I've noticed that I see quite a lot of spelling errors on my posts... now the problem is that I am almost sure that I had as much errors when I was writting in spanish... I find my self in a conundrum... to keep writting in english, or to go for spanish... A couple of mexicans have told me that me writting in english is "made-in-chista"... he he he... and stuff like that... For now, I will keep it in english only for two reasons... for me to keep practicing the language in a written way, and for other people from other countries to be able to read it... if this blog ever becomes that interesting to anyone else... or at least for my international friends...
lets accept it... english is kind of the international language... thanks to it I can talk to my buddies from india, hong kong, and mongolia for example... so... we shall keep it like this for a little while... and we will see how it goes... what I may do though, is to begin a blog in spanish, and then whenever I feel like letting stuff out in my language I shall do it there... hmmm... maybe that's and interesting choice... maybe not really... he he he...
Anyway, I wanted to write more interesting stuff than that... I do that a lot... ramble on silly stuff...
I have tons of comics to read!!!... yesterday we went to work to Everardo's House, and putting aside the fact that he has more than a 100 toys, all star wars, a huge collection of video games, the coolest drawings, and all that... he has tons and tons of comic books. He let me borrow a couple that they want me to check out, and jeziel lend me a couple more as well... so now I "have to" read a lot of comic!... he he he... it's great to feel that you "have to" do something that you really enjoy for the sake of a project...
What I do have to do aswell, is to ink ink ink... practice so much more... I am not in the league of this guys just yet... I am indeed a KaraoKulta... and this project is ours, mine too... but I need to practice so much more to be able to give this guys the quality that is needed for their artwork... we just have to make this happen... that would be a trabahobbie...
I need to keep on drawing and inking... keeping my self away from color, or at least till I am good at inks... my problem is that I want to learn everything, so sometimes I tend to not excell in anything aswell... I become just "decent" in a bunch of things... but never the best. It's good, because this has given me a lot of connections, from musicians, to singers, to 3d artist, to programmers, to chefs, to politicians, and anything you can name pretty much... and I can speak their languages and all... which is very cool... but I need an area in which I know I rock...
So... for now... I will stop writting on this, and start practicing more...
**cheers
ps. everardo's son will be named dante.. that is a cooooool name if you ask me... and dante's game... wow... "devil may cry"... wow... he he he... you have to see those gus.
ps2. thanks so much for all those images eve!!!!... man I do have references now!!!.... hours and hours I could spend just browsing through those files... :'( time!!... somebody turn me into a vampire!!!....
Sunday, February 29, 2004
Friday, February 27, 2004
I just hope it's not true...
Interesting day... productive again, despite the headache... alfanime is taking more and more shape. And the ending was good, I went to this place with Mirta, Leo, Ireri, Blanco and Victor... anyway... nothing really great happend... just a nice time... but there was a phrase that struck me as rather hard if I may say...
Now... I remember some months ago when I wrote something about love... and about how the act of loving is one of those few things that do not get easier with experience, and how actually it gets harder everytime... how the only one true time in which you can love fully is the 1st time, because you are so blinded by love, and so unaware of it's painful side that you give it all without thinking twice... Then, the "other" times you are actually "trained" to cover up, to take it easy, to keep some defenses up and all that crap...
I did say that stuff once... and I know it really expresses the way I used to feel then, about a very hipocritical and dissapointed version of what love was... even now I know that nothing will ever be as the 1st love in which there was no fear, there was no one to compare her kisses with, and every experience was new and unique... yet I trully feel like you can fall again, completelly for someone... let all your defenses down and just go for it... I really do...
Or at least I cling to that hope...
Anyway... the one phrase that moved me was said by Leo, she said "the only true love is the 1st one... all the other ones are to try and forget about the 1st"... argh... that is a huge thought... and quite sad if you ask me...
Then a girl was singing close by the song that goes "come te va mi bien?... como te va?.... sha la la... porque a mi puerta el amor nunca volvio"... argh!!!... so sad!!!!... and that can happen... a lot of times people end up marrying someone just ought of fear to loneliness... not because they are really in love, but because it's "better than nothing"... and eventhough that can be a nice "friendly" love... there is no passion, and there is no "giving" of the heart as there was that 1st time that someone made you feel like all those love songs did have a meaning and that they were not that cheese after all...
I do know I feel ok being single right now... I do not want to deal with all the things that you deal when having a girlfriend... and it's rather fun to have several girls who are your friends, and you hang out with them in a cool way... I hate having to check on a girl every day, of feeling like if I am to do something it has to be with her, or kind of ask for permission and all... etc... I love the "freedom" that I feel at the moment... now there is the "physical" side of it... and I do feel the "urge" for a girl sometimes... but the cool part is that you learn to tame that too... he he he...
But I know that I am living my "ego-ist" moment... my time to be selfinsh and indulge my self in the stuff that I want to do... but I know aswell that, eventually, I want to find a special someone to share... someone to live and grow old with... I really really don't have to get married... just a partner... someone to walk with the path of life... .... ... and I do hope I find that special someone... and that it's not just a nice idea that I am clinging to...
...
hmmmm... I had something else to write... but I better go... besides, I kind of forgot about it.... anyway, tomorrow is a long day...
cheers...
Now... I remember some months ago when I wrote something about love... and about how the act of loving is one of those few things that do not get easier with experience, and how actually it gets harder everytime... how the only one true time in which you can love fully is the 1st time, because you are so blinded by love, and so unaware of it's painful side that you give it all without thinking twice... Then, the "other" times you are actually "trained" to cover up, to take it easy, to keep some defenses up and all that crap...
I did say that stuff once... and I know it really expresses the way I used to feel then, about a very hipocritical and dissapointed version of what love was... even now I know that nothing will ever be as the 1st love in which there was no fear, there was no one to compare her kisses with, and every experience was new and unique... yet I trully feel like you can fall again, completelly for someone... let all your defenses down and just go for it... I really do...
Or at least I cling to that hope...
Anyway... the one phrase that moved me was said by Leo, she said "the only true love is the 1st one... all the other ones are to try and forget about the 1st"... argh... that is a huge thought... and quite sad if you ask me...
Then a girl was singing close by the song that goes "come te va mi bien?... como te va?.... sha la la... porque a mi puerta el amor nunca volvio"... argh!!!... so sad!!!!... and that can happen... a lot of times people end up marrying someone just ought of fear to loneliness... not because they are really in love, but because it's "better than nothing"... and eventhough that can be a nice "friendly" love... there is no passion, and there is no "giving" of the heart as there was that 1st time that someone made you feel like all those love songs did have a meaning and that they were not that cheese after all...
I do know I feel ok being single right now... I do not want to deal with all the things that you deal when having a girlfriend... and it's rather fun to have several girls who are your friends, and you hang out with them in a cool way... I hate having to check on a girl every day, of feeling like if I am to do something it has to be with her, or kind of ask for permission and all... etc... I love the "freedom" that I feel at the moment... now there is the "physical" side of it... and I do feel the "urge" for a girl sometimes... but the cool part is that you learn to tame that too... he he he...
But I know that I am living my "ego-ist" moment... my time to be selfinsh and indulge my self in the stuff that I want to do... but I know aswell that, eventually, I want to find a special someone to share... someone to live and grow old with... I really really don't have to get married... just a partner... someone to walk with the path of life... .... ... and I do hope I find that special someone... and that it's not just a nice idea that I am clinging to...
...
hmmmm... I had something else to write... but I better go... besides, I kind of forgot about it.... anyway, tomorrow is a long day...
cheers...
argh.... damn.... they are back...
The headaches... huge... nasty... painfull headaches...
damn... migraine I hate you!...
argh... get away from the monitor... I must... now...
damn... so much work...
argh!... I hate it... I can't even read a book nor watch tele... fuck it...
head about to explode...
bye... cruel world....
damn... migraine I hate you!...
argh... get away from the monitor... I must... now...
damn... so much work...
argh!... I hate it... I can't even read a book nor watch tele... fuck it...
head about to explode...
bye... cruel world....
