Just notes...

Being apart from each other is being harder than we thought it would be. We both knew it was going to suck big time I guess, but not how much. You pretty much miss the other person all through the day, I keep thinking of her pretty much all the time, really. But there are those moments in which it sucks even more. Those moments in which something magical is going on and you wish she was there to share it with you. Or the terrible times in which, you realize, everybody around you is a couple and is cuddling while on the living room in the middle of a conversation, and you are sitting there by yourself... Those suck big time.

Even so, the option of "not missing her" is not really present, and as much as it sucks, I rather feel that she is there for me, although far away, than not there at all. I am so busy that, if she was here, it would probably be worse. And she even told me the same thing. We both are like crazy in the middle of a lot of projects and things... So, in a way, this is giving us the space that we need to do our thing, without straining the relationship due to a lack of maintenance that would be quite harsh.

Not wanting to be with her is quite silly and out of the question too, and I just know that because of how I feel every time I see her picture. The album that she made of us, and all the little things around me that remind me of her. I love it that she is a part of my life, even if just in those little details.

... I guess, it comes down to letting go and feeling somewhat ok with the way things are right now. We are both giving our best effort to making things happen, and that should really be enough. I cannot do more than what I am doing, and neither can she. So we both have to learn that this is the way things ought to be for a while. If we thing it is worth it, we might as well get used to the idea. Right?... He he he.

I keep realizing that I feel very bad, not only for my self and how I miss her, but because I know she feels bad and I cannot do anything about it. I feel helpless and somewhat useless... And that is probably what messes me up more. Not my own "missing her", but the fact that I know she is sad sometimes too, and I cannot change that.

But... You see?... I really cannot!. And I guess I do have to trust in her and the way she deals with her feelings. I cannot do really anything to change them, just as I can't I do anything to change them even if we are on the same city!. Each of us are responsible for the way we feel, and the way we deal with the situation...

Which course... Is a huge burden on itself!. He he he. Because, of course, it is always so much easier and nicer to blame outside things to our emotional state. When you are told "it's up to you" it really does suck big time!!!...
Like... How?!?!?!... Easier said than done I guess...

Over here though, I know A LOT of people who have make this happen for themselves. Around here it seems to be the norm that, indeed, those long distance relationships end up working. If anything, I can pretty much see that, a long distance relationship, statistically, works just as much as any other one. And, in the end, if things work out or not, it will be because of things other than the distance itself.

So... Now I just have to really embrace that way of seeing things, and bring it down to a visceral-emotional level. He he he, so that there it does the proper work. Having it "in" intellectually is good, but the part that always messes me up is not quite my rational one, not ever.

Heh.

... Cheers.