I wrote something here. But I deleted the whole thing when I noticed how lame and sorry for my self it sounded...
Yes I feel down. I am sort of depressed and things are getting to me. The Jeziel news really affected but. No. I won't let it affect me this much, or let me become a whimp, attention starving, feel my pain - I hate the world, bastard.
It's just life. So... If I really don't feel like posting some worthy thing... I won't. Not because I worry about the "quality of the blog". But because, in general, I hate depressive behavior. So I will snap out of it somehow.
Really...
Cheers peoples, and keep sending those good vibes to my friend.
ps. Just had a great little chat with Wend and made me smile a lot... That's what I am talking about!.
Thursday, June 30, 2005
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
I am sad, and I
am quite pissed... Angry... I want to break stuff apart, and just... Fucking cry.
... So, the nice post that was to come, about nice guys, will stay a draft and wait...
For me moment being, I don't want to write... I just want to feel freaking upset, and send Jeziel the best of vibes I can. Several of you know him, SEND HIM GOOD VIBES!!!!!!!!...
Really. Prayer, good wishes, anything...
... They found him Sunday night, just laying in the street, with no wallet, no ID, no nothing... He, a very good friend, was just a John Doe for two days, laying in a hospital's bed. When he didn't show up at work the 2nd day, they called his home. He is living by himself now, so they didn't know anything either.
But of course, they started thinking the worst when they saw he had not been going to work.
They started looking around, friend's phones, etc. Public hospitals at the end, then they found him...
He hasn't woken up. For all that matters, he may not even know what happened to him. Whatever it was.
... Ran over by a car?, a freaking thief?... Who knows...
All I want him is to be ok, to wake up... And to be fine and healthy when he does so.
...
... So, the nice post that was to come, about nice guys, will stay a draft and wait...
For me moment being, I don't want to write... I just want to feel freaking upset, and send Jeziel the best of vibes I can. Several of you know him, SEND HIM GOOD VIBES!!!!!!!!...
Really. Prayer, good wishes, anything...
... They found him Sunday night, just laying in the street, with no wallet, no ID, no nothing... He, a very good friend, was just a John Doe for two days, laying in a hospital's bed. When he didn't show up at work the 2nd day, they called his home. He is living by himself now, so they didn't know anything either.
But of course, they started thinking the worst when they saw he had not been going to work.
They started looking around, friend's phones, etc. Public hospitals at the end, then they found him...
He hasn't woken up. For all that matters, he may not even know what happened to him. Whatever it was.
... Ran over by a car?, a freaking thief?... Who knows...
All I want him is to be ok, to wake up... And to be fine and healthy when he does so.
...
Bottom line is
who knows?. Really... No one knows.
If this whole ordeal has left me with some proper advice it is... Stop looking for it. The more you look around and search, the more you bump into different views, contradicting each other, etc.
What do guys really want?... What do girls really want?...
Again. Who knows?.
The concept is way too general. So, you might want to ask your self just what do I want?. That and, if you are with someone, what does my partner want?. Even then, he/she may not know. So, at the end, it will be up to you to discover all that. By reading the signs, messing up, adjusting and keep on growing as a couple.
If things don't work out. That's life, and that's what dating is for.
No, wait a minute. That is not even what dating is for.
Some people date for fun, for the heck of it. They want to meet a whole bunch of people from the opposite sex, and do quite a bunch of stuff with them. Have a good time. That is totally valid.
Others date because they are looking for a relationship. Hopefully long term one, and find in that one person a cool complement to their lives. If not all of their lives, at least a cool period that helped them grow, etc.
Well, those two dating reasons up there are the valid ones to me. There are several others though. For example needing a relationship. That one is bad. If you need to be with someone to be happy, or think others are the source of joy in your life. You need help. Really, go get it.
And so on... There are so many patterns that it would be just, even boring to list them all!!!...
The one thing that matters, if you feel like playing the game of love. Is that you love your self first. Period.
Grow some self esteem, and stop trying to get it from someone else. Don't be clingy, and all that tirening stuff... Don't be a taker or a love sucker. If you want to be in a relationship, make sure you have something to give to it, not just some need to take from it.
... I am really thinking a bunch of ideas about nice guys and how to, at least, take a proper stance regarding that label, and give it some value back. Nice guys are good. Whimpy clingy guys aren't, and THEY ARE NOT THE SAME... But well, I am going off topic here. Trying to keep it general.
When it comes down to dating. If you want to be noticed, make sure you have something to offer. Some kind of charm. Have a life plan, have joy, and have opinions of your own. At least act as a person secure of yourself. If you do it long enough, you may become so.
No body wants to be with a low self esteem looser, if you present your self as such, of course no body will be into you. Become assertive.
Then, once in an relationship, for making it work... It really depends!!!... So, try it and learn. Give each other feedback all the time, and see if you can adjust your self to each other. Easily though, it shouldn't be a terrible struggle. If it is, then, you may want to think about letting go and moving on.
Don't put up with anybodies shit, and don't settle for anything less than what you really want and makes you really happy. If you have taken the time of growing some self esteem, you will know what I mean. (Actually, this one post talks about it, read it!!!).
If things are not working out, and you can tell, but you just won't let go... Then... Most likely, you have a hard time letting go of the dreams that you had with that person, of the fantasies, and all the things that are not to be. Not really of the person, or the relationship. Really, if things can be worked out... Go for it. But, a lot of the times they can't and, that is ok too.
At the end, I'd say, we all want to feel loved. With a good partner to share our interests with. The way we define that love or feeling loved is the tricky one. We all have different expectations of love and what it should be like. So, we better find someone who has a similar concept of love, and it's manifestations. With someone like that, things might work.
Notice I said similar up there though. Just, someone with who you could match. But, not really the same. I don't really think that's possible, there is always a little letting go of this or that, in order to gain some other good stuff.
So, find out what you want. And see if you can meet someone who can fit that. But really, do a deep search in your self. That and, remember, you don't need anyone, but your self, to be happy. Believe that.
... So, a toast to love and how messed up it is, he he he...
Cheers!
If this whole ordeal has left me with some proper advice it is... Stop looking for it. The more you look around and search, the more you bump into different views, contradicting each other, etc.
What do guys really want?... What do girls really want?...
Again. Who knows?.
The concept is way too general. So, you might want to ask your self just what do I want?. That and, if you are with someone, what does my partner want?. Even then, he/she may not know. So, at the end, it will be up to you to discover all that. By reading the signs, messing up, adjusting and keep on growing as a couple.
If things don't work out. That's life, and that's what dating is for.
No, wait a minute. That is not even what dating is for.
Some people date for fun, for the heck of it. They want to meet a whole bunch of people from the opposite sex, and do quite a bunch of stuff with them. Have a good time. That is totally valid.
Others date because they are looking for a relationship. Hopefully long term one, and find in that one person a cool complement to their lives. If not all of their lives, at least a cool period that helped them grow, etc.
Well, those two dating reasons up there are the valid ones to me. There are several others though. For example needing a relationship. That one is bad. If you need to be with someone to be happy, or think others are the source of joy in your life. You need help. Really, go get it.
And so on... There are so many patterns that it would be just, even boring to list them all!!!...
The one thing that matters, if you feel like playing the game of love. Is that you love your self first. Period.
Grow some self esteem, and stop trying to get it from someone else. Don't be clingy, and all that tirening stuff... Don't be a taker or a love sucker. If you want to be in a relationship, make sure you have something to give to it, not just some need to take from it.
... I am really thinking a bunch of ideas about nice guys and how to, at least, take a proper stance regarding that label, and give it some value back. Nice guys are good. Whimpy clingy guys aren't, and THEY ARE NOT THE SAME... But well, I am going off topic here. Trying to keep it general.
When it comes down to dating. If you want to be noticed, make sure you have something to offer. Some kind of charm. Have a life plan, have joy, and have opinions of your own. At least act as a person secure of yourself. If you do it long enough, you may become so.
No body wants to be with a low self esteem looser, if you present your self as such, of course no body will be into you. Become assertive.
Then, once in an relationship, for making it work... It really depends!!!... So, try it and learn. Give each other feedback all the time, and see if you can adjust your self to each other. Easily though, it shouldn't be a terrible struggle. If it is, then, you may want to think about letting go and moving on.
Don't put up with anybodies shit, and don't settle for anything less than what you really want and makes you really happy. If you have taken the time of growing some self esteem, you will know what I mean. (Actually, this one post talks about it, read it!!!).
If things are not working out, and you can tell, but you just won't let go... Then... Most likely, you have a hard time letting go of the dreams that you had with that person, of the fantasies, and all the things that are not to be. Not really of the person, or the relationship. Really, if things can be worked out... Go for it. But, a lot of the times they can't and, that is ok too.
At the end, I'd say, we all want to feel loved. With a good partner to share our interests with. The way we define that love or feeling loved is the tricky one. We all have different expectations of love and what it should be like. So, we better find someone who has a similar concept of love, and it's manifestations. With someone like that, things might work.
Notice I said similar up there though. Just, someone with who you could match. But, not really the same. I don't really think that's possible, there is always a little letting go of this or that, in order to gain some other good stuff.
So, find out what you want. And see if you can meet someone who can fit that. But really, do a deep search in your self. That and, remember, you don't need anyone, but your self, to be happy. Believe that.
... So, a toast to love and how messed up it is, he he he...
Cheers!
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
Things are getting
interesting, and I think we are getting somewhere. Thanks to good ol' Tortuga Estelar, Blanco, Julius, Victor and all those who have given some input to my question. Not only in the post, but in chats and "live" interactions.
This is, by no means, a way of closing the question or discussion. Feel free to keep it flowing. But I think we are getting somewhere good. And that is, most sites out there, and the advice they give, is about being able to date and hook up with someone. Little is told about how to make a relationship work through all it's trials.
There are some very good insights in the Heartless Bitches nice guys archive. And as such, there are a ton of other sites. The summary though?... Be secure of your self, and get a life of your own. Don't cling nor worship. That is tiresome. And that applies to girls as well I'd say.
... Hmmm... About being dating material, well... There is a lot about ways to present your self as interesting.... Anyway... This is just going somewhere... Heh.
I shall maybe gather just a bit more info, and see if I can come up with a decent post...
Heh...
Cheers.
[update. I just saw Hitch. Good stuff actually, related to all this. Final note: Grab your self some self esteem and worry not about crap, or all the do's and dont's].
This is, by no means, a way of closing the question or discussion. Feel free to keep it flowing. But I think we are getting somewhere good. And that is, most sites out there, and the advice they give, is about being able to date and hook up with someone. Little is told about how to make a relationship work through all it's trials.
There are some very good insights in the Heartless Bitches nice guys archive. And as such, there are a ton of other sites. The summary though?... Be secure of your self, and get a life of your own. Don't cling nor worship. That is tiresome. And that applies to girls as well I'd say.
... Hmmm... About being dating material, well... There is a lot about ways to present your self as interesting.... Anyway... This is just going somewhere... Heh.
I shall maybe gather just a bit more info, and see if I can come up with a decent post...
Heh...
Cheers.
[update. I just saw Hitch. Good stuff actually, related to all this. Final note: Grab your self some self esteem and worry not about crap, or all the do's and dont's].
Monday, June 27, 2005
I have been reading
a lot, in a lot of places, about girls and what they like in a man. Relationships in general, etc. That is what I do, I read about stuff that interests me. Ok?. Anyway...
I've noticed that... Well, most of the stuff out there about what women want, is written by guys, and it pretty much explains all the basics for becoming a player. I am not a player and don't ever want to be. That way of acting would be stupid and un natural to me... So...
What do women really want?. We all know jerks and bad guys tend to have all the girls they want. And... It is something that messes me up. Really.
What do you girls want?. What do you girls see in such guys and how can a nice guy give that to you, without acting, becoming a player, or loosing his essence?. How can we, nice guys, keep you interested and around?.
... Please... Do answer!. I want to hear this from a woman... What is so appealing about the bad guys?. How can we nice guys give that to you?. What do you really want?!...
... O.o
I've noticed that... Well, most of the stuff out there about what women want, is written by guys, and it pretty much explains all the basics for becoming a player. I am not a player and don't ever want to be. That way of acting would be stupid and un natural to me... So...
What do women really want?. We all know jerks and bad guys tend to have all the girls they want. And... It is something that messes me up. Really.
What do you girls want?. What do you girls see in such guys and how can a nice guy give that to you, without acting, becoming a player, or loosing his essence?. How can we, nice guys, keep you interested and around?.
... Please... Do answer!. I want to hear this from a woman... What is so appealing about the bad guys?. How can we nice guys give that to you?. What do you really want?!...
... O.o
I am feeling a tad
sick, and I have a ton of work. I cannot pull together the strength, or the good vibes, to actually write properly about my weekend. I hope I can make it happen after lunch.
Again, I find my self with the struggle to either talk about the facts, or the ideas that came around those facts, and everything that kept going on in my mind. Since I was with more friends, I am almost sure the facts will be listed somewhere else (most of we geeks have a blog, he he he)... So maybe I can focus on the thoughts.
Anyway...
(argh!!!... My stomach!!!)....
... O.o
Anyway... It was a great weekend, and I hope I can write more about it later.
Cheers... Right?. ^_^
Again, I find my self with the struggle to either talk about the facts, or the ideas that came around those facts, and everything that kept going on in my mind. Since I was with more friends, I am almost sure the facts will be listed somewhere else (most of we geeks have a blog, he he he)... So maybe I can focus on the thoughts.
Anyway...
(argh!!!... My stomach!!!)....
... O.o
Anyway... It was a great weekend, and I hope I can write more about it later.