From better places I've been kicked out...
Hmmm... I was tempted to say "kicked off"... just like an internal joke... but I didn't think it was quite funny... so... he he he... argh... why did I write this line?... ... there you go... I'm still making nonsense yet my fingers won't stop typing...
there...
By the way, I just saw an episode of the british version of coupling... it's so much better than the american one!, and so much funnier... besides, it's always cool to listen to the guys say words like "bloke" or "shag"... he he he... good change of pace... It's almost like the british series have a smaller budget, yet they have such a better taste that they manage to just kill their american counter parts... hmmm... that could be a harsh comment actually, I need to watch more of those to be able to say I trully believe and support that.
So... the title of this entry goes to tell about what happened last night, which was quite amusing... now, it's not like we were "kicked out"... but we were "politelly invited to keep it down because other customers were complaining"... it such a nice way that we felt tremendously compelled to ask for the bill and leave to a nicer place, where people wouldn't be so displeased with our permormance of happiness and silliness...
We were in this coffee house, I don't really remember it's name, but I thought it was quite cool because the tables were covered with huge paper and they had crayons, so you could doodle and draw as you chatted... ooooor make as mess as we did. Anyway... one of the things that was funny was that I went over there while waiting for Victor to call me, since I was going to pick him up, and I ended up hanging out with Victor's friends for quite a while... I have done that a lot recently, and I feel they are actually becoming my friends aswell, yet it was a little odd to see my self surrounded by them, while victor was not on the scene... I guess it would be kind of like victor hanging out with memo and allan... or enrique and hector... it could totally happen, yet at 1st the idea feels bizarre.
So there we were having some good laughs, fun... drawing, singing a little, all that... regine decided that it would be fun to throw a glass of wine over me, so she did, and we all had a good laugh because of it... we were having a rather decent time, and I swear we weren't being annoying... yet someone from the shop decided to complain about our behavior... and the complaint was stated in such a way that we decided to go and leave those sour bastards behind with their bitterness... ha!...
No really... the thing is that... why?... We were not being annorying, we were not drunk... I think that someone could only be bothered because of our laughs... and that is almost sad... why would anyone in their healty minds be bitter like that?... maybe a couple wanted to have a quiet romantic moment... maybe some guys were doing some serious business... but... why would you want to have a serious business, or a romantic moment, in a small fun coffee shop that allows you to doodle on the table!!!!... it's not like we were "breaking" the atmosphere... The place is there inviting you to have fun...
It made me think of a song that Abby used to like... "let them wonder that you've got, let them wish that they were not, in the outside looking bored"... despite the fact that the whole song really deals with something else, it applies well in here... So sad that we are getting to live in a society where even a laugh will be banned from public places, because those places are not to have fun... huh?...
so... back to work...
**cheers then...
ps. I'm thinking to doing my own template and changing the design of this thing... just to make it look a little better... maybe I will soon... maybe not... he he he.
there...
By the way, I just saw an episode of the british version of coupling... it's so much better than the american one!, and so much funnier... besides, it's always cool to listen to the guys say words like "bloke" or "shag"... he he he... good change of pace... It's almost like the british series have a smaller budget, yet they have such a better taste that they manage to just kill their american counter parts... hmmm... that could be a harsh comment actually, I need to watch more of those to be able to say I trully believe and support that.
So... the title of this entry goes to tell about what happened last night, which was quite amusing... now, it's not like we were "kicked out"... but we were "politelly invited to keep it down because other customers were complaining"... it such a nice way that we felt tremendously compelled to ask for the bill and leave to a nicer place, where people wouldn't be so displeased with our permormance of happiness and silliness...
We were in this coffee house, I don't really remember it's name, but I thought it was quite cool because the tables were covered with huge paper and they had crayons, so you could doodle and draw as you chatted... ooooor make as mess as we did. Anyway... one of the things that was funny was that I went over there while waiting for Victor to call me, since I was going to pick him up, and I ended up hanging out with Victor's friends for quite a while... I have done that a lot recently, and I feel they are actually becoming my friends aswell, yet it was a little odd to see my self surrounded by them, while victor was not on the scene... I guess it would be kind of like victor hanging out with memo and allan... or enrique and hector... it could totally happen, yet at 1st the idea feels bizarre.
So there we were having some good laughs, fun... drawing, singing a little, all that... regine decided that it would be fun to throw a glass of wine over me, so she did, and we all had a good laugh because of it... we were having a rather decent time, and I swear we weren't being annoying... yet someone from the shop decided to complain about our behavior... and the complaint was stated in such a way that we decided to go and leave those sour bastards behind with their bitterness... ha!...
No really... the thing is that... why?... We were not being annorying, we were not drunk... I think that someone could only be bothered because of our laughs... and that is almost sad... why would anyone in their healty minds be bitter like that?... maybe a couple wanted to have a quiet romantic moment... maybe some guys were doing some serious business... but... why would you want to have a serious business, or a romantic moment, in a small fun coffee shop that allows you to doodle on the table!!!!... it's not like we were "breaking" the atmosphere... The place is there inviting you to have fun...
It made me think of a song that Abby used to like... "let them wonder that you've got, let them wish that they were not, in the outside looking bored"... despite the fact that the whole song really deals with something else, it applies well in here... So sad that we are getting to live in a society where even a laugh will be banned from public places, because those places are not to have fun... huh?...
so... back to work...
**cheers then...
ps. I'm thinking to doing my own template and changing the design of this thing... just to make it look a little better... maybe I will soon... maybe not... he he he.
Thursday, February 26, 2004
Am I just freaking out?...
Well... last night something weird happened... and I feel like letting it out in this blog thing... I could be just freaking out, I really could... actually I think that what happened was a mixture of coincidences that somehow messed up my night and all the dreams that were meant to happen on my sleep found a way to leak out to reality...
My days have been very messed up in terms of schedule... and I am becoming more and more of a night person, I go to bed after 3am or things like that... and yesterday I wanted to go early since my plan was to wake up early today... so I went to bed and as expected, I just couldn't fall asleep... so... what to do?... well... to read of course!!!... and I got Lovecraft's book, and so, started reading it... I read one story... and then another one... and then started reading "the call of cthulhu"...
Good stuff... again It wasn't fear... but they were dark atmospheres... filles with screams, yells and despair... again I wasn't frightened as to throw the book away... but you could say that I was impressed by what was depicted on my mind... the stuff that was talked about... the rites... the fire... everything...
Anyway... at some point I decided it was enough, and tried to get some sleep again... then is when the fun part started...
I don't really think I was able to sleep at all at night... I kept thinking of all those things I saw while reading, and to be honest I was a little freaked out... at some point I even felt that someone was sitting in a chair by my bed, and I am not joking... I felt some prescence... and it was all messed up with a weird ambient... like I was half asleep and half awake... honest, I could have been sleeping, and just dreaming of me being awake in a messed up version of my room...
But somehow I got to feel like I was in one of those stories of old... of cthulhu and the ancients... this story that I was reading before I went to bed talked about dreams, and how in one week of a year a bunch of people had weird dreams... actually just like the one I had... in my "state of mind" I even got to hear stuff... or feel some mumbling in the air... like a prayer was being said somewhere far away.... or somewhere very deep in my mind...
All night was like that...
It's not the 1st time something like this happens to me... actually it's very easy that I dream with whatever thing I was doing for a long period of time... magic, a video game... or in this case a book...
The interesting part was that the scene of my "dream" was my very room... and the ambient was just like the nightmares that were described in the book... I could almost feel like one of the characters that were interviewed by this doctor from the story...
weird... should I stop reading that book at night?...
...
on the other hand... the day has been rather nice... the only thing that sucks is this kind of headache that has been with me all day... but I have spent most of the day with hector, since it's his bday, and it's been fun... we both are going through a rather similar stage in our lives... and he's fun to talk to about it, because he actually undestands...
so... FELIZ CUMPLEAÑOS COMPAÑERO!!!!...
