&%$")& mood...

I am in a weird mood... cannot just go ahead and jump into my bed to forget it all in dream land. It´s just a mixture of ideas and feelings... quite hard to deal with to be honest.

I just came back from a decent time with some friends, I laughed a lot and that is always great, yet at the back of my head I always kept in my mind that hug I gave to Pau just a few hours ago. She cried, I somehow didn´t. Yet we were there getting things ready for about two hours and mostly quiet, without talking about she leaving or anything... at a point she said that she was just avoiding the topic, funny, because it was right when I did have tears in my eyes. The whole ambient felt very nostalgic, and the music that started playing made me rather sad. (she was over by her cubicle and didn´t see me though).

Now, it´s weird to be honest... I´ve only known her for a few months, but since we started talking and all we clicked, and I could say she became one of my best friends. While writting it, it almost sounds silly, but somehow I believe some people can relate... maybe memo?.

Anyway, I am terribly happy for her, she is going away, to study, but mostly, to find her self and what she wants out of her life. And by now I should start realizing that some of my best friends will come to live all over the world. I do think that Daniel is one of my best friends, for real, and the fact that he is in Canada does of course sucks because he is so far away. But then again, even if we just meet twice a year it´s great when it happens, and thankfully now a days we have emails and instant messengers.

I was talking to Victor about it all, (indeed my brother and I do other things than having blog-fights), and then I said that I was sad but in a selfish way. Then he said that all sadness is selfish... just like that, almost like an empty comment thrown into the air, yet it did hit me real hard. I do think so too, all sadness is selfish. Even if you say something about "feeling sad because a homeless has no place to sleep" is selfish, because what is happening then is that it makes you sad that the person has no place to sleep, it´s all about your feelings after all. (That´s where the buddhist compassion comes in to substitute that sadness/pitiness).

Saying bye was weird and hard... it always is. And it is not actually giving a hug, and the tears, and saying "adios"... the worst part is just walking away... walking away just by your self leaving the other person to walk their way. That last scene from Lost in Translation came back to my mind... best movie ever.

So yet another friend that goes away for quite some time, and that I don´t know when I´ll get to see again. I did say I would go and have some coffee with her over in France... I´ll have to think of something to make that happen.

HAVE THE TIME OF YOUR LIFE PAU!... THANK YOU!...

** cheers....