[update, version revisada]
punto de vista meramente metafísico y metafórico. Desde el punto de vista platónico de esa mujer ideal que existe, por lo menos, en ese mundo de los conceptos perfectos, del cual toda realidad es un mero reflejo distorcionado. Y bueno, al mundo ese platónico y genérico ni me meto, porque al final eso de lo ideal es muy subjetivo, y lo que es muy muy bueno para mí, bien probablemente le sea totalmente inclusive a otra persona.
Pongámonos solo de acuerdo en que esa mujer existe, si bien no en un mundo platónico del que todos robamos suspiros, por lo menos en la mente de cada quien. Y esa mujer ideal es tambien integral. Toda ella con todas sus facetas. Su luz, y su sombra. Lo que admiramos. Lo que nos asusta.
Y hablo, también, de la mujer desde un punto de vista que, aunque es íntimo, es más bien impersonal. Es decir, no hablo de la mía. No, está mal dicho eso de "la mía". Porque además de que no se puede nunca reclamar como propiedad a nadie en sí, es aún menos justo y probable que lo hagamos, por lo menos diciendo la verdad, refiriéndonos a una mujer.
La mujer si acaso se presta a alguién, pero siempre permanece suya (o sea, de ella y nadie más). Ella es dueña de sus sueños, de sus anhelos, de sus miedos y fantasías. Curiosamente, esos mismos sueños, miedos, anhelos y fantasías, son dueños de ella al mismo tiempo.
Es, sin ser, de éste mundo. Está presente aquí y ahora, más se mantiene siempre atemporal.
De esta forma se mantiene esa dualidad tan mágica, llena de misterio y con un halo de irrealidad, pero al mismo tiempo tan real, tan aquí, lista para ser tocada... Tan deseable. Por cierto, se usa la palabra misterio con un muy amplio sentido, incluyéndo el concepto de incomprensibles. Estoy convencido de que, la mayoría de las veces, ni ellas se comprenden a sí mismas.
Si esto fuera página en papel, esta sería una buena nota al pie: Comprender viene del latín. Cum sería la primera parte. La segunda, deberíamos escribirla con una "h", o sea: prehender. Ese cum, o com, habla de realizar la actividad en grupo. El hombre pues, no se entiende solo, no se comprende solo, lo hace en grupo y gracias al espejo que le da, de sí mismo, la sociedad. Prehender nos habla de agarrar, de atrapar, pero de manera profunda. Hasta adentro. Hasta las entrañas y sin escapatorias. Tomarlo completamente, entenderlo en el sentido más íntimo.
Pero no es nota al pie, y apoya al argumento. Es decir: A la mujer no se le puede comprender. Punto.
Docenas de ejemplos me brincan a la mente. En verdad. Uno divertido son las maneras tan diferentes en las que nosotros, y ellas, entendemos un par de palabras. Claro caso el del significado de "Compartir Sentimientos"...
A la mujer le agrada que el hombre comparta sus sentimientos. Esto no quiere decir, para nada, que los platique!. Y de eso apenas estoy aprendiendo a darme cuenta. Platicar es verbalizar, es poner en lenguaje y por lo tanto, filtrar y procesar ideas. Platicar es racionalizar. Y eso, aunque lo hacen muy bien, no es la especialidad de la mujer. La especialidad de la mujer pues, es la de sentir.
No es adecuado, ni en verdad ayuda, si un hombre trata de desmenuzar con palabras lo que esta sucediendo por el rostro triste de "su" mujer. Porque ella sabe más que eso, sabe que las palabras bastardizan y las ideas traicionan. Que el lenguaje nunca es suficiente, y por eso casi siempre, se da simplemente la libertad de sentir y nada más.
Preguntarles qué piensan, o qué pasa, es motivo de corto circuito y, la mayoría de las veces, de tragedias más grandes. Si de ellas sale, más adelante, muy seguramente tendremos la version racionalizada y verbalizada de los hechos. Pero será después. En el momento de sentir, se siente y ya.
En resumen, cuando la mujer habla de que quiere un hombre que comparta sus sentimientos, no habla de querer un hombre que platique lo que siente con ella y le pregunte a ella cómo se siente. Habla de un hombre que se permita sentir junto con ella, de un hombre que le permita a ella, pues, sentir junto con él.
... Y mejor de ejemplos ya le paro. Porque desgraciadamente no tenemos todo el tiempo del mundo, y ni ese es suficiente para una buena introducción al tema de la mujer de la que hablamos. De la mujer que admiramos.
Hablo pues, de la mujer como dualidad incesante. Y lo mucho que eso nos jala a ella. Y es que, en realidad, toda ella es paradoja y conflicto. Adentro, y afuera.
Fuente de deseo, carnal y espiritual. De sacío emocional. Un ser sensual y sexual, amante. Fuente de ternura, lágrimas de alegría. De amor del bueno, amor materno.
Fuente de suspiros al dormir a su lado, de infinito al ver en sus ojos, de miedo a soñar en rechazo, y de epopeyas por la esperanza de correspondencia. De la mujer como fuente de risas y carcajadas, de momentos atemporales de eufória más allá de cualquier droga o licor. Pero también de tristezas y de amarguras, de tragos dolorosos de una realidad que duele, y da más corage que una injusticia al amigo o una puñalada en el costado.
La mujer que es mala. La mujer que hiere, a veces, sonriendo al saber que puede. La mujer que mata, que aprieta llagas. Que escupe en tu cara, recordándote a lo que saben sus besos, pero aclarándo que para ella, tu estatus es similiar a nada.
Indiferente y sádica. La mujer que usa, y aprovecha. Se controla, y se sabe arma. La mujer que olvida que un hombre también llora. O que, sabiendo que lo hacen, se jacta de todos aquellos que han sufrido por ella. La mujer frívola, que no se permite sentir.
La mujer con miedos. La mujer que quiere y curiosa, pero atada a ideas que castran. La mujer que sufre, la mujer que se niega. La mujer que se olvida en alguién más, por demasiada entrega. La mujer que deja de serlo por culpa de amar demasiado. La mujer que deja de serlo por amar al equivocado. La mujer esclava. La mujer que llora. La mujer cansada.
De esa mujer que es promesa de todo. Que todo lo tiene, y en todo se puede convertir. La mujer polifacética. La mujer que usa sus armas, que sabe que las tiene. La mujer que acaba de descubirlas... y sonríe.
La mujer cuya sonrisa mata, cuya compañía se anhela. Cuya mirada dura se teme, y cuya mirada tierna derrite.
La mujer dominante, la mujer dominada. La que complica, la que resuelve. La dualidad constante. La mujer odiada, la mujer amada. Mujer fiel, y mujer coqueta. Libre y amarrada. Celosa... Confiada.
... Nos dan pistas de un eterno rompecabezas, que a ellas, en general, no les importa armar. Ahí tambien, de nuevo, saben más y mejor que nosotros. Saben que vivir no está en las respuestas, sino en las preguntas. Que estar sintiendo es estar vivo, y pensar es un deseo muy controlable y secundario.
Pero que quede claro, piensan, y lo hacen por lo general mejor que nosotros. Con precisión milimétrica y matemática. Es solo que le dan su lugar a eso de lo racional. Lo interesante es que, como saben tanto de eso de sentir, nos traen como nos traen. De dónde nos traen. De manera tan infantil y desinteresada, pero con motivaciones muchas veces, aún sin darse cuenta, maquiavélicas y calculadas.
Así pues, con tanto rollo y a manera de sincero borrador, hablo de la mujer que está en todas ellas. Hablo de todas ellas. Hablo de la mujer como magia y fantasía, como espejismo fuente de inspiración. De la mujer como arma letal y conciliadora infalible. De la mujer deseada y temida.
Tan lejana y tan presente. Tan ideal y tan real.
Hablo pues, de la mujer, tal cual es.
De la mujer qué quiero y que me mata. Fuente de mis sueños mas hermosos, y miedos mas horribles... Sueños de envejecer tomado de una mano... Miedos de caminar por el mundo solitario y añorando...
La mujer que amo, y la mujer que temo.
... y se siente tan mal esto que esta escrito. Tan pobre. Tan chiquito. Poco pensado pero muy racionalizado... Y aún así siento la necesidad de seguir tecleando. Solo porque sé que no dije nada. No logré reflejar lo que esta en mi mente... La adoración que siento. Y el miedo que me da. El respeto que me infunde... La alegría... Lo mucho que me impone como ser humano...
De lo que se siente despertar cada mañana pensando en ella... Y cada noche irse con una sonrisa al mundo de los sueños, por más que se extrañe ahí a mi lado... Ahí en mi cama.
Ese ser tan metafórico y metafísico... Tan espejismo eterno que aprieto entre mis brazos, y susurra te quiero... Frase que me hace siempre sonreir y sentir bien a pesar de todo. Llavecita mágica de cosas adentro de mí que no comprendo. Frase que sosiega y me hace sentir vivo. Olvidar lo malo, amar lo bueno.
Amar lo bueno...
... ... ... Voy a detenerme porque debo. La necesidad de escribir se ha vuelto necedad... Ya no estoy diciendo nada... Tal vez en todo este rato no lo he hecho.
Insisto, borrador sincero que la vida misma irá corrigiendo.
Friday, April 29, 2005
Yesterday evening was the
Festival de Cultura Urbana at the university. (Urban culture festival... heh... Hard to translate isn't it?). It had it's good parts, and it's bad parts. In general though, I'd say it was pretty darn good, and fun to be at. There was a panel where 3 guests talked a lot about urban art, graffiti and such, and the last 2 were very interesting. The first woman though, she just read some enormous paper that she wrote in quite a pompous language, and for quite a while, she managed to lose all the audience sending us over to dreamland... Thank God the second woman didn't read her part, was energetic, and actually called us for a lot of action... Yup. That woke us up.
The was a nice art expo, a couple of dancing performances, and I just FREAKING LOVED the Breakdance danceoff. Which is like, two bunches of breakdancers keep teasing each other, and doing cooler and cooler moves, just proving that the other bunch isn't really that good and asking them to do better, if they can. Some guys were awesome, such control over their bodies and balance... Really, it was a lot of fun.
There was a pretty cool girl doing things with this chains with fire, music concerts, etc. Actually, my energy was a bit low for a while, but when the concert begun it just pumped me up. I was loving it and dancing and all. He he he. It is really funny how I am the one that has to ask Wend to dance and she is all shy about it and all... ^_^
Today is a working day though, so at around 10pm we took off because we both had to be here early. As I was driving past this night restaurant, Wend said something like "wouldn't it be a nice detail if a boyfriends takes his girl to have some nice dinner after a long day working at the feria and the festival?"... He he he. She made me laugh so much that I just took a U turn.
Dinner was good, and the conversation was even better. We discussed some ideas regarding books, and regarding religion too. Which almost got too heated for a while, but we stayed in safe and the whole conversation was very rewarding. Both making points across, both respecting each other, and learning. Etc.
When I was taking Wend to her place, we realized... Well, she realized her keys were in my office. O.o
So... Yup. Had to drive all the way back to my office to get them, and then to her place.
It wasn't cool, since we lost some good sleeping time. But it was in a way, because the good conversation stayed there on the car. There we work mostly about life, doing the things you want to do. About managing your time... Everything started out regarding whatever we were going to later today, and it led us to a nice talk about such topics. Wend is a very nice girl, and she is very nice to a lot of people... That leads her, a lot of times, to neglect her self and ends up doing whatever everybody else wants to do. Ends up devoting her time to help people fix their issues, so on and so forth. And often times, she will be in a dilemma between having some good fun or being with some other person... Etc... Worrying too much about not being there, yet... Bla bla bla.
Sounds a bit like someone else huh?... he he he... yup... Me...
sigh
... Now I am at work. It is Friday, which is good. It's already 11 and I have done... Well, pretty much nothing but being with Wend sitting next to her, chit chatting and just being there. Smiling... What not... Nice little quiet times...
... (hector looks at his cookies... then his empty mug. The smell of coffee on the machine a few steps away becomes irresistible... He stans up with a smile).
Cheers.
The was a nice art expo, a couple of dancing performances, and I just FREAKING LOVED the Breakdance danceoff. Which is like, two bunches of breakdancers keep teasing each other, and doing cooler and cooler moves, just proving that the other bunch isn't really that good and asking them to do better, if they can. Some guys were awesome, such control over their bodies and balance... Really, it was a lot of fun.
