To be awake...
just being asleep would be sooo much easier.

What is it to be awake?... am I awake?... at least a little... a little more than most people I am sure... why did I woke up?.
Do I like being awake?... would I rather be asleep like everyone else?...

I was talking about such things once with Allan, and more recently with Daniel... they both think in a similar way about this... something happened to us, at some point in our lives, because of the context that we were living and such, that made us "different" than the bunch... I don't want to put my self in a "separate privileged group"... so far I don't know if I am priviliged because of this... yet I can really pin point so many differences among me and most people.

Interestingly enough I've managed to meet quite a few "like me"... like for some reason we "see it" in the eyes of those who are awake... we recognize each other, we even nod sometimes as we walk by someone with those eyes in the street. Talking to this people is so much fun, so interesting... so deep. It can be hours and hours about "stuff" that most people will find rather boring or useless... yet it's philosophy... about the very human nature of who we are, what we want and desire... our drives in life and such.

To be awake is to want more... much more. You see life in a special way, with the eyes of that person who can stay for hours looking at a tree and finding something amazing every minute of the experience... it's about "sensing" everything to an extreme, the smells, the touch, the looks... to experience life in wonderful proportions, in ways that most people just won't get... when we hurt, we hurt a lot, and we hurt for real... because having that "increased" sense of life, increases all feelings... those of joy and those of sorrow... and the interesting part is that we enjoy all those feelings, embrace them (even the pain), and try to learn from them... rejoice in the fact that we are "feeling something new" and see how it will "change us".

Most people don't do that... they just live... "like cows" Allan once said... they are productive and midly happy, they don't need anything else, so why bother?...

Am I awake?... why did I woke up?... would I rather be asleep?...
no... not now... even though sometimes the "cows" seem to have a much easier life, I believe the life of those who are awake is "fuller"... is it better?, maybe not... but I know that I'd rather stay like this....