Cheers... Right?. ^_^
Friday, June 24, 2005
All For You
All For You - Sister Hazel
Finally I figured out
But it took a long long time
And now there's a turnabout
Maybe cause I'm trying
There's been times
I'm so confused
All my roads
They lead to you
I just can't turn
And walk away...
It's hard to say
What it is I see in you
Wonder if I'll always
Be with you
But words can't say
And I can't do
Enough to prove
It's all for you
I thought I'd seen it all
'Cause it's been a long long time
But then we'll trip and fall
Wondering if I'm blind
There's been times
I'm so confused
All my roads
They lead to you
I just can't turn
And walk away...
It's hard to say
What it is I see in you
Wonder if I'll always
Be with you
But words can't say
And I can't do
Enough to prove
It's all for you
Rain comes pouring down
Falling from blue skies
Words without a sound
Coming from your eyes
Chorus
Finally I figured out
But it took a long long time
And now there's a turnabout
Maybe cause I'm trying
There's been times
I'm so confused
All my roads
They lead to you
I just can't turn
And walk away...
It's hard to say
What it is I see in you
Wonder if I'll always
Be with you
But words can't say
And I can't do
Enough to prove
It's all for you
I thought I'd seen it all
'Cause it's been a long long time
But then we'll trip and fall
Wondering if I'm blind
There's been times
I'm so confused
All my roads
They lead to you
I just can't turn
And walk away...
It's hard to say
What it is I see in you
Wonder if I'll always
Be with you
But words can't say
And I can't do
Enough to prove
It's all for you
Rain comes pouring down
Falling from blue skies
Words without a sound
Coming from your eyes
Chorus
Going for the Nash
"demon slaying" strategy...
See... Every relationship, hopefully, helps you learn something about your self, and if possible become a better person. Even if relationships don't work out, they help you grow as you go. I have never wanted to just date and have fun. I am actually looking for a long term, serious relationship. And... Well, obviously the times I have thought it could work, and tried, ended up failing. He he he... But they did taught me something.
As much as I'd love to be a player sometimes... Sleep around or whatever. I just have come to terms with the fact that, I am just not like that... And I honestly enjoy building a relationship, loving and feeling loved. He he he... Oh well.
... Being with Wend right now, and specifically being away from her, is teaching me a lot of awesome things. Mostly about my self, and the way I deal with stuff.
There are some things that I don't like. Ideas and images and all that, they are just there and mess me up. I don't want them to, and I have being trying very hard to stop them altogether. Understand where they come from, bla bla bla.
It's not working.
So, the other day that I saw Beautiful Mind I came up with a new approach. Ignore the demons and stupid ideas. Not indulge in them and not allowing them to take much of my time or mind. The moment I notice them, the moment I will try and think of something else, rather than discovery "why" and "how to get rid of them" and all that non-working crap.
Just... Ignore the demons... Not give them any power and then... Maybe, they will fade out and die. Or at least, they will stop messing me up and that is what matters.
Right?... Sounds like a good approach?... Stop trying to get rid of the stain and focus on the "clean" parts of the picture?.
Hmmm... I don't know...
... We will see though. ^_^
Cheers and...
Yay!!... It IS Friday!!
See... Every relationship, hopefully, helps you learn something about your self, and if possible become a better person. Even if relationships don't work out, they help you grow as you go. I have never wanted to just date and have fun. I am actually looking for a long term, serious relationship. And... Well, obviously the times I have thought it could work, and tried, ended up failing. He he he... But they did taught me something.
As much as I'd love to be a player sometimes... Sleep around or whatever. I just have come to terms with the fact that, I am just not like that... And I honestly enjoy building a relationship, loving and feeling loved. He he he... Oh well.
... Being with Wend right now, and specifically being away from her, is teaching me a lot of awesome things. Mostly about my self, and the way I deal with stuff.
There are some things that I don't like. Ideas and images and all that, they are just there and mess me up. I don't want them to, and I have being trying very hard to stop them altogether. Understand where they come from, bla bla bla.
It's not working.
So, the other day that I saw Beautiful Mind I came up with a new approach. Ignore the demons and stupid ideas. Not indulge in them and not allowing them to take much of my time or mind. The moment I notice them, the moment I will try and think of something else, rather than discovery "why" and "how to get rid of them" and all that non-working crap.
Just... Ignore the demons... Not give them any power and then... Maybe, they will fade out and die. Or at least, they will stop messing me up and that is what matters.
Right?... Sounds like a good approach?... Stop trying to get rid of the stain and focus on the "clean" parts of the picture?.
Hmmm... I don't know...
... We will see though. ^_^
Cheers and...
Yay!!... It IS Friday!!
Thursday, June 23, 2005
I have, for a while,
being an honest fan of Frou Frou.
The movie Garden State has at least one of their songs in the soundtrack... And... All of a sudden, thanks to the movie, and thanks a little to my bro, this song is slowly becoming kind of a new hakuna matata.
Heh...
Enjoy the lyrics, get the song.
Let Go - Frou Frou
Drink up baby down
Are you in or are you out?
Leave your things behind
'Cause it's all going off without you
Excuse me too busy you're writing a tragedy
These mess-ups
You bubble-wrap
When you've no idea what you're like
So, let go
Jump in
Oh well, what you waiting for?
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
So, let go
Just get in
Oh, it's so amazing here
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
It gains the more it gives
And then advances with the form
So, honey, back for more
Can't you see that all the stuff's essential?
Such boundless pleasure
We've no time for later
Now you can wait
You roll your eyes
We've twenty seconds to comply
So, let go
Jump in
Oh well, what you waiting for?
It's al right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
So, let go
Just get in
Oh, it's so amazing here
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
The movie Garden State has at least one of their songs in the soundtrack... And... All of a sudden, thanks to the movie, and thanks a little to my bro, this song is slowly becoming kind of a new hakuna matata.
Heh...
Enjoy the lyrics, get the song.
Let Go - Frou Frou
Drink up baby down
Are you in or are you out?
Leave your things behind
'Cause it's all going off without you
Excuse me too busy you're writing a tragedy
These mess-ups
You bubble-wrap
When you've no idea what you're like
So, let go
Jump in
Oh well, what you waiting for?
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
So, let go
Just get in
Oh, it's so amazing here
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
It gains the more it gives
And then advances with the form
So, honey, back for more
Can't you see that all the stuff's essential?
Such boundless pleasure
We've no time for later
Now you can wait
You roll your eyes
We've twenty seconds to comply
So, let go
Jump in
Oh well, what you waiting for?
It's al right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
So, let go
Just get in
Oh, it's so amazing here
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
If you liked
Lost in Translation at all. That is, if you are worthy of the title of human being somehow, you will for sure love Garden State. If... On the other hand, you didn't like the 1st movie mentioned, and you are seriously not considering euthanasia some time soon... Just... Don't even bother trying. You'd qualify it as a slow, boring, pointless movie... (Which is what a lot of people say about Lost in Translation), and... You will disqualify your self in very important levels... At least with me. **
Garden State is just plain beautiful. The photography, the sound track, and the subject matter... It is always tricky to not give out any sort of spoiler, damn it. But... It is a nice ode to life and to being willing to feel. To be willing to accept and jump. That it is ok to make mistakes, and yes... It hurts sometimes... But there are things worth that suffering and, in general, if you let if... Life will be mostly better than worse.
I am waiting to follow the career of Zach Braff... He directed, wrote and acted the lead on this movie... And... Wow. He can not only be funny, like with his role in scrubs, and he can direct and write some proper deep stuff.
Go see the freaking movie trailer!.
Sigh...
Anyway... Lots of work to do. As a matter of fact, we stayed at work 'till about 1am yesterday and life will go on as such for a while. This movie I saw some days ago, yet up until now I managed to write all this. Oh well.
Cheers!
**I have some very good friends that didn't like Lost in Translation... Like, 2 of them. Them... I don't know. There must be a glitch in the matrix or something. I try very hard to ignore this fact and keep regarding them as good people.
Garden State is just plain beautiful. The photography, the sound track, and the subject matter... It is always tricky to not give out any sort of spoiler, damn it. But... It is a nice ode to life and to being willing to feel. To be willing to accept and jump. That it is ok to make mistakes, and yes... It hurts sometimes... But there are things worth that suffering and, in general, if you let if... Life will be mostly better than worse.
I am waiting to follow the career of Zach Braff... He directed, wrote and acted the lead on this movie... And... Wow. He can not only be funny, like with his role in scrubs, and he can direct and write some proper deep stuff.
Go see the freaking movie trailer!.
Sigh...
Anyway... Lots of work to do. As a matter of fact, we stayed at work 'till about 1am yesterday and life will go on as such for a while. This movie I saw some days ago, yet up until now I managed to write all this. Oh well.
Cheers!
**I have some very good friends that didn't like Lost in Translation... Like, 2 of them. Them... I don't know. There must be a glitch in the matrix or something. I try very hard to ignore this fact and keep regarding them as good people.
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
I have to thank
Cona, Victor and Tomas... For the talks I had with them, and how much those talks helped...
... You guys know what I mean, and if you don't... Just know that... I appreciate it.
... It is always better to have such battle mates in the mist of life struggles and demon slaying.
^_^
A hug to thee.
... You guys know what I mean, and if you don't... Just know that... I appreciate it.
... It is always better to have such battle mates in the mist of life struggles and demon slaying.
^_^
A hug to thee.
I just cannot take
this song out of my mind.
.... [sigh]
Life is funny... I have been learning a lot about my self lately. And... Finding in me quite a lot of things. Some I like, some I don't. But... At the end, it is helping me build a better self image I feel. More secure.
You see?... I have never felt that... Say... Secure around women. Friends I have, some. Female friends that is. And they tend to trust me a lot, we share, joke and have good times. I don't really go out with them or anything though, unless it is a group thing. Not because I don't want to... It just... Happens like that and feels somewhat better most of the times.
... Heh... I guess... Like that, I stay in my comfort area regarding girls... Not ever letting them get too close?.
And... I have bumped into my life, with a couple of girls that had made me say "sure... Why not?"... And I've tried to see what happens. And... It sucks when things don't work out. Big time...
Now... I find my self very much in love with someone. Like... Honestly like I had never been before. And it rocks.
But then, I have felt the fear of loosing it... Of loosing her...
Stupid fear I know!... I know...
So... Being me as I am, I had been reading a lot about such things... And, reading myself a lot as well... And... I am coming to terms with that feeling. Realizing that, as amazing as it is. If it doesn't work out, although it may hurt for a while, it will not be the end of the world.
Don't get me wrong. I am not getting my self ready for when things blow up. I am, understanding and approaching my fears, so that they don't mess me up.
... Do you believe you gotta go for the "there are plenty fishes in the sea" idea?... There are several persons out there with whom you could match and be happy with?... Or... Is out there really THE ONE for you?.
Is really out there a Mr. or Ms. Right?... Or just plenty of "Mr. or Ms. good enough for right now?"...
Whatever... What sucks is that, it is not that I am not confident with my self, or that I don't feel I can get girls to date me or anything... I know I can do so... (Thank God)... My issue is that, I am weird in terms of what I look for. And it is not your average girl... So...
So... I don't freaking know... I don't fear I will end up lonely... I fear I may end up with the wrong person... Just because I craved for company, and I had to let go of what I actually wanted in my couple... I fear I had to let go of Ms. Right in order to just be with Ms. Good Enough.
... Heh...
See?... Just... Random rants figuring my self out... Finding out what's in me so that I can enjoy better what I do have...
... What do I have?... So far, a great relationship that is growing and building up... That, no matter what happens in the end, is making me learn a whole bunch of things... And... Heh.... That can't be bad, can it?.
As I wrote to her once... It is a feeling that, when holding her hand, makes me believe it will be forever. When I look into her eyes, I just hope it is so. And when I embrace her in my arms, I just don't care and love the fact that, for the moment, it is here.
Sigh... indeed...
Cheers... Never mind my rants... He he he.
.... [sigh]
Life is funny... I have been learning a lot about my self lately. And... Finding in me quite a lot of things. Some I like, some I don't. But... At the end, it is helping me build a better self image I feel. More secure.
You see?... I have never felt that... Say... Secure around women. Friends I have, some. Female friends that is. And they tend to trust me a lot, we share, joke and have good times. I don't really go out with them or anything though, unless it is a group thing. Not because I don't want to... It just... Happens like that and feels somewhat better most of the times.
... Heh... I guess... Like that, I stay in my comfort area regarding girls... Not ever letting them get too close?.
And... I have bumped into my life, with a couple of girls that had made me say "sure... Why not?"... And I've tried to see what happens. And... It sucks when things don't work out. Big time...
Now... I find my self very much in love with someone. Like... Honestly like I had never been before. And it rocks.
But then, I have felt the fear of loosing it... Of loosing her...
Stupid fear I know!... I know...
So... Being me as I am, I had been reading a lot about such things... And, reading myself a lot as well... And... I am coming to terms with that feeling. Realizing that, as amazing as it is. If it doesn't work out, although it may hurt for a while, it will not be the end of the world.
Don't get me wrong. I am not getting my self ready for when things blow up. I am, understanding and approaching my fears, so that they don't mess me up.
... Do you believe you gotta go for the "there are plenty fishes in the sea" idea?... There are several persons out there with whom you could match and be happy with?... Or... Is out there really THE ONE for you?.
Is really out there a Mr. or Ms. Right?... Or just plenty of "Mr. or Ms. good enough for right now?"...
Whatever... What sucks is that, it is not that I am not confident with my self, or that I don't feel I can get girls to date me or anything... I know I can do so... (Thank God)... My issue is that, I am weird in terms of what I look for. And it is not your average girl... So...