There was a pretty cool girl doing things with this chains with fire, music concerts, etc. Actually, my energy was a bit low for a while, but when the concert begun it just pumped me up. I was loving it and dancing and all. He he he. It is really funny how I am the one that has to ask Wend to dance and she is all shy about it and all... ^_^
Today is a working day though, so at around 10pm we took off because we both had to be here early. As I was driving past this night restaurant, Wend said something like "wouldn't it be a nice detail if a boyfriends takes his girl to have some nice dinner after a long day working at the feria and the festival?"... He he he. She made me laugh so much that I just took a U turn.
Dinner was good, and the conversation was even better. We discussed some ideas regarding books, and regarding religion too. Which almost got too heated for a while, but we stayed in safe and the whole conversation was very rewarding. Both making points across, both respecting each other, and learning. Etc.
When I was taking Wend to her place, we realized... Well, she realized her keys were in my office. O.o
So... Yup. Had to drive all the way back to my office to get them, and then to her place.
It wasn't cool, since we lost some good sleeping time. But it was in a way, because the good conversation stayed there on the car. There we work mostly about life, doing the things you want to do. About managing your time... Everything started out regarding whatever we were going to later today, and it led us to a nice talk about such topics. Wend is a very nice girl, and she is very nice to a lot of people... That leads her, a lot of times, to neglect her self and ends up doing whatever everybody else wants to do. Ends up devoting her time to help people fix their issues, so on and so forth. And often times, she will be in a dilemma between having some good fun or being with some other person... Etc... Worrying too much about not being there, yet... Bla bla bla.
Sounds a bit like someone else huh?... he he he... yup... Me...
sigh
... Now I am at work. It is Friday, which is good. It's already 11 and I have done... Well, pretty much nothing but being with Wend sitting next to her, chit chatting and just being there. Smiling... What not... Nice little quiet times...
... (hector looks at his cookies... then his empty mug. The smell of coffee on the machine a few steps away becomes irresistible... He stans up with a smile).
Cheers.
Thursday, April 28, 2005
Wend's team is doing
awesome in the Feria de la Torta!. Those girls had sold all their good like two hours before the event was closed, and really, that is a lot to say in this one place. He he he. They look all cute too, with their nice white shirt, orange caps and a pretty neat stand they set up this morning... It really is a hot day, and the place was packed, so they must have been dying and drowning in their own sweat... Err... But always with a smile... He he he. And that is always good.
Other news are that, finally, those guys from the cell phone company decided that, indeed, I wasn't joking around, and my cell phone, indeed, didn't work. So they gave me a new one!. Yay!!... I hope this one works much better guys. Really!. ^_^
...
I am sleepy, and I need to keep my self awake... I will drive for about an hour in just a little while, and have this even later on this evening at the University... O.o
Stay awake Hector... Stay awake!!...
...
Sergio is always a good source of entertainment... Well, he is, but right now I really meant his news box... he he he. This is an awesome article on why you girls should date us geeky guys. I am taken, he he he... But I have plenty of friends out there who need you to realize what this one girl says is totally true!. And you are missing it.
Other news are that, finally, those guys from the cell phone company decided that, indeed, I wasn't joking around, and my cell phone, indeed, didn't work. So they gave me a new one!. Yay!!... I hope this one works much better guys. Really!. ^_^
...
I am sleepy, and I need to keep my self awake... I will drive for about an hour in just a little while, and have this even later on this evening at the University... O.o
Stay awake Hector... Stay awake!!...
...
Sergio is always a good source of entertainment... Well, he is, but right now I really meant his news box... he he he. This is an awesome article on why you girls should date us geeky guys. I am taken, he he he... But I have plenty of friends out there who need you to realize what this one girl says is totally true!. And you are missing it.
If you ever tried calling
me on the past few days. And it quite didn't work... Well. I am sorry about that. I just saw that, although my cell phone seems to have full signal, because so it claims, it denies to work. It is not only that I cannot make phone calls, or that the die all of a sudden in mid sentence. But now I see people cannot call me either.
I have full signal right now, and I just dialed my cell from my desk phone, and it sent me to the voice mail because my phone was not reachable... Go figure.
I have gone like 3 times already, the last time they had it for over a week. I wonder what they did with it. Really.
... Busy days keep on the scene. I am just waiting for Friday night...
sigh...
Oh well, at least I have some white chocolate cookies here... ^_^
Yay!...
Cheers people.
I have full signal right now, and I just dialed my cell from my desk phone, and it sent me to the voice mail because my phone was not reachable... Go figure.
I have gone like 3 times already, the last time they had it for over a week. I wonder what they did with it. Really.
... Busy days keep on the scene. I am just waiting for Friday night...
sigh...
Oh well, at least I have some white chocolate cookies here... ^_^
Yay!...
Cheers people.
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
De la insoportable levedad del ser...
No existe posibilidad alguna de comprobar cuál de las decisiones es la mejor, porque no existe comparación alguna. El hombre lo vive todo a la primera y sin preparación. Como si un actor representase su obra sin ningún tipo de ensayo. Pero ¿qué valor puede tener la vida si el primer ensayo para vivir es ya la vida misma?. Por eso la vida parece un boceto. Pero ni siquiera boceto es la palabra precisa, porque un boceto es siempre un borrador de algo, la preparación para un cuadro, mientras que el boceto que es nuestra vida es un boceto para nada, un borrador sin cuadro.
... Milán Kundera
... Milán Kundera
I can't believe I managed
to steer away from Milan Kundera for so long. Now, I fear, I will just have to buy all his books and devour them. Just like that. And it is not really because the topics are that new, or his views are that great. It is because his writing and his ideas seem to flow in such a natural way to me, almost like me reading something that, well, I should have written my self. They just make so much sense like that.
So far I find my self reading a deep philosophy book about love and relationships, about women, about men, fears and all this deep things that really define us. All this in the context of a couple of romantic stories about some characters that help us as examples to portray all those things and much more.
...
This, while the week is going too freaking fast. Not only because Wend has a ton of things to do, and I just got very involved, all of a sudden having of things to do too. But because I, for my self, have a lot of work to get done, classes to prepare, etc.
...
Just came back from picking up a poster with Hector... All the way, I talked about Wend... O.o I hope I didn't annoy him much. All the things I am feeling for her. All the ideas, the fears, the joys... I do need to start writing all that.
And, as well, all of a sudden I feel like writing those in Spanish... ... At least right now. Although, right now... I don't have time to even type this words... O.o
Darn...
He he he... Ok ok, back to reality. (whatever that is).
Cheers!.
So far I find my self reading a deep philosophy book about love and relationships, about women, about men, fears and all this deep things that really define us. All this in the context of a couple of romantic stories about some characters that help us as examples to portray all those things and much more.
...
This, while the week is going too freaking fast. Not only because Wend has a ton of things to do, and I just got very involved, all of a sudden having of things to do too. But because I, for my self, have a lot of work to get done, classes to prepare, etc.
...
Just came back from picking up a poster with Hector... All the way, I talked about Wend... O.o I hope I didn't annoy him much. All the things I am feeling for her. All the ideas, the fears, the joys... I do need to start writing all that.
And, as well, all of a sudden I feel like writing those in Spanish... ... At least right now. Although, right now... I don't have time to even type this words... O.o
Darn...
He he he... Ok ok, back to reality. (whatever that is).
Cheers!.
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
My city is on fire...
or well, a big chunck of it. The one bit that is all nature and forest, and thus, the other part, the concrete one, is filled with smoke and all those bad things. It seems that air is quite polluted, so we are being evacuated from work...
He he he...
So much for a lot to do, huh?...
Cheers!.
He he he...
So much for a lot to do, huh?...
Cheers!.
I have quite
a lot of work to do. And it's been like that since yesterday. At the same time I have quite a lot of ideas to share... But, for the moment, those will have to wait.
Cheers people, and send over your good vibes.
^_^
Cheers people, and send over your good vibes.
^_^
Monday, April 25, 2005
A little something from Milan...
Aquel que permanentemente quiere llegar "más alto", tiene que contar con que algún día le invadirá el vértigo. ¿Qué es el vértigo? ¿El miedo a la caida? ¿Pero por qué también nos dá vértigo en un mirador provisto de una malla segura?. El vértigo es algo diferente del miedo a la caida. El vértigo significa que la profundidad que se abre ante nosotros nos atrae, nos seduce, despierta en nosotros el deseo de caer, del cual nos defendemos espantados.
...
Obviously, I am enjoying a lot this book.
Cheers
...
Obviously, I am enjoying a lot this book.
Cheers
Although things didn't really
start off on the right foot this weekend. By the end, I can honestly say it was just freaking awesome.
I hate it that I am too transparent, and that you can really see through me... Sense the way I feel and all. And well, it seems that it was obvious, to my friends, that Friday night at some point I was feeling rather... Bothered you could say. I just felt odd around Wend at the moment, and things were just not working out. And I did let it get to me a bit too much...
Freaking cancer that I am... (As in the Zodiac... Ok?). Heh.
The good times though, started that very same night. When later by her place, we talked about it. It was great that I could share what was going on in my mind, and she on hers. Both sitting by the stairs in front of her building and just opening our hearts and thoughts to each other. It was good to clear somethings out, and to wipe off those not cool feelings and ideas...
That night, the good bye hug, felt awesome.
(By the way, thanks victor for being cool and backing me up on the tire thing!!).
Wend has quite a load of work lately, finals are approaching and there are just a ton of projects around the corner. So we agreed on having a working weekend. I picked her up early Saturday morning and darn!!... She looked freaking great. Little blue skirt and a polo shirt... A skirt I am telling you!... How am I supposed to concentrate properly with those around?....
Sigh...
Anyway, I picked her up and before arriving to the TEC, we bought some food. He he he. You should have been there. Wend got all sorts of things. You know how it is when you are hungry, and you decide to buy groceries?. Yup. You always end up buying much more stuff than what you actually needed. (Or what you can fit in your stomach... he he he... Kind of something like that happened).
We did quite a lot of work up until 5 or so. But it was actually a lot of fun, because although each of us were working on a cubicle and computer. We had cool music kind of high and all. So all of a sudden I would go to her, grab her, pull her up and we would silly dance for a little and all. He he he.
Damn... Do I sound corny?... Honestly... We were dancing, and singing and all those silly things I used to say "Oh come on!!!... Stop that!!!"... Now I find my self smiling while doing them!... Damn it!... O.o
Oh well.
So, at 5ish we went to my house and saw Todo el Poder with Victor and Mariel. We fixed some snacks, sodas and all that good stuff. And the movie is awesome. It depicts a strong, and sad, Mexican reality... It a funny yet critical way. None of us had seen it before, so it was a good choice at the end.
Just when the movie finished, it was time for Victor to take Mariel home, so Wend and I stayed in. My parents arrived eventually, and we kept on working up until around 11. Well. She kept on working. Honestly, I just kind of feel asleep in the bed next to her while she was on her lap top.
When she was done, I was thinking about just taking her to her place and calling it a good day. But all of a sudden it seemed like a really good idea to do something else. So we went to El Paseo Chapultepec. It really is a lovely thing to do!. People around Guadalajara!... GO!!!... Saturday nights, Chapultepec Avenue becomes an awesome place to be. We really didn't do much, we just walked all around it looking at all the things, the music, the stands, books, crafts etc. We didn't noticed when it was after 1:00 am.
He he he... Then I took her to her place.
... Sunday started kind of the same. Good times at the TEC, now working outside though. The day was much too pretty as to be locked in an office. At around 1:30 the sun was much too bright, and the tummies much too empty, so Wend suggested going to the Chair. For some reason, that place eluded me for the longest time. I had been invited there, several times, for over a year now. And I just didn't want to go... Don't really know why.
Yesterday though, I agreed. (Freaking Wend!).
IT ROCKED BIG TIME!.
We had some good drinks and good. We could work with our lap tops, wire less network and all. And the good times, jokes and all where just awesome. I mean... It's just a bunch of little talks, smiles and inside jokes I guess. But believe you me, at the end, both Wend and I, were enchanted with the time we had. We danced, we talked (even about fantasies!!!), we made each other blush, we laughed out loud, we... We must have seem like crazy to all the people in the place!. ^_^
It was just great...
Later we went to church, and then we had the traditional elotito. He he he.