I am on the messenger with daniel... and I just figured out that I kind of feel like the guy from ende's tale "the prison of liberty"... he basically has so many choices and doors open, that does nothing because he is afraid of crossing the wrong door... his liberty and the amount of choices in front of him are his own jail... he becomes numb, and does nothing because of fear... argh... I just hope I don't end up like that though...
... what I am to do?... where will I end up?...
... canada?... maybe... masters?... nah... not sure yet...
... honest... if I could just draw and color, and write for a living... wow... that would rock I think...
so... "ta ta"... cheers my friends...
by the way.... cheers I thing is something that I got from stuart and martin... he he he... my british friends... and it's just a word that I really really like... so... "cheers!"
My days have been very messed up in terms of schedule... and I am becoming more and more of a night person, I go to bed after 3am or things like that... and yesterday I wanted to go early since my plan was to wake up early today... so I went to bed and as expected, I just couldn't fall asleep... so... what to do?... well... to read of course!!!... and I got Lovecraft's book, and so, started reading it... I read one story... and then another one... and then started reading "the call of cthulhu"...
Good stuff... again It wasn't fear... but they were dark atmospheres... filles with screams, yells and despair... again I wasn't frightened as to throw the book away... but you could say that I was impressed by what was depicted on my mind... the stuff that was talked about... the rites... the fire... everything...
Anyway... at some point I decided it was enough, and tried to get some sleep again... then is when the fun part started...
I don't really think I was able to sleep at all at night... I kept thinking of all those things I saw while reading, and to be honest I was a little freaked out... at some point I even felt that someone was sitting in a chair by my bed, and I am not joking... I felt some prescence... and it was all messed up with a weird ambient... like I was half asleep and half awake... honest, I could have been sleeping, and just dreaming of me being awake in a messed up version of my room...
But somehow I got to feel like I was in one of those stories of old... of cthulhu and the ancients... this story that I was reading before I went to bed talked about dreams, and how in one week of a year a bunch of people had weird dreams... actually just like the one I had... in my "state of mind" I even got to hear stuff... or feel some mumbling in the air... like a prayer was being said somewhere far away.... or somewhere very deep in my mind...
All night was like that...
It's not the 1st time something like this happens to me... actually it's very easy that I dream with whatever thing I was doing for a long period of time... magic, a video game... or in this case a book...
The interesting part was that the scene of my "dream" was my very room... and the ambient was just like the nightmares that were described in the book... I could almost feel like one of the characters that were interviewed by this doctor from the story...
weird... should I stop reading that book at night?...
...
on the other hand... the day has been rather nice... the only thing that sucks is this kind of headache that has been with me all day... but I have spent most of the day with hector, since it's his bday, and it's been fun... we both are going through a rather similar stage in our lives... and he's fun to talk to about it, because he actually undestands...
so... FELIZ CUMPLEAÑOS COMPAÑERO!!!!...
I am on the messenger with daniel... and I just figured out that I kind of feel like the guy from ende's tale "the prison of liberty"... he basically has so many choices and doors open, that does nothing because he is afraid of crossing the wrong door... his liberty and the amount of choices in front of him are his own jail... he becomes numb, and does nothing because of fear... argh... I just hope I don't end up like that though...
... what I am to do?... where will I end up?...
... canada?... maybe... masters?... nah... not sure yet...
... honest... if I could just draw and color, and write for a living... wow... that would rock I think...
so... "ta ta"... cheers my friends...
by the way.... cheers I thing is something that I got from stuart and martin... he he he... my british friends... and it's just a word that I really really like... so... "cheers!"
Wednesday, February 25, 2004
Luveh Kerapf...
Luveh Kerapf was one of the ways in with H. P. Lovecraft used to sign his letters, that and another couple of odd names... which is funny... "Luveh Kerapf" actually sounds like "lovecraft"... based on that I started fooling around with names of people that I know, and I came up with quite a few that did sound interesing.
Ctorl Uhis
Lexmorh Hen-o
Dhan Ihel Tors
Serg Vilah Rhal
Jhez Zijel Zhahan Chers
Hern Jike Bahal Des
Guill Hermo Alkntarah
Grab Ihel M Fortny
Alanvah Haldes
Jhul Iothin Ajher-o
Can you tell which person are they based on?...
he he he... man I could go on for hours!!!... it's quite amuzing actually, and a good way to come up with names of fantasy characters for some stories if you ask me.
Anyway... I was reading this book that I bought from "luveh kerapf" and was getting a little annoyed that probably the translation would be must worse than I thought... then again, that's what happens when you buy a cheap book. The cool thing is that it wasn't that bad I bet, and it could actually be the author's style after all... and after a while, once I got used to the pace, I was so into the story that I really couldn't stop reading... the way the scenes were painted in my mind, the emotions... the fear... wow...
Now I've never read something "scary"... and so far I don't think this book is "scary" like "the ring movie"... but it's a book about fear... about darkness... a book that places you, the reader, in a position where you feel helpless in a world filled with wonders and horrors that are much bigger than the boggey man, that are ought to get you, and that you simply cannot stop them... And that's a cool kind of fear if you ask me!!... But I am only starting the book, so it could change... if at one point I actually throw the book away, or put it in the freezer because I get so freaked out, I shall let you know.
On the other hand I am impressed in how productive this day was... really... latelly I had been like lazy, but today I got a bunch of things done, I even worked out again!!... he he he... I am beggining to like this, I just need to start making money and I'd need no more. I worked rather hard in alfanime's web site and got pretty much all of it done... now... I just thought of something sad... argh... I gave gabo the news about ringo... damn... I feel down now...
Here is the thing, a great friend of yours sells you his car since he is going away... he gives it away at a rather reasonable price, and with a pretty cool way to give partial payments... Gabo was in love with his car, and to be honest to me it was always gabo's car... eventhough it was "ours" my brother and I always referred to it as ringo, and as gabo's... and then, one sad night, almost when we finished paying it, some stupid guy decides to crash at full speed on the back of ringo and mess the car up... No one got hurt, well, the other driver broke some ribs, and that is painfull... yet he will live and he... hmmmm... yes... he deserves the pain for being so careless... but the car?... the car got lost...
It's a happy story that no one was hurt... and I daresay that nothing happened to me because it was ringo, the car was of such a great quality that it took all the hit and distributed in such a way that I wasn't harmed at all... But ringo?... argh... he died... now we have no cool car... and I feel terrible with Gabo... and even more frustrated because I was hit by some stupid dude!!!... I mean, if I had been drunk it could at least be my fault... argh...
Damn it... I could rant on... but somehow it feels ok to stop it and give a moment of silence to Ringo... and a public sincere apologize to gabo... -man... you can hate me... you know we cared for that car... sniff... -
ps... (it would be: hector luis, alex moreno, daniel torres, sergio villarreal, jeziel sanchez, enrique valdes, guillermo alcantara, gabriel moreno, allan valdes, julio tinajero...the names from above)
Ctorl Uhis
Lexmorh Hen-o
Dhan Ihel Tors
Serg Vilah Rhal
Jhez Zijel Zhahan Chers
Hern Jike Bahal Des
Guill Hermo Alkntarah
Grab Ihel M Fortny
Alanvah Haldes
Jhul Iothin Ajher-o
Can you tell which person are they based on?...
he he he... man I could go on for hours!!!... it's quite amuzing actually, and a good way to come up with names of fantasy characters for some stories if you ask me.
Anyway... I was reading this book that I bought from "luveh kerapf" and was getting a little annoyed that probably the translation would be must worse than I thought... then again, that's what happens when you buy a cheap book. The cool thing is that it wasn't that bad I bet, and it could actually be the author's style after all... and after a while, once I got used to the pace, I was so into the story that I really couldn't stop reading... the way the scenes were painted in my mind, the emotions... the fear... wow...
