The fall off 2002 (4)

The wedding... Part 3

I don't know how the discussion started, or even really how it ended. I remember the high point though. It's climax. I know that eventually Abby's brother went out to drive his girl to her place, so we were left alone. When we all were being silly together, her brother let something out about Abby smoking during the summer, and some other stupid stuff. I wasn't really that upset, it just shocked me a bit. I mean, I was back in Mexico all concerned because she would never write nor call, and all of a sudden I see she was being someone I didn't know at all while waiting in bars. Probably I asked her about it once we were left alone, but I know that isn't reason enough... Well, nothing ever really is... Whatever it was, it may have grown from there. At it's climax though, we were "yelling" with a hushed voice over the hallway, saying that maybe we should end the stuff right then and there, and just announce everyone the day after that we were not longer together... Of course, that didn't happen.

This and that happen... We were back in the plane, and back in Guadalajara. I bet we were still upset then, since I don't remember anything at all about the flight back. Nothing... And usually I remember all of the times I have flown, at least some detail. Either it was terribly boring and uneventful, or something hideous happened and my mind is trying to block it.

Back in Mexico

The rest of the semester just sucked in every possible way. My classes got terribly hard, and the relationship was getting harder by the minute. It was now obvious. I can handle hard work, I work well under pressure and all that. But feelings... Those mess me up. I am usually the cheerful guy that will brighten someone's day, really. Now I wasn't, and people could notice. They asked me about it, and told me I wasn't being my self. - sigh - . I said nothing in reply. You know those times in which you cannot talk about ANYTHING because any topic will lead to a discussion?. Well, we were there... It was awful. (And no, there weren't any fun make up sessions... At all).

By now I believe it should have ended then and there... I didn't know better, and I really cared for her in a very naive way. I guess I woke up when my brother and his girl celebrated their one year. She called me and asked me for a lot of help. Which I did. When he was playing a video game I jumped behind him and blind folded him, led him out of the house and drove him far away, until we hit this wonderful spot where you can see some rocky mountains, a beautiful view. All of a sudden we were in this huge stone theater, with stairs leading down, and music starts playing. She had set a great table with food on the stage, right next to the gorgeous view... As soon as the music started playing my brother took off the cloth he had by his eyes and ran downstairs... They meet and embraced. Tears were coming out of my eyes, I was crying, I really was. The song that could be listened was "My Song" from Moulin Rouge. - sigh -. When Abby and I had our one year... Well, I already wrote about that... Nothing happened at all, and that sucked.

By the end of the semester I was terribly sick. Some people claim it was the hardwork, others claim it was the messed up feelings I was having. Whatever. I needed like 4 surgeries around my nose. I couldn't stand it anymore. Abby left Mexico to spend Christmas with her family. Before she left I told her we should "take some time off" and give us time to think about our relationship while she was away. Ha!.

Just a bit after she left I spent some days in Mazatlan. A nice beach... I had long quiet walks, and some cool talks with Hector and Victor. I weighted all the good stuff vs. the bad stuff, and decided one thing: I loved her and was going to fight for it. I was happy. Excited.

While in Mexico Abby was depressed because she didn't have a guitar, and couldn't play. She was really into her music, so I decided to do the obvious thing: I got her a very cool guitar. Money didn't matter, it was all about her happiness. And Before I was getting my surgeries I had about two weeks, so I used all of that time to make the coolest e-scrapbook ever. With scans of all of our pictures, pieces of memorabilia I had collected, and animations I had made of ourselves as funny toon fellows. It was great!. I knew she was going to fall back for me as soon as she saw that. It had all "our songs". Everything.

Surgery time came... I was going to have 4 things done. Usually, each has it's own time and all. We decided to do them all at once. It would be more painful, but faster. I had my "adenoides" removed, my skull drilled and sinuses drained, my nose "straighten up", and my "cornetes" reduced. Sounds like a lot. Feels like a lot. That new year's eve was the worst ever. He he he.

... Now into 2003...

Abby came back!. I was so excited!. She was a bit cold, but it was ok, I mean, we said we were on a break, and we hadn't had that talk, so we were still kind of in a pause. At home it was gift exchanging time!!... Yay!!!...

Imagine my face as I was giving her the guitar, and the CD with that great scrapbook filled with animations of us, music and all. I was so going to win her back.

... Apparently her "thinking" led her to some other roads while being away. She wasn't happy when she saw the presents. She was actually uncomfortable. Later she told me she wanted to pay me for the guitar. - sigh -. She "kind of looked" at the CD. We were not a "we" anymore... Neither were we going to be. She gave me a blue mug as a present. Good, I like coffee and I like blue. Whatever.

... The worst part was that she kept living in my house for about 3 weeks. We changed from kissing "good morning" to nothing at all. And I saw her walking around the house. As if nothing mattered. I admit I wasn't rational, and I did cry a lot. A LOT. And I hated that she was around, and that she could see how devastated I was... But we were not going to kick her out right?.

Before classes I had a trip to Puerto Vallarta planned with my brother and some friends. While we were still together I invited Abby. I didn't "un-invited" her. I was kind of expecting she would do it herself. She didn't. While on the beach she led me to believe stuff could still happen. Argh. I feel stupid with my self as I type this...

Back in Guadalajara it got worst... We helped her find somewhere else to live. It was necessary!. I was devastated and having her around wasn't helping. She moved in with my brother's girlfriend. Ha.

I was playing with the idea that "maybe she will come back" for about a month... Two things happened to change my mind. One day she was telling me on the phone that some of her Mexicans friends were telling her that maybe I am a "macho" that wanted to control her all the time. WTF?!?!... People that know me will back me up, I am nothing like that. My dad is the epitome of mandilon, and Victor and I were trained accordingly!. Argh!. And second, I went on February 14th to this talk about "negative relationships". I walked out of there knowing that my relationship with her had died months before.

By now it was obvious we were not together, at least on her side. But I had stuff inside that needed to be said... That day I had a talk with her. Long. I said everything I wanted to say. Let it all out, following a good friend's advice. I offered her my sincere friendship. And told her that, if she ever wanted to do anything, she should give me a call. She never did.

About then, I started writing this blog... And actually, the first posts talk about that "letting go" period. It really started as a therapy thing... And well, that would cover that gap that wasn't posted about. Between "Vida en Macomb" and my first post ever.

Writing about all this started because of a question by Mishka. I bet not even she knew I was going to write so much boring stuff. I thought it would take me about 2 posts to sum it all up. As I was typing though, stuff kept jumping and ideas kept flowing. It has been fun. I have been "re-living" again a lot of things, even thinking, and realizing how much I have grown since then. We hardly ever give ourselves the time to think about our life, what has happened, and what we have learnt... It's good.

- Sigh -

Now I'll go get some coffee.

* Cheers.

[update]: Now that the full story has been written, I think I should add something. As I was telling Mishka. I do think this is a one-sided thing. And every story has two sides. I bet hers must make sense. And I don't really hold anything against her. It's just yet another case of a relationship that didn't work, and went on a bit longer than it should have. There, I feel better by adding this little bit.