I took Wend to her place then. Before we walked a little to the store to buy diet coke and some snack for her. That little walk was a lot fun too. Even when some bug jumped inside Wend's shirt!. Around her bra... He he he. I offered to look around for it... But... Well... He he he. She didn't really fall for it. (Although I did promise I wouldn't enjoy it!... ^_^)...
We just laugh and smiled so much yesterday... It really was a good day.
And with that feeling, a smile in our faces and an awesome hug, I said good bye and got to my place...
I bet I kept that smile all through the night...
...
It was really good. Thanks Wend... Really.
Cheers people, and I hope you are having a great start of the week!.
I hate it that I am too transparent, and that you can really see through me... Sense the way I feel and all. And well, it seems that it was obvious, to my friends, that Friday night at some point I was feeling rather... Bothered you could say. I just felt odd around Wend at the moment, and things were just not working out. And I did let it get to me a bit too much...
Freaking cancer that I am... (As in the Zodiac... Ok?). Heh.
The good times though, started that very same night. When later by her place, we talked about it. It was great that I could share what was going on in my mind, and she on hers. Both sitting by the stairs in front of her building and just opening our hearts and thoughts to each other. It was good to clear somethings out, and to wipe off those not cool feelings and ideas...
That night, the good bye hug, felt awesome.
(By the way, thanks victor for being cool and backing me up on the tire thing!!).
Wend has quite a load of work lately, finals are approaching and there are just a ton of projects around the corner. So we agreed on having a working weekend. I picked her up early Saturday morning and darn!!... She looked freaking great. Little blue skirt and a polo shirt... A skirt I am telling you!... How am I supposed to concentrate properly with those around?....
Sigh...
Anyway, I picked her up and before arriving to the TEC, we bought some food. He he he. You should have been there. Wend got all sorts of things. You know how it is when you are hungry, and you decide to buy groceries?. Yup. You always end up buying much more stuff than what you actually needed. (Or what you can fit in your stomach... he he he... Kind of something like that happened).
We did quite a lot of work up until 5 or so. But it was actually a lot of fun, because although each of us were working on a cubicle and computer. We had cool music kind of high and all. So all of a sudden I would go to her, grab her, pull her up and we would silly dance for a little and all. He he he.
Damn... Do I sound corny?... Honestly... We were dancing, and singing and all those silly things I used to say "Oh come on!!!... Stop that!!!"... Now I find my self smiling while doing them!... Damn it!... O.o
Oh well.
So, at 5ish we went to my house and saw Todo el Poder with Victor and Mariel. We fixed some snacks, sodas and all that good stuff. And the movie is awesome. It depicts a strong, and sad, Mexican reality... It a funny yet critical way. None of us had seen it before, so it was a good choice at the end.
Just when the movie finished, it was time for Victor to take Mariel home, so Wend and I stayed in. My parents arrived eventually, and we kept on working up until around 11. Well. She kept on working. Honestly, I just kind of feel asleep in the bed next to her while she was on her lap top.
When she was done, I was thinking about just taking her to her place and calling it a good day. But all of a sudden it seemed like a really good idea to do something else. So we went to El Paseo Chapultepec. It really is a lovely thing to do!. People around Guadalajara!... GO!!!... Saturday nights, Chapultepec Avenue becomes an awesome place to be. We really didn't do much, we just walked all around it looking at all the things, the music, the stands, books, crafts etc. We didn't noticed when it was after 1:00 am.
He he he... Then I took her to her place.
... Sunday started kind of the same. Good times at the TEC, now working outside though. The day was much too pretty as to be locked in an office. At around 1:30 the sun was much too bright, and the tummies much too empty, so Wend suggested going to the Chair. For some reason, that place eluded me for the longest time. I had been invited there, several times, for over a year now. And I just didn't want to go... Don't really know why.
Yesterday though, I agreed. (Freaking Wend!).
IT ROCKED BIG TIME!.
We had some good drinks and good. We could work with our lap tops, wire less network and all. And the good times, jokes and all where just awesome. I mean... It's just a bunch of little talks, smiles and inside jokes I guess. But believe you me, at the end, both Wend and I, were enchanted with the time we had. We danced, we talked (even about fantasies!!!), we made each other blush, we laughed out loud, we... We must have seem like crazy to all the people in the place!. ^_^
It was just great...
Later we went to church, and then we had the traditional elotito. He he he.
I took Wend to her place then. Before we walked a little to the store to buy diet coke and some snack for her. That little walk was a lot fun too. Even when some bug jumped inside Wend's shirt!. Around her bra... He he he. I offered to look around for it... But... Well... He he he. She didn't really fall for it. (Although I did promise I wouldn't enjoy it!... ^_^)...
We just laugh and smiled so much yesterday... It really was a good day.
And with that feeling, a smile in our faces and an awesome hug, I said good bye and got to my place...
I bet I kept that smile all through the night...
...
It was really good. Thanks Wend... Really.
Cheers people, and I hope you are having a great start of the week!.
Friday, April 22, 2005
GADEV!!!!!.... Errr... That just
Doesn't work out in Spanish.... He he he... The whole TGIF... (thank god it's Friday)... But... Wait a little... TGIF looks rather dull too... I don't know. What is it with you US people and using acronyms, is it some utter form of laziness?. Really. I don't know. ASAP, BO, BS, WTF... So on and so forth. I could go on forever probably with the ones that are actually used regularly. No wonder why a lot of people used to tell me that I have better English than most of their friends (that was among US people while I lived by Chicago).
Really... I am just curious. I think language describes our culture in a way, and the way our brain associates ideas and gives meaning to concepts... I find it very interesting that people just talk with acronyms... I am not being mean or anything. So, if anyone has a good answer... (or bad, who cares?), I would appreciate it.
Anyway... That was not the point, at all!.
The point is, it is Friday!... Yay!. And in a little while I am ought to start with the right foot, hopefully doing something fun with Wend and some friends. I really can use the fun and distraction. It has been A... I don't know... Just a weird week. Not really for any reason, just tirening.
... And of course, right now I am just killing time before Wend finishes classes... Which, actually, should be any minute now!... ^_^
So I will get going...
Thanks for putting on with my ramblings.
Cheers and good times to thee!...
Really... I am just curious. I think language describes our culture in a way, and the way our brain associates ideas and gives meaning to concepts... I find it very interesting that people just talk with acronyms... I am not being mean or anything. So, if anyone has a good answer... (or bad, who cares?), I would appreciate it.
Anyway... That was not the point, at all!.
The point is, it is Friday!... Yay!. And in a little while I am ought to start with the right foot, hopefully doing something fun with Wend and some friends. I really can use the fun and distraction. It has been A... I don't know... Just a weird week. Not really for any reason, just tirening.
... And of course, right now I am just killing time before Wend finishes classes... Which, actually, should be any minute now!... ^_^
So I will get going...
Thanks for putting on with my ramblings.
Cheers and good times to thee!...
Everything is just a bit
quiet. The cubicles around me are empty, and the only sound you can hear is the humming of the computers and the air conditioner. (Well, and my keyboard you wise a**). I feel quite relaxed, although not really sleepy. I guess I feel like... In the mood for a nice cool drink, sitting on a bench by the sea. Or being inside a pool, just chilling in a corner with a Piña Colada in my right hand, and probably holding Wend with my left one.
... I have a bit of lower back pain. I think I know why now. Just gotta figure me out a solution. You see, it's starting to get real hot in here. So I need to open the window at night, so that air flows. And well, once that covered, it feels actually very good. But I sleep mostly on my right side, which means that my back is totally facing that window. I am guessing having a bunch of cold air hitting it all through the night isn't such a great idea...
Damn... Didn't that sound like an old man talking?... O.o
I'm still super young!. Yeah well... You may be right... But you didn't used to think about that, right?. You were just young... Heh...
A lot of projects at hand, probably even a couple of freelancing ones that will come as good money. I hope they work out, because if they do, then I will be able to quit working one month before I leave for Canada. If not a little longer. I want to have time to just chill a lot. And to go over some basic stuff I want to have fresh before getting there.
... Life... Honestly... I just wish I knew what I will be doing in 10 years... How will life be like then?... Will it be any more stable?... Stable probably, yet not stagnant... I always need to keep on moving... Please. Let me not grow happy in the mists of monotony and everyday whatevers...
But mostly... Let me enjoy my present, damn it... Not worrying so much about what ever may, or may not, come.
... Anyway!... It's Friday!... Yay!...
This weekend seems to be a busy one, doing quite a lot of work. But it really is all good and fun. If I end up working, it will be with Wend and Erik, at the university, etc. And those are always good times. (Remember that one day playing tag at night?).
Either way, we are up for something fun tonight. Some nice place, double dating, you name it!. If you have got any fun suggestions, I have open ears and the will to be up for it!. ^_^
Cheers people!.
... I have a bit of lower back pain. I think I know why now. Just gotta figure me out a solution. You see, it's starting to get real hot in here. So I need to open the window at night, so that air flows. And well, once that covered, it feels actually very good. But I sleep mostly on my right side, which means that my back is totally facing that window. I am guessing having a bunch of cold air hitting it all through the night isn't such a great idea...
Damn... Didn't that sound like an old man talking?... O.o
I'm still super young!. Yeah well... You may be right... But you didn't used to think about that, right?. You were just young... Heh...
A lot of projects at hand, probably even a couple of freelancing ones that will come as good money. I hope they work out, because if they do, then I will be able to quit working one month before I leave for Canada. If not a little longer. I want to have time to just chill a lot. And to go over some basic stuff I want to have fresh before getting there.
... Life... Honestly... I just wish I knew what I will be doing in 10 years... How will life be like then?... Will it be any more stable?... Stable probably, yet not stagnant... I always need to keep on moving... Please. Let me not grow happy in the mists of monotony and everyday whatevers...
But mostly... Let me enjoy my present, damn it... Not worrying so much about what ever may, or may not, come.
... Anyway!... It's Friday!... Yay!...
This weekend seems to be a busy one, doing quite a lot of work. But it really is all good and fun. If I end up working, it will be with Wend and Erik, at the university, etc. And those are always good times. (Remember that one day playing tag at night?).
Either way, we are up for something fun tonight. Some nice place, double dating, you name it!. If you have got any fun suggestions, I have open ears and the will to be up for it!. ^_^
Cheers people!.
Thursday, April 21, 2005
Yesterday was a pretty
ying-yang day. He he he. I was going to write ying-yangy but... Oh well. I wrote it there anyway. The thing is that it was full of contrasts. Good and bad times. Early in the morning I had some good breakfast with Hector and Erik, but to later really realize we are waaay behind schedule at work, and we all should really get moving much more. (I haven't been working much lately... I know, I know). Either way, I did work a lot yesterday and got a good share done.
At some point Wend asked me for help about a project, so I arranged things with my dad so I could have the car. Then, when it seemed that we were not doing that anymore, I told Wend that maybe I should just let her study and do her homework, but she said we should go together to the Chai or a nice coffee shop and work together. We have done that before, and it was nice. So I figured what the heck?. Plans were made.
When it was about time to leave, Wend told me well, lets say good bye then!. Which confused me a bit, and damn... I shouldn't have asked what does that mean?, bye for now or for the day?. It seems that plans had changed, or she wanted some alone time with Andrea, or just a little misunderstanding. But it did lead to a lot of confusion for a while. Mostly in poor Wend's side. I bet she felt she was in the middle between Andrea and I. Things were not nice for a while.
We still agreed on meeting later. And those were the worst minutes in a loooong time in my life. (Could be a proper exageration, but it felt just messed up). While driving, and one around the mall, I just felt very odd and inadequate. Like... Don't even know what like. Then I saw this place Wend loves and I got her some ice cream there, with the yogurt bits she loves so much.
I kept walking around with it, almost melting, and trying to hide it... It took them a while to arrive, and for a minute I feared I really shouldn't have been there. The look in Wend's face wasn't really that warm. It made me feel pretty darn bad. All of a sudden I remembered the ice cream I was holding, so I showed it to her. Her favorite!. And you should have seen those "almost teary" eyes, and that freaking awesome smile she gave me.
Going there, and giving her that little thing, was worth everything. That awesome hug, and we both said "I'm sorry" and well... It really was something else. My heart pounding fast, my arms not wanting to let her go...
Damn it... I really am in love. O.o
He he he.