Now I've never read something "scary"... and so far I don't think this book is "scary" like "the ring movie"... but it's a book about fear... about darkness... a book that places you, the reader, in a position where you feel helpless in a world filled with wonders and horrors that are much bigger than the boggey man, that are ought to get you, and that you simply cannot stop them... And that's a cool kind of fear if you ask me!!... But I am only starting the book, so it could change... if at one point I actually throw the book away, or put it in the freezer because I get so freaked out, I shall let you know.
On the other hand I am impressed in how productive this day was... really... latelly I had been like lazy, but today I got a bunch of things done, I even worked out again!!... he he he... I am beggining to like this, I just need to start making money and I'd need no more. I worked rather hard in alfanime's web site and got pretty much all of it done... now... I just thought of something sad... argh... I gave gabo the news about ringo... damn... I feel down now...
Here is the thing, a great friend of yours sells you his car since he is going away... he gives it away at a rather reasonable price, and with a pretty cool way to give partial payments... Gabo was in love with his car, and to be honest to me it was always gabo's car... eventhough it was "ours" my brother and I always referred to it as ringo, and as gabo's... and then, one sad night, almost when we finished paying it, some stupid guy decides to crash at full speed on the back of ringo and mess the car up... No one got hurt, well, the other driver broke some ribs, and that is painfull... yet he will live and he... hmmmm... yes... he deserves the pain for being so careless... but the car?... the car got lost...
It's a happy story that no one was hurt... and I daresay that nothing happened to me because it was ringo, the car was of such a great quality that it took all the hit and distributed in such a way that I wasn't harmed at all... But ringo?... argh... he died... now we have no cool car... and I feel terrible with Gabo... and even more frustrated because I was hit by some stupid dude!!!... I mean, if I had been drunk it could at least be my fault... argh...
Damn it... I could rant on... but somehow it feels ok to stop it and give a moment of silence to Ringo... and a public sincere apologize to gabo... -man... you can hate me... you know we cared for that car... sniff... -
ps... (it would be: hector luis, alex moreno, daniel torres, sergio villarreal, jeziel sanchez, enrique valdes, guillermo alcantara, gabriel moreno, allan valdes, julio tinajero...the names from above)
Tuesday, February 24, 2004
Dial up sucks..
All day long I tried to get online, and I just couldn't... I wasn't like I needed to, but msn and those things are the only way that I have to feel "wired" and a part of the world... like to have some conversation with "actual people"... It's a good thing I was able to download the stuff I needed to work today last night, other wise the day would have been wasted, and I would have been pissed.
Still now... yahoo mail has been loading since I started writting this and it doesn't even have the "login :: password" box yet... argh!!... I need to contact my ISP and see what the freak is wrong... I do need to check my email.
Anyway... I finished reading "100 años de soledad"... wow... wow... I don't know why I waited so long to read that book!... I guess it's just that the author and all, it sounded plain boring. I love reading, but I despise all the stuff that they made me read at school... actually most of the times I asked the teachers if I could read my own book instead of what they wanted me to read... the times that they did let me do that they ended up quite surprised, because my books usually were "fatter" than the suggested ones... he he he... and that earned me some weird looks by some class mates... So Gabriel Garcia Marquez is one of those authors that they make you read at school... and I guess deep in my mind there was a conection between him, his work, and how boring classes used to be... that's why I waited so long.
(still not able to check my mail... I am actually not on blogger... I am typing on notepad!)...
So this book tells the story of a town, since it's raise to it's decline... and a family that had a lot to do with how things happened over there... the story of Macondo and the Buendia family, and it's very hard to really say what it is about. Lets just say that the book manages to put together about 100 years of events in a very particular way, letting us know about the past, the future and how it all collides in the "present"... it's very common to see little glimpses of "what's going to happen"... then read several chapters later about it and be like "so that's what they were talking about"!... The book talks about dreams, all sort of dreams... about self delusions, figthing for a dream and losing, being in love... about excess, fests and famine... and about being lonelly.
The way the book ended gave me goose bumps... I really didn't know how he was going to end a story that just seemed to go on for ever...
... and then I was amused by tim burton's book "la tragica muerte del niño ostra"... he he he... funny verses and very cool drawings... I didn't know he started his career as an artist for disney...
(what the heck!!!!!... still not able to check my mail!!)...
One of the character's from Garcia Marquez' book, Aureliano, seemed to have a very cool life to me... he would spend his best hours just reading and reading and reading... he really cared about nothing but that, learning more, deciphering some old books, and travelling all over the world using his eyes as transport and his mind as a ticket... he knew about so many places, while he literally hadn't been out of his house ever... his life was devoted to reading, writing, and learning... that's a good life!!... He really didn't have much other hobbies or anything, nor he cared much about food... so money for him was unimportant...
And this made me think, a little, of a conversation that I had the other day with Pille... he has a dream, sort of... but to his parents he is totally out of his mind... I probably shouldn't talk about his plans here though... but the thing is that they are very very cool, and it's really a way of life that would bring him all the joy that he is looking for... the issue here is that so much is expected of us once we graduate, our families have expectations... they "know better"... so thinking about something a little out of the ordinary is like a suicide... not because you kill your self, but because all of a sudden you place your self in front of a moving train willing to destroy your dreams... and with out dreams you are nothing, probably just a zombie.
Pille was talking about a life that wasn't material at all... in terms of money he needed the bare minimum, stuff like that... and by knowing him I am sure he would make it and be sooo happy... but hey!!... you studied all those years?, in the "best university"?... and will end up like that?!... what about a family?... your kids?... the stuff you want?... bla bla bla...
A lot of the things that are expected of a young man are based on the "outside"... material needs... what if you really don't care about that?... what if you find a way of life that really doesn't have an issue... sure, you may not be able to buy a bunch of things and all... but what if you really don't care about buying a bunch of things?!?!... that could really happen... and while to the eyes of a bunch of people you would be "poor", to your eyes you would be happy, and those other people would be wasting their lives in stuff that doesn't really make them full as a person.
Now... you need balance of course... you want to travel and all that?... well then you better figure out a way to make money... the important thing, I guess, is to realize what is it that YOU want in your life... not what others think you should want... once you figure out your "dreamlife", then you can think of ways to make it happen... and even if that dreamlife is in direct conflict with the "status quo" you have to keep going... and keep thinking that the world is where it is because of all the people that didn't settle on how it was in their time... he he he... I do like that idea, don't I?... now that I think about it maybe I should stop writting about that... this blog thing will become rather boring if I just focus on that idea...
Still now... yahoo mail has been loading since I started writting this and it doesn't even have the "login :: password" box yet... argh!!... I need to contact my ISP and see what the freak is wrong... I do need to check my email.
Anyway... I finished reading "100 años de soledad"... wow... wow... I don't know why I waited so long to read that book!... I guess it's just that the author and all, it sounded plain boring. I love reading, but I despise all the stuff that they made me read at school... actually most of the times I asked the teachers if I could read my own book instead of what they wanted me to read... the times that they did let me do that they ended up quite surprised, because my books usually were "fatter" than the suggested ones... he he he... and that earned me some weird looks by some class mates... So Gabriel Garcia Marquez is one of those authors that they make you read at school... and I guess deep in my mind there was a conection between him, his work, and how boring classes used to be... that's why I waited so long.
(still not able to check my mail... I am actually not on blogger... I am typing on notepad!)...
So this book tells the story of a town, since it's raise to it's decline... and a family that had a lot to do with how things happened over there... the story of Macondo and the Buendia family, and it's very hard to really say what it is about. Lets just say that the book manages to put together about 100 years of events in a very particular way, letting us know about the past, the future and how it all collides in the "present"... it's very common to see little glimpses of "what's going to happen"... then read several chapters later about it and be like "so that's what they were talking about"!... The book talks about dreams, all sort of dreams... about self delusions, figthing for a dream and losing, being in love... about excess, fests and famine... and about being lonelly.