So... I don't freaking know... I don't fear I will end up lonely... I fear I may end up with the wrong person... Just because I craved for company, and I had to let go of what I actually wanted in my couple... I fear I had to let go of Ms. Right in order to just be with Ms. Good Enough.
... Heh...
See?... Just... Random rants figuring my self out... Finding out what's in me so that I can enjoy better what I do have...
... What do I have?... So far, a great relationship that is growing and building up... That, no matter what happens in the end, is making me learn a whole bunch of things... And... Heh.... That can't be bad, can it?.
As I wrote to her once... It is a feeling that, when holding her hand, makes me believe it will be forever. When I look into her eyes, I just hope it is so. And when I embrace her in my arms, I just don't care and love the fact that, for the moment, it is here.
Sigh... indeed...
Cheers... Never mind my rants... He he he.
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
It is curious how...
Life, jumps about all the time. Things... Dreams... Expectations...
Things we hang on to... Things only illusional, if not delusional, that keep us moving... Going... Sometimes they keep us smiling... Sometimes hurting...
It's only in the mysterious equation of love that any logical reasons can be found.
But they keep us alive and feeling...
Feeling, at the end, may well be what keeps us alive, sane... Here...
Maybe that is why you feel like making love in the midst of danger... To feel... To be reassured you are still here.
Love...
Love is a funny feeling... Fuzzy... Cuddly... Hurtful, beautiful... Demanding and awarding...
Love leads to ecstasy... To endless joy in just a second... A second that can inspire for ever a smile... Love, leads as well to jealousy, to anger... To endless pain. A single second, that can inspire forever a clenching fist...
Life and all... Little and pointless as it is... Huge and meaningful...
I love duality...
I love it... And it scares me...
So... There you go again.. Right?...
Heh...
Things we hang on to... Things only illusional, if not delusional, that keep us moving... Going... Sometimes they keep us smiling... Sometimes hurting...
It's only in the mysterious equation of love that any logical reasons can be found.
But they keep us alive and feeling...
Feeling, at the end, may well be what keeps us alive, sane... Here...
Maybe that is why you feel like making love in the midst of danger... To feel... To be reassured you are still here.
Love...
Love is a funny feeling... Fuzzy... Cuddly... Hurtful, beautiful... Demanding and awarding...
Love leads to ecstasy... To endless joy in just a second... A second that can inspire for ever a smile... Love, leads as well to jealousy, to anger... To endless pain. A single second, that can inspire forever a clenching fist...
Life and all... Little and pointless as it is... Huge and meaningful...
I love duality...
I love it... And it scares me...
So... There you go again.. Right?...
Heh...
Monday, June 20, 2005
It has been, so far
one of the busiest days ever!... O.o
I hate doing all this paperwork, making so many calls, figuring out a way to fix my computer!!.. Argh!!...
And guess what?... I have pending stuff with Hacienda, (sort of like the IRS in Mexico)... So... Yes!... That is something to worry about...
Thanks to Pollo though, he will help me with my computer...
Argh...
... Good talk at lunch time though. About love and relationships, from older guys. Interesting insights, of course I took several mental notes. Hope I can share them later.
Cheers then!... Gotta keep running!
I hate doing all this paperwork, making so many calls, figuring out a way to fix my computer!!.. Argh!!...
And guess what?... I have pending stuff with Hacienda, (sort of like the IRS in Mexico)... So... Yes!... That is something to worry about...
Thanks to Pollo though, he will help me with my computer...
Argh...
... Good talk at lunch time though. About love and relationships, from older guys. Interesting insights, of course I took several mental notes. Hope I can share them later.
Cheers then!... Gotta keep running!
Don´t know where
to begin, or even, what to write.
Honestly?. There are a ton of things worth sharing. Friday good times with friends who stayed over, watching Zim and all. Saturday good working day, father's day, talks with Wend, movies I saw. Etc...
But... My computer at home died, I am well behind schedule in a lot of things, and have several important things to figure out this week... So many actually, that it freaks me out and scares me a bit. He he he.
Wend is going to Canada this week too!. So... Send good vibes to her, ok?...
And me?... Let's hope I make it through.
He he he.
Cheers!!!...
ps. Hopefully I will write a better post soon. O.o
Honestly?. There are a ton of things worth sharing. Friday good times with friends who stayed over, watching Zim and all. Saturday good working day, father's day, talks with Wend, movies I saw. Etc...
But... My computer at home died, I am well behind schedule in a lot of things, and have several important things to figure out this week... So many actually, that it freaks me out and scares me a bit. He he he.
Wend is going to Canada this week too!. So... Send good vibes to her, ok?...
And me?... Let's hope I make it through.
He he he.
Cheers!!!...
ps. Hopefully I will write a better post soon. O.o
Saturday, June 18, 2005
And finally girls are
starting to realize!!... ^_^
He he he he. See?. It isn't that bad to date one of us geeky guys!. Read this! (Article from the Daily News, entitled: Nerds make better lovers / Ready for a real relationship? Ditch the pretty boys and grab yourself a geek.)
And well, talking about dating a geek, this is just a fun must read for girls and guys as well.
So, girls!... Grab your self a good geek before we become IN and we are all taken!!... ^_^
I do have a lot of geeky friends, he he he... In my links section there are several or their blogs, go meet them!!!.
He he he. Cheers!!
ps. See Wend?... You have good taste!... He he he.
He he he he. See?. It isn't that bad to date one of us geeky guys!. Read this! (Article from the Daily News, entitled: Nerds make better lovers / Ready for a real relationship? Ditch the pretty boys and grab yourself a geek.)
And well, talking about dating a geek, this is just a fun must read for girls and guys as well.
So, girls!... Grab your self a good geek before we become IN and we are all taken!!... ^_^
I do have a lot of geeky friends, he he he... In my links section there are several or their blogs, go meet them!!!.
He he he. Cheers!!
ps. See Wend?... You have good taste!... He he he.
Friday, June 17, 2005
Am I suffering from
withdrawal?... I have a headache and all... Damn it...
Is letting go of coffee and coke really this hard?, or is it something else?...
...
Feeling like... s*it
Is letting go of coffee and coke really this hard?, or is it something else?...
...
Feeling like... s*it
Almost 3 weeks already!!...
Since my girlfriend went to visit her friends and family!!... Wow... Little by little we are adjusting to that, I'd say. This week has been awesome though, and it has not felt bad at all... Maybe it is getting used to, and maybe it is the bit of effort we both are giving into it, after feeling some things and giving each other feedback...
I can't believe I am such a fool in love... And, talking about that, I am almost done with El Amor en los Tiempos de Colera... No wonder why it is so famous world wide... Freaking good read!!!... O.o
Anyway, my stomach is messed up and I am trying to let go of coke and coffee for a while. As well, to eat much healthier and all those things. Looking around the web I bumped into Don Lemmon's site. He does seem to know his trade!. I browsed around the web looking for references for him, his ideas make sense, etc... So, I may follow his advice for a while!!... He he he. I will let you guys know how it goes.
The good thing?... His advice is pretty much: eat well. Now, on to learn what the freak is that, since there are so many theories about it around. Anybody familiar with him or his ideas?.
... It will be a busy Friday, but I am looking forward to it!!... ^_^ A lot of work, but good times are ahead too this weekend. Father's day and Batman Begins!!...
Yay!!...
He he he.
Cheers people.
I can't believe I am such a fool in love... And, talking about that, I am almost done with El Amor en los Tiempos de Colera... No wonder why it is so famous world wide... Freaking good read!!!... O.o
Anyway, my stomach is messed up and I am trying to let go of coke and coffee for a while. As well, to eat much healthier and all those things. Looking around the web I bumped into Don Lemmon's site. He does seem to know his trade!. I browsed around the web looking for references for him, his ideas make sense, etc... So, I may follow his advice for a while!!... He he he. I will let you guys know how it goes.
The good thing?... His advice is pretty much: eat well. Now, on to learn what the freak is that, since there are so many theories about it around. Anybody familiar with him or his ideas?.
... It will be a busy Friday, but I am looking forward to it!!... ^_^ A lot of work, but good times are ahead too this weekend. Father's day and Batman Begins!!...
Yay!!...
He he he.
Cheers people.
Thursday, June 16, 2005
One questions always
opens new ones. And one bit of curiosity can open oh so many doors about so many things you just ignored!...
Well, I did ask Martin about a reference from that idea about ancient Greece and the value they gave to the individual, and little life's happenings. That led me to know of the existence, and a bit of the ideas of Michel Foucault!!... Such an interesting fellow!. How come I didn't know of him?...
Sigh... Oh well. I shall read something from him soon.
Anyway, it seems that in several of his works he rediscovers Ancient Greece and talks about all this awesome things that it had as a society, that helped it flourish so much in terms of culture. And as well he analyzes why we lost all that, and when, and what has caused the loss of such views in life in modern society.
Ok so... So far, that is the one lead I have got about that idea.
But it's one already!... Yay!. ^_^
Cheers!
Well, I did ask Martin about a reference from that idea about ancient Greece and the value they gave to the individual, and little life's happenings. That led me to know of the existence, and a bit of the ideas of Michel Foucault!!... Such an interesting fellow!. How come I didn't know of him?...
Sigh... Oh well. I shall read something from him soon.
Anyway, it seems that in several of his works he rediscovers Ancient Greece and talks about all this awesome things that it had as a society, that helped it flourish so much in terms of culture. And as well he analyzes why we lost all that, and when, and what has caused the loss of such views in life in modern society.
Ok so... So far, that is the one lead I have got about that idea.
But it's one already!... Yay!. ^_^
Cheers!
And another good fellow
takes his chance and moves on. Once again, a good bye and once again, it leaves me thoughtful and a tad nostalgic... Sigh...
Cheers Jorge!, I really do hope you do great in this new dream!. ^_^
Needless to say, I went to his farewell dinner last night. Nice time, not much people, pretty much just close friends and general chit chat. Heh... Not really a party mood, it was more like everyone was thinking about life, and what the freak we are doing with it... Where are we getting into?... And some ones even worrying about getting old and noticing it...
Heh. Already talking about that, and we are all still on our twenties...
Before that dinner, I went to a book presentation that I really really enjoyed. It is a book by Laura Ortiz, and this is the book's website (spanish). The book has been around my life for a while, but up until yesterday I got the urge to read it, and I understood Laura's point... It is a poetry book that tells the story of falling in and out of love... With everything that happens in between. Smiles and tears, loves and hates.
After the actual presentation, we had an interesting talk with a girl about relationships, love, and how men and women play the game in such different ways. This book is interesting, because it narrates the story of a woman who completely gives her self into a relationship to be later torn apart by it...
I do want to read it.
Cheers people!...
Smile and have a pretty good day!!... He he he. I am struggling to stay awake here to be honest. O.o
Cheers Jorge!, I really do hope you do great in this new dream!. ^_^
Needless to say, I went to his farewell dinner last night. Nice time, not much people, pretty much just close friends and general chit chat. Heh... Not really a party mood, it was more like everyone was thinking about life, and what the freak we are doing with it... Where are we getting into?... And some ones even worrying about getting old and noticing it...
Heh. Already talking about that, and we are all still on our twenties...
Before that dinner, I went to a book presentation that I really really enjoyed. It is a book by Laura Ortiz, and this is the book's website (spanish). The book has been around my life for a while, but up until yesterday I got the urge to read it, and I understood Laura's point... It is a poetry book that tells the story of falling in and out of love... With everything that happens in between. Smiles and tears, loves and hates.
After the actual presentation, we had an interesting talk with a girl about relationships, love, and how men and women play the game in such different ways. This book is interesting, because it narrates the story of a woman who completely gives her self into a relationship to be later torn apart by it...
I do want to read it.
Cheers people!...
Smile and have a pretty good day!!... He he he. I am struggling to stay awake here to be honest. O.o
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
Wow, I just took one
sip of my coffee, and it came out strong this morning!!...
(Hector focusing on his taste buds)... You know?... It really isn't bad. Tastes much more... Coffee-ty or whatever... Hmmm... Yes. Not going to get more sugar, I shall enjoy it as a man!!!... O.o Strong and all!... Rawwr rawwrr!!...
I am smiling!... Yesterday was sort of a good day. Although my computer at home is getting crazy and it is some BIOS intimidating related issue, I had an awesome time with Wend on the phone, got things done, had good dinner with my brother and... I just went to bed with a smile on my face and a good sense of satisfaction.
He he he... Good!!... ^_^
Anyway... Is any good historian reading this?. Because I am having a hard time coming up with proper sources about something that Martin told me yesterday. But it really is something interesting and I want to look into it. You see, he told me a bit of ancient Greece culture that I didn't know.
While there were all this great philosophers such as Aristotle, Plato, Socrates, and all those others. Pretty much the ones that set up the basis of the western line of thought, the Utopias, the concept of Republic and Democracy and so on. This guys, among most other Greeks, had a very humanitarian and interesting approach to life.
And when they were not writing or discussing about all this great questions of self and being, they were pretty much just talking about flu, or the flavor or the one apple they had that morning. That's right. There have been found documents, lots and lots of letters, and so on, that do imply that every day life tibits were just as important. They did share them a lot, and people really cared about paying attention to those little details in everybody's life.
Such sensitivity to life, most likely, would have helped to build much greater thoughts and ideas about art, sports and philosophy. Really, those guys are the cradle of civilization for a reason.
I mean. Olympics came from there, all the spread of art. Drama and theatre, etc. Did you know that everybody had a free day from work, the day there was a play showing?. Even the slaves. Art was a huge deal then.
Anyway, about that there is a lot of info out there. This one little detail about sharing every day life's tibits is the one that really interests me. So... If you find anything about it, let me know. If I do, I will post the links or sources.