It was super well worth it. Then the 3 of us had a pretty darn good talk about several things, growing up ideas and all... I really enjoyed it!. When it became dark, it was time for Andrea to leave, and well, I pretty much just drove Wend home then. But we walked for a bit around the mall. Smiled a lot, and just... It really felt quite good. The jokes, the smiles, the hugs... Usual wonderful little things, that seemed much greater just after a bit of confusion and not so good mental times.
He he he.
After leaving Wend, I went to pick up my dad, and I had to wait for him for about an hour while he was playing domino. It made me think about my talk with Wend and Andrea, about how much life changes and has different stages, and you don't really realize it when you are already living a new one. I was surrounded by a bunch of 50+ guys, having drinks and playing games, in a mostly boring environment and well... I just couldn't see my self there.
But then I remembered how I told Andrea that, I bet a 7 years old kid would look at us sitting and talking in a coffee shop, and think gosh!, that must be the most boring thing ever!. Let's go play somewhere!.
And well... It may be that the day will come, in which I will actually know how to play domino, and I will actually enjoy it a lot... Even if my son is sitting next to me and thinking that I am the most boring dude ever...
Heh.
Cheers!.
At some point Wend asked me for help about a project, so I arranged things with my dad so I could have the car. Then, when it seemed that we were not doing that anymore, I told Wend that maybe I should just let her study and do her homework, but she said we should go together to the Chai or a nice coffee shop and work together. We have done that before, and it was nice. So I figured what the heck?. Plans were made.
When it was about time to leave, Wend told me well, lets say good bye then!. Which confused me a bit, and damn... I shouldn't have asked what does that mean?, bye for now or for the day?. It seems that plans had changed, or she wanted some alone time with Andrea, or just a little misunderstanding. But it did lead to a lot of confusion for a while. Mostly in poor Wend's side. I bet she felt she was in the middle between Andrea and I. Things were not nice for a while.
We still agreed on meeting later. And those were the worst minutes in a loooong time in my life. (Could be a proper exageration, but it felt just messed up). While driving, and one around the mall, I just felt very odd and inadequate. Like... Don't even know what like. Then I saw this place Wend loves and I got her some ice cream there, with the yogurt bits she loves so much.
I kept walking around with it, almost melting, and trying to hide it... It took them a while to arrive, and for a minute I feared I really shouldn't have been there. The look in Wend's face wasn't really that warm. It made me feel pretty darn bad. All of a sudden I remembered the ice cream I was holding, so I showed it to her. Her favorite!. And you should have seen those "almost teary" eyes, and that freaking awesome smile she gave me.
Going there, and giving her that little thing, was worth everything. That awesome hug, and we both said "I'm sorry" and well... It really was something else. My heart pounding fast, my arms not wanting to let her go...
Damn it... I really am in love. O.o
He he he.
It was super well worth it. Then the 3 of us had a pretty darn good talk about several things, growing up ideas and all... I really enjoyed it!. When it became dark, it was time for Andrea to leave, and well, I pretty much just drove Wend home then. But we walked for a bit around the mall. Smiled a lot, and just... It really felt quite good. The jokes, the smiles, the hugs... Usual wonderful little things, that seemed much greater just after a bit of confusion and not so good mental times.
He he he.
After leaving Wend, I went to pick up my dad, and I had to wait for him for about an hour while he was playing domino. It made me think about my talk with Wend and Andrea, about how much life changes and has different stages, and you don't really realize it when you are already living a new one. I was surrounded by a bunch of 50+ guys, having drinks and playing games, in a mostly boring environment and well... I just couldn't see my self there.
But then I remembered how I told Andrea that, I bet a 7 years old kid would look at us sitting and talking in a coffee shop, and think gosh!, that must be the most boring thing ever!. Let's go play somewhere!.
And well... It may be that the day will come, in which I will actually know how to play domino, and I will actually enjoy it a lot... Even if my son is sitting next to me and thinking that I am the most boring dude ever...
Heh.
Cheers!.
All of a sudden I just... Lost
whatever it was that I wanted to write. I got in a weird mood, and started thinking of people I know, or well, knew, that died in car accidents. I don't really know how, or why, but surfing around the web I bumped into the case of Jacqueline Saburido. It is old news, it seems. But I just didn't know. And just as her, there must be, unfortunately, several other people that have suffered a lot due to irresponsible driving... There are, I guess, some good sources out there but I don't even want to post a link.
Damn it.
...
Damn it.
...
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
I really don't have much
time to write today. I guess it will be one of those working days. Damn. He he he.
Either way, I guess what matters is that my day, yesterday, ended up being quite good. At the end Wend and I had some nice time by the Estacion de Lulio drinking those good wine coolers. Some potatoes that we ordered where quite good, and just a nice conversation in general.
I kept on teasing Wend, and she did pretty darn good in teasing me back. And at the end, I looked decent because I asked Victor to bring me some clothes. So we actually matched quite well. He he he. She had red pants and black blouse, while I had black jeans and red polo shirt. Nice.
At one point in my teasing her I fear I might have gone over board... But... I did apologize and all. Sniff. And she really didn't say anything regarding my I'm sorry. Which isn't that nice. But her good bye was quite warm, and she sends me good signs. So it may all be ok. I guess I need to learn to not dwell so much on this things.
Either way, the evening was nice, quiet and relaxing... Good times none the less.
... Now... Work... :-(
And, talking about work... You should check out Erik's new portfolio online. And hire him!. He is one of those very few I could put my hands on the fire for. Check his site, and if you are not giving him work, give him at least some feedback!. :-P
Cheers people!. Thanks!.
Either way, I guess what matters is that my day, yesterday, ended up being quite good. At the end Wend and I had some nice time by the Estacion de Lulio drinking those good wine coolers. Some potatoes that we ordered where quite good, and just a nice conversation in general.
I kept on teasing Wend, and she did pretty darn good in teasing me back. And at the end, I looked decent because I asked Victor to bring me some clothes. So we actually matched quite well. He he he. She had red pants and black blouse, while I had black jeans and red polo shirt. Nice.
At one point in my teasing her I fear I might have gone over board... But... I did apologize and all. Sniff. And she really didn't say anything regarding my I'm sorry. Which isn't that nice. But her good bye was quite warm, and she sends me good signs. So it may all be ok. I guess I need to learn to not dwell so much on this things.
Either way, the evening was nice, quiet and relaxing... Good times none the less.
... Now... Work... :-(
And, talking about work... You should check out Erik's new portfolio online. And hire him!. He is one of those very few I could put my hands on the fire for. Check his site, and if you are not giving him work, give him at least some feedback!. :-P
Cheers people!. Thanks!.
Monday, April 18, 2005
If I only knew any better
I would do so much more with my life,
if I only knew any better,
I wouldn't mind about writing this much.
Life would be simpler,
days would fly by.
Comets more frequent,
quick jump a little,
and just start to fly.
Your smile would remain,
your tears would be gone,
my hand would hold yours,
we would be one.
But life ain't that simple,
I don't know that much.
So I just keep writing,
and worrying,
thinking much more
than just living this life.
Sunday, April 17, 2005
I honestly don't think, or
don't want to believe, that good times are really over. I mean, things change, and with things the way in which you have fun changes too, I guess. Anyway... Remember how I was going to have some fun with the guys on Friday night?. Well, the guys were there, and honestly it was a good chilling time. But it wasn't a lot of fun, and by about 1:30 am I was just falling asleep. Damn it. (Freaking previous night and it's lack of sleep!).
All the ingredients were there. Good friends, good snacks, a lot of drinks. But, somehow, it just didn't click. Now I wonder how things are going to go, or change. Whatever. Maybe it just wasn't the night. Or maybe we were just trying to hard to have fun like in those days. And we just have to have whatever sort of fun happens in this days.
I don't know.
Saturday was good though. It was a relaxing day with Erik around the house. A friend of my parent's came to visit and we had a good chat with him too. Games and a good talk. That night Erik, Victor and I agreed on doing something among our dates, and we ended up having a pretty darn good time.
I picked up Wend at around 7:40. I was acting just like a stupid blubbering fool. She looked so darn good!. I mean. She looks pretty and all, all the time. Cute, etc. But Saturday night she was just astonishingly beautiful. Sigh. He he he. And it was just a pretext so that I could wear that one shirt we bought together the other day. So... I guess I looked somewhat good too. Heh. (She kicked mine arse though, freaking awesome white skirt and sexy black blouse!!!).
We ended up going to this place called Opa. I had been in the same place before, when it was called Los Tacones de Maria, and then it was a gay bar. He he he. Now though, it was quite a straight chilling place. With Japanese food, martinis, and awesome coconut drinks served on the coconut!!!... Yay!. Once you were done drinking, you could eat the stuff and all!.
Music was awesome, acid jazz, electro-jazz and that kind of stuff I reaaally like. Company was good. Erik and Diana, among with Victor and Mariel, they all looked pretty good too. We all made a point in dressing a bit fancy and out of the ordinary.
It was more like a... hmm... Some kind of gathering. We were all together there, but each couple was pretty much minding their own business. I guess having a couch for each of us, that ambient and that music, didn't really motivated having us all chatting and playing games among ourselves. He he he. One of this days though, we will do something like that.
It wasn't really that late when each of us left, I took Wend to one of her friend's house. She had left her glasses there. After talking a little with Marilu, we headed to Wend's place and just chilled for a while.
... Sunday?. I woke up SUPER late. Did some things around the house, ate with my parents and Victor, and now I am at the university working on the workshop I am giving tomorrow. Just getting the material ready for a walk cycle for this little video game. Should be fun.
Later, I guess, I will meet Wend if only for a little while.
We will see how that goes!.
He he he.
Cheers people!. I hope you are having a good weekend.
Good vibes to thee all.
All the ingredients were there. Good friends, good snacks, a lot of drinks. But, somehow, it just didn't click. Now I wonder how things are going to go, or change. Whatever. Maybe it just wasn't the night. Or maybe we were just trying to hard to have fun like in those days. And we just have to have whatever sort of fun happens in this days.
I don't know.
Saturday was good though. It was a relaxing day with Erik around the house. A friend of my parent's came to visit and we had a good chat with him too. Games and a good talk. That night Erik, Victor and I agreed on doing something among our dates, and we ended up having a pretty darn good time.
I picked up Wend at around 7:40. I was acting just like a stupid blubbering fool. She looked so darn good!. I mean. She looks pretty and all, all the time. Cute, etc. But Saturday night she was just astonishingly beautiful. Sigh. He he he. And it was just a pretext so that I could wear that one shirt we bought together the other day. So... I guess I looked somewhat good too. Heh. (She kicked mine arse though, freaking awesome white skirt and sexy black blouse!!!).
We ended up going to this place called Opa. I had been in the same place before, when it was called Los Tacones de Maria, and then it was a gay bar. He he he. Now though, it was quite a straight chilling place. With Japanese food, martinis, and awesome coconut drinks served on the coconut!!!... Yay!. Once you were done drinking, you could eat the stuff and all!.
Music was awesome, acid jazz, electro-jazz and that kind of stuff I reaaally like. Company was good. Erik and Diana, among with Victor and Mariel, they all looked pretty good too. We all made a point in dressing a bit fancy and out of the ordinary.
It was more like a... hmm... Some kind of gathering. We were all together there, but each couple was pretty much minding their own business. I guess having a couch for each of us, that ambient and that music, didn't really motivated having us all chatting and playing games among ourselves. He he he. One of this days though, we will do something like that.
It wasn't really that late when each of us left, I took Wend to one of her friend's house. She had left her glasses there. After talking a little with Marilu, we headed to Wend's place and just chilled for a while.
... Sunday?. I woke up SUPER late. Did some things around the house, ate with my parents and Victor, and now I am at the university working on the workshop I am giving tomorrow. Just getting the material ready for a walk cycle for this little video game. Should be fun.
Later, I guess, I will meet Wend if only for a little while.
We will see how that goes!.
He he he.
Cheers people!. I hope you are having a good weekend.
Good vibes to thee all.
Friday, April 15, 2005
This is one of those posts
in which I just start writing all of a sudden, without a set idea on my mind. Usually, I at least know what I want to talk about. This things seem to have a life of their own, and so they drift around to unexpected spots or whatever. Now though, every single key I type is as random and chaotic as the way tree leafs fall in autumn. Where ever leaves do fall in autumn, 'cause here in Guadalajara, the city of the eternal spring, we really don't get to see much of the stations.