The way the book ended gave me goose bumps... I really didn't know how he was going to end a story that just seemed to go on for ever...
... and then I was amused by tim burton's book "la tragica muerte del niño ostra"... he he he... funny verses and very cool drawings... I didn't know he started his career as an artist for disney...
(what the heck!!!!!... still not able to check my mail!!)...
One of the character's from Garcia Marquez' book, Aureliano, seemed to have a very cool life to me... he would spend his best hours just reading and reading and reading... he really cared about nothing but that, learning more, deciphering some old books, and travelling all over the world using his eyes as transport and his mind as a ticket... he knew about so many places, while he literally hadn't been out of his house ever... his life was devoted to reading, writing, and learning... that's a good life!!... He really didn't have much other hobbies or anything, nor he cared much about food... so money for him was unimportant...
And this made me think, a little, of a conversation that I had the other day with Pille... he has a dream, sort of... but to his parents he is totally out of his mind... I probably shouldn't talk about his plans here though... but the thing is that they are very very cool, and it's really a way of life that would bring him all the joy that he is looking for... the issue here is that so much is expected of us once we graduate, our families have expectations... they "know better"... so thinking about something a little out of the ordinary is like a suicide... not because you kill your self, but because all of a sudden you place your self in front of a moving train willing to destroy your dreams... and with out dreams you are nothing, probably just a zombie.
Pille was talking about a life that wasn't material at all... in terms of money he needed the bare minimum, stuff like that... and by knowing him I am sure he would make it and be sooo happy... but hey!!... you studied all those years?, in the "best university"?... and will end up like that?!... what about a family?... your kids?... the stuff you want?... bla bla bla...
A lot of the things that are expected of a young man are based on the "outside"... material needs... what if you really don't care about that?... what if you find a way of life that really doesn't have an issue... sure, you may not be able to buy a bunch of things and all... but what if you really don't care about buying a bunch of things?!?!... that could really happen... and while to the eyes of a bunch of people you would be "poor", to your eyes you would be happy, and those other people would be wasting their lives in stuff that doesn't really make them full as a person.
Now... you need balance of course... you want to travel and all that?... well then you better figure out a way to make money... the important thing, I guess, is to realize what is it that YOU want in your life... not what others think you should want... once you figure out your "dreamlife", then you can think of ways to make it happen... and even if that dreamlife is in direct conflict with the "status quo" you have to keep going... and keep thinking that the world is where it is because of all the people that didn't settle on how it was in their time... he he he... I do like that idea, don't I?... now that I think about it maybe I should stop writting about that... this blog thing will become rather boring if I just focus on that idea...
Monday, February 23, 2004
My arms tremble...
Ahhhh... so tired... but in a way that feels so good... for the 1st time in months I actually did some work out!!!... He he he... a part of me is motivated because of a wager, a bet that I made with the guys from innox, one in which we all have to lose quite some weight before the 30th of April... pretty much we all have to arrive to our "ideal weight", so I have to lose about 4 or 5 kilos, that or pay an xbox for the office... he he he... now I don't know if they will be able to have an xbox in the new office, but what I am sure of is that the bet is still on, and by that date, some way or another, we will all have an xbox!!!... Then again, the other part of me just wants to feel healthy... to be able to let stress out, sleep better at night and all those nice things about life... I guess I can take away one hour of my day, if it's going to give me better quality on the other 23... besides I can always think as I work out, and I am realizing that thinking is one of my hobbies...
Today I felt bad again, I went to pick my dad up, and on the way back some man did a quick wash to our car in a stop light... one of those that they do with some dry thing that makes it look rather clean afterwards... anyway, he worked so hard, you could see the stress in his muscles, and so quick aswell... he was so happy when my dad said "yes, go for it" since most people didn't want him to touch his car...
Why did I feel bad?... because there I was... looking at him... being so happy because my dad said "go for it" and working so much for quite a few cash... and me?... wondering about my life... trying to come up with ways to make money and still enjoy my time... devote my self to projects that would be fullfilling in a personal and financial way... blah, blah, blah... That guy cannot afford to think of that, he has to clean as much cars as he can to support his family!!... And yet, I complain... that makes me feel like trash... I really don't know what I will end up doing...
In a way I feel that it's not only my right, but my obligation to be happy, to find a good profession, make money but aswell feel good about it... all those things... Like, all that people are unhappy and working shitty jobs... I feel in a way bad for them, but then I feel more responsible since I have the choice, like I do have to pursue my dream... I have the chance, I have to go for it!!! right?... all those people, if they were given the opportunity that I have, I bet they would go for it... now it sucks that life is not fair... but I guess that's why I have to work hard, to make my chance worth it, to use the tools that were, for some reason, given to me.
Oh the other hand I realize that I am a part of about 4 long term projects... good in one way, but I need to find a way to make money real fast... "Fast money" doesn't exist... but I need cash, I need to be able to make a living, and even if those projects will give money in more that a year, I have to find something to support my self during that 1st year... I wonder what Rich Dad would advice?... hmmm... no I know what he sais, he sais "find a job"... but what you do with the money you earn makes a difference between the employee and the business man... during the day your are an employee, but what you do in your "free time" and with the money you make, is what makes the difference... is that it?... should I find a sort of job just to have liquid money for a while?... but then again manage to keep all the projects going?... he he he... craaazy...
Wow my feet are tired!!!... I walked so much today!... with regine (pancho's girl) and diego... I had a good time with those two going downtown Guadalajara... if they had half the good time that I did, I bet the day was worth it for them too... Anyway regine is pancho's girl and she's from germany, that's why going downtown would be appealing for her!... he he he... Now I regret not taking more french, since that's her 2nd language... english is not her best, yet we managed quite well... and even the language issues made the touring more fun!... you can always get good laughs because of that.
ahhhhh ... I am just babbling... and I need to start working on a web page and a logo... paid?... guess what?!... no!!... he he he...
**cheers
Today I felt bad again, I went to pick my dad up, and on the way back some man did a quick wash to our car in a stop light... one of those that they do with some dry thing that makes it look rather clean afterwards... anyway, he worked so hard, you could see the stress in his muscles, and so quick aswell... he was so happy when my dad said "yes, go for it" since most people didn't want him to touch his car...
Why did I feel bad?... because there I was... looking at him... being so happy because my dad said "go for it" and working so much for quite a few cash... and me?... wondering about my life... trying to come up with ways to make money and still enjoy my time... devote my self to projects that would be fullfilling in a personal and financial way... blah, blah, blah... That guy cannot afford to think of that, he has to clean as much cars as he can to support his family!!... And yet, I complain... that makes me feel like trash... I really don't know what I will end up doing...
In a way I feel that it's not only my right, but my obligation to be happy, to find a good profession, make money but aswell feel good about it... all those things... Like, all that people are unhappy and working shitty jobs... I feel in a way bad for them, but then I feel more responsible since I have the choice, like I do have to pursue my dream... I have the chance, I have to go for it!!! right?... all those people, if they were given the opportunity that I have, I bet they would go for it... now it sucks that life is not fair... but I guess that's why I have to work hard, to make my chance worth it, to use the tools that were, for some reason, given to me.
Oh the other hand I realize that I am a part of about 4 long term projects... good in one way, but I need to find a way to make money real fast... "Fast money" doesn't exist... but I need cash, I need to be able to make a living, and even if those projects will give money in more that a year, I have to find something to support my self during that 1st year... I wonder what Rich Dad would advice?... hmmm... no I know what he sais, he sais "find a job"... but what you do with the money you earn makes a difference between the employee and the business man... during the day your are an employee, but what you do in your "free time" and with the money you make, is what makes the difference... is that it?... should I find a sort of job just to have liquid money for a while?... but then again manage to keep all the projects going?... he he he... craaazy...
