There are a number of things that piss me off... The one that does the most, I guess, is feeling that I am wasting my time... If I think about a lot of things that bother me, I find that, the one thing is common is that... I feel like I waste my time, that I could be doing something else, somewhere else, for sure better...
... This blog?. This blog is NOT a waste of time. This blog is one of the venting windows in which I can just be "blah blah" about random whatevers... This blog is one of the things that "ground me up" and keep me sane. Writing about my day, life and thoughts, makes me more conscious about them... It's not only because, later in one year I read my self and smile...
It is because, as I write, I realize... Putting words into thoughts is making them clearer, giving them substance, meaning and their proper weight.
It pisses me off that I have written so little in so long... That other priorities have taken over my life, in such a strong way. And that, I don't really know how much I value those priorities for sure... How much they are "things to do" versus "things I want to do".
...
I don't like playing the "catch up" game... But so much has been going on since the summer. So many interesting nights, and reflections. I have meet cool people and shared stuff with them. I have done things I regret, I have done things that are plain fun, and have had nights that will stand as great stories for quite a time to come.
A lot of this I have not written, not only for lack of time, but for excess of censoring my self... Of being worried someone will read me, and get offended, take it personal, or just plain get hurt. But I am almost in an honest "fuck that" spot.
I will create a disclaimer, of some sort, and put it obvious in the menu. One general, and one for the girl I am dating, if any, at the moment. I don't like being cryptic, censoring my self, or worrying... I need this space.
This is where I space out... It's for me to mess my mind up with it and it's words and the meanings between lines. It's out there, for you to read... If you want. Because I like feeling the words get further than my self... That they may create some reaction in someone else.
...
(( sigh ))
...
Now I really face my self with the "backtracking" issue... To talk about all this crazy stories of the summer... Or to rant about the very crazy present... In France, with Albane... Fun summer stories will make me laugh, write about the present will make me vent.
What should it be?... What will it be?...
... la la la...
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