Hmm... Before this gets much more boring. Why am I rambly like this?. Well it's Friday, and in half an hour I am off work. That doesn't mean I have been working through the day, no no no, don't get me wrong like that. It only means that, in half an hour, I am officially out of here and about to start a pretty cool weekend.
Today is guy's night out with the tucker death mix bunch. That means no Wend, which I am having a bit of trouble accepting. He he he. But it sounds fair and healthy that each of us do things on our own now and then. (-on our own- sounds, and looks weird written, heh). Tomorrow night though, most likely I will go out with her. And most likely the both of us will dress up super nice and do something fancy.
That has me hyper I guess... The idea of a fancy dressing date. I LIKE THAT GIRL SO FREAKING MUCH!!!!... She really gets me like... Argh!!!... Honestly...
He he he.... I am smiling too freaking much.
Err... Ehem...
(cough cough).
I have to talk with Victor and convince him to double date with us tomorrow night. I hope Mariel is up for it. It seems she has A LOT of cousins, and most of them have bdays every weekend. He he he. Sure.
... I fell asleep during work for a while today. Freaking last night and it's lack of sleep. And... Wend is feeling much better by the way!. Thanks for those good vibes!. :-D (Jaime, don't ever get hard in the way things are supposed to be with Reiki, I have witnessed great healing with a boy with Cancer, when we did a group therapy, distance and all, and none of us knew the name, or had the picture... it's all in your will!... Actually, just by saying what you said, you focused and helped. Really!).
What else?... Oh yes. Freaking digital cameras. I am going to get one. I just know so. In no more than a week. They have awesome prices here, and pretty darn good financial plans. 13 months, no interests, bla bla bla. The thing is... I am going to go for a cheap one. Just one to carry around my pocket (small enough for that), and take pictures all the freaking time. I am deciding between Canon or Sony. Canon's powershot in budget has 3.2 megapixels, while Sony's cybershot, of about the same price, has 4.0... But that is about the only difference. Is it really a big difference?... Or... Canon is good with cameras... But... I don't know...
Any advice?...
I will force my self to stop writing NOW...
Before this sense less post becomes too long... That... Or I burn the freaking keyboard since I am really typing fast. He he he.
Cheers!.
Hmm... Before this gets much more boring. Why am I rambly like this?. Well it's Friday, and in half an hour I am off work. That doesn't mean I have been working through the day, no no no, don't get me wrong like that. It only means that, in half an hour, I am officially out of here and about to start a pretty cool weekend.
Today is guy's night out with the tucker death mix bunch. That means no Wend, which I am having a bit of trouble accepting. He he he. But it sounds fair and healthy that each of us do things on our own now and then. (-on our own- sounds, and looks weird written, heh). Tomorrow night though, most likely I will go out with her. And most likely the both of us will dress up super nice and do something fancy.
That has me hyper I guess... The idea of a fancy dressing date. I LIKE THAT GIRL SO FREAKING MUCH!!!!... She really gets me like... Argh!!!... Honestly...
He he he.... I am smiling too freaking much.
Err... Ehem...
(cough cough).
I have to talk with Victor and convince him to double date with us tomorrow night. I hope Mariel is up for it. It seems she has A LOT of cousins, and most of them have bdays every weekend. He he he. Sure.
... I fell asleep during work for a while today. Freaking last night and it's lack of sleep. And... Wend is feeling much better by the way!. Thanks for those good vibes!. :-D (Jaime, don't ever get hard in the way things are supposed to be with Reiki, I have witnessed great healing with a boy with Cancer, when we did a group therapy, distance and all, and none of us knew the name, or had the picture... it's all in your will!... Actually, just by saying what you said, you focused and helped. Really!).
What else?... Oh yes. Freaking digital cameras. I am going to get one. I just know so. In no more than a week. They have awesome prices here, and pretty darn good financial plans. 13 months, no interests, bla bla bla. The thing is... I am going to go for a cheap one. Just one to carry around my pocket (small enough for that), and take pictures all the freaking time. I am deciding between Canon or Sony. Canon's powershot in budget has 3.2 megapixels, while Sony's cybershot, of about the same price, has 4.0... But that is about the only difference. Is it really a big difference?... Or... Canon is good with cameras... But... I don't know...
Any advice?...
I will force my self to stop writing NOW...
Before this sense less post becomes too long... That... Or I burn the freaking keyboard since I am really typing fast. He he he.
Cheers!.
I reaaaaally hate it when
I can have a full night of sleep, and something messed up blows it for me. Yesterday I was at bed super early, after playing a good deal of Resident Evil 4 (freaking awesome game), and just enjoying a good read. Then I tried falling asleep. And I guess through most of the night I kept on trying, and well... Mostly kept on failing too.
You see... My nose some times gets stuffed in a very bothersome way. And the thing that pisses me off is that if I wake up, walk around... Say... To the kitchen, and then come back, just before sitting down my nose will be cleared up and my breathing just awesome... Yet the moment I lie down, it starts getting stuffed again. As if I am supposed to sleep standing or while walking?!. Come on!. O.o
Like right now. It is totally clear and feels awesome to breath. Why couldn't it be like this through the night?. Damn it!. It really is a big deal to me people, so don't laugh that much. Is there anyone out there with some interesting remedy to such condition?. I'd be appreciated.
Sigh... Anyway...
Yesterday poor Wend kept on feeling SUPER bad. What is up with those good vibes?. Send them over!. For a while a lot of people were quite worried about her, and we were considering even going to a hospital or something... My poor girl!!. I took her to this very nice lady doctor, got some medicines, etc. Eventually dropped her of at Marilu's. I hope she gets much better soon... I have to admit though, as stupid as it may sound, although I despise the idea of having her feeling sick, I like the idea of being around at such time, and taking care of her...
Damn it... Now I want to hug her.
Off to give her a call!.
Cheers!.
You see... My nose some times gets stuffed in a very bothersome way. And the thing that pisses me off is that if I wake up, walk around... Say... To the kitchen, and then come back, just before sitting down my nose will be cleared up and my breathing just awesome... Yet the moment I lie down, it starts getting stuffed again. As if I am supposed to sleep standing or while walking?!. Come on!. O.o
Like right now. It is totally clear and feels awesome to breath. Why couldn't it be like this through the night?. Damn it!. It really is a big deal to me people, so don't laugh that much. Is there anyone out there with some interesting remedy to such condition?. I'd be appreciated.
Sigh... Anyway...
Yesterday poor Wend kept on feeling SUPER bad. What is up with those good vibes?. Send them over!. For a while a lot of people were quite worried about her, and we were considering even going to a hospital or something... My poor girl!!. I took her to this very nice lady doctor, got some medicines, etc. Eventually dropped her of at Marilu's. I hope she gets much better soon... I have to admit though, as stupid as it may sound, although I despise the idea of having her feeling sick, I like the idea of being around at such time, and taking care of her...
Damn it... Now I want to hug her.
Off to give her a call!.
Cheers!.
Thursday, April 14, 2005
The thing with chick flicks is that
they do get to me. And as silly as it may sound, I usually end up dropping at least a couple of tears and all. I never really try to play though and rough, like I am a stone with no feelings when it comes to movies. And I let my self get involved by whatever happens in there. At the end, it's part of the contract. The author/director do their best to make us feel, but at the same time we have to do our best to open that door.
Anyway, yesterday I saw The Notebook. Thank God Wend and I were sitting by a spot where no sits were in front. Otherwise I would have kicked the hell out of them. Freaking movie moved me a lot!. It made me mad and want to break something apart, and it made me go awwwww, and want to hug good old Wend forever.
The movie talks about love in a beautiful way. One of those that make you just want to grow old with someone, walking by a park holding that wrinkled hand, and smiling just because you think of all those things you shared, now long gone in time, but always present in mind and heart. And personally it hit me because... Well... Love if it is meant to be finds it way. I know, I know. Those are movies made for you to go awwww and all. But those stories do exist. I know of a friend of mine that lived something close to that. And it brings light and hope... A smile. A sigh.
I am glad we went. She had been telling me she wanted to see it for a while, and for some reasons it just wasn't happening until yesterday. It is a bit old, cool that they still were showing it on one theater. (Popcorn is freaking awesome in cinemark I am telling you!).
---
Yesterday I was done reading Michael Crichton's Sphere. I honestly used to despise that sort of reading. All those airplane books sold everywhere, big letters saying best seller and all that. They just... I... Steered away from them. Mass Media crap or whatever, I used to think... Sigh. Well, this is the second one I have read from him, and I liked it. A lot. And yes, it hooked me up big time, I couldn't let it down until I was done with it... Really.
---
Wend is feeling sick today!. Send her good vibes and smiles! ^_^
[ ] ... Do it!.
---
ps. I am thinking that the guy's hairdo could work out for me... Do you think so?.
Anyway, yesterday I saw The Notebook. Thank God Wend and I were sitting by a spot where no sits were in front. Otherwise I would have kicked the hell out of them. Freaking movie moved me a lot!. It made me mad and want to break something apart, and it made me go awwwww, and want to hug good old Wend forever.
The movie talks about love in a beautiful way. One of those that make you just want to grow old with someone, walking by a park holding that wrinkled hand, and smiling just because you think of all those things you shared, now long gone in time, but always present in mind and heart. And personally it hit me because... Well... Love if it is meant to be finds it way. I know, I know. Those are movies made for you to go awwww and all. But those stories do exist. I know of a friend of mine that lived something close to that. And it brings light and hope... A smile. A sigh.
I am glad we went. She had been telling me she wanted to see it for a while, and for some reasons it just wasn't happening until yesterday. It is a bit old, cool that they still were showing it on one theater. (Popcorn is freaking awesome in cinemark I am telling you!).
---
Yesterday I was done reading Michael Crichton's Sphere. I honestly used to despise that sort of reading. All those airplane books sold everywhere, big letters saying best seller and all that. They just... I... Steered away from them. Mass Media crap or whatever, I used to think... Sigh. Well, this is the second one I have read from him, and I liked it. A lot. And yes, it hooked me up big time, I couldn't let it down until I was done with it... Really.
---
Wend is feeling sick today!. Send her good vibes and smiles! ^_^
[ ] ... Do it!.
---
ps. I am thinking that the guy's hairdo could work out for me... Do you think so?.
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
Yesterday night, again, there
was kind of an issue with my dad. Pretty much the same old story, I have already talked about it, several times, one way or another, on this blog. He gets heated up fast regarding issues with me, and I do the same regarding issues with him. At the end, a real good conversation ends up being utopic.
So I tried something new... While talking with Wend about it last night, she gave me the idea of approaching the issue in a different way, a different tone, etc. Not realizing, she made me remember how great our "conversations" were while I was away, and how much I cherish those emails that both my Dad and Mom sent me during those study abroad years. And as silly as it sounds, I tried that today... And I just clicked send to a long email I wrote to them both...
I feel at ease.. Writing it made me feel better, and I believe I wrote it in the proper tone...
Let's see what happens... Good vibes for that please!...
And indeed,
... Cheers!!!...
So I tried something new... While talking with Wend about it last night, she gave me the idea of approaching the issue in a different way, a different tone, etc. Not realizing, she made me remember how great our "conversations" were while I was away, and how much I cherish those emails that both my Dad and Mom sent me during those study abroad years. And as silly as it sounds, I tried that today... And I just clicked send to a long email I wrote to them both...
I feel at ease.. Writing it made me feel better, and I believe I wrote it in the proper tone...
Let's see what happens... Good vibes for that please!...
And indeed,
... Cheers!!!...
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
My brother has made
some very good remarks about feminism on this post of his. I have to say I couldn't agree more. It is a heated topic, and there is a lot to write about it. I am just glad though, that even strong feminist are finding a lot of their point quite... Well... Pointless. And they are actually reclaiming their femininity. Not that a movement that tries to give a proper spot to woman in society is bad, or not needed. It is just that, really, woman and man are different. And things get ugly when by looking for justice, we loose the very nature of what being a woman, or a man, are about.
Yesterday at lunch, there was
a pretty weird talk that went on with Andrea. She is the kind of person that drives conversation through a bunch of questions about anything you can name. Valid method. The thing is that it became quite odd when she started asking a lot of questions regarding previous relationships... I mean... I don't really mind talking about it. But if anything, those were questions that, I felt, should have been asked by Wend. So... Due to the questionnaire, I felt kind of forced to answer all this things that I don't really think Wend wanted to hear.