Wow my feet are tired!!!... I walked so much today!... with regine (pancho's girl) and diego... I had a good time with those two going downtown Guadalajara... if they had half the good time that I did, I bet the day was worth it for them too... Anyway regine is pancho's girl and she's from germany, that's why going downtown would be appealing for her!... he he he... Now I regret not taking more french, since that's her 2nd language... english is not her best, yet we managed quite well... and even the language issues made the touring more fun!... you can always get good laughs because of that.
ahhhhh ... I am just babbling... and I need to start working on a web page and a logo... paid?... guess what?!... no!!... he he he...
**cheers
Sunday, February 22, 2004
Am I really that wrong?
Am I really that wrong?
I am so pissed right now... argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...
Am I really that wrong?!... why do this things happen over and over?!...
I hate it that my brother says "hector wants to go" and asks "hector do you want to go or stay?"... why cannot he make a choice, why does he have to put all the f%&/ing weigth of the responsability on my shoulders?!... And besides, if I do make a choice, he f/()ing thinks I am actually lying!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!... As if I lie!!!!!... I really wanted to stay at ireri's just watching the TV, at least over there they were watching cool stuff, at home my mom always puts the most hiddeous things on the TV... and then I really wanted to go to the movies with them... but for some magic reason my brother thinks it's a lie or something like that... and he kindly suggest that we go, because "I" (my self) really want to go home....
He claims that he wanted to stay at ireri's... he claims that I am the one who wanted to go and all... why?!?!... because he decided, all of a sudden... that I was lying!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.... fuck it....
ARGH!!!!!...
I am rather frustrated... can't you tell?!?!?!?!?!...
On the way home I almost decided to crash into something, or start speeding like crazy... the one thought that kept me from doing it was that I actually had some laughs and all today... which is good... being silly with pancho and his girlfriend regine, who happens to be a pretty nice girl, and me and diego will hang out with her tomorrow just to go around the city... that's cool... only that!!...
Then I come home and there is some issue with my parents about the car... my dad gets weirdly mad.......
This is not healthy... well... writing this is... but not feeling upset like this... man I so wish I could make enough money to move out of my house... my parents, all... they are nice people, but latelly they get on my nerves very easily... it may be my fault... but I do need the space...
breath in... breath out...
breath in... breath out...
It was being a rather good day... why?!... why did it end like that?...
Then again... it's not over yet... I could play a cool video-game... broswe online and read about writting and scripts... read "cien a?os de soledad"... or check out carefully this new comic that I bought... "the monolith"... which has a gollem on it, and gollems are cool... and the storytelling is awesome, and the art is just fine... it doesn't "jump" out of the page, but it's really good... Most of the new comics are just very cool art and color, but the story telling just doesn't cut it... this one, the art and all just help tell the story in a better way... which as a whole, I feel, makes a better comic.
I am so pissed right now... argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...
Am I really that wrong?!... why do this things happen over and over?!...
I hate it that my brother says "hector wants to go" and asks "hector do you want to go or stay?"... why cannot he make a choice, why does he have to put all the f%&/ing weigth of the responsability on my shoulders?!... And besides, if I do make a choice, he f/()ing thinks I am actually lying!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!... As if I lie!!!!!... I really wanted to stay at ireri's just watching the TV, at least over there they were watching cool stuff, at home my mom always puts the most hiddeous things on the TV... and then I really wanted to go to the movies with them... but for some magic reason my brother thinks it's a lie or something like that... and he kindly suggest that we go, because "I" (my self) really want to go home....
He claims that he wanted to stay at ireri's... he claims that I am the one who wanted to go and all... why?!?!... because he decided, all of a sudden... that I was lying!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.... fuck it....
ARGH!!!!!...
I am rather frustrated... can't you tell?!?!?!?!?!...
On the way home I almost decided to crash into something, or start speeding like crazy... the one thought that kept me from doing it was that I actually had some laughs and all today... which is good... being silly with pancho and his girlfriend regine, who happens to be a pretty nice girl, and me and diego will hang out with her tomorrow just to go around the city... that's cool... only that!!...
Then I come home and there is some issue with my parents about the car... my dad gets weirdly mad.......
This is not healthy... well... writing this is... but not feeling upset like this... man I so wish I could make enough money to move out of my house... my parents, all... they are nice people, but latelly they get on my nerves very easily... it may be my fault... but I do need the space...
breath in... breath out...
breath in... breath out...
It was being a rather good day... why?!... why did it end like that?...
Then again... it's not over yet... I could play a cool video-game... broswe online and read about writting and scripts... read "cien a?os de soledad"... or check out carefully this new comic that I bought... "the monolith"... which has a gollem on it, and gollems are cool... and the storytelling is awesome, and the art is just fine... it doesn't "jump" out of the page, but it's really good... Most of the new comics are just very cool art and color, but the story telling just doesn't cut it... this one, the art and all just help tell the story in a better way... which as a whole, I feel, makes a better comic.
to walk or not to walk...
Yesterday was a busy day, being saturday and all I couldn't belp but to be in meetings since 10am till bout 7pm... It was tiresome to be honest, but it was pretty cool, since both projects are the kind of things that I want to devote my self to. One of them is the comic that we are doing, and it was actually the one that took the better part of my day... but we share about the comic, discuss the ideas, scenes, stuff to happen and all... it was to me a little frustrating because it was a great way to see that I am really not having all the "quality" time that I want for this project... and I wish I could devote my self almost entirely to it... but I can't, and it pisses me off...
argh!....
On the other hand I was given some weird news aswell, and it was funny... The guys from innox sold a big share to their company to some other software development firm and all, and they are actually moving out from the place that they invested so much in and all that... it must be some great news for them... And I am sure that if they manage everything well they will end up right where they wanted in a much quicker way... At the same time I can't help to remember what happened to a small company in which a friend worked, that was so good that some big guys got interested on it... so much that they even offered them offices and all in "concentro"... and well, something did happen with that small company and it's owners after about two years of the "deal"... The company was gone, and the owners where just employees of this bigger firm...
Argh... I guess the thing does sound familiar because of the "concentro" thing and all that about being "buddies" with a larger firm for a while and all... I so hope everything goes well for this guys... I really really do... Why can't I help to think of that though?... Juan Carlos (yanx) is very smart, somehow the leader I've always think, I bet he will keep an eye on things... at it's time I shall approach them and talk to him about it maybe... but I am afraid that the only "tricky" party is that since I just got out of innox it may feel like I don't have an objective approach to things... And anyway, I bet that at least the owners of that other company got paid some good cash for their share, and that's cool too I guess... and my friend never referred to the event as something negative, it was actually the better way for them to reach that status so soon... I guess it all depends in the way you see it... the glass can always be half full if you are carefull enough to find the proper approach.
Moving on... the project from the evening is PRETTY COOL!!!.... it's by deffinition "no business", at it's best it will be a business to support only it's self but not ourselves... but I love it, and if everything goes well it won't take a hell of a lot ouf our times, and at the same time we will do something great!!... it will be like a cultural thing, one space in which poets, writters and artist can be published and seen... and the media will be t-shirts... and I am exited about it!!...
Hmmm... I just read again the title of this thing... I just wanted to write about how much I enjoyed my time walking from "la minerva" to the coffee place "la paloma"... he he he... wow!.. I did rant a lot to get into that... anyway, I just do... I love walking... Walking with no hurry, and long distances, is one of the things I enjoy to do the most!!!... Now, for somepeople it's a huge waste of time, I guess that just like to me driving is a waste of time... When I walk I can think a lot, I can even read, I excersice, and it's a time in which I get the best ideas somehow... I guess oxigen does work for the brain in some amazing way... I remember how I enjoyed walking so much while was abroad... I get like in a zen state, and even "street - crossing" isn't that bad... I wish I just had the life, or the time, to just be able to move around by walking... he he he... I bet I need to move to a smaller town for that.
....
I had a good talk with Hector and Enrique last night... we are soo in the same channel... and even situation in more than one way... it's almost funny how so much is said with so few words, or how much we understand each other... I wonder where life will take us... I hope some place happy... ^_^
....