Why?... Well, I got interested because Martin told me about it, since he bumped into my site browsing around the web for some other reason, and he remembered that about Greece when reading me. And... All of a sudden it made me think of all the bloggers out there. From people such as Neil Gaiman telling us about how tired he is, and cute stories about his daughter Maddie or his cat. To all those unknown people out there who just write and share for the sake of it...
Some stuff is good, some other is bad, etc. What matters is that people is sharing, and people is caring about reading and sharing with them... Are we getting into something close, to that thing that used to happen in ancient Athens?... The thought is somehow inspiring.
I do believe our problem right now is that we are not in touch with our human, sensitive, artistic side as a society. We have become just productive. And... Just the little sings about we walking to a better social context really makes me smile and brings my hopes up!!...
^_^
He he he.
Cheers people!!...
ps. Go see this trailer... Really, do so!. It game me goose bumps. The good kind that is.
(Hector focusing on his taste buds)... You know?... It really isn't bad. Tastes much more... Coffee-ty or whatever... Hmmm... Yes. Not going to get more sugar, I shall enjoy it as a man!!!... O.o Strong and all!... Rawwr rawwrr!!...
I am smiling!... Yesterday was sort of a good day. Although my computer at home is getting crazy and it is some BIOS intimidating related issue, I had an awesome time with Wend on the phone, got things done, had good dinner with my brother and... I just went to bed with a smile on my face and a good sense of satisfaction.
He he he... Good!!... ^_^
Anyway... Is any good historian reading this?. Because I am having a hard time coming up with proper sources about something that Martin told me yesterday. But it really is something interesting and I want to look into it. You see, he told me a bit of ancient Greece culture that I didn't know.
While there were all this great philosophers such as Aristotle, Plato, Socrates, and all those others. Pretty much the ones that set up the basis of the western line of thought, the Utopias, the concept of Republic and Democracy and so on. This guys, among most other Greeks, had a very humanitarian and interesting approach to life.
And when they were not writing or discussing about all this great questions of self and being, they were pretty much just talking about flu, or the flavor or the one apple they had that morning. That's right. There have been found documents, lots and lots of letters, and so on, that do imply that every day life tibits were just as important. They did share them a lot, and people really cared about paying attention to those little details in everybody's life.
Such sensitivity to life, most likely, would have helped to build much greater thoughts and ideas about art, sports and philosophy. Really, those guys are the cradle of civilization for a reason.
I mean. Olympics came from there, all the spread of art. Drama and theatre, etc. Did you know that everybody had a free day from work, the day there was a play showing?. Even the slaves. Art was a huge deal then.
Anyway, about that there is a lot of info out there. This one little detail about sharing every day life's tibits is the one that really interests me. So... If you find anything about it, let me know. If I do, I will post the links or sources.
Why?... Well, I got interested because Martin told me about it, since he bumped into my site browsing around the web for some other reason, and he remembered that about Greece when reading me. And... All of a sudden it made me think of all the bloggers out there. From people such as Neil Gaiman telling us about how tired he is, and cute stories about his daughter Maddie or his cat. To all those unknown people out there who just write and share for the sake of it...
Some stuff is good, some other is bad, etc. What matters is that people is sharing, and people is caring about reading and sharing with them... Are we getting into something close, to that thing that used to happen in ancient Athens?... The thought is somehow inspiring.
I do believe our problem right now is that we are not in touch with our human, sensitive, artistic side as a society. We have become just productive. And... Just the little sings about we walking to a better social context really makes me smile and brings my hopes up!!...
^_^
He he he.
Cheers people!!...
ps. Go see this trailer... Really, do so!. It game me goose bumps. The good kind that is.
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
In the stats thing
I have on my website, it tells me fancy stuff about the visitors and all. How many, where from, why, etc. One of the things tells me the kind of key words that people have used on search engines, to get into my site... It is always interesting to see why would people bump into this page...
But... It is a bit disturbing to realize that, somehow, I am getting quite some clicks this month due to the word "Butt Crack"... Sigh... I know, I know. I guess it is due to this one post I wrote once.
Really... I don't feel that proud about that one... He he he.
Cheers then!
ps. The one phrase that has gotten me more visits though, is "la insoportable levedad del ser"... That I like. ^_^
But... It is a bit disturbing to realize that, somehow, I am getting quite some clicks this month due to the word "Butt Crack"... Sigh... I know, I know. I guess it is due to this one post I wrote once.
Really... I don't feel that proud about that one... He he he.
Cheers then!
ps. The one phrase that has gotten me more visits though, is "la insoportable levedad del ser"... That I like. ^_^
Goodbye my friend,
it's hard to die,
when all the birds are singing in the sky,
Now that the spring is in the air.
Pretty girls are everywhere.
When you see them I'll be there.
We had joy, we had fun, we had seasons in the sun.
But the hills that we climbed
were just seasons out of time...
... Has that happened to you before?. You hear a song, over and over, through all your life even. But you never really listen to it. And then one day, for some reason, you do... And PUM!!... You get the whole point, with goose bumps and all to add to the effect?.
Errr... Well. Even if not. That did happen to me yesterday with Seasons in the Sun. I know, maybe a corny song and all, and quite well known too. But... I just had never really listened to it. I would even sing along and all!!... But up until yesterday the whole "Goodbye, Papa, please pray for me, I was the black sheep of the family" and all those lines!!... Sniff... Sniff... It really is a touching song no matter what you say!!!... O.o
Anyway. I am in good spirits. Yesterday was pretty much a hard working day, with some bits of resting and reading in the evening. But... It felt so much greater!... Like, it was just pretty much a change of attitude. And if I have to be honest, and give credit where it's due, I have to thank Wend a lot for it!!... ^_^
... I am just smiling.
It really is funny how those changes of stance can just change your life. Although the same stuff happens, and you keep doing the same stuff, it just seems much better or worse, depending on how you are looking at it... Now, I have to work on being able to control it my self, and staying on the good side by my own means... I think that's hard though... -sigh-
When I am in a relationship, I have come to see, I just need some sort of communication now and then. Even on the distance, and I can let it mess me up if it is not there. It is a personality thing actually, and a lot of people are like me, a lot aren't. The problem is when your loved one isn't and you two have to adjust that. You let go a bit of that need to be in touch. And the other person has to make an effort in givings sings of love and life, although they know they feel everything you do (missing, loving, etc), they just don't feel the need to show it like that.
No one is right or wrong, it's just the way you are and that's it. What matters though, is making things happen regardless of those different approaches. Finding a middle ground. That is, if both parts are willing to make an effort and believe the relationship is worth such work.
A good relationship is an eternal negociation **, where you are willing to give up some things, work on some others, accept some others, and so is your partner. Heh... And eternal, never perfect dance, that will keep on working as long as both keep on following each other's steps, adjusting to each other's moves, and taking and giving up control when needed in all those certain turns. ^_^
[** See my comments about this below. In case you got it like Victor, I didn't mean it like that!. Heh.]
As my dad said once... Relationships are never perfect, but they can always be perfectible... He might have read it somewhere... I am not claiming it's his quote, ok!!!... O.o
Adjusting the gear that makes the relationship run, seeing if it can keep on running nice and smooth with some little bits of help. And just keeping up the good vibes and everything to actually make it work.
Sigh... I am merry and hopeful... Wend has really gotten the best of me and I can't help smiling right now because of it... My best hopes and wishes to "us". ^_^
Cheers peoples.
pd. I have been watching too much Invader Zim lately... I fear it will mess me up somehow... Actually I can already see the changes!!!! O.o The changes human!!!!
when all the birds are singing in the sky,
Now that the spring is in the air.
Pretty girls are everywhere.
When you see them I'll be there.
We had joy, we had fun, we had seasons in the sun.
But the hills that we climbed
were just seasons out of time...
... Has that happened to you before?. You hear a song, over and over, through all your life even. But you never really listen to it. And then one day, for some reason, you do... And PUM!!... You get the whole point, with goose bumps and all to add to the effect?.
Errr... Well. Even if not. That did happen to me yesterday with Seasons in the Sun. I know, maybe a corny song and all, and quite well known too. But... I just had never really listened to it. I would even sing along and all!!... But up until yesterday the whole "Goodbye, Papa, please pray for me, I was the black sheep of the family" and all those lines!!... Sniff... Sniff... It really is a touching song no matter what you say!!!... O.o
Anyway. I am in good spirits. Yesterday was pretty much a hard working day, with some bits of resting and reading in the evening. But... It felt so much greater!... Like, it was just pretty much a change of attitude. And if I have to be honest, and give credit where it's due, I have to thank Wend a lot for it!!... ^_^
... I am just smiling.
It really is funny how those changes of stance can just change your life. Although the same stuff happens, and you keep doing the same stuff, it just seems much better or worse, depending on how you are looking at it... Now, I have to work on being able to control it my self, and staying on the good side by my own means... I think that's hard though... -sigh-
When I am in a relationship, I have come to see, I just need some sort of communication now and then. Even on the distance, and I can let it mess me up if it is not there. It is a personality thing actually, and a lot of people are like me, a lot aren't. The problem is when your loved one isn't and you two have to adjust that. You let go a bit of that need to be in touch. And the other person has to make an effort in givings sings of love and life, although they know they feel everything you do (missing, loving, etc), they just don't feel the need to show it like that.
No one is right or wrong, it's just the way you are and that's it. What matters though, is making things happen regardless of those different approaches. Finding a middle ground. That is, if both parts are willing to make an effort and believe the relationship is worth such work.
A good relationship is an eternal negociation **, where you are willing to give up some things, work on some others, accept some others, and so is your partner. Heh... And eternal, never perfect dance, that will keep on working as long as both keep on following each other's steps, adjusting to each other's moves, and taking and giving up control when needed in all those certain turns. ^_^
[** See my comments about this below. In case you got it like Victor, I didn't mean it like that!. Heh.]
As my dad said once... Relationships are never perfect, but they can always be perfectible... He might have read it somewhere... I am not claiming it's his quote, ok!!!... O.o
Adjusting the gear that makes the relationship run, seeing if it can keep on running nice and smooth with some little bits of help. And just keeping up the good vibes and everything to actually make it work.
Sigh... I am merry and hopeful... Wend has really gotten the best of me and I can't help smiling right now because of it... My best hopes and wishes to "us". ^_^
Cheers peoples.
pd. I have been watching too much Invader Zim lately... I fear it will mess me up somehow... Actually I can already see the changes!!!! O.o The changes human!!!!
Monday, June 13, 2005
I don't know how I
managed to not write about it this morning!!... But one very cool bit about the weekend, was yesterday evening when my brother and I made cookies!!!... He he he.
I mean, you have two bored brothers, no girlfriends around or anything... They have played all their games, and no DVD did sound appealing... What is left to do?... OF COURSE!!... Look for a cool recipe online, buy the goods, and make chocolate chip cookies!!!.... He he he.
It was sort of fun actually, and I would say they came out ok... Sort of.... O.o
What matters is that we did them. He he he. Victor's idea though. His is the credit.
Heh... Cheers!!... ^_^
I mean, you have two bored brothers, no girlfriends around or anything... They have played all their games, and no DVD did sound appealing... What is left to do?... OF COURSE!!... Look for a cool recipe online, buy the goods, and make chocolate chip cookies!!!.... He he he.
It was sort of fun actually, and I would say they came out ok... Sort of.... O.o
What matters is that we did them. He he he. Victor's idea though. His is the credit.
Heh... Cheers!!... ^_^
I have been learning
a lot about my self today. Sharing several talks with good friends, bouncing ideas back and forth, etc. Sigh... Although melancholic, I feel fine and hopeful...
Just... Sigh mood I guess. Not really much words, just... Waiting for life and it's details to happen, and although anxious, somehow firm and with steady steps...
Heh...
Right. ;-)
Just... Sigh mood I guess. Not really much words, just... Waiting for life and it's details to happen, and although anxious, somehow firm and with steady steps...
Heh...
Right. ;-)
Oh Mickey what a pity
you dont understand
You take me by the heart
You take me by the hand...
He he he. I know, I know. Could sound a bit too girly even for me!!... But that is such a good vibed song!... You just gotta listen to it and it will for sure make you smile!!... Kind of what happens with singing in the rain, or sweet socca music, and so many others.
Never under estimate, the power of silly pop music!. ^_^
Off to starting up a proper new week I guess. Quite a lot to get done and all that good stuff. I had a good talk with Wend yesterday, I am having some pretty darn good coffee right now, and I had an awesome chat with some of my co-workers... So far, so good for real.
... Anyway. I was thinking on the way to work, something about intuition. And that 6th sense we have and how much we really use it. I had a talk with Rosario the other day about some stuff, and she told me something like "What happens if you close your eyes and breath deeply?... You try to shut off your thoughts and start feeling the vibes around you. The feelings that people give you, and so on... What is your heart whispering?"...
And yesterday I had a talk with a friend, and we talked about that. How much rationality has killed the guts, that inner whisper. I know, and remember several occasions, in which something told me the way to go. To do, or not do this or that thing. But I followed a more rational approach to the issue, and at the end things got messed up. If I had followed that non-rational hunch, it seems, things would have gone a tad better.
Even when deciding which turn to take on a parking lot, or the road to use due to traffic. Hunches are there for a reason, and our loss of belief and awe is just killing them. I have issues with thinking too much. Ideas keep rolling around my head over and over, and I just wish I could turn the freaking thing off a lot of times!!!!.... O.o
I don't know how. But I will try and have a less rational approach to life. Let ideas be not so... Freaking messed up and influential. And be able to go more with the hunch. Honest?. For me, it will be hard.
If I come up with some good technique. I promise I shall let you know. ^_^
If you have one to share, it will be more than welcome too!.