Even Wend was asked something regarding the pattern about the guys she had liked, I know she had a hard time coming up with something to tell Andrea... And I know what she said was a bit odd even to me. In terms of... I don't know. Felt weird for a while. And I wonder if that is how she kept feeling when I was having to answer those things too. Darn it.
(I guess that is why they say, you shouldn't really play I have never with your couple in the same group of friends... He he he). Although we know we are not, in a way we want to keep thinking we are the only person in someone's life.
Honestly, I kept on fearing she would get to a point (Andrea and the questions), in which I was going to have to say you know, that is something I rather just talk about with Wend... And I know she wasn't mean spirited while asking those questions... We are all curious.
It is just that I have come to learn, maybe the hard way, that there are things sometimes I rather not know. Matters in which ignorance is a bliss to me. "Lo que no fué de tu año, no fué de tu daño" (Kind of like What didn't happen in your year, shouldn't make you shed a tear... sort of). I mean, there are some general curiosities some times regarding your couple. And a bunch of questions are super valid, they make you know the person better, etc. Even about whatever went on in previous relationships... They are all very valid questions I guess.
Yet, regarding previous relationships... The thing is that I, specifically, have a bit of a chasing Amy issue. I have a too visual mind, and unless I am given only very general info, those images become quite real, and they do get to me... And they shouldn't. But since I know they do, I avoid them.
(That is my issue though, I know a bunch of people always love knowing a lot about their couple's past, all the little details... And some are even turned on by knowing the kinky stuff and all!!... Well... Not me... My insecurities showing maybe?. Screw it, I am human).
I love discovering facts from Wend's life. I love it when she tells me about her old school, things she used to do, her mom, her little friends, etc. But they are magic discoveries now and then, when she opens those windows by herself, and all of a sudden I realize there is a whole vault there from which I could learn so much. It is just that, in general, I don't go for the asking way. Yet I know I wish I knew much more... Maybe I should start asking her to share more?.
And well, about my Chasing Amy issue... I know I don't know much about Wend's past with other guys either. Whether there is a lot to say or not, etc. But although curious sometimes, I know I really don't care. What I try to focus on, and it works great, is on the fact that she is with me at the moment. And as of now, that feels quite good.
He he he. You see?. Where this posts lead sometimes. It is funny, indeed, how my mind works. Anyway, that was an odd time while being asked those questions. And for what Wend told me, she felt it awkward too... Sigh... We are all such complicated beings...
...
ps. Yesterday I had a super cool talk with Felix, he came to visit for a couple of hours, and we talked about a bunch of stuff. Bringing back memories, and projecting dreams of the future. I can't believe the guys is married, happy, and already thinking about getting pregnant with his girl... Yet... Honestly, I can believe him just by hearing him talk about her... The guy is so much in love... I am happy for him.
Even Wend was asked something regarding the pattern about the guys she had liked, I know she had a hard time coming up with something to tell Andrea... And I know what she said was a bit odd even to me. In terms of... I don't know. Felt weird for a while. And I wonder if that is how she kept feeling when I was having to answer those things too. Darn it.
(I guess that is why they say, you shouldn't really play I have never with your couple in the same group of friends... He he he). Although we know we are not, in a way we want to keep thinking we are the only person in someone's life.
Honestly, I kept on fearing she would get to a point (Andrea and the questions), in which I was going to have to say you know, that is something I rather just talk about with Wend... And I know she wasn't mean spirited while asking those questions... We are all curious.
It is just that I have come to learn, maybe the hard way, that there are things sometimes I rather not know. Matters in which ignorance is a bliss to me. "Lo que no fué de tu año, no fué de tu daño" (Kind of like What didn't happen in your year, shouldn't make you shed a tear... sort of). I mean, there are some general curiosities some times regarding your couple. And a bunch of questions are super valid, they make you know the person better, etc. Even about whatever went on in previous relationships... They are all very valid questions I guess.
Yet, regarding previous relationships... The thing is that I, specifically, have a bit of a chasing Amy issue. I have a too visual mind, and unless I am given only very general info, those images become quite real, and they do get to me... And they shouldn't. But since I know they do, I avoid them.
(That is my issue though, I know a bunch of people always love knowing a lot about their couple's past, all the little details... And some are even turned on by knowing the kinky stuff and all!!... Well... Not me... My insecurities showing maybe?. Screw it, I am human).
I love discovering facts from Wend's life. I love it when she tells me about her old school, things she used to do, her mom, her little friends, etc. But they are magic discoveries now and then, when she opens those windows by herself, and all of a sudden I realize there is a whole vault there from which I could learn so much. It is just that, in general, I don't go for the asking way. Yet I know I wish I knew much more... Maybe I should start asking her to share more?.
And well, about my Chasing Amy issue... I know I don't know much about Wend's past with other guys either. Whether there is a lot to say or not, etc. But although curious sometimes, I know I really don't care. What I try to focus on, and it works great, is on the fact that she is with me at the moment. And as of now, that feels quite good.
He he he. You see?. Where this posts lead sometimes. It is funny, indeed, how my mind works. Anyway, that was an odd time while being asked those questions. And for what Wend told me, she felt it awkward too... Sigh... We are all such complicated beings...
...
ps. Yesterday I had a super cool talk with Felix, he came to visit for a couple of hours, and we talked about a bunch of stuff. Bringing back memories, and projecting dreams of the future. I can't believe the guys is married, happy, and already thinking about getting pregnant with his girl... Yet... Honestly, I can believe him just by hearing him talk about her... The guy is so much in love... I am happy for him.
Monday, April 11, 2005
In what comes to love
I have come to realize I have quite... Err... Biased opinions based on the situation that I find my self in. I know I have seen my self as a single grown man. Interesting with graying hair, his share of stories with different women from all over the world. And then maybe, on my forties, I meet up someone just fit for me and we decide to share our life...
Other times I have seen me just as a loner, and honestly just dying alone. Probably living on some community in which I become the kid's greatest story teller or something like that. But quite detached from love and women.
I have believed that love is just a messed up illusion sold to us by TV, and it just doesn't really exist. That women are all incarnations of the devil, and their sole mission is to mess up our hearts.
Even, I have to admit, I have seen my self as a player. Although that is mostly a fantasy, because I don't think I could ever be like that... Freaking nice boy thing that I cannot totally wear off my self.
Even regarding kids, I have wanted to be a Dad at one point or another, and then some times I have considered that never reproducing would be the best thing to do ever!!... (More money for me and my woman and all... Silly I know).
The thing is that, at different points, I have honestly believed all those things. And felt quite at ease with those ideas. Now of course, I am silly in love, and I cannot fathom not having Wend around. Again, it is too soon to say anything. And, being rational, a lot of the odds are against this relationship. But... I am so in love with her.
It freaks me out... And some times it worries me that I really do show it, and I am afraid I may freak her our too... But... I hate having to restrain some feeling or idea... Damn. I guess I am not really that smart emotionally... I guess I am not really crippled there either, but... Just... I am too impulsive... Maybe I should... Should I?...
O.o
Stupid going to Canada... ¬_¬
Other times I have seen me just as a loner, and honestly just dying alone. Probably living on some community in which I become the kid's greatest story teller or something like that. But quite detached from love and women.
I have believed that love is just a messed up illusion sold to us by TV, and it just doesn't really exist. That women are all incarnations of the devil, and their sole mission is to mess up our hearts.
Even, I have to admit, I have seen my self as a player. Although that is mostly a fantasy, because I don't think I could ever be like that... Freaking nice boy thing that I cannot totally wear off my self.
Even regarding kids, I have wanted to be a Dad at one point or another, and then some times I have considered that never reproducing would be the best thing to do ever!!... (More money for me and my woman and all... Silly I know).
The thing is that, at different points, I have honestly believed all those things. And felt quite at ease with those ideas. Now of course, I am silly in love, and I cannot fathom not having Wend around. Again, it is too soon to say anything. And, being rational, a lot of the odds are against this relationship. But... I am so in love with her.
It freaks me out... And some times it worries me that I really do show it, and I am afraid I may freak her our too... But... I hate having to restrain some feeling or idea... Damn. I guess I am not really that smart emotionally... I guess I am not really crippled there either, but... Just... I am too impulsive... Maybe I should... Should I?...
O.o
Stupid going to Canada... ¬_¬
Thursday, April 07, 2005
On sexuality and how gay we all are...
The thing is that I went to the movies yesterday, but she couldn't make it, so I went with Hector and my brother. We saw Kinsley. I knew it was going to be a good interesting movie, due to the actual topic and all. But I know now is that I cannot really talk about it, or about what it states, without the risk of sounding way too stupid.
I mean, the movie is a biography. Quite good, and at the same time it talks about sex. And everything that it implies, in a wonderful taboo breaking way. (I am even unsure as of how all of Guadalajara will take it, specially older folks). At the same time it doesn't promote sex, neither becomes erotic, or pornographic. It just talks about sex as a fact of life, and as something that should be demystified so that people can actually enjoy it more, and all the fears, guilt and questions around it can be cleared out.
And by enjoying sex it talks about enjoying your sexuality. Not only having intercourse with someone, which can be great, but actually getting to know yourself. (Yes, I am talking about masturbation here... And yes, for girls too!).
Kinsley's theories are not new, his works are a couple of decades old and all. Still, it amazes to see how much of that old fashion way to see things remain. How much guilt there is around the topic, and how much ignorance for that matter. Ignorance at the end leads to mistakes, to STD's, to hatred, to unwanted pregnancy, and unhappy couples.
I think his proposal wasn't go ahead and do it, all of you!. It was more like, go ahead and ask about it, don't feel shy, nor guilty... Sexuality is a big part of your life, so enjoy it the way you feel fit. Not the way you've been told is the right way.
Kinsley's attempt, I believe, was noble in it's way. And although this movie won't make it in my top movies list, as a biography, and as a way to know the basics of his works and proposal, it is a very good see.
Go see it, and then we can discuss it!. ^_^
...
On another note, it seems Daniel will be on the city tonight!... Yay!!!...
He he he...
Cheers.
~ el hector
I mean, the movie is a biography. Quite good, and at the same time it talks about sex. And everything that it implies, in a wonderful taboo breaking way. (I am even unsure as of how all of Guadalajara will take it, specially older folks). At the same time it doesn't promote sex, neither becomes erotic, or pornographic. It just talks about sex as a fact of life, and as something that should be demystified so that people can actually enjoy it more, and all the fears, guilt and questions around it can be cleared out.
And by enjoying sex it talks about enjoying your sexuality. Not only having intercourse with someone, which can be great, but actually getting to know yourself. (Yes, I am talking about masturbation here... And yes, for girls too!).
Kinsley's theories are not new, his works are a couple of decades old and all. Still, it amazes to see how much of that old fashion way to see things remain. How much guilt there is around the topic, and how much ignorance for that matter. Ignorance at the end leads to mistakes, to STD's, to hatred, to unwanted pregnancy, and unhappy couples.
I think his proposal wasn't go ahead and do it, all of you!. It was more like, go ahead and ask about it, don't feel shy, nor guilty... Sexuality is a big part of your life, so enjoy it the way you feel fit. Not the way you've been told is the right way.
Kinsley's attempt, I believe, was noble in it's way. And although this movie won't make it in my top movies list, as a biography, and as a way to know the basics of his works and proposal, it is a very good see.
Go see it, and then we can discuss it!. ^_^
...
On another note, it seems Daniel will be on the city tonight!... Yay!!!...
He he he...
Cheers.
~ el hector
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
I am in a very
odd mood. I woke up from a messed up dream feeling almost angry and with a bad sense of frustration. I once felt that years ago... It had not been back since. I just hope it wears off soon... It is related to a mix of things, and although just for about 5 minutes, I already talked to Victor about one of the BIG issues that is starting to get into me... sigh. I hate me sometimes.
...
Anyway... The scent of coffee is starting to fill the air, I take a deep breath and keep telling my self "in about an hour you may die"... He he he. Quite a freaky thing to say... I know. But it has helped me lately to shake off bad moods.
Yesterday was a pretty regular day, all through the day. And in the evening I went with Wend to buy a few clothes. That was fun. Heh. Although not as fun as it could have been, since she refused to be the one who would change me from one attire to the other in the dressing room... Bummer. He he he. I couldn't go like crazy and change my wardrobe. But I bought a couple cool shirts, and the look on Wend's eyes while trying them out was worth it... I wish I have had more money!.