I just remembered something... late at night I hanged out with victor and his friends in the "glorieta de los ni?os heroes"... I was actually having a great time being silly with them, until I saw that close by was a guy sleeping inside a box... and once we sang something he moved a little... fuck it!... I got so frustrated and sad... and even with my self, I complain a lot about my current status, but dude at least I have a place to sleep... and a computer to write all this... I live in luxury compared to this guy... why?... why is life so fucking unfair?... argh.... and yes, maybe the guy is just a lazy bum... maybe... but was he given the same chances that we were given?... And there was trully nothing I could do for him, and at the same thing his status, mine, and the whole situation just did put me really down... I hate being "from derecha"... why can't I just don't care?....
argh!....
On the other hand I was given some weird news aswell, and it was funny... The guys from innox sold a big share to their company to some other software development firm and all, and they are actually moving out from the place that they invested so much in and all that... it must be some great news for them... And I am sure that if they manage everything well they will end up right where they wanted in a much quicker way... At the same time I can't help to remember what happened to a small company in which a friend worked, that was so good that some big guys got interested on it... so much that they even offered them offices and all in "concentro"... and well, something did happen with that small company and it's owners after about two years of the "deal"... The company was gone, and the owners where just employees of this bigger firm...
Argh... I guess the thing does sound familiar because of the "concentro" thing and all that about being "buddies" with a larger firm for a while and all... I so hope everything goes well for this guys... I really really do... Why can't I help to think of that though?... Juan Carlos (yanx) is very smart, somehow the leader I've always think, I bet he will keep an eye on things... at it's time I shall approach them and talk to him about it maybe... but I am afraid that the only "tricky" party is that since I just got out of innox it may feel like I don't have an objective approach to things... And anyway, I bet that at least the owners of that other company got paid some good cash for their share, and that's cool too I guess... and my friend never referred to the event as something negative, it was actually the better way for them to reach that status so soon... I guess it all depends in the way you see it... the glass can always be half full if you are carefull enough to find the proper approach.
Moving on... the project from the evening is PRETTY COOL!!!.... it's by deffinition "no business", at it's best it will be a business to support only it's self but not ourselves... but I love it, and if everything goes well it won't take a hell of a lot ouf our times, and at the same time we will do something great!!... it will be like a cultural thing, one space in which poets, writters and artist can be published and seen... and the media will be t-shirts... and I am exited about it!!...
Hmmm... I just read again the title of this thing... I just wanted to write about how much I enjoyed my time walking from "la minerva" to the coffee place "la paloma"... he he he... wow!.. I did rant a lot to get into that... anyway, I just do... I love walking... Walking with no hurry, and long distances, is one of the things I enjoy to do the most!!!... Now, for somepeople it's a huge waste of time, I guess that just like to me driving is a waste of time... When I walk I can think a lot, I can even read, I excersice, and it's a time in which I get the best ideas somehow... I guess oxigen does work for the brain in some amazing way... I remember how I enjoyed walking so much while was abroad... I get like in a zen state, and even "street - crossing" isn't that bad... I wish I just had the life, or the time, to just be able to move around by walking... he he he... I bet I need to move to a smaller town for that.
....
I had a good talk with Hector and Enrique last night... we are soo in the same channel... and even situation in more than one way... it's almost funny how so much is said with so few words, or how much we understand each other... I wonder where life will take us... I hope some place happy... ^_^
....
I just remembered something... late at night I hanged out with victor and his friends in the "glorieta de los ni?os heroes"... I was actually having a great time being silly with them, until I saw that close by was a guy sleeping inside a box... and once we sang something he moved a little... fuck it!... I got so frustrated and sad... and even with my self, I complain a lot about my current status, but dude at least I have a place to sleep... and a computer to write all this... I live in luxury compared to this guy... why?... why is life so fucking unfair?... argh.... and yes, maybe the guy is just a lazy bum... maybe... but was he given the same chances that we were given?... And there was trully nothing I could do for him, and at the same thing his status, mine, and the whole situation just did put me really down... I hate being "from derecha"... why can't I just don't care?....
Friday, February 20, 2004
so odd...
Sometimes something weird happens to me... I say stuff, or so I think, and then... for some reason... I feel like the words were never spoken... that they were never on the air... it's not like nobody listened... When you say something, and the words are not heard, they are still there... in the air... you feel how your mouth did let them go away... how your tongue articulated them...
But in those odd times you almost think that... I don't know... you thought so much of saying it, that somehow your braind built up the memory of how those words would sound and all... but yet you could swear they were just a thought... that your mouth didn't even move a bit...
The words do echo in your mind... but somehow they do not in the "real" world... and then sometimes you feel to ackward as to ask around something like "hey... did I say this?"... because sometimes it's even worse... you "say" something.. "someone" responds... but you feel the same... like probably it was made up in a weird way by your brain.... because the sounds in your mind just don't seem real... and you cannot really see them in the real world... it's like they traveled some place weird...
...
it freaks me out... and it happened several times today...
did I have a "word-stealer" close to me?... hmmm.... I haven't heard of those guys before.... but that could explain things...
by the way... I fell... I couldn't stop my self and ended up buying comics... he he he... oh well... go me!
But in those odd times you almost think that... I don't know... you thought so much of saying it, that somehow your braind built up the memory of how those words would sound and all... but yet you could swear they were just a thought... that your mouth didn't even move a bit...
The words do echo in your mind... but somehow they do not in the "real" world... and then sometimes you feel to ackward as to ask around something like "hey... did I say this?"... because sometimes it's even worse... you "say" something.. "someone" responds... but you feel the same... like probably it was made up in a weird way by your brain.... because the sounds in your mind just don't seem real... and you cannot really see them in the real world... it's like they traveled some place weird...
...
it freaks me out... and it happened several times today...
did I have a "word-stealer" close to me?... hmmm.... I haven't heard of those guys before.... but that could explain things...
by the way... I fell... I couldn't stop my self and ended up buying comics... he he he... oh well... go me!
just wondering...
how many comic books could I afford with out destroying my economy for the next two months?... Jeziel just called to say that comic castle had discounts of over 50% on some of their stuff... I knew they where going to have discounts, I just decided to stay away from them though, because my income is rather inconsistent latelly... but 50%... man... how can you let that pass?...
and now... comics aren't just for fun... at least not to me... they are an "investment"... latelly I spend minutes on each page, analyzing all of it... how they inked it, the wording... trying to imagine how I would color that and all... and it's because I am seriously trying to get into this business and get stuff published... that's pretty much the reason of KaraoKulta to exist... to ilustrate and publish comics...
so... if I am serious about this thing... then... buying a comic would be an investment right?
and taking advantage of the discounts would just be convenient right?...
... so... if I don't go buy some stuff, I would be actually going against my dream right?...
so that's it... I have to buy some... it's just like that!
.... he he he.... now I am trying to convince my self... it isn't really working...
I guess I'll end up buying some just because I am a shop-a-holic and need the comics... period... no better reason than to satisfy my geeky needs...
now to work, let's see how the day goes...
and now... comics aren't just for fun... at least not to me... they are an "investment"... latelly I spend minutes on each page, analyzing all of it... how they inked it, the wording... trying to imagine how I would color that and all... and it's because I am seriously trying to get into this business and get stuff published... that's pretty much the reason of KaraoKulta to exist... to ilustrate and publish comics...
so... if I am serious about this thing... then... buying a comic would be an investment right?
and taking advantage of the discounts would just be convenient right?...
... so... if I don't go buy some stuff, I would be actually going against my dream right?...
so that's it... I have to buy some... it's just like that!
.... he he he.... now I am trying to convince my self... it isn't really working...
I guess I'll end up buying some just because I am a shop-a-holic and need the comics... period... no better reason than to satisfy my geeky needs...
now to work, let's see how the day goes...
it will come... maybe
As we were driving on the way home I thought of something great... I just had a brilliant idea, one of those that I was sure would "read" great once it's written, and I was as well terribly excited about writing it... Then reality hit me and I had to tag alone with my father and my brother, wait as they had their haircuts done and all... wasted quite some time... I actually did draw a little... but nothing great.