CHEERS FOR THIS NEW WEEK!.
You take me by the heart
You take me by the hand...
He he he. I know, I know. Could sound a bit too girly even for me!!... But that is such a good vibed song!... You just gotta listen to it and it will for sure make you smile!!... Kind of what happens with singing in the rain, or sweet socca music, and so many others.
Never under estimate, the power of silly pop music!. ^_^
Off to starting up a proper new week I guess. Quite a lot to get done and all that good stuff. I had a good talk with Wend yesterday, I am having some pretty darn good coffee right now, and I had an awesome chat with some of my co-workers... So far, so good for real.
... Anyway. I was thinking on the way to work, something about intuition. And that 6th sense we have and how much we really use it. I had a talk with Rosario the other day about some stuff, and she told me something like "What happens if you close your eyes and breath deeply?... You try to shut off your thoughts and start feeling the vibes around you. The feelings that people give you, and so on... What is your heart whispering?"...
And yesterday I had a talk with a friend, and we talked about that. How much rationality has killed the guts, that inner whisper. I know, and remember several occasions, in which something told me the way to go. To do, or not do this or that thing. But I followed a more rational approach to the issue, and at the end things got messed up. If I had followed that non-rational hunch, it seems, things would have gone a tad better.
Even when deciding which turn to take on a parking lot, or the road to use due to traffic. Hunches are there for a reason, and our loss of belief and awe is just killing them. I have issues with thinking too much. Ideas keep rolling around my head over and over, and I just wish I could turn the freaking thing off a lot of times!!!!.... O.o
I don't know how. But I will try and have a less rational approach to life. Let ideas be not so... Freaking messed up and influential. And be able to go more with the hunch. Honest?. For me, it will be hard.
If I come up with some good technique. I promise I shall let you know. ^_^
If you have one to share, it will be more than welcome too!.
CHEERS FOR THIS NEW WEEK!.
Sunday, June 12, 2005
I feel like writing... Yet once
again, I really don't know what about.
I have a lot of things and ideas rolling around my head. Some good, some bad. Some tormenting even!!. Last night, once again, was a restless night. Today?... Hmm... Been working a bit and all. Did some adjustments to the proposal I sent to Abner, so he could get a better grasp of the general idea. Etc. (That was about a website I am working on).
Yesterday?... We went to an international indie music fest... It was... Tiresome to be honest. Because it wasn't like you had Mogwai, Belle and Sebastian, and Flaming Lips. Nope. Those guys, they all pretty much did sound like Mogwai and Sigur Ross. Electronic, ambient... Ok to chill, and for a while. Not for an all day long festival.
We weren't really there all the time, for a while we took off and had some food at Burger King. And we managed to stay there for almost 3 hours I'd say. Just drinking a lot of soda and being silly. Our talks were quite varied. From messed up sexual innuendo, to high philosophical discussions, book reviews, and traveling... He he he. Those are the good talks.
... As well, yesterday night was another week away from Wend. The hardest one to be honest. And I am sad to admit I am not doing well with it... I am tempted to write why and all... But I guess it's better something left between she and I. ^_^
Today?... Hmm...
Work I guess.
I... Feel like writing... But... Nothing really comes out. Maybe I will start drawing... He he he. Or try a draft about a poem, or a short story, or a hand written letter... Whatever. This isn't working out much either.
... My brother claims to be bored... Let's see if we can do something together, to at least be bored with someone by your side. Heh.
Cheers.
I have a lot of things and ideas rolling around my head. Some good, some bad. Some tormenting even!!. Last night, once again, was a restless night. Today?... Hmm... Been working a bit and all. Did some adjustments to the proposal I sent to Abner, so he could get a better grasp of the general idea. Etc. (That was about a website I am working on).
Yesterday?... We went to an international indie music fest... It was... Tiresome to be honest. Because it wasn't like you had Mogwai, Belle and Sebastian, and Flaming Lips. Nope. Those guys, they all pretty much did sound like Mogwai and Sigur Ross. Electronic, ambient... Ok to chill, and for a while. Not for an all day long festival.
We weren't really there all the time, for a while we took off and had some food at Burger King. And we managed to stay there for almost 3 hours I'd say. Just drinking a lot of soda and being silly. Our talks were quite varied. From messed up sexual innuendo, to high philosophical discussions, book reviews, and traveling... He he he. Those are the good talks.
... As well, yesterday night was another week away from Wend. The hardest one to be honest. And I am sad to admit I am not doing well with it... I am tempted to write why and all... But I guess it's better something left between she and I. ^_^
Today?... Hmm...
Work I guess.
I... Feel like writing... But... Nothing really comes out. Maybe I will start drawing... He he he. Or try a draft about a poem, or a short story, or a hand written letter... Whatever. This isn't working out much either.
... My brother claims to be bored... Let's see if we can do something together, to at least be bored with someone by your side. Heh.
Cheers.
Saturday, June 11, 2005
Yesterday was a very emotional
day for me. It was like the best way to close up a weird week actually. But still... It was tiresome in so many levels. I got quite sensi and not having Wend around was hardest than ever... I wrote her an email about how things are going and how I am feeling.
You see?. Most time I wrote just saying all this nice things, painting up my days in an interesting fashion and in general trying to cheer her up. To share my day but the good bits. To make her see that distance was ok and all that... Yesterday though, I was totally honest and I vented... I wrote exactly how I was feeling and I clicked "send" with a bit of angst...
Once again, it is proven: the key in an relationship is honesty and communication.
When you are actually in the same city and all, you get to share a lot of crappy moments. When one or the other is down, and it is actually a part of a nice relationship. To deal assertively with those times. To feel your self pampered when needed, etc. Why would you keep those times away from your couple in the distance?... That wouldn't be real!!!...
I have to say, writing that, just writing it, made me feel much better. I was asking for nothing actually. Just letting it out and knowing she would read it was great. But then, later on the evening, she called me and it was an awesome nice talk!!!... She was so cool to me, the things she said and how she pampered me!! He he he. I was left totally happy after that call...
... Distance is hard enough to be putting up your problems into the relationship?... All of a sudden I don't think so. Distance gets hard, exactly, because you cannot share those problems so easily. So it's good to find a way. Not making the other feel guilty because he/she is not around. That would be plain stupid... Just sharing.
Sharing is good.
He he he.
Cheers then!!!... ^_^
Hopefully I'll have a very interesting day today at a music festival!... YAY!!...
ps. Left Luggage... I saw it yesterday night. Awesome movie... Made me drop a tear or two!...
You see?. Most time I wrote just saying all this nice things, painting up my days in an interesting fashion and in general trying to cheer her up. To share my day but the good bits. To make her see that distance was ok and all that... Yesterday though, I was totally honest and I vented... I wrote exactly how I was feeling and I clicked "send" with a bit of angst...
Once again, it is proven: the key in an relationship is honesty and communication.
When you are actually in the same city and all, you get to share a lot of crappy moments. When one or the other is down, and it is actually a part of a nice relationship. To deal assertively with those times. To feel your self pampered when needed, etc. Why would you keep those times away from your couple in the distance?... That wouldn't be real!!!...
I have to say, writing that, just writing it, made me feel much better. I was asking for nothing actually. Just letting it out and knowing she would read it was great. But then, later on the evening, she called me and it was an awesome nice talk!!!... She was so cool to me, the things she said and how she pampered me!! He he he. I was left totally happy after that call...
... Distance is hard enough to be putting up your problems into the relationship?... All of a sudden I don't think so. Distance gets hard, exactly, because you cannot share those problems so easily. So it's good to find a way. Not making the other feel guilty because he/she is not around. That would be plain stupid... Just sharing.
Sharing is good.
He he he.
Cheers then!!!... ^_^
Hopefully I'll have a very interesting day today at a music festival!... YAY!!...
ps. Left Luggage... I saw it yesterday night. Awesome movie... Made me drop a tear or two!...
Friday, June 10, 2005
Ok now... On about life
... So...
What is up with life then?... Or more like, which are the things that really do matter on this whole game we are playing, and why don't we really go after them?. Why do we let those expectations in life to take us away from our most desired things, over and over?. Why, at the end, a lot of times admitting that we would be terribly happy with just a simple life somewhere, becomes one of our most inner secrets.
Is it that important what other people think?. The expectations your parents have from you?. Your friends?... Are your expectations and dreams in life really yours?. Or just passed on to you by the people around?.
... How is it that relationships got so complicated?. I mean, the actual game between a guy and a gal is quite messed up. And has always been, and will remain most likely. It's part of the fun I guess. But relationships in general. How did we get to the concepts of 5 minute dating?. Why are relationships so disposable now?. How come we can just avoid commitment and dump a relationship when things get hard?... And I am not only talking about dating, it is happening so much in marriage too.
What happened about those good old days in which people married their first love and stayed like that forever?. In which marriage was really a forever thing. And those marriages were actually stronger and ever better, because it was taken seriously since the dating stage. It wasn't only for the fun of it. People were really looking for the one.
I understand there are a lot of reasons why a marriage should be ended. Violence is a huge one for example. Yet, all this is a symptom of a society that is really loosing the grip of the stuff that matters. At the end, you will have conflicts with any one partner you are, if you give him/her the chance and time to do so.
We are so worried about everyday life nonsense and tibits, and most relationships die not because of the relationship perse. But because of everything around it that just didn't let it happen. Because of all the other stuff that becomes more important for each other. And the relationship ends up dying, drowned in a sea of crap that could really have been avoided.
It is a matter of focus. Actually, Fromm in his book The Art of Loving, talks about how before marriages were arranged and you didn't get to chose. And how a lot of those marriages, most of them actually, were very good ones and with happy families. They both learned to love each other, as you can learn to love anyone if you will to. And as well they both learned to work through the problems, because it was meant to stay like that forever.
Two girls I know, one of them was a very close friend for a while, are from India and their families had decided who they were going to marry. They were living in the states, studying a masters and all. They could have easily avoided all that. But I can't tell you how much in love they were with their respective guys. They both, man and woman, knew they were to marry eventually, so they both made the best of it and made sure they were madly in love for when the time came. And it did!!... And my friend is so happy!!!...
I am not a conservative, I don't think divorce is wrong a lot of times, neither I would have liked that my parents had chosen my wife since before I was even borned. But there are good lessons there!!!... Love, at the end, prevails, if you give it the importance in your life.
There is the issue. Now a days love is a commodity we don't really want around. It is a luxury that takes away too much time and energy, that you could use on the stuff that will really get you somewhere in life.... Right. And being with someone becomes an arrangement that will prevail as long as it if convenient.
He he he... And I hope this doesn't sound like a the old days were better rant.
I am just trying to put things in perspective. I hope most people have had one of those experiences in which they felt that, like that, they could be just happy forever. And I am sure that most of those experiences where in a very simple environment. Probably even doing hard social work or something. At a sunset by the beach. Etc.
How many of you work like crazy for months just to be able to be happy for a week on vacations?... What did you enjoyed most about those vacations?... Why couldn't you live like that forever?... Work?... Loans?... Bills?...
Yes... Stuff we get into because we sooo believe it is the way to go. Stuff we let get into the way of our dreams, of our life...
We won't let go...
... Love is disposable and so are personal dreams. Hopes of true fulfillment... What matters is that we become someone of success at the eyes of the others. Even when, to our eyes, when we look at the mirror, we just become lost children in a sea of endless demands. Where dreaming is a waste of time, and love becomes just a cute element of tales we no longer believe in.
Sigh...
This is an endless topic worthy of a book... And I am just ranting way too much, without really giving shape to all this ideas... So I will stop typing.
...
ps. I realize that this is long, and probably pointless and boring... But I will publish it just like this. Heh... Cheers.
What is up with life then?... Or more like, which are the things that really do matter on this whole game we are playing, and why don't we really go after them?. Why do we let those expectations in life to take us away from our most desired things, over and over?. Why, at the end, a lot of times admitting that we would be terribly happy with just a simple life somewhere, becomes one of our most inner secrets.
Is it that important what other people think?. The expectations your parents have from you?. Your friends?... Are your expectations and dreams in life really yours?. Or just passed on to you by the people around?.
... How is it that relationships got so complicated?. I mean, the actual game between a guy and a gal is quite messed up. And has always been, and will remain most likely. It's part of the fun I guess. But relationships in general. How did we get to the concepts of 5 minute dating?. Why are relationships so disposable now?. How come we can just avoid commitment and dump a relationship when things get hard?... And I am not only talking about dating, it is happening so much in marriage too.
What happened about those good old days in which people married their first love and stayed like that forever?. In which marriage was really a forever thing. And those marriages were actually stronger and ever better, because it was taken seriously since the dating stage. It wasn't only for the fun of it. People were really looking for the one.
I understand there are a lot of reasons why a marriage should be ended. Violence is a huge one for example. Yet, all this is a symptom of a society that is really loosing the grip of the stuff that matters. At the end, you will have conflicts with any one partner you are, if you give him/her the chance and time to do so.
We are so worried about everyday life nonsense and tibits, and most relationships die not because of the relationship perse. But because of everything around it that just didn't let it happen. Because of all the other stuff that becomes more important for each other. And the relationship ends up dying, drowned in a sea of crap that could really have been avoided.
It is a matter of focus. Actually, Fromm in his book The Art of Loving, talks about how before marriages were arranged and you didn't get to chose. And how a lot of those marriages, most of them actually, were very good ones and with happy families. They both learned to love each other, as you can learn to love anyone if you will to. And as well they both learned to work through the problems, because it was meant to stay like that forever.