Later we went to her place and just kind of chilled... She did some homework, I read a good [yet weird] poetry book by Martín Mérida. I fixed me self some coke with ice cream, and Wend kind of had a sangria. After a while we cuddled a little, and then I decided it was my time to take off.
... Things are still weird with Wend's roomie, and... All of a sudden I felt really frustrated and out of place for some ideas running in my mind I guess.
Who knows...
...
Now I am wearing one of those new shirts!... ^_^
Super conscious of the need of a haircut. O.o He he he...
And well... Let's see how the day ends up being.
Cheers!.
...
Anyway... The scent of coffee is starting to fill the air, I take a deep breath and keep telling my self "in about an hour you may die"... He he he. Quite a freaky thing to say... I know. But it has helped me lately to shake off bad moods.
Yesterday was a pretty regular day, all through the day. And in the evening I went with Wend to buy a few clothes. That was fun. Heh. Although not as fun as it could have been, since she refused to be the one who would change me from one attire to the other in the dressing room... Bummer. He he he. I couldn't go like crazy and change my wardrobe. But I bought a couple cool shirts, and the look on Wend's eyes while trying them out was worth it... I wish I have had more money!.
Later we went to her place and just kind of chilled... She did some homework, I read a good [yet weird] poetry book by Martín Mérida. I fixed me self some coke with ice cream, and Wend kind of had a sangria. After a while we cuddled a little, and then I decided it was my time to take off.
... Things are still weird with Wend's roomie, and... All of a sudden I felt really frustrated and out of place for some ideas running in my mind I guess.
Who knows...
...
Now I am wearing one of those new shirts!... ^_^
Super conscious of the need of a haircut. O.o He he he...
And well... Let's see how the day ends up being.
Cheers!.
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
My campus network is
terribly slow. Being online is not appealing at all!. O.o [me hates it].
But still, I just want to quickly write about yesterday. All day long there were good moments, and actually, in general it was a pretty complete day in terms of me and Wend. Since we shared a lot of laughs, but as well a couple of very serious talks, and even went through a small crisis. He he he. I loved the time that we shared with Allan and Elisa, although we couldn't really dance or practice yesterday, the scenary looked beautiful, the lights, and those two... It really made me smile a lot.
... Once back at Wend's place we were in the middle of a nice talk, when we were kind of interrupted because of something that is going on with her rommie. And, the thing is that she and the dude didn't really do anything to break our pace. They just were there together... Which is part of the issue.
Some girls just don't seem to get it... sigh.
So the day was filled with a couple of landmarks, and a bunch of little details. I am falling so much for this girl... It hasn't even been a two months still, yet I already feel the connection of a life time. And somehow I already feel this is the relationship that will mark me for the rest of my life. It is setting up such high standards and all... I didn't know things could be this good, neither that I could be this happy... It is so new, and feels almost weird... After having been with someone for over a year, yet being sure that this feels like much more......
Love works in wonderful weird ways...
[lifts his coffee mug, and says...]
... Cheers!
But still, I just want to quickly write about yesterday. All day long there were good moments, and actually, in general it was a pretty complete day in terms of me and Wend. Since we shared a lot of laughs, but as well a couple of very serious talks, and even went through a small crisis. He he he. I loved the time that we shared with Allan and Elisa, although we couldn't really dance or practice yesterday, the scenary looked beautiful, the lights, and those two... It really made me smile a lot.
... Once back at Wend's place we were in the middle of a nice talk, when we were kind of interrupted because of something that is going on with her rommie. And, the thing is that she and the dude didn't really do anything to break our pace. They just were there together... Which is part of the issue.
Some girls just don't seem to get it... sigh.
So the day was filled with a couple of landmarks, and a bunch of little details. I am falling so much for this girl... It hasn't even been a two months still, yet I already feel the connection of a life time. And somehow I already feel this is the relationship that will mark me for the rest of my life. It is setting up such high standards and all... I didn't know things could be this good, neither that I could be this happy... It is so new, and feels almost weird... After having been with someone for over a year, yet being sure that this feels like much more......
Love works in wonderful weird ways...
[lifts his coffee mug, and says...]
... Cheers!
Monday, April 04, 2005
The Catholic church will
have a hard time trying to find a worthy successor of John Paul II. It impresses me how little I knew of him, and how interesting his life was. No matter what you may say about religion per se, even if just as a public figure determined to change the world, this wonderful man made a difference. A positive one. And as such he will be remembered.
...
...
Along with the pack that I went to missions, we shared a lot this weekend due to the passing of the Pope. Although not as much as they were into, to be quite honest, because we were mostly super tired, and really in the need of having some fun. (When I say we, I mean Andrea, Wend and I). You see?. Oscar and Andre broke up, and you may imagine how that is. Actually, most likely you know. So we pretty much adopted her through the weekend, shared and talked a lot. And in general just made sure she had an ok time with the whole thing.
It is a hard process to go through... Specially since she could already see herself with him. When it is a meaning full relationship, and you were really into it... It is really hard to let go.
Anyway... I hate writing a post on Monday mornings!. O.o
So much went on through the weekend. Darn it!.
So, just as a quick summary. Friday night, after the expiatorio we went to Allan's. To be honest, when I got there, I was like -oh, oh...- I mean, it seemed mostly dead and done for. The whole reunion that is. I had built some expectations regarding having a lot of good laughs and all with the guys I last saw at Memo's bday... And well. For a while I was honestly worried about the future of that night.
He he he... Of course my fears were unfounded, and after a while we all got into good talking and game playing. We played for... I'd say almost two hours!. And it was a lot of fun. By that time it was only 6 of us, but a good 6 none the less.
... I guess that, at some point or the other, Wend arranged meeting up with Allan and Elisa tonight... So... I guess I should give him a call.
... Ok I will... But in a while. I want to make sure he is actually there when I do call.
Anyway... That is how Friday night was. Once back at Wend's place, we just talked for a bit, and I said bye. The next morning (Saturday's), I went to Wend's place super early. We wanted to chill and watch movies. I bought two liters of ice cream [yummy], and took the DVD player, among several movies, to her place.
At the end though, it really didn't happen like that. Heh. But whatever happened, was good. Andrea went to have breakfast with a friend of her, so Wend and I were alone for a little while. Ice cream!!!... ^_^ . At around 12 Andrea returned, and we all wanted to get ready and watch a movie, although we managed to keep that plan at bay, and just talk all morning long about a lot of stuff. I bet those were good talks, since time really just flew and all of a sudden it was 4:30 and time to leave.
We went to El Expiatorio, and there helped to organize and set up a beautiful march for the Pope. It was really really awesome, and some people kept saying there were over 10,000 persons there. I wouldn't know... Actually, I don't even know how you could count them!. What matters, is that you could see A LOT of people walking from the Expiatorio to the Cathedral, at night, all of them holding candles and the vibe that you could feel was pretty darn great. Gives me goose bumps just to think about it.
Once by the Plaza, there was some singing and sharing. And then people went to church. Us though, we had agreed on meeting this girl named Young (at least it sounds like that), friend of Andrea, by Starbucks.
Again... The world is really a small place. It seems Young had once known Abby, and is now friends with Ruben. (Although they were only online friends). Ruben, by the way, is a guy that I know from Macomb and is now working here... O.o And I got to say hi to Rocio, Daniel's sister, who is now working by that starbucks... He he he. Connections all over the place!. It was a nice time, yet we didn't stay there long. The place closes at 11 after all.
Then, as tired as we were, we still wanted to party on. Heh. So to banana's it was. But we just were there for a little while. Pilar joined us by then, and eventually they talked about heading back home and playing some card game. Once at Wend's, I went to her room to pick up the DVD player and all. I really don't know how it happened... But it seems that the floor looked way too good, and I ended up falling asleep there.
I recall Wend waking me up, and placing me on her bed... The next thing I remember, is Wend waking me up again, telling me they were done playing and all, and it was time for them to sleep... O.o
Wend made sure I was fully awake before driving, in the oddest possible way!. He he he. She made me laugh so much though. (thanks girl).
...
Sunday!... Yay!... Wend called me at around 2:30 to tell me what was up, and well... That was pretty much the call that woke me up. Sort of... He he he. Because after talking to her, I was in bed for another while until my dad came and told me it was meal time.
Through the day I was super nervous... It was meet the dad time!. O.o
At 6:30 I was going to meet a bunch of Wend's family, and... Needless to say, my heart was going like crazy and almost about to jump out of my chest. Really.
I decided playing some Resident Evil 4 would be good to relax. WRONG!!!...
Freaking game is awesome... But... Terribly freaky and scary... Damn it...
When I arrived to Wend's aunt place, I was soaked in sweat, and really nervous. WTF?.
I walked out of the car, and walked a little in order to calm down and dry my self. He he he. After a while, you could no longer see the seat belt marked on my shirt, and that was kind of my clue to head towards that meeting. I was calm then. But each step I was taking towards the house, my heart was pounding stronger!. When I clicked on the ring... ... ... I was almost about to die!.
Wend came out... Super huge welcoming smile... She looked beautiful... Yet... I couldn't even acknowledge that... And she could tell I was freaking nervous...
...
...
Walk in... Greet the uncle and her two little siblings. I had meet them in pictures, now they were in front of me!!!!!... Then, in the background, I see her dad...
(heart pounding... A lot).
He stands up, and walks towards me... O.o
We greet each other and shake hands...
- sigh -
He didn't kill me!!... ^_^ Nor he was nasty or anything... Now... There was a room filled with woman in there. The grandma, aunts and cousins... Women are a though crowd... I greeted them all, one by one. Andrea was there. Nice to see a familiar face smiling back at me!.
...................
Up to here, I was able to save... Fool me, I keep forgetting that internet is unreliable!. I finished writing this whole post, which became quite long. And I was very happy about how it turned out. Then I clicked "publish"... And GONE... GONE!!!... Freaking mistake and the whole post went to "nothingland"... O.o
Here I am again... After a while of almost smashing my computer, somehow calm... Willing to try again... Sort of...
I hate it, because it never ends up being as good...
Anyway... here it goes...
...................
Things didn't go bad, at all, during that first approach with Wend's family. And the approach didn't last for long either, since after about 10 minutes we just walked out to go to church. That was a nice walk. He he he. Mostly teasing and fun about the idea of me meeting her family and all. Wend was so happy though... Darn I like that girl!.
I liked having gone to church... Of course the whole message was Pope oriented... The guy did a freaking lot in his life!. I honestly believe the was the most influential man in the 20th century. Not only religiously. And if you can think of someone else, let me know!. Even Gandhi, and guys of that height fall short. Read this article, written by an agnostic, about his impact on the world.
Anyway... Once back, we got to hang out more with Wend's family. (They called her "Irma" a few times... weird!!!!). There we had a bit of a kitchen talk, just... Talking about random silliness and actually enjoying it a lot. Wend's dad was even joking about little things, and Wend was smiling a lot having a good time with her siblings. There was no "huge questionnaire" to me, neither was I the center of attention. It was just a nice gathering... It felt good.
Did I pass the test?... What did they talk about me once I walked out of there?. Which first impression did I give?...
Questions that, most likely, shall remain un answered. Heh. I hope it was good though.
Back at Wend's, we had a nice chilling quiet time, yet she was hurting way too much on her upper back. Specially her right side. In a silly attempt to comfort her, I tried my best to give her a massage... But... I don't think I made it worst, I just know I didn't make it any better. Sniff... If anyone out there knows a good remedy towards aching back muscles... Let me know!. ^_^
... sigh...
This morning, I went to buy a couple of super wow films so that Wend could take a few good black and white pictures. My photography girl!... ^_^. I know, I know. I was supposed to be working, but who really cares?. :-P
Of course I went with her... And... It just amazes me how much of a great time I have with Wend, even when just going to buy something. We laugh a lot, we talk and discuss serious matters, and can even be silly about some messed up topic too!. The way her face looks when smiling... The way her hand feels when holding it... Her hug... The scent of her hair...
It almost feels like she was made just for me, her anatomy fits so perfectly with mine. The place her head rests in my shoulders, when cuddling... Everything... I feel so freaking lucky and utterly happy!. And... Less and less my "going to Canada" is a shadow... It just becomes like, just something that will happen, so what?. Heh...