Anyway... once I got home... that great idea had vanished... and I hate it!... I can't stop thinking about what the freak it
was that I thought of!!!!... and it's killing me... kind of in those times in which you know the face of the actor, you've
seen the guy in quite some movies, but your brain still manages to block his name and there's no force on earth that will make it come to surface... yet you crave to find it... remmeber it... but nothing... frustrated as you get you are forced to "forget about it" and move on... still, eventually something happens that makes you remember it for some odd reason, and then... only then... you can finally give clossure to that matter.
I am afraid something like that will happen here...
actually... me being writting all this is a symptom... it's just me struggling to remember that bright idea...
hmmm.... it's not comming along though...
**sigh**
let it go.
Anyway... once I got home... that great idea had vanished... and I hate it!... I can't stop thinking about what the freak it
was that I thought of!!!!... and it's killing me... kind of in those times in which you know the face of the actor, you've
seen the guy in quite some movies, but your brain still manages to block his name and there's no force on earth that will make it come to surface... yet you crave to find it... remmeber it... but nothing... frustrated as you get you are forced to "forget about it" and move on... still, eventually something happens that makes you remember it for some odd reason, and then... only then... you can finally give clossure to that matter.
I am afraid something like that will happen here...
actually... me being writting all this is a symptom... it's just me struggling to remember that bright idea...
hmmm.... it's not comming along though...
**sigh**
let it go.
Thursday, February 19, 2004
Driving me nuts...
I so hate driving... I really don't understand how so many guys find it so appealing, cars and all... I respect it I gues... just as I respect people who enjoy any other nonsense... but cars?!... driving?!...
I am soooo moving to a smaller city... maybe one in which I can move around with a bike, or somewhere with a decent public transportation system.... anything would do... The problem is that I do like going places, meeting people, and in other to do that I have to drive... And as I drive I get frustrated... I start wishing I'd be reading instead, drawing... and in Guadalajara... argh... people drive terribly, maybe I do aswell... but the bunch of us like that... argh!... so much stress... I am not up for stress.
Smaller city?... but big opportunities are in the big ones!!!... right?... sucks... thanks to the internet I guess that can be no longer an issue...
"as long as the place has a way to get wired there's a way to get hired"... Or at least I hope so...
...
why "in the blink of an eye"... it's a phrase that I got stuck in my head since yesterday... I don't know if it is because there are moments in our life in which we just strive to find meaning in everything... but this movie from yesterday made me think, yet again, about the magic of life, and how tragic it is that some people realize it's magic only after an accident... after a "second chance"... and it's even worse that most people never even realize it's wonders because their life was so lame that there wasn't even a heart attact to survive, nor was there a second chance... why can't we enjoy our first?... after all... time does go by in the blink of an eye... let's make it worth the trouble.
I am soooo moving to a smaller city... maybe one in which I can move around with a bike, or somewhere with a decent public transportation system.... anything would do... The problem is that I do like going places, meeting people, and in other to do that I have to drive... And as I drive I get frustrated... I start wishing I'd be reading instead, drawing... and in Guadalajara... argh... people drive terribly, maybe I do aswell... but the bunch of us like that... argh!... so much stress... I am not up for stress.
Smaller city?... but big opportunities are in the big ones!!!... right?... sucks... thanks to the internet I guess that can be no longer an issue...
"as long as the place has a way to get wired there's a way to get hired"... Or at least I hope so...
...
why "in the blink of an eye"... it's a phrase that I got stuck in my head since yesterday... I don't know if it is because there are moments in our life in which we just strive to find meaning in everything... but this movie from yesterday made me think, yet again, about the magic of life, and how tragic it is that some people realize it's magic only after an accident... after a "second chance"... and it's even worse that most people never even realize it's wonders because their life was so lame that there wasn't even a heart attact to survive, nor was there a second chance... why can't we enjoy our first?... after all... time does go by in the blink of an eye... let's make it worth the trouble.
Life in Macomb
I just finished putting together all the emails I sent to my list of friends while I was abroad... I really did write a lot!!!...
It's here:
vidaenwiu.blogspot.com
It did put me in a weird mood... to remember all those things... anyway, it's in spanish... now as a blog, for me to browse, and for anyone else to read...
By the way, I feel like I could tell that story in a much richer way... if some friends still have copies of some cool emails they ever sent, or emails I sent to them... please, send them over here!!... I will try and make a good story out of all this...
It's here:
vidaenwiu.blogspot.com
It did put me in a weird mood... to remember all those things... anyway, it's in spanish... now as a blog, for me to browse, and for anyone else to read...
By the way, I feel like I could tell that story in a much richer way... if some friends still have copies of some cool emails they ever sent, or emails I sent to them... please, send them over here!!... I will try and make a good story out of all this...
It's almost funny
I just read the last entry to my blog... well, not the "testing 1,2,3..." the one about my life... so much has happened since then... but I guess that one entry was like foretelling my current status...
Now I find my self as a free agent, starting up 3 different projects of mine, and working on projects with another two companies... sounds like a lot of work, but somehow I al terribly relaxed... thrilled... a good mix of everything... As for now I really don't know where my life is taking me, where will I end up... but It feels oddly ok... maybe this is what the taoists mean when they say "go with the flow"...
At this point in my life I realize that, most likelly, I will not be able to pursue all the interest that I have... at least not to the point of excellence in all of them... which is fine... I rather have a bunch of unfinished things in my life, than a life that wasn't worth living, even for one thing... so many people seem to "live" in such a way that seems like a waste to me... my way, I am sure, seems like a waste to many others aswell... but I rest assured that, everynight, when I go to bed, I have a ton of things in my head, ideas, projects and dreams... things that keep me going... things to pursue...
... and then, sometimes, I wonder how is it possible that some people don't live by their dreams?... not even on their free time they are "someone"... are they happy just being "extras" in the game of life?... We are sooooo conditioned about the way "life should be", about what is expected of us... sometimes it pisses me off... the one good thing is that I manage to keep in mind that, the world as we know it, is at it is, because of all the people that, in their time, didn't settle for what the world just expected of them.
Anyway... hopefully this blog will come to life again... it deserves it... and I will try to write in english mostly, for some friends of mine that live in places such as hong kong, england and mongolia... he he he... but then again, this is really just a mirror of my self... and there will be those times in which the best way to settle my thoughts will be in spanish...
Now I find my self as a free agent, starting up 3 different projects of mine, and working on projects with another two companies... sounds like a lot of work, but somehow I al terribly relaxed... thrilled... a good mix of everything... As for now I really don't know where my life is taking me, where will I end up... but It feels oddly ok... maybe this is what the taoists mean when they say "go with the flow"...
At this point in my life I realize that, most likelly, I will not be able to pursue all the interest that I have... at least not to the point of excellence in all of them... which is fine... I rather have a bunch of unfinished things in my life, than a life that wasn't worth living, even for one thing... so many people seem to "live" in such a way that seems like a waste to me... my way, I am sure, seems like a waste to many others aswell... but I rest assured that, everynight, when I go to bed, I have a ton of things in my head, ideas, projects and dreams... things that keep me going... things to pursue...
... and then, sometimes, I wonder how is it possible that some people don't live by their dreams?... not even on their free time they are "someone"... are they happy just being "extras" in the game of life?... We are sooooo conditioned about the way "life should be", about what is expected of us... sometimes it pisses me off... the one good thing is that I manage to keep in mind that, the world as we know it, is at it is, because of all the people that, in their time, didn't settle for what the world just expected of them.
Anyway... hopefully this blog will come to life again... it deserves it... and I will try to write in english mostly, for some friends of mine that live in places such as hong kong, england and mongolia... he he he... but then again, this is really just a mirror of my self... and there will be those times in which the best way to settle my thoughts will be in spanish...
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