Two girls I know, one of them was a very close friend for a while, are from India and their families had decided who they were going to marry. They were living in the states, studying a masters and all. They could have easily avoided all that. But I can't tell you how much in love they were with their respective guys. They both, man and woman, knew they were to marry eventually, so they both made the best of it and made sure they were madly in love for when the time came. And it did!!... And my friend is so happy!!!...
I am not a conservative, I don't think divorce is wrong a lot of times, neither I would have liked that my parents had chosen my wife since before I was even borned. But there are good lessons there!!!... Love, at the end, prevails, if you give it the importance in your life.
There is the issue. Now a days love is a commodity we don't really want around. It is a luxury that takes away too much time and energy, that you could use on the stuff that will really get you somewhere in life.... Right. And being with someone becomes an arrangement that will prevail as long as it if convenient.
He he he... And I hope this doesn't sound like a the old days were better rant.
I am just trying to put things in perspective. I hope most people have had one of those experiences in which they felt that, like that, they could be just happy forever. And I am sure that most of those experiences where in a very simple environment. Probably even doing hard social work or something. At a sunset by the beach. Etc.
How many of you work like crazy for months just to be able to be happy for a week on vacations?... What did you enjoyed most about those vacations?... Why couldn't you live like that forever?... Work?... Loans?... Bills?...
Yes... Stuff we get into because we sooo believe it is the way to go. Stuff we let get into the way of our dreams, of our life...
We won't let go...
... Love is disposable and so are personal dreams. Hopes of true fulfillment... What matters is that we become someone of success at the eyes of the others. Even when, to our eyes, when we look at the mirror, we just become lost children in a sea of endless demands. Where dreaming is a waste of time, and love becomes just a cute element of tales we no longer believe in.
Sigh...
This is an endless topic worthy of a book... And I am just ranting way too much, without really giving shape to all this ideas... So I will stop typing.
...
ps. I realize that this is long, and probably pointless and boring... But I will publish it just like this. Heh... Cheers.
I hate those restless nights
in which you keep jumping back and forth, from one idea into another one. From one fear into another. Just messed up dreams and voices and images and... Random crap in general. All the while you keep moving all around your bed. One minute you want your covers, the next you throw them away...
You manage to be sweating although there is not really that much heat, and every time you look at the watch you just hope it's about time to "wake up"... You are, of course, already awake. Yet you just want to be able to officially end the night, and start to move on into a [hopefully] better day... But your clock mocks you and it is doing it's best to run as slow as it can...
...
Yes... I hate those nights. And last night, was one of that sort.
... Sigh...
At about 5:30 am, I was able to fall asleep. Just about two hours but they were pretty good. I woke up with a nice song playing in my head. It goes a bit like this:
Good morning beautiful how was your night
Mine was wonderful with you by my side
And when I opened my eyes and see your sweet face
Its a good morning beautiful day
I couldn't see the light I didn't know day from night
I had no reason to care Well since you came along
I can face the dawn Cause I know you'll be there
Good morning beautiful how was your night
Mine was wonderful with you by my side
And when I opened my eyes and see your sweet face
Its a good morning beautiful day
I never worry if it's raining outside
Cause in here with you girl the sun always shines
Good morning beautiful how was your night
Mine was wonderful with you by my side
And when I opened my eyes and see your sweet face
Its a good morning beautiful day
Good morning beautiful day
It's a beautiful day
Good morning day
What a beautiful day
I know... "Corny"... You want to know the best part?. I have only heard that song like... Twice. Wend showed it to me. She really likes it. And I have not heard it in quite a while. Now, I just cannot take it out of my head...
The good thing?... Despite the hideous night, I am in a jolly mood. He he he. Yay!!!....
That remind me actually, of a talk I had with Diana on msn yesterday. We don't really talk much. But she had an interesting line on her screen name, and the conversation grew from there... All about life and love actually. The things that really matter and how often we tend to just, put them aside, for when we have time. And we focus on professional goals and successes that are quite out of what we really really desire.
... I will be chewing that idea through the morning. Maybe come up with some proper post later about it all. Now I kind of have to work... Heh. My "blogging time" was kind of taken away because our boss invited us for breakfast. He he he. Honest?. That was quite cool too. ^_^
So, cheers people!!!....
Smile, smile, smile!!... It's Friday already!!....
You manage to be sweating although there is not really that much heat, and every time you look at the watch you just hope it's about time to "wake up"... You are, of course, already awake. Yet you just want to be able to officially end the night, and start to move on into a [hopefully] better day... But your clock mocks you and it is doing it's best to run as slow as it can...
...
Yes... I hate those nights. And last night, was one of that sort.
... Sigh...
At about 5:30 am, I was able to fall asleep. Just about two hours but they were pretty good. I woke up with a nice song playing in my head. It goes a bit like this:
Good morning beautiful how was your night
Mine was wonderful with you by my side
And when I opened my eyes and see your sweet face
Its a good morning beautiful day
I couldn't see the light I didn't know day from night
I had no reason to care Well since you came along
I can face the dawn Cause I know you'll be there
Good morning beautiful how was your night
Mine was wonderful with you by my side
And when I opened my eyes and see your sweet face
Its a good morning beautiful day
I never worry if it's raining outside
Cause in here with you girl the sun always shines
Good morning beautiful how was your night
Mine was wonderful with you by my side
And when I opened my eyes and see your sweet face
Its a good morning beautiful day
Good morning beautiful day
It's a beautiful day
Good morning day
What a beautiful day
I know... "Corny"... You want to know the best part?. I have only heard that song like... Twice. Wend showed it to me. She really likes it. And I have not heard it in quite a while. Now, I just cannot take it out of my head...
The good thing?... Despite the hideous night, I am in a jolly mood. He he he. Yay!!!....
That remind me actually, of a talk I had with Diana on msn yesterday. We don't really talk much. But she had an interesting line on her screen name, and the conversation grew from there... All about life and love actually. The things that really matter and how often we tend to just, put them aside, for when we have time. And we focus on professional goals and successes that are quite out of what we really really desire.
... I will be chewing that idea through the morning. Maybe come up with some proper post later about it all. Now I kind of have to work... Heh. My "blogging time" was kind of taken away because our boss invited us for breakfast. He he he. Honest?. That was quite cool too. ^_^
So, cheers people!!!....
Smile, smile, smile!!... It's Friday already!!....
Thursday, June 09, 2005
Ok, ok, I guess Sabines isn't
that Depressing!. Heh. Well, actually no, he is not one of those "let me cut my veins" poets. He is though, very very melancholic. And he is very very good in bringing those feeling to the reader. Among the dozens of poems that were in this one book I just read, only 4 or so made me smile or feel good. The others managed to put a feeling of angst and melancholy in my heart, so very strong actually, yet probably influenced too by the distance between Wend and I at the moment.
After all, whatever you read, no matter what the author intended, will actually be whatever you are willing to read due to your present mood / situation. Thus, the same text can feel and taste quite different to two different persons at a given time.
Sabines knows about love. About women. About life. He's had a lot of each. But that lot that he's had seems, at least to me, to have given him a feeling of disenchantment towards the whole thing. I... Don't really know. I will try and read him again, sometime, when my mood won't make me read so much between the lines, digging in for ever more reasons to feel nostalgia.
... Anyway. I didn't expect to write that much about him. He he he. Now let us see how I do with El Amor en los Tiempos de Colera. (Love in the Time of Cholera). That is the current book I am reading. So far?... Well, I hate it doesn't have chapters. Makes it even harder for me to stop reading!... He he he.
...
Argh... Work...
Cheers!... O.o
After all, whatever you read, no matter what the author intended, will actually be whatever you are willing to read due to your present mood / situation. Thus, the same text can feel and taste quite different to two different persons at a given time.
Sabines knows about love. About women. About life. He's had a lot of each. But that lot that he's had seems, at least to me, to have given him a feeling of disenchantment towards the whole thing. I... Don't really know. I will try and read him again, sometime, when my mood won't make me read so much between the lines, digging in for ever more reasons to feel nostalgia.
... Anyway. I didn't expect to write that much about him. He he he. Now let us see how I do with El Amor en los Tiempos de Colera. (Love in the Time of Cholera). That is the current book I am reading. So far?... Well, I hate it doesn't have chapters. Makes it even harder for me to stop reading!... He he he.
...
Argh... Work...
Cheers!... O.o
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
I'll be seeing you
I'll Be Seeing You
The Notebook, soundtrack
I'll be seeing you
In all the old familiar places
That this heart of mine embraces
All day through.
In that small cafe;
The park across the way;
The children's carousel;
The chestnut trees;
The wishin' well.
I'll be seeing you
In every lovely summer's day;
In every thing that's light and gay.
I'll always think of you that way.
I'll find you
In the morning sun
And when the night is new.
I'll be looking at the moon,
But I'll be seeing you.
I'll be seeing you
In every lovely summer's day;
In every thing that's light and gay.
I'll always think of you that way.
I'll find you
In the morning sun
And when the night is new.
I'll be looking at the moon,
But I'll be seeing you.
The Notebook, soundtrack
I'll be seeing you
In all the old familiar places
That this heart of mine embraces
All day through.
In that small cafe;
The park across the way;
The children's carousel;
The chestnut trees;
The wishin' well.
I'll be seeing you
In every lovely summer's day;
In every thing that's light and gay.
I'll always think of you that way.
I'll find you
In the morning sun
And when the night is new.
I'll be looking at the moon,
But I'll be seeing you.
I'll be seeing you
In every lovely summer's day;
In every thing that's light and gay.
I'll always think of you that way.
I'll find you
In the morning sun
And when the night is new.
I'll be looking at the moon,
But I'll be seeing you.
Damn, it seems both freelancing
gigs ended up happening... So... Now I have way much more work to get done!!... O.o
Sigh...
... The worst bit is that I am reaaally procrastinating... Yet hating it every minute. It's like I am just getting nothing done. Not even having fun around the web or whatever... Just letting time slip by between my fingers and... ARGH!!!...
O.o
... Don't know... I really want to talk to Wend I guess...
Just something!!!!!!!!.... O.o
... Off to look at pictures or whatever...
Good vibes needed... Send them over!.
Sigh...
... The worst bit is that I am reaaally procrastinating... Yet hating it every minute. It's like I am just getting nothing done. Not even having fun around the web or whatever... Just letting time slip by between my fingers and... ARGH!!!...
O.o
... Don't know... I really want to talk to Wend I guess...
Just something!!!!!!!!.... O.o
... Off to look at pictures or whatever...
Good vibes needed... Send them over!.
... I don't even know how
to title this post. You know?... It is really hard to come up with proper titles... Even if they are just parts of a first sentence or whatever... Like, when you keep emailing with a good friend or the one you love. Sending emails back and forth for a while, will eventually make it hard to come up with new or good email "subjects"...
Then is when you start borrowing song pieces, or whatever little idea gadget to fill in those "title" or "subject" spaces... After all they are the first thing people do read, and somehow they are what will lure that someone to actually click on your email instead of the many others that may be swimming around that pool of letters that is your inbox.
So yes... Titles matter... But yes, I don't feel like thinking too much about a title for this post. Heh.
... Anyway. I am in a weird mood. If I had one of those "how am I feeling" thingies on my blog. Today I'd put an image such as this one I presume. If I could, I'd either stay in my house all day long and watch movies. That, or I'd take a stroll and just walk till my feet hurt to who knows where...
In am in that kind of mood that I just need to get out of it, but I need some friend to just make me think of something else, because I am failing terribly at the task... But, the sucky part is that one of the freelance jobs I was talking about did came to happen. And now we have stuff to get done by Friday, and that means working all through the evening today and tomorrow...
Working in those projects though, is a lot of times fun... Loud music, ideas, smiles and creativity flowing... Heh. What worries me?... I actually do believe that a lot of the way I feel, had to do with a freaking vibe I am getting at work since yesterday. And I fear it will still be there today when we work on this project.
It's one of my mates that has been acting very very weird, in an enervating way, and I am freaking letting it affect me way too much. And no, things are in no position to be worked out with him. (And no, I wouldn't appreciate you mentioning anything to him, if you happen to know who am I talking about, and you happen to know him too)...
Whatever...
I have to thank Hector for being around yesterday evening... We did work, but mostly we chilled and talked. We even saw High Fidelity, freaking awesome movie. (Still waiting for opinions from girls about it. I know guys find it amusing, but what about gals?). Anyway, that helped a lot.
Besides, today/tomorrow (it happened through a date that started the 8th and finished the 9th) Wend and I are celebrating our 4th month together!!... ^_^ I should be freaking happy about it, playing music, writing to her a cool email or making her a card, and playing over memories of good times and smiles with her!!!...
He he he... You know?... Just writing that previous paragraph actually made me smile... Happy thoughts huh?... I guess Peter Pan was right at the end. They do take you somewhere else...
Heh... Ok ok... Off to focus on good stuff now then... Gotta take advantage of this smiling fit and turn in into something to work through the day!!!... ^_^
CHEERS!!!... Good vibes to thee!...
ps. You know?... I have been reading a lot of Jaime Sabines poetry too... The dude is mostly depressing. Heh. Maybe I should stop that too?... O.o
Then is when you start borrowing song pieces, or whatever little idea gadget to fill in those "title" or "subject" spaces... After all they are the first thing people do read, and somehow they are what will lure that someone to actually click on your email instead of the many others that may be swimming around that pool of letters that is your inbox.
So yes... Titles matter... But yes, I don't feel like thinking too much about a title for this post. Heh.
... Anyway. I am in a weird mood. If I had one of those "how am I feeling" thingies on my blog. Today I'd put an image such as this one I presume. If I could, I'd either stay in my house all day long and watch movies. That, or I'd take a stroll and just walk till my feet hurt to who knows where...
