference is that I got a wonderful taste of that!!... We are talking about the fact that I lived with her, I woke up in the mornings when she kissed me good morning, went to bed kissing her good night... I felt that, I had that... the wonderful feeling of laying next to her and doing nothing, just being there together, falling asleep... I lived with her and saw all her "flaws", yet they seemed cute to me... she took care of me while I got sick, I did the same for her... yes... I dreamt too... and too much as well... the thing is that I got a taste of the "dream being true", and it made it harder for me... it's wasn't a dream anymore, I already knew how great it felt... and when it was taken away, with all those "dreams for the future", damn that did hurt....

that hurt a lot... and I think it still does... in a melancholic kind of way it does... but hey... we've gotta move on... I loved the experience, learned a lot... I take with me what is worth it and leave "the bad stuff" behind... I wasn't betrayed like Julio was... but I did hurt a lot, and for very well founded reasons too... besides I did feel betrayed. But there are more reasons to be happy around me, enough reasons to make that one "not matter as much"... Life is a great place to be in, and honest it feels good to be alive, to be just with my friends, and in very good comunion with my self... I am happier that I've been in quite a while... I guess I am moving on...

Ok... here I am again, with only a few minutes to write before all the croud from my "ET" team show up. "ET" stands for Emprendedores Tecnologicos, nothing related to extaterrestial life forms... bummer.

The project we are working on has potential, software related and you can tell everybody in the team is very enthusiastic about it... let's see where it takes us. As for now, we can talk about how the week went... jezz!... there is so much to write about!... Maybe I should go "backwards" in time... starting from yesterday?... mmm... too confusing, maybe not. Overall the week has been very good actually, in more than one way... the only part that kind of sucks is school, I am really getting tired of going to classes and projects, why can't I just focus on really learning what I really want to learn?. (ie. openGl). The one class that I enjoy is SAAP, I dislike having to do so much homework and the project to be honest, but I find the classes rather interesting... the teacher is a guy that has a lot to share, and he really challenges us to think in better ways.

bla bla bla... he he he... I'm doing great in voice lessons, you can tell that I am trying to make up for all those semesters in which I didn't have time to go for it!. I'm more than 10 hours per week, but I really really like it... and the girls there are very nice too!... he he he... yet I'm a little dissapointed about it, they are too young for me. :o( There is this one girl that I find very attractive and interesting, and I know she flirts with me and all, but the other day she asked me how old I was and when I said it she looked really down... he he he... I said "22" and you could tell the look of sadness in her face.... I even was like "why? why?... what's wrong with that?, how old are you?"... and well, at first she wouldn't say but when I heard I could only say "ah!!... que triste!"... he he he... right in her face. (she's only 16)... And well, 6 years younger may not be too much, but it is for me, and at this age it really shows. I'm graduating from college and well, she has a long way to get out of highschool!... bummer... Nevertheless I love the voice classes, and eventhough the girls are all young I like the "flirty" enviroment going on... ;o)

One of the things that "struck me hard" during the week was the talk with Jaime... or David. It made me think a lot about friends and frienship... and about many of the good things that I have in my life. He and I are very similar in several ways, yet I think we "handle" those similarities with very different approaches... the whole "jaime thing" going on between the ocioso has been rather weird, and well, I am thankful that he opened himself to me and I had the chance to try and understand what he is going through. It really seems that his choices are very well founded from his point of view... and well... we all learn from things like that. I'm going to give him a reiki theraphy this sunday, let's see how it goes.

Which leads me to Reiki... what an awesome thing. I had my initiation this week, and it was a great experience. It's so hard to explain, or even to share, because for "outside" people it's just words... even silly ones about something that makes no sense whatsoever... yet it makes so much sense to me. During the iniciation I felt an awesome peace, a huge amount of energy going through me, and my heart was about to pop out of exitement... later I was told that I was given tons of blue light and two very special presents... now it is up to me to really use them.. but it kind of seems that, if I want to, I could really become strong at this energy stuff.... .... When I do it, it's something that I feel in my hands, something that others feel... argh!... no way to explain it...