Feels weird...
It is like the real thing, like... I have been waiting so long for something like this to happen in my life. To find such a girl... To share in such a way...
... Good times really... I hope they keep going on, and building up.
^_^
...
...
Along with the pack that I went to missions, we shared a lot this weekend due to the passing of the Pope. Although not as much as they were into, to be quite honest, because we were mostly super tired, and really in the need of having some fun. (When I say we, I mean Andrea, Wend and I). You see?. Oscar and Andre broke up, and you may imagine how that is. Actually, most likely you know. So we pretty much adopted her through the weekend, shared and talked a lot. And in general just made sure she had an ok time with the whole thing.
It is a hard process to go through... Specially since she could already see herself with him. When it is a meaning full relationship, and you were really into it... It is really hard to let go.
Anyway... I hate writing a post on Monday mornings!. O.o
So much went on through the weekend. Darn it!.
So, just as a quick summary. Friday night, after the expiatorio we went to Allan's. To be honest, when I got there, I was like -oh, oh...- I mean, it seemed mostly dead and done for. The whole reunion that is. I had built some expectations regarding having a lot of good laughs and all with the guys I last saw at Memo's bday... And well. For a while I was honestly worried about the future of that night.
He he he... Of course my fears were unfounded, and after a while we all got into good talking and game playing. We played for... I'd say almost two hours!. And it was a lot of fun. By that time it was only 6 of us, but a good 6 none the less.
... I guess that, at some point or the other, Wend arranged meeting up with Allan and Elisa tonight... So... I guess I should give him a call.
... Ok I will... But in a while. I want to make sure he is actually there when I do call.
Anyway... That is how Friday night was. Once back at Wend's place, we just talked for a bit, and I said bye. The next morning (Saturday's), I went to Wend's place super early. We wanted to chill and watch movies. I bought two liters of ice cream [yummy], and took the DVD player, among several movies, to her place.
At the end though, it really didn't happen like that. Heh. But whatever happened, was good. Andrea went to have breakfast with a friend of her, so Wend and I were alone for a little while. Ice cream!!!... ^_^ . At around 12 Andrea returned, and we all wanted to get ready and watch a movie, although we managed to keep that plan at bay, and just talk all morning long about a lot of stuff. I bet those were good talks, since time really just flew and all of a sudden it was 4:30 and time to leave.
We went to El Expiatorio, and there helped to organize and set up a beautiful march for the Pope. It was really really awesome, and some people kept saying there were over 10,000 persons there. I wouldn't know... Actually, I don't even know how you could count them!. What matters, is that you could see A LOT of people walking from the Expiatorio to the Cathedral, at night, all of them holding candles and the vibe that you could feel was pretty darn great. Gives me goose bumps just to think about it.
Once by the Plaza, there was some singing and sharing. And then people went to church. Us though, we had agreed on meeting this girl named Young (at least it sounds like that), friend of Andrea, by Starbucks.
Again... The world is really a small place. It seems Young had once known Abby, and is now friends with Ruben. (Although they were only online friends). Ruben, by the way, is a guy that I know from Macomb and is now working here... O.o And I got to say hi to Rocio, Daniel's sister, who is now working by that starbucks... He he he. Connections all over the place!. It was a nice time, yet we didn't stay there long. The place closes at 11 after all.
Then, as tired as we were, we still wanted to party on. Heh. So to banana's it was. But we just were there for a little while. Pilar joined us by then, and eventually they talked about heading back home and playing some card game. Once at Wend's, I went to her room to pick up the DVD player and all. I really don't know how it happened... But it seems that the floor looked way too good, and I ended up falling asleep there.
I recall Wend waking me up, and placing me on her bed... The next thing I remember, is Wend waking me up again, telling me they were done playing and all, and it was time for them to sleep... O.o
Wend made sure I was fully awake before driving, in the oddest possible way!. He he he. She made me laugh so much though. (thanks girl).
...
Sunday!... Yay!... Wend called me at around 2:30 to tell me what was up, and well... That was pretty much the call that woke me up. Sort of... He he he. Because after talking to her, I was in bed for another while until my dad came and told me it was meal time.
Through the day I was super nervous... It was meet the dad time!. O.o
At 6:30 I was going to meet a bunch of Wend's family, and... Needless to say, my heart was going like crazy and almost about to jump out of my chest. Really.
I decided playing some Resident Evil 4 would be good to relax. WRONG!!!...
Freaking game is awesome... But... Terribly freaky and scary... Damn it...
When I arrived to Wend's aunt place, I was soaked in sweat, and really nervous. WTF?.
I walked out of the car, and walked a little in order to calm down and dry my self. He he he. After a while, you could no longer see the seat belt marked on my shirt, and that was kind of my clue to head towards that meeting. I was calm then. But each step I was taking towards the house, my heart was pounding stronger!. When I clicked on the ring... ... ... I was almost about to die!.
Wend came out... Super huge welcoming smile... She looked beautiful... Yet... I couldn't even acknowledge that... And she could tell I was freaking nervous...
...
...
Walk in... Greet the uncle and her two little siblings. I had meet them in pictures, now they were in front of me!!!!!... Then, in the background, I see her dad...
(heart pounding... A lot).
He stands up, and walks towards me... O.o
We greet each other and shake hands...
- sigh -
He didn't kill me!!... ^_^ Nor he was nasty or anything... Now... There was a room filled with woman in there. The grandma, aunts and cousins... Women are a though crowd... I greeted them all, one by one. Andrea was there. Nice to see a familiar face smiling back at me!.
...................
Up to here, I was able to save... Fool me, I keep forgetting that internet is unreliable!. I finished writing this whole post, which became quite long. And I was very happy about how it turned out. Then I clicked "publish"... And GONE... GONE!!!... Freaking mistake and the whole post went to "nothingland"... O.o
Here I am again... After a while of almost smashing my computer, somehow calm... Willing to try again... Sort of...
I hate it, because it never ends up being as good...
Anyway... here it goes...
...................
Things didn't go bad, at all, during that first approach with Wend's family. And the approach didn't last for long either, since after about 10 minutes we just walked out to go to church. That was a nice walk. He he he. Mostly teasing and fun about the idea of me meeting her family and all. Wend was so happy though... Darn I like that girl!.
I liked having gone to church... Of course the whole message was Pope oriented... The guy did a freaking lot in his life!. I honestly believe the was the most influential man in the 20th century. Not only religiously. And if you can think of someone else, let me know!. Even Gandhi, and guys of that height fall short. Read this article, written by an agnostic, about his impact on the world.
Anyway... Once back, we got to hang out more with Wend's family. (They called her "Irma" a few times... weird!!!!). There we had a bit of a kitchen talk, just... Talking about random silliness and actually enjoying it a lot. Wend's dad was even joking about little things, and Wend was smiling a lot having a good time with her siblings. There was no "huge questionnaire" to me, neither was I the center of attention. It was just a nice gathering... It felt good.
Did I pass the test?... What did they talk about me once I walked out of there?. Which first impression did I give?...
Questions that, most likely, shall remain un answered. Heh. I hope it was good though.
Back at Wend's, we had a nice chilling quiet time, yet she was hurting way too much on her upper back. Specially her right side. In a silly attempt to comfort her, I tried my best to give her a massage... But... I don't think I made it worst, I just know I didn't make it any better. Sniff... If anyone out there knows a good remedy towards aching back muscles... Let me know!. ^_^
... sigh...
This morning, I went to buy a couple of super wow films so that Wend could take a few good black and white pictures. My photography girl!... ^_^. I know, I know. I was supposed to be working, but who really cares?. :-P
Of course I went with her... And... It just amazes me how much of a great time I have with Wend, even when just going to buy something. We laugh a lot, we talk and discuss serious matters, and can even be silly about some messed up topic too!. The way her face looks when smiling... The way her hand feels when holding it... Her hug... The scent of her hair...
It almost feels like she was made just for me, her anatomy fits so perfectly with mine. The place her head rests in my shoulders, when cuddling... Everything... I feel so freaking lucky and utterly happy!. And... Less and less my "going to Canada" is a shadow... It just becomes like, just something that will happen, so what?. Heh...
Feels weird...
It is like the real thing, like... I have been waiting so long for something like this to happen in my life. To find such a girl... To share in such a way...
... Good times really... I hope they keep going on, and building up.
^_^
Friday, April 01, 2005
Stop being a moron and
do me a favor. If you are thinking about breaking up with your guy or gal. Just freaking go ahead and do it!. Have the guts!. If you really think things are not working out, and feel that you really should just end it... End it!.
Stop caring about their feelings, or whatever idea you may have to justify your lack of guts. Of course, do it with tact, and in a decent manner. But it will hurt EITHER WAY!. And if you are considering the let's be bad so that he/she is the one that breaks me up... DON'T!. (And that goes specially for the guys!... Why the f**k?).
See... Someone's love is fragile as a flower, and as a proper flower, if you don't want it anymore in your garden, you just have to cut it away. But, if you really care for this flower, and even want to give it the chance to heal fast and probably find a new garden to grow even better. You just have to do a clean fast cut!.
If you keep thinking about it, and letting it feel how you are drifting apart, without understanding what is going on, it is as if you are tearing it apart by twisting it around, and pulling... THAT IS PAINFUL!!!!!...
With a clean fast cut, it will still hurt... A freaking lot... But you are actually being a gentleman (or a proper lady), you are not fooling around with someone's feelings, and you are actually leaving this great little flower with enough energy to heal properly somewhere else.
A lot of times people grow bitter in terms of relationships, not because of how bad a relationship was, but because of how much the breaking up process did hurt. So please, make sure you are not messing someone up like that, and if it is to happen. Do it fast, nice and easy.
....
sigh
And... Don't worry... Although this is a topic that I feel strong about, and it has hit close home due to recent events. I find my self away from it and happy... With a growing relationship with Wend, filled with a lot of great talks and smiles. Hope and joy... She... Really is a great conversationalist, and we can be so silly together too, just laughing out loud like crazy...
I like making her blush too!... He he he.
Yup... I am doing fine. Thanks for asking!. ^_^
....
ps. Thank you people!. Judging by the stats, some of you did the whole sharing thingie, or something magic happened and indeed a lot of people showed up yesterday. We were 8 people short of that silly milestone that was bugging me though. Sniff... He he he. Oh well. So it was only 8 people to 1,500 visits!!... ^_^ Which, in my humble context, is quite a cool number. So, cheers to thee all and thanks for sticking around!.
Stop caring about their feelings, or whatever idea you may have to justify your lack of guts. Of course, do it with tact, and in a decent manner. But it will hurt EITHER WAY!. And if you are considering the let's be bad so that he/she is the one that breaks me up... DON'T!. (And that goes specially for the guys!... Why the f**k?).
See... Someone's love is fragile as a flower, and as a proper flower, if you don't want it anymore in your garden, you just have to cut it away. But, if you really care for this flower, and even want to give it the chance to heal fast and probably find a new garden to grow even better. You just have to do a clean fast cut!.
If you keep thinking about it, and letting it feel how you are drifting apart, without understanding what is going on, it is as if you are tearing it apart by twisting it around, and pulling... THAT IS PAINFUL!!!!!...
With a clean fast cut, it will still hurt... A freaking lot... But you are actually being a gentleman (or a proper lady), you are not fooling around with someone's feelings, and you are actually leaving this great little flower with enough energy to heal properly somewhere else.
A lot of times people grow bitter in terms of relationships, not because of how bad a relationship was, but because of how much the breaking up process did hurt. So please, make sure you are not messing someone up like that, and if it is to happen. Do it fast, nice and easy.
....
sigh
And... Don't worry... Although this is a topic that I feel strong about, and it has hit close home due to recent events. I find my self away from it and happy... With a growing relationship with Wend, filled with a lot of great talks and smiles. Hope and joy... She... Really is a great conversationalist, and we can be so silly together too, just laughing out loud like crazy...
I like making her blush too!... He he he.
Yup... I am doing fine. Thanks for asking!. ^_^
....
ps. Thank you people!. Judging by the stats, some of you did the whole sharing thingie, or something magic happened and indeed a lot of people showed up yesterday. We were 8 people short of that silly milestone that was bugging me though. Sniff... He he he. Oh well. So it was only 8 people to 1,500 visits!!... ^_^ Which, in my humble context, is quite a cool number. So, cheers to thee all and thanks for sticking around!.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)