In am in that kind of mood that I just need to get out of it, but I need some friend to just make me think of something else, because I am failing terribly at the task... But, the sucky part is that one of the freelance jobs I was talking about did came to happen. And now we have stuff to get done by Friday, and that means working all through the evening today and tomorrow...
Working in those projects though, is a lot of times fun... Loud music, ideas, smiles and creativity flowing... Heh. What worries me?... I actually do believe that a lot of the way I feel, had to do with a freaking vibe I am getting at work since yesterday. And I fear it will still be there today when we work on this project.
It's one of my mates that has been acting very very weird, in an enervating way, and I am freaking letting it affect me way too much. And no, things are in no position to be worked out with him. (And no, I wouldn't appreciate you mentioning anything to him, if you happen to know who am I talking about, and you happen to know him too)...
Whatever...
I have to thank Hector for being around yesterday evening... We did work, but mostly we chilled and talked. We even saw High Fidelity, freaking awesome movie. (Still waiting for opinions from girls about it. I know guys find it amusing, but what about gals?). Anyway, that helped a lot.
Besides, today/tomorrow (it happened through a date that started the 8th and finished the 9th) Wend and I are celebrating our 4th month together!!... ^_^ I should be freaking happy about it, playing music, writing to her a cool email or making her a card, and playing over memories of good times and smiles with her!!!...
He he he... You know?... Just writing that previous paragraph actually made me smile... Happy thoughts huh?... I guess Peter Pan was right at the end. They do take you somewhere else...
Heh... Ok ok... Off to focus on good stuff now then... Gotta take advantage of this smiling fit and turn in into something to work through the day!!!... ^_^
CHEERS!!!... Good vibes to thee!...
ps. You know?... I have been reading a lot of Jaime Sabines poetry too... The dude is mostly depressing. Heh. Maybe I should stop that too?... O.o
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
I have no space left on
my work's computer. At least on the C: drive, which is pretty much where things do run from. And it is getting to my nerves, because it has come to the point in which, if I try and have a conversation say on, msn, every line I write or get, the computer tells me there is no more space to store the conversations.
Or course, you can imagine how freaking slow it runs... (The way virtual memory is managed and all?). AND I really don't know what I can delete or uninstall. Most apps are installed on another drive, and C has pretty much the OS and that's it... ... O.o
Format?... Sure!... Sounds great!... But awesome company in which I work, they need to have the techie guys formatting and re installing stuff. And since it's so much work they take away your computer for about 3 weeks... Forced vacations?... He he he. Let me see with my boss...
Anyway... On with the working thing?...
Right... Let's see if I can manage to open 3 different windows at the same time.
Cheers!
Or course, you can imagine how freaking slow it runs... (The way virtual memory is managed and all?). AND I really don't know what I can delete or uninstall. Most apps are installed on another drive, and C has pretty much the OS and that's it... ... O.o
Format?... Sure!... Sounds great!... But awesome company in which I work, they need to have the techie guys formatting and re installing stuff. And since it's so much work they take away your computer for about 3 weeks... Forced vacations?... He he he. Let me see with my boss...
Anyway... On with the working thing?...
Right... Let's see if I can manage to open 3 different windows at the same time.
Cheers!
Budgeting is something that
I really hate doing. Figuring out a proper way to charge for your hours, and determine somehow the amount of hours a certain project may take, is just tiresome. Specially when you know that, most likely, at the end it will take much longer, and the client will want to pay much less...
Sigh...
See how boring it sounds?... Check dictionary.com about it.
Whatever... That is something that I just did. A budget thingie. And it is something that I am just waiting to do, as soon as I get an email with some info. It is the only bad part of freelancing. Managing your time and money like that. It is so much easier to just be an employee and get a pay check every two weeks!. Then again, there are advantages to everything, right?...
Either way, I am not letting all this work thing ruin my day!. I woke up in a pretty darn good mood, and I have managed to keep it so far!... He he he. Let's see if it sticks with me all through the day.
Yesterday evening I worked all through the evening in a project... Hmmm... I really want to say what about, but I cannot really yet... (Don't you hate it when that happens?). But later on, when it's official, I will write about it because it's damn worth it. I wanted to see a movie and all too, but I just got too into the thing, and didn't get to do anything else!...
Not even play the extra games from resident evil!!!... He he he... Did I write already that I finished it last Saturday?... Now I really want to play it again, with the new stuff that always comes along the 2nd time around in those games.
Ehem... Where was I?... Oh yes, I got too into the project and didn't do anything else... Just my haircut, I got that done yesterday. Just trim it a little by the sides, 'cause I kind of want to try a longer look... He he he. The Lady who does my hair claims I will not be able to stand it due to the heat, and will just go to her in a few days to ask her to make it shorter...
Honestly?... Could happen!!...
Anyway... I will try and work. There is a girl already waiting for me to get something done, so she can work with it. And when that happens, I do feel kind of guilty about procrastinating!... O.o
Cheers then!, and good vibes!.
Sigh...
See how boring it sounds?... Check dictionary.com about it.
Whatever... That is something that I just did. A budget thingie. And it is something that I am just waiting to do, as soon as I get an email with some info. It is the only bad part of freelancing. Managing your time and money like that. It is so much easier to just be an employee and get a pay check every two weeks!. Then again, there are advantages to everything, right?...
Either way, I am not letting all this work thing ruin my day!. I woke up in a pretty darn good mood, and I have managed to keep it so far!... He he he. Let's see if it sticks with me all through the day.
Yesterday evening I worked all through the evening in a project... Hmmm... I really want to say what about, but I cannot really yet... (Don't you hate it when that happens?). But later on, when it's official, I will write about it because it's damn worth it. I wanted to see a movie and all too, but I just got too into the thing, and didn't get to do anything else!...
Not even play the extra games from resident evil!!!... He he he... Did I write already that I finished it last Saturday?... Now I really want to play it again, with the new stuff that always comes along the 2nd time around in those games.
Ehem... Where was I?... Oh yes, I got too into the project and didn't do anything else... Just my haircut, I got that done yesterday. Just trim it a little by the sides, 'cause I kind of want to try a longer look... He he he. The Lady who does my hair claims I will not be able to stand it due to the heat, and will just go to her in a few days to ask her to make it shorter...
Honestly?... Could happen!!...
Anyway... I will try and work. There is a girl already waiting for me to get something done, so she can work with it. And when that happens, I do feel kind of guilty about procrastinating!... O.o
Cheers then!, and good vibes!.
Monday, June 06, 2005
All of a sudden I have
a lot of offers of freelance jobs, the canadian visa thing, and work work work!!... Damn it!... Why couldn't this projects have come into my life on a nicer way?... Say, one by one on a monthly basis?...
Heh... Ok... I need the money, and being Wend away I do have some extra time... He he he. Besides, keeping my self busy is good regarding the missing her bit. And I have more stuff to tell her when we talk, he he he...
Argh!!...
Going crazy here!!....
Heh... Ok... I need the money, and being Wend away I do have some extra time... He he he. Besides, keeping my self busy is good regarding the missing her bit. And I have more stuff to tell her when we talk, he he he...
Argh!!...
Going crazy here!!....
The movie was freaking awesome,
really, if you haven't so far. You really really gotta see The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy!!... It is an awesome adaptation from the book, and it just kept me laughing out loud through the whole thing.
I must admit, I was nervous. I wanted to go see it since I had read the books, but all the other people I was with were pretty much trusting my judgment... And... I had some messed up -it better be good- looks directed to me... He he he. But they all liked it!!...
I love that silly British humor...
... Sigh...
Right before the movies I got to talk with Wend on the phone for a while. Just keeping in touch and sharing what we have been doing... I MISS HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!... He he he. But we have been in touch enough, and just thinking of her makes me smile. ^_^ So I guess that is good there.
And well, after the movies we just hanged around Mr. CD and then went to El Colibri. It was fun. Victor, Mariel, Hector, Joey, Mariel's cousin Bruno, Blanco and his brother, and me self... Just being silly for a while. And those whiles are always good around this guys...
... So the weekend was over... And by Saturday night it became my fisrt week away from Wend. I was right. Weekend was harder because I had all those free chilling times, I wasn't that busy doing stuff and that gave me the chance to miss her more. To wish she was around.
But I handled it properly I must say. And we just keep sending messages and all. In a way that matters she is really here with me. ^_^
Heh... Now I got in a thinking mood... Quiet actually. No words really so... I will stop writing, until later when they come back, and they don't feel as if "they are getting in the way"...
CHEERS PEOPLE...
Good vibes to thee, and keep sending those good vibes here too!!!...
I must admit, I was nervous. I wanted to go see it since I had read the books, but all the other people I was with were pretty much trusting my judgment... And... I had some messed up -it better be good- looks directed to me... He he he. But they all liked it!!...
I love that silly British humor...
... Sigh...
Right before the movies I got to talk with Wend on the phone for a while. Just keeping in touch and sharing what we have been doing... I MISS HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!... He he he. But we have been in touch enough, and just thinking of her makes me smile. ^_^ So I guess that is good there.
And well, after the movies we just hanged around Mr. CD and then went to El Colibri. It was fun. Victor, Mariel, Hector, Joey, Mariel's cousin Bruno, Blanco and his brother, and me self... Just being silly for a while. And those whiles are always good around this guys...
... So the weekend was over... And by Saturday night it became my fisrt week away from Wend. I was right. Weekend was harder because I had all those free chilling times, I wasn't that busy doing stuff and that gave me the chance to miss her more. To wish she was around.
But I handled it properly I must say. And we just keep sending messages and all. In a way that matters she is really here with me. ^_^
Heh... Now I got in a thinking mood... Quiet actually. No words really so... I will stop writing, until later when they come back, and they don't feel as if "they are getting in the way"...
CHEERS PEOPLE...
Good vibes to thee, and keep sending those good vibes here too!!!...
Sunday, June 05, 2005
And I'd trade it all...
Moonlight Kiss
Bap Kennedy - Serendipity
I can feel my heart
And it's fit to burst
I try to clean it up
But I just get worse
Wish I could fall
On a night like this
Into your lovin' arms
For a moonlight kiss
I thought I saw your face
In the evenin' sky
On a lonesome cloud
That was driftin' by
I wish I could fall
On a night like this
Into your lovin' arms
For a moonlight kiss
You got someone else
Maybe it's for the best
Since I took the cure
For happiness
And I'd trade it all
On a night like this
For your lovin' arms
And a moonlight kiss
For your lovin' arms
And a moonlight kiss
Lovin' arms
And a moonlight kiss
Ooh, yeah
Bap Kennedy - Serendipity
I can feel my heart
And it's fit to burst
I try to clean it up
But I just get worse
Wish I could fall
On a night like this
Into your lovin' arms
For a moonlight kiss
I thought I saw your face
In the evenin' sky
On a lonesome cloud
That was driftin' by
I wish I could fall
On a night like this
Into your lovin' arms
For a moonlight kiss
You got someone else
Maybe it's for the best
Since I took the cure
For happiness
And I'd trade it all
On a night like this
For your lovin' arms
And a moonlight kiss
For your lovin' arms
And a moonlight kiss
Lovin' arms
And a moonlight kiss
Ooh, yeah
Thursday, June 02, 2005
Are guys really supposed to
be all rough and though all the time?. Not really showing their feelings, or emotions, and regarding every romantic comedy as some crap chick flick?. The kind of movie that a guy would just see because of his girlfriend, just so that she allows him to see some gun action packed movies too?...
Ok well... I do firmly stand in the position that I am a guy. And... Here in this one post, I shall admit: I like romantic flicks...
I like them.
I am a fool of a dreamer and those kinds of movies always get to me in a very cool way. I know I have not seen them all. Proof of that is that I just saw Great Expectations. A movie that has been out there for a while now... But still...
It managed to put me in an awesome thought full mood... And...
I just really liked it.
As I was getting all excited and emotional while I was watching it, I couldn't stop smiling at my self. And... Well. How little macho that was of me!!!... He he he. Shouldn't I have been downloading porn or watching some Vin Diesel action movie?... I just know the guy exists, but have never seen a movie of his...
Heh...
Whatever...
I need to go take a walk, or something cool like that... You know what I will be doing. Most likely... Thinking of Wend.
...
Cheers.
Ok well... I do firmly stand in the position that I am a guy. And... Here in this one post, I shall admit: I like romantic flicks...
I like them.
I am a fool of a dreamer and those kinds of movies always get to me in a very cool way. I know I have not seen them all. Proof of that is that I just saw Great Expectations. A movie that has been out there for a while now... But still...
It managed to put me in an awesome thought full mood... And...
I just really liked it.
As I was getting all excited and emotional while I was watching it, I couldn't stop smiling at my self. And... Well. How little macho that was of me!!!... He he he. Shouldn't I have been downloading porn or watching some Vin Diesel action movie?... I just know the guy exists, but have never seen a movie of his...
Heh...
Whatever...
I need to go take a walk, or something cool like that... You know what I will be doing. Most likely... Thinking of Wend.
...
Cheers.
And well, you know me, so
it was pretty obvious I was going to forget something at least... Some paper, or form, or whatever!!... He he he. Needless to say, it happened so.
Anyway, I am going too fast. Remember earlier in the morning when I was taking off?. Well, Erik told me that Memo was going too, so I decided to wait a little for him. Eventually he came around the office and we went to CONACYT together... The place was rather empty actually. Which was good, I thought, because not many people were asking for the scholarship and that gives me more chances!!!... He he he... But well, the guy in charge did tell us that, most likely, all day tomorrow they will be packed. Sniff.
So, as he was going over my stuff, asking me for this or that document, we both realized I was missing one letter. O.o
Damn it!!... I mean, I had seen I needed to answer it. But then, in the forms they ask you to fill they ask the very same thing, so I was like... -why twice?- Well... I needed to get it done.