Actually right now I am just thinking of erik and memo, and how they were saying that the whole pendulum thing and all where a hoax, and how it's something that I move even unconsciously, bla bla bla... there's no way I can make them believe or understand what I am talking about, it's frustrating because it's an awesome thing and they miss it... like "how can you not be open to such a great thing?"... but well, I guess it's my thing, and it will be for me to share with the ones that actually want it, and believe that at least it could do something for them.

Every day it gets harder and harder to write on this thing... I guess I am going through the "middle of semester" stage, the time in which you realize you have so much to do by the end of it, yet you don't really have anything done yet... I am only taking 3 classes, so it shouldn't be a big deal... but it is, in the 3 classes I have big projects and besides, this semester hasn't really been "good for study"...

I have so much on my mind, the "abby thing", the "life after college thing", the "what the heck am I going to work on" thing, the "I am getting old" thing... and things of the sort. I know I'm only 22, there's so much ahead, a bright career and a good lady wait for me some where in the future... yet right now it's all a cloud of confussion... and it's really bugging me.

... the phone is ringing... I'll keep writting later.

Estoy pensando escribir un libro... creo que puede ser buena idea. No se si alguna vez sea publicado, o si llegue siquiera a ser medianamente bueno... pero creo que las primeras lineas van a ser las siguientes:

Y así la ví por última vez, caminando por la calle con
sus viejos tenis blancos, y con un bolso lleno de sueños
mojados en lagrimas.

Puede ser no?... muy probablemente escriba capítulos y avances de la historia en este blog... tal vez termine siendo un cuento corto.

La vida es un monton de juegos interesantes, y ultimamente creo que los he estado jugando bien. No recuerdo cuando fue la última vez que escribí en esta cosa... pero los eventos principales desde entonces de seguro que han sido "la salida de clarissa", "el cumple del heetor", "el torneo de magic", y la carne azada con los del CIE.

Basicamente fue un fin de semana lleno de actividades muy chidas... no hubo mucho descanso, pero si mucha distracción!. Le viernes fue un buen dia, fue el último dia en el CITE de clarissa y eso fue triste... pero me pidió jugar magic con ella "una última vez" y fue muy divertido... despues fuimos a comer con alex y la pasamos muy bien los tres. Ahhhh... estamos tristes porque vemos que el área esta perdiendo su brillo... como que si "desde arriba" nos estuvieran opacando poco a poco... eso es feo.

La noche fue muy padre... platique padrisimo con Hector y Enrique en el pancho reatas... la mayoría de las personas que fueron al cumple me eran totalmente desconocidas, pero aún asi la pase muy bien. Platica muy buena con enrique... al final demasiado filosófica, me dejó pensando mucho. Hablamos al final demasiado sobre cuestiones de abuso sexual y lo gacho que es... sobre traumas, la vida de las personas... el salir adelante... bla bla bla. Que interesante trabaja mi mente... maldita sea, de nuevo eso de ser de derecha... me entristece mucho que haya tanta gente que sufre tanto en silencio... por cosas muy feas.

El sabado pues mucha chamba en la mañana, pero en al tarde un torneo padrisimo de magic en casa del gabo y alex... perdi TODOS los juegos, he he he... pero me divertí mucho y creo que aprendí bastante sobre ese juego. Y el domingo fue de lo más interesante, tuve una reunión en la casa con los compañeros del CIE, un lugar donde hacia servicio becario en la prepa. Fue bien raro y bien padre a la vez, años que no veía a algunos de ellos... mucho "catching up" y platicar de que hemos hecho, planes, etc... es interesante ver a todos tan crecidos y "maduros"... incluso casi no tomaron nada de alcohol!!... he he he... ya como que cada quien anda en otras ondas...

Y pues ya... por cierto, hoy entregamos el CD!... yipiee!!!....