Not big deal though, because just two blocks away is innox, the software company in which I worked for a while. I called one of my friends in there, Enrique, and he told me it would be ok to use his computer and print the thing. Yay!!!... He he he. Life, always ends up working out for me somehow. Even though it really seems I don't want it to sometimes!!...
It was good, so I got that done and got to say hi to those guys.
... Back at the TEC I had a really cool meal and talk with Erik, and then just chilling laying on the grass, by the trees. Talking about life and how, in 10 years, we will laugh at how worried we were about everything right now... ... Heh.
I certainly hope so.
Cheers peoples!!!
ps. I will know if I passed into the 2nd round of conacyt until July 11th... O.o
So, good vibes all the way?. Ok?... ^_^
Anyway, I am going too fast. Remember earlier in the morning when I was taking off?. Well, Erik told me that Memo was going too, so I decided to wait a little for him. Eventually he came around the office and we went to CONACYT together... The place was rather empty actually. Which was good, I thought, because not many people were asking for the scholarship and that gives me more chances!!!... He he he... But well, the guy in charge did tell us that, most likely, all day tomorrow they will be packed. Sniff.
So, as he was going over my stuff, asking me for this or that document, we both realized I was missing one letter. O.o
Damn it!!... I mean, I had seen I needed to answer it. But then, in the forms they ask you to fill they ask the very same thing, so I was like... -why twice?- Well... I needed to get it done.
Not big deal though, because just two blocks away is innox, the software company in which I worked for a while. I called one of my friends in there, Enrique, and he told me it would be ok to use his computer and print the thing. Yay!!!... He he he. Life, always ends up working out for me somehow. Even though it really seems I don't want it to sometimes!!...
It was good, so I got that done and got to say hi to those guys.
... Back at the TEC I had a really cool meal and talk with Erik, and then just chilling laying on the grass, by the trees. Talking about life and how, in 10 years, we will laugh at how worried we were about everything right now... ... Heh.
I certainly hope so.
Cheers peoples!!!
ps. I will know if I passed into the 2nd round of conacyt until July 11th... O.o
So, good vibes all the way?. Ok?... ^_^
I will just print my resume, and
head off to CONACYT...
I'll post how that went later on... ... ... And I getting tired of being behind schedule about what has been going on in this freaking blog!... But well, I keep reminding my self: -it's your life, you ought to live it, not blog it. If not everything gets in there... Oh well...- Right?...
Anyway, not much happened since Saturday when Wend took the bus to her place... Or well, to be honest, stuff did happen. Erik's birthday on Sunday and Tomas' farewell dinner on Tuesday. (He is going to France)... See?... Life... Heh. It's cool when it gets so interesting though. There are some other times in which weeks just fade into each other, and nothing worth telling, or remembering happens... That is when things would suck.
Errr... See?... There I go writing again.
STOP!!!... O.o
Gotta go deliver that stuff...
Cheers. ^_^
I'll post how that went later on... ... ... And I getting tired of being behind schedule about what has been going on in this freaking blog!... But well, I keep reminding my self: -it's your life, you ought to live it, not blog it. If not everything gets in there... Oh well...- Right?...
Anyway, not much happened since Saturday when Wend took the bus to her place... Or well, to be honest, stuff did happen. Erik's birthday on Sunday and Tomas' farewell dinner on Tuesday. (He is going to France)... See?... Life... Heh. It's cool when it gets so interesting though. There are some other times in which weeks just fade into each other, and nothing worth telling, or remembering happens... That is when things would suck.
Errr... See?... There I go writing again.
STOP!!!... O.o
Gotta go deliver that stuff...
Cheers. ^_^
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
Conacyt essays elude me...
I just cannot focus and get them done...
Please, send good vibes this way... :-S
ps. Remember, this is for me to get financial aid for my studies in Canada.
Please, send good vibes this way... :-S
ps. Remember, this is for me to get financial aid for my studies in Canada.
So, how was farewell day?...
Pretty much... Busy as heck!!!... O.o
I can't believe Wend left so many things to get done at the very very last minute. He he he. Or well, maybe I can, since I am kind of the same too. But still. It was a mess!.
I was supposed to pick her up at 12:30, so we could go to the baptize of a new little fellow in her family. I called to wake her up at 8:30 or so, and when I said I was going to meet her then, she said something like -it's ok if you arrive earlier too-. Yay!!!...
So I did. Not too early though, just about an hour. But I wanted to chill with her before the family gathering, and I wanted to surprise her with a nice flower. So I got the flower and rang her bell. She threw her keys from her balcony, and then I got my self in her apartment. I opened the door, and greeted her!. (All the while, I was hiding the flower in my back with my left hand). Then she walked to her kitchen to get some water, etc. I followed, and had some chit chat while she was in the kitchen. (She was oblivious of the presence of the flower still then).
Just when she was about to walk out from the kitchen, I stopped her and took the flower out...
Her face... ^_^
I just swear I do those things just so I can have a glimpse of that face...
So full of awe, that wonderful smile, the sparkle in her eyes... The hug!!!... It is just... Awesome...
Sigh...
... Then I helped a bit around the house, to fix some things, pick up garbage, etc. As well we kept fooling around and being silly around each other. He he he. Wend was doing laundry, etc, etc. It was just fun. That early hour was so worth it.
Eventually she got ready and pretty, and we drove to the church where the ceremony was taking place. It was a massive baptism ceremony. First time I have been in one of those. Usually, I just saw the parents of the one child getting baptized, the priest and then the ceremony. But well, I guess a lot of kids are getting born nowadays, and priest do have a lot of work. So there were at least 5 or 6 kids who got the whole deal at the same ceremony that day.
He he he. I got to meet some of Wend's family that visited from outside the city, and that was fun. One cousin of her looks very cool, and it is obvious she really gets along well with him. He lives in the USA and is now studying to become a pilot... O.o Cool, huh?.
The meal we had with the guests was fun. We were sat in a table filled with older guys, in their mid 30's or so. And the conversation was mostly around kids and how to raise them!!... He he he. That was so weird and amusing at the same time!. ^_^
One of the women in there kept saying I looked like one of the Baldwin brothers... I... Just... Cannot see why. But she kept saying how this guy was good looking and all, so... I guess I should take it as a compliment?... He he he. Wend gave me a fun hard time about it later that day.
Anyway, we had to take off early because Wend had all this things to do, so right after we ate, we just walked out of the place. Her aunt didn't want to let us at first, but when she saw Wend's to-do list, and found out that she was leaving that same day, she understood and almost walked us out!!... He he he. Not before yelling a little at Wend about she leaving things for the last minute all the time. ;-)
So, the day was like that. Driving around getting things done. It was fun to be honest. He he he. And we kept talking and having fun on the car too. We had to go twice to the TEC because the 1st time I had forgotten my keys, and all such things to make the day interesting. Went downtown to buy stuff, to chapultepec, etc, etc, etc. (The time by the comics book store was awesome... We actually took it easy then, and Wend allowed me to get all geeky and I told her a lot of things about all the comics and why they were cool, or bad, and all!!... He he he. Yay!)
Surprinsingly enough though, we got everything done in time. And we were back in her place with plenty of time to get the last things ready. She gave me a lot of little things to keep her in my mind... Sigh... I placed some of my lotion in the little teddy dog she was taking along (the one I gave her on Feb 14th), she placed some of hers in the heart she gave me on our 2nd month. Etc. ^_^ I know, we are corny.
Little by little it felt like good bye. Yet there was so much to do, that we couldn't really get sad.
At 8:00 pm, my dad picked us up along with my mom. They both had volunteered on driving us to the bus station, and well, they wanted to say bye to Wend too. The drive there we both were mostly quiet... Just... Holding hands... We both knew what was coming, but we both knew better than talking.
Those times are better shared in silence.
... At the station, we got her ticket and well... The wait. All of a sudden we realized I had forgotten her jacket in my car, which was by her apartment, and I felt like shit because I feared the bus was going to be too cold due to AC or something... Argh!!!... He he he. But oh well... It was good at the end.
The good bye?... Cannot really explain how it was... There were not many words to be honest. A couple of kisses and hugs, with great vibes and love each. Some words exchanged... -take care- And little things like that... None of us wanted to make a huge deal out of it, so you could tell we were working hard on taking it easy... Just as if we were to see each other the next day almost...
... She took off, and so did we... For quite a while though, we kept exchanging text messages through our cell phones... There we actually talked about missing each other and all those other things... He he he.
...
I liked the way it was... Filled with emotion, and although it felt nostalgic, it wasn't sad at all... Just nice and warm... Like a good hug it felt.
... Sigh...
Now I am in sigh mood... And want to write no more... He he he...
I deserve some alone time with my girl in my mind... ^_^
Cheers to thee all... Thanks for the good vibes.
ps. That was Saturday... Soon I may be able to catch up with my self... Heh.
I can't believe Wend left so many things to get done at the very very last minute. He he he. Or well, maybe I can, since I am kind of the same too. But still. It was a mess!.
I was supposed to pick her up at 12:30, so we could go to the baptize of a new little fellow in her family. I called to wake her up at 8:30 or so, and when I said I was going to meet her then, she said something like -it's ok if you arrive earlier too-. Yay!!!...
So I did. Not too early though, just about an hour. But I wanted to chill with her before the family gathering, and I wanted to surprise her with a nice flower. So I got the flower and rang her bell. She threw her keys from her balcony, and then I got my self in her apartment. I opened the door, and greeted her!. (All the while, I was hiding the flower in my back with my left hand). Then she walked to her kitchen to get some water, etc. I followed, and had some chit chat while she was in the kitchen. (She was oblivious of the presence of the flower still then).
Just when she was about to walk out from the kitchen, I stopped her and took the flower out...
Her face... ^_^
I just swear I do those things just so I can have a glimpse of that face...
So full of awe, that wonderful smile, the sparkle in her eyes... The hug!!!... It is just... Awesome...
Sigh...
... Then I helped a bit around the house, to fix some things, pick up garbage, etc. As well we kept fooling around and being silly around each other. He he he. Wend was doing laundry, etc, etc. It was just fun. That early hour was so worth it.
Eventually she got ready and pretty, and we drove to the church where the ceremony was taking place. It was a massive baptism ceremony. First time I have been in one of those. Usually, I just saw the parents of the one child getting baptized, the priest and then the ceremony. But well, I guess a lot of kids are getting born nowadays, and priest do have a lot of work. So there were at least 5 or 6 kids who got the whole deal at the same ceremony that day.
He he he. I got to meet some of Wend's family that visited from outside the city, and that was fun. One cousin of her looks very cool, and it is obvious she really gets along well with him. He lives in the USA and is now studying to become a pilot... O.o Cool, huh?.
The meal we had with the guests was fun. We were sat in a table filled with older guys, in their mid 30's or so. And the conversation was mostly around kids and how to raise them!!... He he he. That was so weird and amusing at the same time!. ^_^
One of the women in there kept saying I looked like one of the Baldwin brothers... I... Just... Cannot see why. But she kept saying how this guy was good looking and all, so... I guess I should take it as a compliment?... He he he. Wend gave me a fun hard time about it later that day.
Anyway, we had to take off early because Wend had all this things to do, so right after we ate, we just walked out of the place. Her aunt didn't want to let us at first, but when she saw Wend's to-do list, and found out that she was leaving that same day, she understood and almost walked us out!!... He he he. Not before yelling a little at Wend about she leaving things for the last minute all the time. ;-)
So, the day was like that. Driving around getting things done. It was fun to be honest. He he he. And we kept talking and having fun on the car too. We had to go twice to the TEC because the 1st time I had forgotten my keys, and all such things to make the day interesting. Went downtown to buy stuff, to chapultepec, etc, etc, etc. (The time by the comics book store was awesome... We actually took it easy then, and Wend allowed me to get all geeky and I told her a lot of things about all the comics and why they were cool, or bad, and all!!... He he he. Yay!)
Surprinsingly enough though, we got everything done in time. And we were back in her place with plenty of time to get the last things ready. She gave me a lot of little things to keep her in my mind... Sigh... I placed some of my lotion in the little teddy dog she was taking along (the one I gave her on Feb 14th), she placed some of hers in the heart she gave me on our 2nd month. Etc. ^_^ I know, we are corny.
Little by little it felt like good bye. Yet there was so much to do, that we couldn't really get sad.
At 8:00 pm, my dad picked us up along with my mom. They both had volunteered on driving us to the bus station, and well, they wanted to say bye to Wend too. The drive there we both were mostly quiet... Just... Holding hands... We both knew what was coming, but we both knew better than talking.
Those times are better shared in silence.
... At the station, we got her ticket and well... The wait. All of a sudden we realized I had forgotten her jacket in my car, which was by her apartment, and I felt like shit because I feared the bus was going to be too cold due to AC or something... Argh!!!... He he he. But oh well... It was good at the end.
The good bye?... Cannot really explain how it was... There were not many words to be honest. A couple of kisses and hugs, with great vibes and love each. Some words exchanged... -take care- And little things like that... None of us wanted to make a huge deal out of it, so you could tell we were working hard on taking it easy... Just as if we were to see each other the next day almost...
... She took off, and so did we... For quite a while though, we kept exchanging text messages through our cell phones... There we actually talked about missing each other and all those other things... He he he.
...
I liked the way it was... Filled with emotion, and although it felt nostalgic, it wasn't sad at all... Just nice and warm... Like a good hug it felt.
... Sigh...
Now I am in sigh mood... And want to write no more... He he he...
I deserve some alone time with my girl in my mind... ^_^
Cheers to thee all... Thanks for the good vibes.
ps. That was Saturday... Soon I may be able to catch up with my self... Heh.
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